#6 Interview with Goku


I sighed. My job was fun and all, but after no sleep for the past few weeks, I was dead tired and not quite my usual perky self. Don’t get me wrong, I was really looking forward to my interview with Goku, but I really knew I should be studying. I had been doing a lot of that lately, as school was coming to an end. Oh well, I thought as I got off the bus, it’ll be a quick interview, then it’s off to the library to study.

As I walked up the stone path to the tiny house in the middle of literally nowhere, I pulled out my notepad and recorder. I hope Goku remembered the interview... As I knocked on the door, I heard the sound of trees crashing from somewhere behind the little shack. After a few minutes, the door creaked open and Chi Chi stood staring at me. Guess she could tell I was a city girl lost in the country....

”Yes?” she asked, sounding somewhat annoyed. “Can I help you?”

”Uh, yes actually. I’m Lini Syani, I have an interview scheduled with your husband. Didn’t he tell you?”

Her pretty face suddenly turned into a deep scowl, and I felt myself take a step back. “That man does not tell me anything! Hmmf!!” She looked back into the house, then turned back to me. “Well, I suppose you’d better come in then. Goku is out getting wood, he should be back soon.” Opening the door for me, she showed me to the tiny kitchen where she had numerous pots bubbling away on the stove.

I sat down at the table and smiled uncomfortably. I’d obviously caught her at a bad time... she looked very busy! “It must be hard to cook for a saiyan!” I said.

She raised an eyebrow, but continued working away at the stove without answering. Finally, after an awkward silence had settled, she said suddenly, “So why exactly do you want to interview my Goku?”

”Well, you see, I have this web site...” I stopped as she turned back and gave me a strange look. Obviously not a big fan of the net, I decided. “And I interview the cast of DBZ for the fans. That way, everyone can get a better look at what you guys are really like!”

”Hmm, I see. Well, don’t expect me to be on that list of interviewees... I’m much too busy for that!” she grumbled as she bustled from fridge to stove, with an armload of food.

From somewhere in the house, I head a phone ring. Funny, I thought, didn’t think this place would HAVE a phone! It was pretty much a cottage as far as I was concerned. “Excuse me,” she said as she left me alone in the room.

I heard the front door open, and in a few minutes, everyone’s favorite hero strolled into the room. Dressed in his typical orange gi, his black spiky hair wild as ever, and covered in sweat and dirt, Goku stopped when he saw me. Giving me one of his usual goofy grins, he said cheerily, “Hi! I didn’t know Goten was coming out! You must be his new girlfriend!”

I felt myself blush. “Uh, not quite.” I replied. “I’m Lini Syani, interviewer of the DBZ stars. Remember, I have an appointment with you this afternoon?”

Goku scratched his head, and thought about it. You could literally see the wheels turning, and after a long pause, he finally shrugged. “Hmm... I don’t remember any interviews... but hey, I think I can fit you in!” he chuckled, with a wink. Suddenly getting a whiff of the food, Goku’s eyes began to shine and a huge smile spread over his face. Casually strolling over to the stove, Goku removed the pots and grabbed a set of chopsticks. Not bothering to sit down, he began chowing down. Within three minutes, he had eaten everything.

I blinked. Wow, I thought they made his appetite look bigger than what it was... “So, uh, Goku, I guess it’s true about saiyans having really big appetites?” I asked nervously. I had to admit, I was downright scared! It couldn’t be healthy to eat THAT much!

Goku wiped the corners of his mouth and grinned. “Well, I guess so! Gee, I never really thought about that before!” At that moment, Chi Chi entered the room again. She looked at Goku, the empty pots, back at Goku... then she let out a growl.

”Goku!!!! Where is all the food?!” Useless question. “Do you have any idea how long I have been cooking that?!! That was supposed to be dinner for Gohan, Videl and us!!!” Chi Chi was furious, she looked about ready to kill the guy! I felt myself cringe back into my chair. Goku looked innocently at the empty pots, then gave Chi Chi a big smile.

”Aww, don’t worry, you still have time to cook more! And make it the same way, that was all really good!” Whoa, wrong move, I thought. Chi Chi blinked twice, and then I saw her lip twitch. I covered my eyes as she charged Goku and hammered him over the head with a large pot.

