The X-men: When Easter Eggs go Bad

Author:  AeLonwyne

Disclaimer:  The X-Men belong to Marvel. The Easter Eggs belong to me.

We join our team five and a half weeks after Easter with, Rogue, Gambit, Iceman, the Beast and Storm, congregating around none other than the refrigerator, this beautiful Thursday morning.

    * * *

Robert Drake yawned as he walked into the kitchen. He still wore his p.j.s which, consisted of a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, another item of note about Bobby's appearance this morning was his hair, which happened to be black and white striped today. "What's for breakfast." He asked. Rogue turned towards him and burst out laughing. "We… uh… hadn't…um…we haven't figured that out yet." She told him between giggles.
"Mon ami, maybe you look in de mirror, eh?" Gambit suggested helpfully.

"As for breakfast, my ice-o-matic friend, we have been unsuccessful in opening the fridgedaire, as of yet." Beast told him, then as an afterthought said, "There would also seem to be a rather malodorous stench originating from it."

Bobby ignoring everything Hank was saying ran out of the room and in to the hallway to check his reflection in a mirror hung there. "Aaaagh! Hannnnnkkkk! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?" He demanded coming back into the room.

"Why would you think such a thing Robert? I am apalled that you would insin…"

"Later," Storm interupted. "We need to get the refrigerator dorro opened."

"But he messed up my hair!" Bobby cried. Hank ignored him and turned to Rogue. "My dear would you mind making an attempt?"

"Ah may end up rippen' the doors right off?" She warned.

"Go ahead. We must eat and I am most curious as to what might be causing the smell." Storm told her.

"Alright, stand back y'all." The collected X-Men stepped back. Rogue tightened her robe, stepped up to the fridge and put her foot on the counter next to it for leverage. Then she yanked. The door creaked, and squeaked, and then WHOOM, THUD! The door flew off, and Rogue fell to the floor, the door landing on top of her.

The others gasped as a red mist wafted from inside the fridge. "Did it do that yesterday?" Bobby whispered.

"Don' know, we weren' here yesterday." Gambit replied.

Rogue shoved the door aside and stood up. "Oh gross, the smell!" She exclaimed covering her face. The X-Men stared into the fridge, and shadows began to move around. Slowly and with a tiny Thump, Thump, Thump, the shadows moved forward. Out of the mist came several small oval shapes. Eyes went wide as they saw what it was.

"Colored eggs?" Rogue whispered.

There on the second shelf sat about two dozen colored easter eggs. They all had different colors, some were tie dyed, some had glitter, and some even looked like they had hair.

"Tell me dose eggs didn' jus' move," Gambit muttered.

"They have eyes!" Rogue exclaimed.

"By the Goddess! Does that one have hair?" Storm asked in shock. How on earth could eggs have eyes and hair? She thought.

One egg with green tufts of hair growing out of it's orange colored shell hopped forward and spoke. "Puny humans! You dare think you can eat us?! For all Egg Kind!" A tiny voice proclaimed.

"Who you callin' puny?" Rogue asked

Suddenly one of the crispers opened and all the baby carrots burst from their packages and flung themselves at the X-Men.

"Telekenesis!" Thought Hank "They've mutated! How wonderful! Absolutely marvelous!" He told his commrades.

"Wonderful?" Bobby asked, and ducked to avoid the carrots onslaught. More vegetables began to rise from their places in the fridge, and fly at their faces. Bobby barely froze a bundle of celery that was about to get Storm, only get several potatos in the gut. "Wulllfff. Ow."

"Just whose eggs are those?" Storm asked, as she sent a miniture twister at the pot of beans flying out of the fridge.

" I think they're mine." Bobby replied.

"We belong to no one, human!" the eggs exclaimed. The freezer door popped open, and half gallon of ice cream soared out, and nailed Bobby upside the head, and he went down, didn’t move again.

"Dey got Bobby." Gambit said dodging an airborne container of uneaten chicken soup. SPLAT.

"Yuck! Thanks Gumbo!" Rogue exclaimed.

Gambit turned to see why Rogue was grumbling at him, to find chicken soup dribbling down the front of her robe. "Sorry 'bout dat Chere. Ouch!" Mashed potatoes had splattered against the back of his head.

Hank, who was largely unmolested, by the flying food items, called out to his teammates. "Save me one! I would dearly love to study their mutati…" SPLAT, SPLUT. He was now adorned in coleslaw, and leftover pancake batter complete with berries. The Beast growled and turned to glare at the most offending food stuffs, laughing at him from inside the refrigerator.

"You was sayin' Mon ami?" Gambit laughed.

"Destroy those tainted comestibles!" He cried, breaking off a chair leg, and launching it at the fridge.

Gambit picked up a jar of jam that was rolling across the floor, and began to charge it, and was just about to toss it inside the refrigerator, when he took a laser beam in the gut. "Aaagghh! Dat hurt!" He growled.

"Did that egg just fire a laser beam, at Gambit?" asked Storm

"Which egg?" Gambit inquired

"The pink one did, Shug'" Rogue replied.

The food began flying faster and harder, and soon everyone was covered with it . Rogue cried out as a jar of pickles exploded against her knee. "That's it! Ah'm out for scrambled eggs!"

At that moment the jar of jam Remy had charged decided to explode knocking the standing X-Men to their knees.

