The X-Men: Talk Show

Author:  Lady Rayne

And welcome back to the show! For those of you just joining this is our show today is " Forgotten superheroes and why they stopped being popular." We have several teams here with us today. First are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michaelangelo.
" Dude!"
" What are you people looking at?"
" Wow, am I on TV?"
" Shh everyone shutup the camera's on us, Raphael quit threatening the cameraman with your sai's and get back to your seat"
" Aww shove it Leo."
" Dude, didn't somebody say there'd be pizza here?"
" Hey how does that camera work?"
Oooookay..next is the uh.. team from the once popular TV cartoon series The real adventures of Johnny Quest. We have with us Dr. Benton Quest, Johnny Quest, Jessie Bannon, Hadji and Race Bannon and the dog Bandit is quarentined in back because there's enough annoying things on this show already.
" Hey I object to that Jerry. I Don't find my dog the least bit annoying."
" That's because your annoying too...you make a perfect match"
" Raphael!!"
" Shup Leo!"
" Watch it turtle, I've cooked the likes of you in soup more times than I can count"
" Race Don't inflame the situation, he's obviously the agressive type. Just ignore him."
" Sorry Doc."
" Oh mr. high and smarty here...."
" Raph just leave the man alone. He's a scientist."
" Tell me why I should care Donatello?"
" You'll care because I'll make you eat that camera.... Sit down and shut up. Sorry Dr. Quest"
" Quite allright Donatello"
" You go Donnie!"
" Thanks Mike"
Somebody put a muzzle on Raphael okay... now next we have the...wait this can't be right, they're still popular...oh my producer is correcting me... this show is about once popular cartoon super hero shows... okay. Well here they go anyway. Welcome the X-men.
Among the X-men with us today we have Rogue, Wolverine, Cyclops, Gambit, The Beast... and I'm hearing that Professor Xavier's stuck in trafic on west 51st street.. allright..fine good.
" Hello Jerry, although I must say we don't really belong here I mean our show is being remade..we've got a movie coming out... the comic book is at an all time high... "
Yes Cyclops but your cartoon show is off the air.
" Yeah but compared to the Turtles ova there we been doin pretty good..ah mean... at least we didnt' get remade in a really stupid TV show with live action peopel in turtle suits..."
" Hey your movie ain't out yet skunk stripe! It may suck as bad as ours did!! I bet it's worse! So come and say that to my face!!"
" It's be mah pleaseure ya big mouthed swamp dweller!"
And Rogue is now seriously pounding Raphael...the bouncers have now come to take Raphael and Rogue off the stage...and yes they are muzzling Raphael. Rogue had been led back to her seat... I Don't feel like introducing any more guests here to we're going to stick with these. Now... Leonardo... what do you think contributed to your show loosing it's popularity and goign off the air?
" Well Jerry I think we were wiped out by modernization. Kids started to like the stuff like the Power Rangers, and us Turtles without any special effects, or cheesy monster villains just got less popular."
" Dudes you just know it was the Power Rangers...and they dont' even eat pizza!"
" It wasn't just the Power Rangers Mikey. It was Batman, Superman, The X-men... superheroes got bigger badder...and four turtles lost their appeal"
Well said Donatello. Do you blame the X-men for your demise?
" Who me... no... not personally it gave me allot of time to work on my inventions, and they can't help who the kids like."
" Dudes? Tell me you like pizza?"
" We eat pizza occasionaly Michaelangelo. I much prefer a good salad myself."
" You dude? You look like a primo meat eater to me Beast"
" I know. Disadvantage of lots of fur, large fangs, and looking like a gorilla"
" Try being green, having a shell, and being a turtle. It's a lot harder to hide. You have image inducers"
" An excellent point Donatello.Would you care to use one... I'm sure Forge could come up with..."
" No technolgy swapping between TV shows Beast... it violates the cartoon prime directive."
" What are you fearless leader...Captain Kirk?"
" No but your Prof could pass nicely for Captain Picard, they've got the right amount of hair."
" Johnnny!!"
" Well dad it's true."
" So why Don we point out dat you could pass nicely for one o' de brady bunch mon ami? You like when gambit say something like that?"
" Gambit!"
" Cyclops..take dis card and shove it."
" Well at least Johnny doesn't talk in the third person half the time..."
" Jessie bannon!!"
" Well at least Remy's color is real miss all high and mighty, ah outta stick yer dyed head through the wall"
" Rogue!"
" Cyclops shut up!"
We Don't need any more violence now Rogue, Gambit, Cyclops, Johnny, Jessie.
