The X-men: Hypnotize this

Author:  Lady Rayne

"Feel the attraction.. color my hair, do what I dare.. Man, I fell like a woman!"

" Gee He Hank I didn't know you were a woman..."

<music clicks off> " Oh.. ahem.. uh.. I'm not... I just... I ah.. uhm..... what are you doing just standing at the door of my lab Bobby."

" I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to a Shania Twain concert.. I didn't know if you liked her.. but now I'm sure you like her. How'd you do that little dance thing without knocking over your computer and those glass vials.."

" Never mind Bobby, its not important.... I ahem.. I would love to see Shania in concert. I just have a small problem. Every time I hear her music, I can't help but dance and.. uh sing... I've tried to stop myself but I can't."

" That could have something to do with the party where you let yourself be hynpotized by Scott."

" I let myself be hypnotized by Scotty the wonder magician? I don't think so."

" I do think so, you're not supposed to remember it. Man that was hilarious... you just got up on the table and started singing. I've got it on tape if you want to see it.."

" No I don't want to see me making a fool of myself. No wonder they were looking at me like that all week.. grrrrrr.. I'm going to tar and feather Scott now..."

" Um.. well it wasn't his idea to do that. He was going to hypotize you to cluck like a chicken every time the phone rang. Uh.. this was my idea.."

" I should have know! Come here right now so I can thrash you!!!!"

" Oh no you don't, take this.!" < music clicks back on>

" Oh no... Honey I'm home and I've had a hard day, pour me a cold one and oh, by the way, rub my feet, give me something to eat , and fix me up my favorite treat!! Bobby you are going to die for this... Honey I'm back and it's killin me.. I need to relax.. and watch tv.."

" No you won't as long as that tape keeps going.. you stay there.. I'll be right back with a video camera."

" Bobby! Bobby come back here!!"

< tape ends.. music cuts off>

" Uh..oh..."

" Uh oh is right buddy boy, come here and die!!!"

" Hank no!" < Gurgle, choke>

" Why you little..."

" Hank..." < choke, gurgle>

" What the heck is goin on hin heah? Hank ya look like homer simpson stranglin bart... stop it before ya hurt him"

" I don't want to stop it Rogue!! Die iceboy die..."

" Rogue hellllppppppp!!"

" Now yall stop this right now. Hank..."

" Let go of me Rogue... I have to kill him.. kill.. dismantle..annihilate..gaaaakkkkk..."

" Hank ah know what yer talkin about. And Ah aint lettin ya go.. now what's a goin on in heah?"

" He's.. wheeze... kinda upset about the hypnotizum thing....wheeze..."

" Yah mean when Scott hypnatizied him? He's still a doin that?"

" Kinda upset.. kinda upset!! Kinda upset is not the word!! Homicidal rage is the word! gaaakkkkk.. Rogue stop that!"

" Not untill yall stop it an calm down. Ah came down here ta see if ya were goin to the concert with us but ah guess not. We don need ya gettin up in the isles and dancin. Remy's got the car a waiting"

" Noo.. I want to go to the concert... after I hurt him.. gaaaakkkk...."

" Yoah gonna make me squeeze ya windpipe closed sugah."

" Hey what the heck is goin on in here? Rogue why ya standing between Bobby an Hank an squeezing Hank's neck?"

" Cause he's tryin ta kill Bobby, Logan!"

" Huh, Ice boy opened his big yapper hugh?"

" Sure nuff."

" Does everybody know about this?!"

" Yes Hank everybody knows about this.. why is not important but..."

" Bobby don't tell him or even ah won't be able ta hold him back"

" Oh I have no intention of telling him, Rogue. I just have to do one thing."

<Click>

" Shania marathon on CMT tonight!!"

' Arrrrghhhhh... Oh noo not agaiin.....That don't impress me much.. so ya got the moves but have ya got the touch..."

<Click>

" Now that's enough Bobby. Ya tortured the poor man enough."

