Bobby and Lindsay's apartment 7 p.m.

Helen wakes with a start as though from a horrendous nightmare. At first she's unsure where she is but then it all starts coming back to her. It wasn't a dream. It's all true; Bobby's concern, Helen following Lindsay last night to the cinema, watching her and her mystery man, sitting up all night worrying about them, following her again today and confronting her after they arrived at the apartment only to find no evidence of any man. Having all her accusations refuted and beyond exhaustion believing, as Lindsay suggested, it had all been a figment of her imagination. She's not tired now though. She's well rested, refreshed and more adamant than ever Lindsay has been underhanded and is cheating on Bobby. 'Nice tactic convincing me I'm delusional' Helen angrily thinks as she rises prepared to confront Lindsay for a second time. Lindsay, however, is no where to be found.

A note by the phone informs Helen she's gone to Bobby's fathers. It suggests Helen can either make herself at home, while she waits for Lindsay to return, or she can head on home and they'll catch up tomorrow. "Gee you were really worried about my welfare" Helen sneers "How long did you wait after I feel asleep before you ran off? What happened did flannel boy call and you just had to rush off to meet him?" Suddenly warning bells begin to go off in Helen's head and the question "Did flannel boy call?" begins on a continuous loop. Feeling not a moment of hesitation Helen rewinds the two messages on the answering machine and presses play.

The first message is from Bobby. Helen considers fast forwarding it out of deference for their privacy but curiosity wins out. "Hi Lindsay it's me ... I'm here and ... I thought you'd be home ... but obviously you're not. I hope you're having fun wherever you are. I wish you were here. I miss you! If you change your mind just jump on a plane and I'll meet you at the airport. We can take a couple of days off just for ourselves. I think it would do us good to spend some time ... just the two of us ... I hate talking to myself so ... um ... if I don't hear from you, I'll call tomorrow night. Love you Lindsay. Miss you so much ... ok ... bye." Helen listening cringes "Oh yeah she's having fun alright Bobby but something tells me she won't be telling you too much about it." If she had any doubt about Lindsay's deception the tape has erased that. This message is proof Lindsay's been lying to her. Bobby didn't ask her to stay behind to look after his father he's practically begging her to join him. After listening to the next message Helen pockets the tape. Peoples exhibit A she mumbles to herself. She's not letting go of this concrete proof of Lindsay's deception. A mans voice, no prizes for guessing who, saying "Linny babe meet me at O'Malley's at 8." Disgusted Helen thinks "God Lindsay he snaps his fingers and you come running. Who is this guy?" Helen takes one look at herself, and decides she doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of getting into O'Malley's looking like she does. "Well Lindsay did tell me to make myself at home," she thinks to herself "It would be rude of me not to." She raids Lindsay's wardrobe and prepares to take a shower. "I don't see why I should have to sit at home by myself on a Saturday night I think I feel like ... hmmm ... dinner at O'Malley's, yeah that sounds good. Lindsay had better watch out I know I'm sober and fully functioning so this time I'll be confronting her with cold hard facts at the scene of the crime. Flannel boy won't be getting away tonight until I've given him a piece of my mind," and checked if he has a friend quickly skimmed across Helen's mind, but first things first she just as quickly decides admonishing herself for forgetting this is serious.





O'Malley's 8.15 p.m.

When Helen arrives at the restaurant, she is surprised by two things; first it appears to be unusually busy tonight and second Lindsay is sitting at a table out in the open laughing and joking and completely unconcerned about being seen out with another man. "What has gotten into you?" Helen thinks for the hundredth time that weekend. The restaurant has a small dance floor and tables throughout a center dining area and booths around the walls. Helen had been certain Lindsay would be hiding in a booth as far back as possible, but no, she is out there for everyone to see. Unfortunately due to where she is sitting Helen has to be careful not to be noticed as she waits to be seated.

"Table for one madam?" The 'oh so helpful' waitress says.Helen gives her the evil eye look trying to burn it into her brain that she is eating alone tonight because she chooses to not because she couldn't have found a date if she'd tried. I could have a man here that would be so hot he would melt your knees with the click of my fingers Helen thinks and he'd be better than that sorry flannel wearing excuse for a man Lindsay is parading around with. The waitress wonders why such a simple question has resulted in an extended and somewhat unnerving glare.

"Yes and ..." Helen begins to reply much to the waitresses relief before wondering if saying I want a table where I can see everything that couple does but they can't see me would cause some alarm. Deciding it would she plays it safe and says " ... but I'd like to choose my own table."

"Yes madam of course, within reason, you realize some of our tables are reserved already." Helen's new worst enemy replies in her best 'I'm humoring a lunatic' voice.

Helen's eyes again bore holes into the unfortunate waitress who is wishing with all her heart her parents had had the foresight to set up a college fund so she didn't now have to work her way through."Which table would you like madam?" the unfortunate girl asks desperate to be finished with this customer as soon as possible.

'Well how the hell will I know until I test them all out' thinks Helen becoming frustrated with trying to keep out of Lindsay's sight and deal with this moron at the same time. "I don't know come with me and we'll look," she grabs the girls arm dragging her with her.

"Madam this is highly irregular" the girl's eyes search for a colleague to help her. Sure if she wanted to study during a quiet moment all the boys would be around bothering her but where are they all when you need them.

Helen is just about to tell her where she can shove the word madam when she hears a male voice loudly say "Helen Gamble!"