" Sorry Jerry, those with lower intelligence levels quite often loose their tempers quite often."
" Should ah be a poundin ya Hank?"
" No... I didn't name names Rogue... I made a statement."
" And those handicapped by immaturity... Like my son, and Jessie..."
" Quite right Dr. Quest."
" And of course those who are just to darn stubborn to do anything else"
Raphael's now gotten his muzzle off and is going after Rogue, Gambit, Johnny quest and Jessie bannon simultaneously.
" Case in point, my hot tempered brother Raphael"
" Exactly Donatello, I have a proposition. Let us leave this tasteless violence behind and convene at the local cultural establishment."
" Good idea beast"
" Isn't there a Van Gogh exhibit here in town?"
" Yes, and it is very good as well. As well as some Monet, and other quite fine works of art."
" Good let's get out of here."
Hey where are you going... you're not allowed to leave the studio in the middle of the show!
" Take that corn pone!"
" Gambit'll be eatin turtle stew tonight!"
" Mississippi slut!!"
" Call me a brady kid will you."
" Rogue Gambit, Dr Quest..control you son please!"
" Sorry Mr Summers. You deal with him. We're leaving."
" Hank McCoy... I forbid you to leave."
" Cyclops, shutup."
" Donatello... get back here and help Raphael."
" No way Leo... he made his riverbed... let him bleed in it."
Well Dontatello, Dr. Quest and the Beast have all just walked out the door.
Leaving behind some very irate teammates.
Rogue, gambit, Johnny and Jessie are still duking it it out. Now Race bannon, and Cylcops have joined the fray, trying to break up their respective teams. Ouch... that had to hurt... okay... Cylops and Raphael are now unconscious, and Race Bannon is getting a good beating from Gambit's bo staff he pulled from somewhere... I'm not asking where.
Amazingly Wolverine... the most universally hot tempered man ever...has not said a word or thrown a punch through the entire show. He is joined by Leonardo and Michaelangelo, and Hadji from the Quest team.
So Wolverine... what are you thinking?
" Nothing much."
How are you not involved with this conflict? Out of all the people here... you would seem to have the worse temper.
" Sure do."
And you're not angry?
" Nope"
You know smoking is not allowed in the studio.
" Yup."
Sigh... I just thought you should know. Okay Leonardo, Michaelangelo... what are your thoughts?
" I'm locking Raphael in a little padded room when we get home and not letting him out for a year."
" Dude... I just want pizza."
Ooookay. Hadji?
" Johnny and Jessie have clearly overreacted."
Are you going to do anything about that?
" No. If they are stupid enough to attack a woman with super strength an invulnerablity... I agree with Donatello's earlier statement. They've made their riverbed... let them lie in it."
So your four are just going to sit here.
" Yup"
Okay,good, fine, great. Back to the fight.
Race bannon is down with cyclops. Leaving Gambit, Rogue, Johnny and Jessie. Gambit and Rogue have switched off to better take care of their opponents. Gambit has Jessie and Rogue has Johnny.
And yes... Johnny is down Rogue tossed him into the catering table backstage... there go the pizzas.
" What pizza! Get outta my way"
Wow look at Michaelangelo go. He's shoved his way past Rogue, Gambit, Jessie Bannon and is shoving Johnny's unconscious body off of the table. He is actually eating the pizza off of the floor. That is sickening.
" You should see him when he finds a year old pizza crust behind the couch."
I find that image extremly disgusting Leonardo.
" I know."
Jessie Bannon is now on Gambit's back and is actually biting him. As Gambit staggers past Wolverine suddenly chops Jessie on the back and she's out. Then Wolverine systematically knocks Gambit out, and proceeds to chase Rogue around the room until she too is unconscious.
Wolverine... why did you just do that?
" They were makin us look stupid."
" I think it's way past that point Wolverine."
I think Leonardo is right. We're waaay past that point.
" Probably right. But hey... I'm Wolverine. It's my job ta make Marvel look good."
Point there. Ah... we just got word... Professor Xavier is on his way into the studio. I don't know what his reaction will be when he sees all this.
Here he is now.
" I am here my X-men... what the hell... again? That's the third time this week!"
And on that note, we say goodbye. Join us tomorrow for romance triangles and tribulations of the TV world, with of course... Rogue and Gambit returning. Along with Joseph for an added twist. We'll also have Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, and a guest appearance by Dr. Evil, Frau Farbissina, and Scott Evil. Until then... have a sane day cause we certainly aren't here. Good day.
Could somebody get me an asprin please?