" Ahh.. tHank you Rogue."

" Ah hate ta see a man make a fool of himself. Eh Bobby?"

" What are you talking about Rogue?"

" Don't cha remember Bobby.. you were hypnotized by Scotty the wonder too."

" I was Logan? I don't remember."

" Oh really? what was he supposed to do."

" Hank ah don't like that evil look on yer face."

" Neither do I."

" You'll love this even more Bobby. Got a bell handy Hank?"

" Yes Logan, right here. If you'll kindly let go of my neck Rogue."

" Okay.. don't try anything."

" Perish the thought.. here Logan. A bell."

" Okay blue watch this..." <ding>

" Moooo..."

<ding>

" Mooooo"

<ding>

" Moooooooooo"

" He sounds just like a cow!"

<snatch> " gimme that Logan!"

" Give that back blue ya don't need it."

" Yes I do!"

<ding>

" Mooooo"

" Hey! That's not funny I'm not a.. < ding> Moooooooooooo!!! Cow, stop it Hank!!"

<ding>

" Mooooooooo.. arrrghhhhhhh"

<ding>

" Mooooooo.... Hank st...<ding> mooooooo..op it!!!

" Okay Hank. That's enough."

" No Logan! I must have Revenge!! <ding>

" Moooooooooo"

" Revenge!" <ding>

" Mooooo!!!"

" Revenge!" <ding>

" Moooo!!!"

" Hank that's enough!"

<grab> <small ding>

"Moo.... whew tHanks Rogue.. I was getting the urge to go eat some grass there for a second."

" Well ya deserved it Bobby. Now ya go get Scott, we're gonna reverse this raght now"

" I'll go with him, just ta make sure he gets there."

" Kay Logan....... Wa? Hank get away from this bell!"

" Gimeeee!"

<ding>

" Moooooo"

" Hank!"

" Okay we all go see Scott and get his straitened out now"

" Good Idea Shugah.. come on get yer blue butt a movin."

" Alright, alright.. quit shoving."

" I think fearless leader is in the Danger Room. Come on."

" Lead the way Bobby. I'll keep Hank away from the bell."

" THanks Logan."

<knock>

" Scott! Open the door!"

" Bobby we're in the middle of a session here?"

" You gotta reverse the hypnotisum thing Scott"

" Why Logan?"

" Hey Hank gimme that bell back!!"

" Revenge!!" <ding>

" Mooooo.. arrrrghhhhhhhhhh... "

" Ya see? Bobby's been torturing Hank and Hank's been trying ta kill Bobby for the past couple of minutes."

" Oh, I see your point. Okay I can fix it. Excuse me for a second.. hey guys.. you can quit the session now, Remy that blonde woman is not real..

" Whaa?? Move outta the way.."

" Watch it Rogue!"

<Microphone snapps on>

" You lowlife swamp rat!! If'n Ah see ya chasin anotha hologram.. I'll take ya cajun butt and wipe the floor with it..."

<muffled sound from below>

" Don't hand me that crap cajun.. ah've heard better lines from a phone book..."

" Here Rogue... it lets out frustrations marvelously."

" Hank no!"

" Why tHank ya Hank."

<ding>

" Nooomooooooooooooooo"

<ding>

" Mooooooooooooo"

" Fun isn't it?"

" Now that ya mention it.. But I'm still comin down there ta kick yer butt gambit.. you better be finding a place ta hide.."

"Okay enough already.. kick his butt later.. now Hank, Bobby. Look at me. Hank put that damn bell down and look at me"

" Allright.. allright.. here"

" Okay. I'm going to count to three and snap my fingers four times. When the fourth snap is over, you will both be back to normal..Okay?"

" Okay."

" Okay"

" Good. One, two, three." <snap, snap, snap , snap>

" Okay try the bell Rogue."

<ding>

.................

" Hey cool! No more mooing."

" I'll assume since he is cured I am as well."

