The X-Men: Dreams of Realization

Author:  Lady Rayne

Everything was wrong. Everything was all wrong.

The rain fell down cold and bitter, as he made his way between the rows of graves. The simple trench coat he wore did nothing to protect him against the elements; it didn’t matter... he never noticed the cold soaking through the fabric... or felt it slither through his fur to turn his skin to ice. Nothing in nature could be as cold as the heart in his chest, nothing the
icy November rains could do could match the cold in his soul. He knew exactly where he was going. To the large stone one in the middle, the one with the angel standing guard over it. It was nestled between two healthy green trees, surrounded by as many flowers as could be fit on the grave. The grave... her grave.He fell to his knees before the food of the grave, barely noticing the relief from the rain the trees gave him. He gently lay the red roses he carried in an alcove just below the angel statue. The remains of the other roses were still there. Looking down he saw that the grass was beginning to grow over the scar of dirt on the ground where they had buried her body. One month since the funeral.
The pain threatened to overwhelm him. He clutched the headstone to steady himself..and ran his hand over the smooth surface examining it like he had each time he came here. The headstone was a beautiful green marble instead of the dull granite of the other graves, the large X in the middle was clearly cut, as was the writing below the X.

Cassandra Muir McCoy.Beloved wife, daughter, friend, X-man and hero.This angel we deliver back into her father’s hands, thank you for gracing us with her beautiful soul, if only for the briefest time. Keep her safe in love, until the time we meet with her again. We love you Cassandra, rest in peace.Jean, Scott, Bobby, Charles, Logan, Betsy, Kitty, Pioter, Warren, Rogue, Remy, Ororo,and her beloved husband Hank McCoy.

It hit him all at once and the tears began to fall like the rain around him.“ My love... my angel..” he murmured softly touching the wedding band still on his finger. He’d been so stupid. Locked up in his lab for days on end, his work on the
legacy virus taking over his life, he’d neglected her... his wife, his life mate. She was left alone. He did not go on  missions with the X-men, he did not come to dinner. He didn’t come to their bed or go to their room at all. She had asked him to come out, tried to lure him out with food, or anything else she could think of. He would not leave. So she left him alone. Others tried but he had his head so far into his work he ignored  everybody..searching for the elusive cure he could never grasp. When he finally realized his mistake, he left his lab to find a mission had ended in disaster. He had no chance to say goodbye, no chance to tell her he loved her, to tell her how sorry he was. Her body died on his medbay bed..her soul was gone long before she reached him. The raging guilt and pain had torn him apart since that day..and each week got worse. He was no longer able to work on his virus, he ate nothing, saw no one, went nowhere. He was under medical supervision for massive loss in weight, refusal to eat and deep depression. Two of the X-men escorted him
everywhere, lest he do something to take his own life. The pain, and the rage came to a point where he could no longer stand it, he let out a scream that could be heard through the city. His body racked with sobs he leaned against the headstone, running his hand over the smooth surface again. What he wouldn’t do to feel her warmth again, see her face,
hear her laugh, make her smile. To hear her say “I love you” he would go to any lengths, cross any ocean, kill anybody, climb any mountain. But of course, he would never hear it again. It was far too late for that. It was all his fault.
“ I’m so sorry my love. Oh how I love you...”
A hand fell on his left shoulder..another hand on his right.
“ Henry.” Ororo said gently.
“ We’re sorry Hank.” Jean said.
He turned. Each X-man stood behind him. From Scott, to Logan, To Rogue to Gambit.
“ No more than I.” Hank said...they didn’t see him pull the hidden knife from his trench coat, until almost too late..but jean stopped him with her telekinesis.

As they rushed to his side and wrenched the weapon from his hand, Hank began to sob. They would leave him in his misery... leave him to his every day of agony... perhaps he deserved it but he didn’t want it... he wished that it was all just a bad dream... Rogue was leading him firmly away from the grave..he stared back at it with pain filled eyes...
"Cassandra".

His beeping computer jolted him awake and he pulled his head off of the keyboard. In surprise Hank looked around and found himself in his lab. Struggling to separate where he had just been from where he was now he realized... he was fine...it was just a dream. Relived beyond description Hank let out a breath and ran a hand through his blue hair.
"Good lord it was only a dream!"
His eye landed on the clock. 11:30 PM. the pain of the dream hit him and he realized he’d been in his lab for almost a week strait.He grimaced as he remembered Cassandra begging him to leave his work and come spend some time with her the night before. She had not asked again.
“Cassandra!”
His chair spun in place as he shot from it, slamming the door to his lab and running as fast as he could down the halls towards their room. He nearly knocked down Logan as he came out of his own room.
“ Bout time you pulled your head outta yer ass blue.” Logan said simply.
“ Where is Cassandra?” Hank asked anxiously.
“ In the shower, she just got done workin out in the danger room...”
Hank was already gone.

The shower was running full blast as he stepped into the room. He heard her voice and at first he thought she was singing.
As he cautiously stepped closer to the bathroom he could begin to tell what it really was..she wasn’t singing. She was sobbing. The door was open, he could see her in the shower leaning against the wall her arms crossed about her chest, eyes closed, tears slipping down her face. His heart melted and the guilt gnawed at him more. He hated to see her cry.
But she was alive. He still had the chance to make it right. He shed his lab coat and his shorts, tossing his spectacles on the ground along with them. He slowly opened the sliding door. She was not paying attention because she didn’t hear it.
Stepping into the tub with her he slid the door closed and turned back to her. She was standing right behind him, staring at him.
“ Hank” her voice was distorted slightly from crying.
His hand caressed the side of her face and wet green hair.
“ My love..I am sorry.” he pulled her into a hug. She began to cry on his shoulder. “ I have been a fool. Please forgive me. I am so sorry.” He thought back to his dream, and how miserable he had been without her. He pulled her closer to him and hugged her tightly. “ So so sorry...”
“ What’s the matter Hank?” she asked pulling back and looked up at him with concerned eyes.
“ I had a most horrible dream... a dream of realization. A literal kick in the butt.”
She nodded but said nothing.
“ Please say you forgive me... tell me how to make it up to you. I’ve treated you so wrong... please.” he grasped her shoulders desperately.
“ Tell me you love me, make love to me..and come out of that lab every night to be with me.” She said simply.
He smiled through his own tears. “ I love you... more than you can imagine.”
She reached up to kiss him. “ I love you too. You’re forgiven... now let’s skip the begging and go for the fun part.”
“ Yes maam”

Much much later he lay awake, holding her sleeping body by his side and thanking every god in existence he still had her. He gently kissed her forehead, nestled closer to her and joined her in dreaming. The dreams were good this time, this time everything was right.