SPLAT! "I've been creamed!" Hank cried from his place on the floor, and sporting a brand new creamed corn face mask.

Rogue crawled towards the fridge, grabbed a handful of meatloaf lying on the floor, and lobbed it carelessly towards the fridge. "Die Eggy Scum!" She screamed like a madwoman. She must have hit some of them because the air was filled with a cracking, shattering sound, and the food stopped flying suddenly.

The X-Men peered into the fridge, six of the eggs were cracked or smashed, and the remaining eggs looked at their fallen commrades, and then at the X-Men. "Kill the skunky one!" An olive green and orange colored one cried.

"By the Goddess they have teeth!" Storm exclaimed as they rushed forward. She sent out a tiny liny bolt meaning to zap them, but missed her target.

"Ow! Damn it. Storm, watch it!"

"My apologies, Rogue."

SPLAT, CRACK, SMACK. "Halt!" A small eggy voice cried out. The eggs stopped and looked over the edge of their shelf. Several more of their friends lay broken and dead. This time on the floor. They had committed egg-icide. "You have made a powerful enemy this day, humans. Especially you skunky." The egg leader cried, and then fired it's egg laser beam at Rogue. Rogue yelped as it singed her shoulder.

"X-Men attack!" Storm commanded the X-Men. She had had quite enough. She was covered in junk, her hair was a complete dung heap, or close to it, completely matted. She hated matted hair! She knew they needed to clean out the refrigerator, but this was not how she planned to have it done. Honestly she was planning on having Hank, Bobby, and Rogue do it, as punishment for putting hair dye in her shampoo, and frogs in her closet last week.

Gambit began charging up anything he could find lying on the floor, half-melted popsicles, cans of root beer, carrot sticks, you name it, and throwing them at the fridge. Though for some reason, half-melted popsicles only melted further, leaving only the sticks, and turned the chocolate frosting to slop, rather than doing any damage to the eggs.

Hank was perched on top of the fridge, and had proceeded to scratch, claw, pummel and even bite at it, but the eggs seemed not to notice his vain attempts at destroying them.

Storm launched miniature lighting bolts, and twisters, while trying to avoid seriously harming her own teammates, especially Rogue.

Rogue was practically inside the fridge grabbing, pummeling, and smashing everything she could touch.

Bobby remained unconscious on the floor. A carton of half melted Moose Tracks lying next to his head.

"What on earth is going on?" A voice demanded from behind them. The X-Men ceased their assault, and turned around. There standing in the doorway was Scott Summers, and his wife Jean. Both of them had a look that was somewhere between shocked, and amused, as they took in the damage.

There was food everywhere. It was food hanging from the walls, dripping from the ceiling, sloshed across the floor, and adorned each of the X-Men. CREAK, CREAK, BOOM! The fridge had chosen that moment to collapse, and Rogue just managed to move out of the way, to avoid being trapped under it, only to have Hank land on her instead.

"What happened?" Scott asked again.

Rogue looked at Storm. Storm turned to Beast. Beast looked at Gambit. Gambit stared at the floor. Then they all looked down.

"Well?" Jean prompted.

They all looked at each other again. How did one tell someone as serious, as Scott, that they had been attacked by mutant easter eggs. But then there have been stranger things before. After a moments contemplation they cried out, "You tell them!"


    * * *

Later that night, in the darkness of Hanks laboratory, Hank huddled in the corner clutching his prize. A pink mutated Easter Egg. The only one left, it had escaped with only a crack. The Beast had wanted to study it. Find out what it's limits were, and then maybe, he could keep it, nurture it. He thought it was cute, and it…could be useful. Maybe. If he could study it in peace, he could perhaps…

"Hand it ovah Hank" Rogue demanded, holding out her hand.

"No, it's mine." He replied in a small voice.

"You said yourself, that it should die." Bobby pointed out.

"No. It's for science."

"You cannot be allowed to harbor, something dangerous, and evil. Now hand it over Henry." Storm commanded.

"I protest. It is not evil. It is merely…hyper. And I think it's cute." Hank objected, petting it. "Yow!" It had zapped him in the hand, but he continued to pet it and even began cooing at it.

"You startin to sound like dat guy out a dat book Rogue make me read." Gambit said almost laughing.

"Which book?" Bobby asked wondering what he was talking about and what was funny about it.

Gambit turned red and whispered. "Harry Potter."

It was Bobby's turn to laugh, but he was cut short.

"Oh hush Bobby. It's a great book, and Remy has a point Hank is remindin' me of Hagrid, but that’s beside the point. Hand it over, Beast." Rogue demanded again.

Hank shrank further into his corner. "But…but…it's mine." He wimpered.

"I am counting to five Henry, and you better hand it over before I finish." Ororo told him sternly. Everyone took a threatening step forward, while Hank watched with widened eyes. "One…two…three…"

"Get 'im!" Rogue interupted jumping the gun. Hank cried out. "Help!"


Note: Hank survived his attack. (Barely. He lost quite a bit of fur.) Only the egg was killed. Bobby suffered a sprained wrist. Gambit broke his finger. Storm got scratched, and Rogue ended up with a black, though no one is sure how. Bobby helpfully suggested she punched herself. And is still hiding from Rogue's wrath.