The X-Men: The Danger Tub

Author:  Lady Rayne

Disclaimer:  Remy, Bobby, Hank, Logan.. heck all the X-Men don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a small prank.

Bobby is up to his old tricks again. He booby traps the one shower in the men's dormitory. Using his powers to make the temperature in the water tank to almost freezing, he sets back laughing in anticipation as each X-man goes in to get his morning " hot" shower.

Fearless leader Cyclops is first of course.

Cyclops:

<Whistle>< Starts to sing in his horrible voice as he gets into the shower>
" I'm, to sexy for my shirt, I'm too sexy for my spandex, I'm to sexy for my visor... < Foscet squeaks on, there's a two second delay before the water comes out> I'm to sexy for my .. AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Bobby practically falls to the floor laughing. He's got tears streaming down his cheeks. There's a barrage of thumps and crashes as Cyclops struggles to get out of the tub, and away from the cold water which Bobby has rigged to stay on no matter what..

" Aye yai yai, ouch... < thump>< bang> ouch!! stupid tub.. what the heck!! Woah!!!! < slips and crashes to the floor>
Scott gets up and stumbles into, then out, the door. A towl around his waist, hurrying toward his room. Still laughing Bobby cleans up the bathroom, turns the water off and re-cools the water before he goes back to his hiding place to wait for his next victim.

Who happens along a few seconds later, a large beach towl over his furry blue arm a robe on his body and a scrub brush in hand. Oh and a rubber ducky.
Hank McCoy hums to himself in a pleasant tenor, he doesn't turn the water on at first either.
" Hum hum hum... hum hum...dobey do.. hum hum hum.. dooby doo... da da dum... < squeeak.> dooby doby... DOOEEEEYYYYOOWWW..... STARS AND GARTERS!!!!!

Bobby's on the floor, laughing so hard he can barely breathe. More scrambling probably as Hank tries to get his large body out of the slippery tub in a hurry. The water won't turn off, and Hank lets a few choice words about that. The door opens and Hank comes scrambling out robe on loosely, running on all his hands and feet, towl flapping in the wind as he hurries down the hall.

This was the best prank ever, Bobby thinks to himself. He laughs even harder at the anticipation of the reaction of the man that comes next. Bobby cleans up the bathroom quickly, mops up the water sets everything in order and returns to his spot to listen. Remy LeBeau is on his way to take a shower.
Gambit opens the door to the bathroom, he has only a robe and a towl with him. His long hair is in a messy ponytail. He needs a shave and he has rings under his eyes.

" You're fixing to get a wakeup Gambit" Bobby chuckles.

Gambit also hums and sings a little, but in French. He takes longer getting into the shower, using the cold water of the sink to shave. He's singing a French love song he's added Rogue's name to. Eventually though the curtain goes back and Gambit climbs into the tub.
Rogue Mi Amour.. Je t'aime beaucoup mon amour Rogue....<squeak> te amo mucho mi amour.. te amour...MON DIEU!!! #@&*%W#@ < Very colorful French swear words> What dis!! De hot water gone!!" There's no large amount of scrambling, but thumps on the floor say Remy has gotten out of the tub. He thinks the others have used up the hot water.

Bobby rolls with laughter as Gambit stalks down the hall, pulling his robe around his waist, to confront the others.

Bobby has no time to clean up before a very mussed up Wolverine comes stomping down the hall. He mumbles to himself about the " Stupid noisy Cajun" and the mess Gambit made. It's clear he's grumpy, he's tired and he's in no mood for anything.

Bobby's not sure if this prank is a good thing to play on Wolverine. Bobby thinks he's quite attached to breathing, he's not ready to stop it yet. But it's too late.

The water comes on with a squeak and Wolverine lets out an extremely unfunny howl. The scrambling that insues, the    <SNIKT> of his claws and the sound of things being shredded fill the bathroom. Bobby is sure Wolverine is shredding things that were better off whole. Like the shower curtain, the wall, the foscet, and pretty soon Bobby's head or body...
Becuase of course Bobby had rigged the water to stay on if someone tried to turn it off. Which causes Logan to dig into the wall and slice the pipe in half, spraying him with even more cold water.

By now Bobby still isn't sure wether he should be laughing, praying for his life, or considering the witness protection program. It all becomes clear when the other three hear Wolverine's yells and come running down the hall. They in turn get sprayed with more cold water. Bobby can't help but laugh as they all splutter, curse, yell and dance around trying to avoid the freezing water.

With Wolverine, in his birthday suit, cold, angry, wet and standing in a tub full of cold water in front of the other men.. his growl grows. He hurriedly grabs the shower curtain for coverage..

Cyclops manages to weld the pipe shut with his optic blasts. They stand around screaming at eachother, and blaming eachother until they figure out the water was cold before they got into the shower. Too cold.

Bobby can almost hear it click to place like a guillotine thumping down on someone's head. Just as he starts thinking up new names for himself and how far away he can get from the mansion before Wolverine catches him, they put it all together.

" BOBBY!!!" They all yell in unison.

