The X-Men vs. The Spider

Author:  Lady Rayne

X-men mansion 1:30 A.M.

Rogue was sound asleep in her bed, entertaining visions of stip poker games, a certain card playing cajun, and strangely large purple dancing elephants while she dreamed. Suddeny, for some reason she found herself awake and couldn't figure out why. She looked around her room, listening for sounds of intruders, or anything that could have woken her. Then something on the sheets covering her legs began to move. Slow inch by in it crawled it's way up the sheets. Rogue quickly turned on the bedside lamp....

Ten seconds later the entire mansion was woken by screaming an the sounds of breaking objects. Yawning loudly Storm pulled her robe on and stepped into the hall to join Jean, Scott and Wolverine who had just come out of their rooms
" What in the world" Jean yawned rubbing her eyes.
" Not again." Scott sighed. " I hope this isn't another practical joke."
" If it was it was not by me" Hank said appearing with Bobby and Gambit beside him.
" Not me either." Bobby said.
" Gambit know dad scream anywhere. Dat's Rogue" Gambit said turning towards Rogue's door.
Led by Gambit they all filed to the Mississippi Maurader's room where colorful cursing, and breaking of objects could be heard. Gambit slowly...carefully opened the door.
" Rogue..chere?" He called in pushing the door open and sticking his head halfway in. Immediatly he gave a startled yell and jerked his head back..just as a Rogue howled angrily and a chair went flying past the
doorway to crash into the far wall.
" Where is it!" She shrieked floating above the floor looking around wildly.
" Rogue what!" Jean asked in exasperation.
Rogue just gave them a half mad stare. " Ah'll get it ya hear! Whicheva one o' yall let that thing in here ah'm gonna smash it inta hairy little bits!!"
Bobby's eyes tracked Rogue as she flitted about the room searching for something..mumbling madly to herself.
" OOooookay..Rogue's lost it"
Storm turned to Bobby and Hank frowning. " Hank..Bobby" she started.
Just then Rogue let outa triumphant yell and as the astonished x-men watched she flew strait for her shelves full of knicknacks and stuffed animals head first, screeching loudly. The following crash shook the room. When the othehrs looked again Rogue was sitting in the remains of her valuables looking around. She began to laugh. " Ah got it!" she yelled. "Ah got it!!"
" Got what Rogue!" Wolverine asked.
Before anyone could answer the cloth on the remains of Rogue's bed moved and the biggest tarantula the x-men had ever seen came running for the doorway. Rogue saw it..and screamed again. As the X-men parted from teh doorway the spider ran through it's either little legs going at full speed. Rogue followed after goin at close to her full speed. She crashed into the wall across from her room, through another wall, through an empty room and on out into the yard. In the moonlight they saw Rogue sit up, look around again and notice the spider still unharmed scurrying into the grass as fast as it's legs would take it. Rogue promplty passed out.

    * * *

Two days later Bobby was sitting in front of the T.V watching a MASH marithon. He had made himself a sandwich taken only one bite out of it, and set it down on the coffee table. After a few minutes he reached for his sandwich again. It seemed furrier to him than before..and heavier but he ignored it. He brought the sandwich to his mouth and found he was face to eyes with the same spider..sitting on his sandwich staring at him.

When the others came into the living room the found it virtually frozen solid and they found Bobby clinging to the frozen Chandolier, gibbering incoherently about hairy sandwiches.

    * * *

That same day Storm was watering plants in her Greenhouse in the attic when something large plopped onto her head from above. As two large hairy legs slid into her line of vision Storm began to scream. It took them almost 30 minutes to put out the fire from the lightening bolts which managed to scorch everything in the room but whatever Storm was aiming
at.

    * * *

The final straw came later as Hank was working on Scott's car. He lay a wrench down for a second to reach for something in his tool box and when he turned around, a large tarantula stared up at him from it's posiiton on his wrench.