Breathing heavily, she growled, “No problem! I’ll just go to the store and get some more food! Then I’ll come home and slave away for hours again, just so you can eat it all yourself again!!!! Arrrgh!!!! Baka!!” With that out, Chi Chi looked over at me hiding in the corner and smiled sweetly. “Have fun with your interview.” she said as she stormed out of the room.

I jumped as the door slammed. Pulling himself up from the floor, Goku rubbed the back of his head. “Oww!” he whined. “Chi Chi is so mean sometimes!”

I stared at the warrior. Was he really that ignorant? No... couldn’t be... and I would prove it! Turning my recorder on, I smiled at Goku and asked, “Well, now that THAT is over with, I guess we can get started. So Goku, tell me, what is it like being the strongest being in the universe?”

Sitting down across from me, Goku let out a laugh. “Huh, well, hmm... I don’t know! I guess it’s pretty neat! It’s fun to have fans too!”

I nodded. “Okay, now, you have died a few times, right? What was that like?”

He scratched his head again as he thought. I didn’t think my questions were that difficult... I’d made them all no brainers! “Uh, hmm... well, that was pretty neat too! It wasn’t much fun dying, but King Kai was a great guy! He taught me a lot of stuff, and he was a really great cook!”

I shuddered at the thought of the blue catfish and my last interview. The little creep was still sending me flyers about ‘Being proud to be Saiyan’... “Actually, I visited King Kai not long ago. While he did have good food, I would say some of his techniques were, oh, I don’t know, pointless and silly! What would you say?”

”About what?”

I looked up at him. “Uh, about King Kai’s techniques.”

Goku gave me a puzzled look then asked, “What about his techniques?” Wow, this guy couldn’t be serious, could he?!

”Okay, never mind. Next question! Goku, what do you think about the other true saiyan, Vege-” I was interrupted by a loud rumbling. Thunder maybe? Nope, Goku’s stomach.

Letting out a goofy laugh, Goku stood up and walked to the fridge. “I guess what Chi Chi made wasn’t enough... I must have worked harder than I thought! Hey, you want anything?” At this point, he was already stuffing chicken, sour cream, lettuce, ketchup, and a muffin into his face. Staring in shock, I managed to shake my head ‘no’. Goku nodded and dove back into the fridge. This was going to be a long interview....

~ ** ~



Two hours later, Goku had eaten the entire house out of food, and I had only gotten a few questions answered. Finishing up the last piece of bread, Goku smiled at me again (is that all the guy can do is eat and smile?!!). Keeping myself from leaping at him, I struggled to smile back.

”Okay, Goku, can we get on with the interview now? I DO have to go home and study after this is over!”

”Study?” he raised an eyebrow. “Man, don’t say that word around Chi Chi! She’s a slave driver when it comes to homework! Poor Gohan never got to go out and have any fun because Chi Chi always made him study. I guess your mother must be like that too, huh?” Well, at least I got some decent stuff out of him now!

”Uh no, I choose to study. I have tests coming up and I want to-”

”You WANT to study? Why?!” It was quite obvious that he had never spent a lot of time doing so when he was younger...

”Yes Goku, I want to study. Now, could we get this over with so that I can leave?” He nodded, still somewhat perplexed by what I had said. “Okay, let’s see... ah yes, what did it feel like to go Super Saiyan for the very first time?”

”Uh, hmmm,” Great, here we go again. “Well, I was really mad at that point. My best friend had just died, so I was sad too.” Why was this conversation starting to remind me of babysitting a preschooler? “So, I was mad and sad, and then I started to feel funny. Then... I don’t remember.”

My hand stopped in the middle of writing. “You don’t remember? Goku!!! You have done it many times! How can you forget??!!!” It was starting to look like the fans weren’t going to learn very much here!

”Sorry about that! Chi Chi says I don’t have a very good memory, guess she’s right! Ah geez, I’m still hungry!” As if to prove the point, his stomach growled loudly again. I nearly fell out of my chair. The guy had spent the last two hours eating everything in sight, and he was still hungry?! I pulled my notepad and recorder closer to me, just in case he got desperate and tried to eat those.

