The X-men: Car Trouble

Author:  Lady Rayne

The car spluttered, the engine choked, and the whole thing rolled to a stop on the side of the road. The computerized voice began to intone:
" Please check engine" " Please check engine" " Please check engine"
Patterning his car's artificial intelligence vocal circuits after Kitty's voice seemed like a good idea at the time.now it only served to be extremely annoying.

" Stars and Garters"
Henry P McCoy, otherwise known as the Bouncing Blue Beast, tried to start the car several times..but it gave little more than a humming noise. He heaved a sigh and pulled the hood latch under his dashboard. He opened the door and grouchily ambled his way over to the front of his hood and pulled that latch. He propped up the hood and turned on his flashlight. After ten minutes of searching he gave up, pulled a cell phone from his pocket, and dialed a few numbers.
" Yes Logan, It's Hank."
" Again?" Logan said with surprise. " I thought ya fixed that car of yours."
" So did I." Hank said grumpily. " I won't be able to tell what's wrong until I can get it to my diagnostic machine."
" Geeze for a guy who keeps a jet engine running ya think ya could fix one little ol' car." Logan teased.
" Don't rub it in Logan." Hank said rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was sure he felt a headache developing, a very large headache.
Logan laughed. " I'll be right there Hank."
Hank flipped the phone shut and put it in his pocket. He stared at the car with its hood up, and the blinking lights that almost seemed to be laughing at him. mocking him.
" Please close the door." " Please close the door" the car said.
" Oh, shutup." Hank said and he kicked the tire.

When Logan pulled up Hank was still hopping up and down beside his car nursing his injured foot.
" Please check engine" " Please check engine"
" Please close the door" " Please close the door"
" I thought you'd have a little more patience than that Hank." Logan grinned stepping out of the jeep and going around to the back where he had a wench on his bumper.
" The first time it broke down, yes, I had infinite patience. The second time, I had patience. The third time, I had even more patience. But, my dear Logan, this is the sixth time this car has broken down. Even my patience has lost patience and has gone to be somewhere less frustrating." Hank said watching Logan attach a line to the front bumper of his car and then wench his car up.
" But what does kickin the car do but hurt yer foot?" Logan turned the wench off and gave Hank a smug grin.
" It channels anger Logan. Need I remind you of the time you lost your temper and I had to relive this very jeep of three very large and deep claw marks, then replace the entire engine that happened to be in two pieces?"
Logan's smile faded. " Point taken."
Hank climbed in the passenger side of the jeep while Logan climbed in the driver's side. " I thought so."

The computer beeped, and ran through its diagnostic program. Hank leaned against the side of the car and looked to Logan who stood on the other side of the car, his arms crossed across his chest, grinning smugly.
" I bet it's the spark plugs." Logan said.
" It is not the spark plugs. I replaced them two weeks ago."
" What about the fuel injector."
" Last week"
" PVC valve?"
" Last month."
" Fuel regulator?"
" The end of last week."
The computer stopped its diagnostic and beeped. Hank looked at the screen and frowned.
Logan leaned over from the other side of the car to look at the screen.
" Well I'd have never thought of that."
Hank sighed. " The alternator and the battery? How could the alternator possibly go wrong? It's practically brand new."
" Darned if I know Hank. This whole car is practically new. What about the warranty?"
Hank made a sour face. " It expired last month."
Logan began to chuckle. " Figures."
" Please just take me to the auto parts store Logan." Hank wiped his hands on a rag and tossed the rag to a nearby table. Logan shook his head with a small smile.

" Yoah car messin up again Hank?" Rogue was at the kitchen table when Hank and Logan came in bearing a battery, some assorted car parts, and two cases of beer. She took a sip of her coffee and gave him a sympathetic smile.
" Yes Rogue. It's beginning to seriously bug me."
" You've been havin the worst car trouble o' any person ah've ever known. If ah didn't' know better ah'd swear the car's got it in fer ya." She put her cup down.
" If I were less scientifically inclined I might start to believe that." Hank said miserably.
" I don't know Hank. Remember the Furby." Logan warned.
Hank shuttered. "Please Logan, one nightmare at a time."
He sat the beer down on the table. " For your services my friend."
He gathered his car parts, started for the garage and then stopped like he had an idea. He stalked back to the table just as Logan was taking a beer out of one of the cases. " And for MY nerves." He snatched the beer from Logan and then stalked out of the room.
Logan at first looked surprised and then he began to laugh.
" Poor Hank." Rogue said.
" Poor guy's really having a time of it. I don't know how many times he's called me to come get him from the side of the road." Logan sat down at the table. " It's gettin to where I pick him up just to watch him hop up and down on the side of the road after he's kicked the car....and the beer he buys me for pickin him up."
" Logan..that's cruel." Rogue smiled.
" Nah it's just funny. Any coffee left?"
" Beer and coffee don't go together Logan."
" Sez who?"