Bobby freezes the door and tries to high tail it out the window before the door is blasted in. He doesn't get halfway out before Wolverine grabs his leg and drags him back inside. Or halfway back inside, Bobby has a death grip on the windowsill and won't let go. The other three join Wolverine in trying to get Bobby off the windowsill.
" Heelllllllpppppppppppppp" Bobby yells.

Just then the women come running into the room.
They take one look around and start laughing so hard the fall to the floor.

" What.... happened .. in.. here!" Rogue cackles rolling on the ground.
Jean, Storm, Kitty and Marrow are rolling too.

The men scowl. They let go of Bobby and he drops to the floor with a painful thump.

" It's not funny Rogue!" Cyclops yells.

Bobby looks at the women, then looks at the men. He starts cackling.

Beast looks like a drowned cat with a pathetic expression on it's face., Gambit looks like Cousin It got dropped in a barrel of water, with his hair in his face and his furry robe all wet. Cyclops's clothes cling to his body, his hair is sticking out in all directions and he has water dripping off his face. Wolverine, holding Bobby against the wall, has what was left of the shower curtain tied around his waist. He is blue with cold, dripping wet, his hair is sticking out all over the place. Bobby can't help it. It's just too much. He laughs so hard he can't breathe

" I'm sorry Scott but that's funny" Jean laughs trying to stand. She takes another look at her husband's face and falls down again.

" I hardly see the humor in this situation ladies" Hank frowns trying to get his fur out of his eyes.

" Well Ah, doo.. who haa ha ha ha..." Rogue whoops as she watches Hank.

" Chere!" Gambit tries to reprimand her. Wringing his hair out and tying it in a pony tail behind his head.

" You're looking ta die aren't ya Bobby" Wolverine asks him yanking him off the floor.

" ha ha.. hiccup.. ha ha.. No...." Bobby has caught the hiccups from laughing so hard.

" I've half a mind to give you monitor duty for a year Bobby" Cyclops says commandingly hands on his waist trying to gain control of the situation. He can't it's already gone too far.

" What did you do Bobby?' Kitty squeaks out, managing to get to her feet by leaning against the doorframe.

" He freeze de water in de hot water tanks!!! We turn de faucet on we get de cold water!" Gambit exclaimed.
Kitty lost her hand hold and was on the floor again.

" I didn't mean to get Wolverine.. just them." Bobby finally was able to stop laughing and breathe. " He destroyed the bathroom and cut open the pipe, which made it even worse."

" Ah wish I had a tape o' that!!" Rogue sniffed. They all settled down enough to breathe and talk normally. With occasional bouts of snickering.

With all the commotion settled the women return to their side of the mansion, leaving the men still dripping and angry.

" If ya ever try that with us sugah, Ah'll turn ya into a bag o crushed ice got it?" Rogue tells him, before leaving him to Wolverine and the others. Bobby would sooner walk up to Sabertooth and kick him in the nuts, than he would pull the same trick on Rogue. He valued his body parts. Or what's left of them after Wolverine gets through.

They all look at him, and a collective grin comes upon their faces.
Bobby looks around. " Uh Oh."

Two minutes later, he has the worst wegie of his life as he is hanging from the flagpole by his underwear. After that he has a month monitor duty, two weeks cleaning toilets in the mansion, and he has to pay for all the damages to the bathroom. But it was still worth it. And it will be even more worth it when he gets down from the flag pole. He rubs his hands together with glee and tries unsuccessfully to get the underwear out of his neither regions. Oh the next one is going to be good. They should just wait. Tomorrow they're all going to wake up with green teeth, purple hair, and pink skin.

( This story was inspired by the bathtub scene in Uncanny X-men # 337 where Bobby knocks Hank and Scott into the tub with the old slick floor routine. The bathroom was totally demolished during the making of this story. The professor found Bobby on the flagpole a half an hour later, and reprimanded the other X-men for childish behavior. A day later they made appearances at the breakfast table with purple hair, green teeth, and pink skin. Bobby got dunked in all the toilets in the mansion, tarred and feathered with syrup and pillow feathers and staked out on an harmless anthill which he squashed.:)

Bobby: " Hey I think we're on to something here! I got it.. the Danger Tub!!"

Jean: "Gambit don't you dare throw that pancake!!!"

Cyclops: " Well that was mature.. Here I am, Cyclops the so-called leader of the X-men--- and how do I use my optic blasts..??? As a snooze button. "

Beast: " Inconceivable. For weeks, as my deviant doppelganger delighted in deceiving you-----you never layed a hand upon the so-called " Black Beast". Finally I leap, bound, and bequeath you with my presence....and this is what I get.....ZAKT?!"

Cyclops: " Sorry Hank you startled me."

Beast: " Imagine how I felt? I was expecting the more sedate salutation of " Morning, Dr. McCoy. Aren't you looking particularly blue this day......ZAKT?!"

Cyclops: " Guess we've all been on edge this past week."

Beast: " I blame myself, what with having been replaced by a Homicidal Maniac and me not telling anyone."