”Don’t worry, I’m sure Chi Chi will be back soon. Okay, another question! Did Gohan’s relationship with Piccolo ever upset you? I mean, many would say Piccolo and him were more like father and son than you and Gohan are.”

”What?!!! Piccolo is Gohan’s son?!!!” Goku took his turn at nearly falling from his chair. “And who would the mother be?! Yuck, hate to think what she would look like-”

”Nooo.... Piccolo is NOT Gohan’s son! What I meant is that Gohan seems to be more of a son to Piccolo than he is to you at times!”

”WHAT?! I thought Piccolo couldn’t have kids! Wait a minute... that means Chi Chi must have.... oh Kame-sama!” This time, Goku actually did fall out of his chair.

Clenching my teeth, I tried not to scream. As calmly as possible, I said, “Goku, Gohan is YOUR son. Piccolo is NOT his father OR son. Let’s just forget everything I said, okay?”

He popped back into his chair all smiles again. “Okay, great! Whew, that was a close one! I thought maybe Chi Chi-” He stopped as his stomach rumbled again. “Aww... I’m really hungry now! When is Chi Chi gonna get back?” Much to my surprise, the poor guy had tears in his eyes.

”Uh, don’t worry, she’ll be back any time now!”

”But I’m really really hungry!” He sniffled as he jumped from his chair and began to search the bare cupboards. Yikes, I don’t wanna get him crying! I thought. Digging through my purse, I found a bag of Skittles, and quickly pulled them out.

”Here! Goku, eat these!” I tossed the purple bag at him. Ripping it open, he tilted his head back and downed the entire thing in one gulp. I merely stared in shock. He truly was a bottomless pit!

”Ah! That’s better! Thanks!” he cried happily. Goku stopped suddenly. I watched curiously as his eyebrows began to twitch, and then his eyes rolled back in his head. I ran over as Goku crumpled to the floor.

Shaking the warrior, I asked softly, “Goku? Are you okay?” Great, I just killed the strongest guy in the universe with a bag of Skittles! Suddenly, Goku’s eyes shot open, and I let out a gasp. They were no longer black, but rainbow colored!! No, they were all the colors of the Skittles! Oh Kame....

Leaping into the air, Goku began grinning like a maniac. “Good me feel!!” he cried in a voice that sounded much like the Tasmanian devil’s. Suddenly, Goku floated into the air and began to soar around the kitchen. I ducked just in time as he shot over my head. “Goku go zoom! ZOOOOM!!!!” he shouted gleefully (that word isn’t even strong enough for this guys happiness!)

Crouching on the floor with the now ecstatically happy, rainbow eyed saiyan flying around the room, I screamed “Nooo!!!! It can’t be!!! He’s high off of Skittles!!!” Wow, I’ve never seen a stoned saiyan before....

”ZOOOOOM!!!!” he cried again, laughing like crazy as he crashed into the wall. The entire house shook, and a huge crack spread up the wall. Pulling himself up again, Goku continued to soar around in circles. Grabbing my purse, I slowly began to crawl towards the door, when I felt two hands around my waist.

”AAAAHHH!!!!!” I shrieked as I was pulled into the air. “Goku, no!!! Put me down!” He tossed me over his shoulder and flew up to the ceiling instead. With one blast, there was a huge hole through the roof and clear skies above us. “Oh no!! Goku nooo!!” I wailed.

Completely ignoring me, the guy kept yelling “ZOOM!” as he shot up through the hole. Why was I constantly being taken to the skies by Z-warriors? My job was starting to get a little more complicated than I had planned....

Tightly holding me over his shoulder, Goku began to do loop the loops above his house. Feeling my stomach starting to hurt, I only hoped I wouldn’t be sick. After the 30th loop, Goku had gotten too dizzy to keep it up. Laughing like a hyena, he began to fly towards the forest. Unfortunately for both of us, Goku was a little bit too dizzy and could no longer fly in a straight line.