Hank finished replacing the alternator and the battery and then he closed the hood on his car. He started the engine and it instantly roared to life. Hank heaved a sigh of relief. " I hope you are quite finished messing up?" he said more to himself than the car. He turned off the car, closed the door, locked it and then cleaned up his work area. Finally he  opened the door and flipped off the lights... on his way to a much needed shower. For the longest time nothing happened.. then gradually hundreds of little forms began to hop around in the shadows. They swarmed the car, banging clanging and ripping. Then all went quiet and they disappeared.

The next day it was Hank's turn to drive to Salem Center and get groceries. He had some time however so he decided to give his car a test run. He had Logan follow him, just in case. The car did fine. However, later in the day on his way to Salem Center, the car did it again.  This time it didn't die, it completely overheated. With the needle in the red zone and his engine smoking Hank had to pull off to a roadside rest stop and open the hood. All the coolant was gone from the tank. He waited a bit and opened the radiator. All the coolant was gone from that as well. There was no mystery to where it had gone. It was all over the engine, causing it to smoke. Hank put his hands on his face and heaved a long-suffering sigh. Luckily, though, he was prepared. He had a new bottle of coolant in his trunk. He poured some in the radiator and after a bit saw the heavy leak on one of the hoses. Frustrated he poured the whole bottle in the radiator and the tank and slammed the hood down. He managed to make it to Salem Center, but not an inch farther. So in addition to the groceries, he bought a new hose, and four gallons of coolant. He used two of them just getting back to the mansion.
Only after he had gotten back to the mansion did he remember that the car had artificial intelligence, and was programmed to alert him vocally to any problem with the engine. Normally it repeated phrases like. " Please check
engine. or Please replace the coolant... " but during the entire fiasco..the computerized voice on his car had not said a word.

One again he had his car in the garage and once again Logan was standing on the other side watching him with a grin. This time Rogue joined Logan. She was shaking her head in sympathy. " Ah've had car problems Hank, but never car problems like this." Hank had his head buried in his arms sitting at his workbench. He looked up and ran a hand through his rather longish blue hair.
" I'm beginning to think this car has it out for me." He said with a grin.
" I'm startin to think that as well." Logan laughed. " Need any help with that hose?"
" No I can manage. Perhaps I should call Kurt and we could have an exorcism." Hank said pulling himself up from his chair. He picked up the hose and picked up a pair of pliers and started for the car. The rod holding the car hood up suddenly slipped out of place and the hood slammed shut just as Hank was about to reach inside the engine. Hank pulled
his hands back close to his body and stepped away from the car. Rogue and Logan were both staring at the car with wide eyes.
" Tell me ah just didn't' see that." Rogue said in astonishment.
" I wish I could my dear Rogue." Hank said backing further away from the car.
" Woah crud. That's spooky." Logan said.
" Perhaps it was a coincidence..." Hank began and started back for the car.
" Coincidence mah foot! Yoah wanna call Kurt or should ah do it?"
It immediately roared to life and the computerized voice that sounded so much like Kitty went. "Whoooooooooooooooo"
Out of the shadows hopped swarms of little Furbies, and then their leader. The mangled, dirty, and broken Furby that had once belonged to Hank, Koo Moo.
" Whooooooooooo." Said Koo Moo.
" We're gonna get yooooou. We're gonna get yoooouuu" The little Furbies chanted in unison.
" Get yoouuuuuu" Koo Moo echoed glaring at the three X-men.
The car started and shot strait for them. At the same time the Furbies swarmed for them as well.
Hank, Rogue and Logan all looked at one another.
" AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hank yelled, and shot up from his position slumped over the steering wheel of his car. He had fallen asleep waiting for Logan to come pick him up and the headlights in his rearview mirror, as well as Logan's incessant honking, had woken him. He rubbed his eyes blearily and stepped out of the car, trying to shake himself from the dream.
" Have a nice nap Hank?"
Logan grinned hooking Hank's car up to tow it in.
" Not really. Even though my normal posture is somewhat simian in appearance, sleeping hunched over a steering wheel like a monkey in a tree was not that conductive to a good night's rest. " Hank said grumpily.
" No comment Hank." Logan chuckled. " Whaddya thinks wrong with your car this time, this is the third time it's broken down." Logan asked getting into the driver's seat.
Hank sat in the passenger seat and slammed the door. " I do not know." he sighed.
"I will not be able to tell until I get it back to the mansion and hook it up to my diagnostic machine. "
" If I didn't know better Hank. I'd think that car had it in fer ya." Logan commented jokingly.
That made Hank decidedly uncomfortable. " If I were less scientifically inclined... I might... start to... believe that." he said haltingly, remembering his dream.
" I don't know Hank... remember the Furby." Logan took the turn into the mansion driveway and pulled the jeep into the garage. Hank swallowed he turned to look at Logan fearfully. Slowly he stepped out of the jeep and began to back away.
" How do you know about the Furby... that was just a dream."
" Was it?" Logan said his voice growing spooky. He stepped around the jeep towards Hank. "Whooooooooo."
Hank saw the shadows move and thought he saw a little Furby shape hopping towards him.
About that time Logan burst out laughing.
"Hey Hank... I was just joking... Hank?"
Too late... Hank had already fainted.
" Hank...?"