    * * *

Another yelling session, one banged head, and a severly beaten vehicle later, the X-men were gathered in the garage surrounding Hank who was sitting at a table. He was frowning fiercly, holding a cold compress to his head and working on a bottle of aspirin. Bobby, Rogue and Storm were also sitting at the table. The others stood. Bobby was still muttering about furry sandwiches, Storm was a little frazzled around the edges..not to mention a little scorched, and Rogue still
hadn't managed to get ahold of all of her marbles. Some were still rolling around the mansion somewhere.

Scott cleard his throat and spoke.
" I guess we have a small spider problem"
One by one each pair of eyes turn to glare at him.
Hank growled. Bobby threw a snowball, Rogue stuck out her tongue at him. Storm made a small rainshower appear over his head and drenched him.
" Be serious Scott." Jean scolded.
" I'm sorry I couldnt ressist." Scott stepped out of the rainshower and it followed him.
" Storm" he said sternly.
She gave him a glare but the rain stopped.
" Look the next time it showes up just catch it and let it go outside." Scott insisted.
" Yeah like that worked the first time" Bobby muttered. " It got away when Rogue knocked a hole in the wall. THen it came back."
" Yes and it keeps coming back" Jean mused.
" I have a simple solution. Kill the &@%$@." All eyes turned to Storm in astonishment.
" Ah didn't even knowo she knew that word" Rogue mused in shock.
Wolverine began to laugh.
"Storm I am amazed at what you just said." Scott said.
" Hummm I agree Ororo. I belive I can come up with a molecular destabilizer..." Hank started.
" No that would be too kind." Storm said.
" Nah we don need ta kill it. Jus let it go somewhere other den here." Gambit shook his head.
" You won't be saying that that when it showes up on you Gambit" Storm said.
"Cumomn Stormy..where's dat love for life you always got?"
" I still love and respect life Gambit, that doesnt mean I don't want to murder large hairy tarantulas that land on me out of nowhere. And Don't call me Stormy."
" Look there's not much we can do. Some of us will search the mansion for the spider, and if we don't find it there's not much we can do. Its' bound to show up again anyway. Just the next time it does..calmly catch it in a jar and we'll all let it go somewhere else. It's just a curious little spider people. Dont make such a big deal out of it." Cyclops said and left the room.
" I bet it shows up in his dinner next" Wolverine smirked.

    * * *

True to form the spider made it's next visit a day later.

Scott was going out to the grocery store to get some food for dinner. He was just going out the door, grabbing his basebal cap from his dresser. Just as he stuck the cap on his head he felt something furry crawl onto his head from the inside of the cap.

    * * *

Wolverine, Rogue, Storm, Bobby, and Gambit were all in the living room watching tv when Scott came in screaming with the spider riding on his head. Ten pairs of eyes and five heads watched in unison as Scott did several laps about the room waving his hands in teh air and yelling in a high pitched voice. None of it dislodged the spider who sat comfortably on his head..enjoying the ride. Finally Jean came into the room in response to Scott's screams and used her powers to gently lift the spider from his head. Scott, unaware that the spider was no longer on his head, missed a turn around the couch and ran strait into the wall.

Jean brought the spider closer to her and let it sit in her hand. She helped her husband up from the floor and profurred the spider to him.
He backed away. "Get that thing away from me!"
"It's just a harmless little Tarantula Scott. He's just curious."
" Yeah right." Bobby muttered.
" Look logan can go with me and I'll just take this spider to the park and let it go...." Jean started.
" This was your last chance earthlings!" A tiny voice piped up.
Everyone looked around.
" Who said dat?" Gambit asked.
" I DID!" the tiny voice shrieked.
Finally they looked to the spider. Jean gasped. It was glaring at them.
" We tried to make contact! Every time we were greated with violence and screaming! You have made an enemy of the Tarantuleen Empire!"
The spider shrieked hopping out of Jean's hand and scurrying for the door.
" This will not be the last you hear from us earthlings!!" it shrieked and then it was gone.

Bobby looked at Hank. Hank looked at Bobby. Jean looked at Scott. Rogue looked at Gambit. They all looked at Wolverine.
" Oooookay......." Bobby said.