I let out a scream as we began to fall. Clumsily pulling himself higher into the air, we wobbled (strangely enough while flying!) up towards the clouds. Finally getting my vision back after the dizziness, I shouted, “Goku! Put me down now!!!!!!!!!!”

I let out a growl as he patted my butt and said, “Worry don’t. Goku fly good! ZOOOOM!!!” Tightening his grip on me, Goku began to descend. “We go ZOOOM!” Suddenly, Goku stopped flying and let himself fall. We were nose diving straight for his house!!!

I screamed again, but at the last second, Goku managed to pull up. We hovered a few meters above the roof. “Fun?” he asked in the strange voice. “Again?”

”NO!!” but it was too late. Goku wanted to go again, and so we did, TEN more times!!! When he finally grew tired of the death drop, I was starting to feel light headed. How long could one package of Skittles keep him going like this? And WHY would the Skittles do this in the first place?!

”Goku go fast!” he shouted suddenly. Before I had time to react, he took off to his left, flying as fast as he could, with me screaming all the way. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I saw that we were soaring over a city... no... a compound....

”Veggie!!!” I heard Goku cry happily. Trying to look back, I thought I caught a glimpse of movement ahead of us. Picking up speed, Goku took off toward it.

”Get out of my way!”

Who was that? Wait, I knew that voice... “Veggie!” Goku cried again. Gaining an impossible burst of speed, we flew straight at the source of the voice.

”What the? Baka!!!!!!” BLAM! Goku flew straight into Vegeta. I let out a gasp as we smashed into the slow-flying Saiyan Prince and began to fall. Looking over to my side, I saw Vegeta plummeting down too. Trying to turn my face to Goku, I saw that his eyes were closed. Great time for a nap...

”Goku!” I shouted. No answer... I slammed my knee into his crotch as hard as I could. Still no answer. Okay, Goku WAS unconscious, Vegeta looked to be too, and we were all falling straight to the ground! “Nooo!!! I don’t wanna go back to the Next Dimension yet!!!! Keep that blue catfish away from me!!!!!” I wailed as we continued to fall.

Before I knew what happened, we had reached the ground. SPLASH!!! Goku and I landed in the pool, and soon after came Vegeta next to us. Coughing, I pulled myself up and looked around. We had landed in the Capsule Corp. pool! Hey, I was alive!!!!!!!!

Beside me, a dark head popped up out of the water. “Whoever is responsible for this is going to die!!” Vegeta growled furiously. His eyes turned to me, and I felt myself swim back. “So it was you! Ahh, at last, a reason to be rid of you!”

I began to mutter something as he raised his hand, but stopped as Goku appeared between us. “Owww, what happened?” he asked in a groggy voice. His eyes had returned to normal, and the maniacal grin was gone. “Hey, how’d we get here Lini?”

I snapped. Leaping across the pool, I shoved his head under the water and tried to drown him. Vegeta broke into hysterical laugher and forgot about trying to kill me. “You moron! You ate my Skittles and flipped out! You kidnapped me and just about killed both of us!!!! ARRRAGH!” Finally getting that out, I let go.

Popping up from the water, not a bit phased, Goku asked innocently, “Are you sure? I don’t remember that.”

Pushing my way through the water towards the ladder, I grumbled, “It doesn’t matter. The interview is over, I am leaving!”

”So it was you who did this?” Vegeta growled. “Kakarrot, you will pay!!!” Vegeta fired numerous blasts at him as I pulled myself out of the pool. When I turned around, Goku was still standing, without a scratch. Vegeta’s eyes nearly bugged out as he fell back into the water in rage.

”Thanks for interviewing me! It was really nice to meet you!” Goku cried while waving, as if nothing had just happened.

I began to slosh away, soaking wet, when he called again, “Hey Lini!”

I stopped and turned back. Goku was smiling so innocently that I found it hard to stay mad... “Would you like me to fly you home?”

”AAAAHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOO, stay away from me!!!!!” I shrieked as I turned and ran.

As Vegeta got control of himself and stood up from the water, Goku mumbled, “Gee, she must really be anxious to get home and study!” Vegeta blinked once, then fell back into the pool with a splash, going into convulsions. Goku only stared at him with heightened confusion.


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