" Good now if this is all ova fellas I've got a swamp rat ta crush. Ah he's a comin here for me ta kill raght now... "

" Chere I don mean nothin! Honest.."

" Suure ya didn Remy.. and ah guess she just hynptozed ya...."

" Actually Rogue, Bobby and Hank weren't the only ones hypnotized. I hynotized Gambit, Kitty, and Logan too."

" What?"

" What?"

" What ya sayin bub?"

" Yall mean ya hypnotized just bout everybody here?"

" He he.. I guess I got a little carried away."

" What are they supposed ta do?"

" Well.... Gambit is supposed to ribbit like a frog... when Rogue says the word "commitment".. . Kitty meows.. I know not very original..when you say " here Kitty Kitty Kitty"....."

" Meow!!"

" Ha ha hah... and Logan acts like a dog when you something beeps."

" Oh really? Hey Remy.."

" Chere I don like dat.. look...."

" I just got sometin to say ta ya..."

" What chere... and it betta not be de word...."

" Commitment."

" Ribbbbbit!!"

" Commitment"

" Ribbit!!"

" Commitment"

" Chere!! Ribbit.."

" I could say something really sarcastic about commitmint problems right now but hold my tounge.."

" Ifn' ya want ta keep that tounge Scott sugah ya'll keep yer comments ta yerself. It was yoah Idea anyway ta do this."

<beeep.. beep .. beep>

" Hey turn yer watch off Kitty. I ... bark bark bark bark... grrrrrrrrrr!"

" Woops.. sorry Logan."

" here Kitty Kitty.. Kitty."

" Bobby!!"

" Meeeoooowwwwwwwwwwww"

" Sorry couldn't help myself Kitty."

" Why I outta...."

" Gaaakkk.. Hank!! Let go!!"

" GUYS, GUYS!!"

" What Scott."

" Calm down now before I put you all on monitor duty for the rest of your lives... good. Now. Everybody look at me. I'm counting down from three to one. When I snap my fingers three times all of you will be back to normal. Okay.. three, two, one..." <snap, snap, snap> " There everyone is back to normal. Next time things won't get quite so out of hand. Now everyone, down to the danger room now. You've all got four hours of practice as punishment for torturing eachother. Hank, Bobby, you've got eight. Rogue you've got six. Now get out of here all of you."

<chorus of groans>

" That means you too Bobby... get now.."

" I've just got a question. Did you really hypnotize everyone there?"

" Except, Rogue, the professor, storm, and jean. I couldn't hypnotize telepaths, I didn't want to risk letting storms crazy woman, out. And Rogue is someone even I won't mess with no matter what hypnotic suggestion I would have given her.."

" So the rest of us got zapped?"

" You volunteered.. keep that in mind. Now get down there and do your time. And hope Hank isn't still angry, he can beat you up now. It's just practice here."

" I can take Hank."

" On really? Like the last time you took Hank? He used your head as a throw rug."

" Only because I was going easy on him."

" Yeah sure.. whatever."

" Are you sure that you fixed everybody that was hynotized?"

" I'm sure Bobby, now go!"

" Okay, okay."

" And Bobby..."

" Yeah Scott?"

" I'd keep away from the tv show X-files if I were you."

" And why is that?"

" Well..If I told you I'd have to kill you. ha ha.. just kidding... Just hope you don't walk into the lounge on sunday night."

" What?? Why... I demand to.."

" Sorry Bobby. You were leaving weren't you? Bye."

<beep>

" Scott! <pound, pound> Open the door!!"

" Oookay everybody, let's have some fun with juggernaught. Starting program. You better quit trying the freeze the door and get down to the room Bobby. Good boy... ha ha ha... whohaaaaa... haaaa... ahem."

<microphone switches on> " Hey Bobby here's a clue, keep away from all red wigs and woman's pantsuits on sunday nights! That's for all the pranks you've pulled on me these past few weeks.!!!
Whooohahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa......I'm so bad, it's good. Yeah baby, yeah....!"