"Shit" she mumbles letting go of the girls arm and diving into the booth, hurriedly glancing towards Lindsay to see if she overheard. She doesn't appear to have heard and is smiling adoringly at flannel boy. Lindsay grabs his arm and Helen is sure she lip reads her say "don't" to him. 'Yeah why don't you take your own advice Lindsay' Helen thinks before she realizes she should speak to the guy whose knee she is sitting on. Looking around she decides her view from here is excellent plus she has the added advantage of someone to hide behind. "Dean hi. Long time no see. Mind if I join you?"

"Feels like you already have." He replies with a nice little hip jerk to illustrate his point.

With a feeling of revulsion Helen slides as far away from him as she can without compromising her view of Lindsay. "I'll have a double scotch no ice" she tells the waitress knowing she'll need to take the edge off if she has to put up with Dean for too long.

"You're paying" Dean says panicked.

Helen remembers exactly why they broke up. He always was a tight bastard.

Lindsay is sitting facing the door while Bobby has his back to it. In this position she spots Helen the moment she arrives. Lindsay pretends to be animatedly talking to Bobby as she sees Helen walk in. "She's here" she tells him then softly mumbles "bitch."



"Lindsay?" he says surprised by her comment. He's desperate to turn and look for himself but knows Lindsay would kill him if he did.

She smiles showing there was no malice in her last comment "I should have known she'd pick that dress 'and' she would look better in it than I do."

"Which dress?"

"The black one"

Bobby laughs "Again I say which dress?"

"Bobby charcoal is not black, gray is not black I don't have 'that' many black dresses."

Bobby rolls his eyes "Oh really?" Then whispers "And by the way watch who you call Bobby."

"Oops" Lindsay smiles hoping Helen didn't notice her say it "As for black dresses I have ..." she pauses to work it out. Bobby laughs as the actual number comes to Lindsay's mind and a flash of embarrassment crosses her face. Defensively she says "Ok smarty so I have a lot of black dresses so what!"

"So what one is Helen wearing?"

"The short strappy one."

"Mmmm my favorite, no way does she look better in it than you."

Bobby is quickly back in Lindsay's good books. They smile at one another then she starts laughing.

"What?" he whines annoyed he's missing all the fun.

"Well I know this will be hard for you to believe but Helen has skinny little feet."

Acting shocked Bobby says, "No! You're kidding me!"

"I know hard to believe isn't it. So how would you describe my feet Bobby?"

"Who?" he asks smiling at her error. Lindsay groans realizing she's slipped up again. It's so hard concentrating when Bobby's sitting right there in front of her.

She laughs "You never answered my question."

Bobby puts on a deadly serious face "You're feet are ...." he pauses for affect.

"Yes" she encourages when she feels he's taking too long.

"As adorable as the rest of you."

She smiles. "Good answer" he smiles back also mighty pleased with himself. "Anyway my point was" Lindsay says "Helen's wearing my shoes which are much too big for her or I should say she's not so much wearing as attempting but failing dismally to walk in my shoes. She looks like a little girl prancing around in her mother's shoes. She's doing this little high heeled shuffle of moving forward only about five inches with each step. She's trying to keep her foot in the shoe and actually go somewhere at the same time and it's the most hilarious thing I've ever seen."

Bobby almost turns to look but Lindsay grabs his arm and says, "Don't!" Luckily too because that idiot Dean called Helen at that exact moment and she spun around whilst diving into the booth with him to make sure she hadn't been noticed. Lindsay is furious with Dean. "Damn him! If he thinks I'm paying for his meal now he's got another thing coming. We had an agreement and if he gives away the plan he's going to wish he'd never been born."

"Oh God not another payback" Bobby groans.

"Yes I hear you have trouble keeping up with me" Lindsay giggles.

"Really? I heard you talk about me 'all' the time."

"In your dreams."

"Nope not much talking goes on in my dreams"

Bobby laughs at the expression on Lindsay's face. He knows she is dying to say his name in her favorite exasperated tone but can't in case Helen sees. Being the ever helpful husband he says it for her in a perfect imitation of the tone she would have used "Bobbeeeeee!"

"You think you're so smart don't you?" she says trying to hide her smile.

He's rather pleased with himself and just smirks at her.

"Well Sven ..." she begins.

"Sven?" he laughs.

"Yeah that's what Helen calls you. That and flannel boy" Bobby laughs again "You should have heard her raving today about Sven this and flannel boy that. Actually come to think of it she did get one thing right though."

"Yeah what's that?"

"She kept raving about your magical fingers."

"Ooh and here they are just waiting to please" he wiggles them suggestively at her. Lindsay grasps one of his hands and drawing it to her mouth kisses it her eyes promising he will get that chance later. Helen watching from afar groans. She can't take much more of this but yet she also cannot look away.

"You'd be proud of her the way she was defending you." Lindsay pauses as she lets his hand go then frowns concerned "Actually I'm a little worried, I think you may have stolen my best friend."

Bobby pouts and crosses his arms against his chest "I thought I was your best friend."

"Oh you are" she assures him reaching over and squeezing his hand then she grins "but only when you're behaving."

He traps her hand in his and with his other hand slowly runs his fingers along her arm up to her elbow where he softly begins circling the bone. "I always behave!" he says, giving Lindsay a look suggesting she's in big trouble, as he's about to do everything but behave.

Lindsay wants to tell him off but with those eyes boring into her and his fingers making promises her body desperately wants him to keep she feels it best to just suck in her lip for fear if she does open her mouth all the restaurant will here her moan.





Helen watching on eventually realizes what flannel boy is doing to Lindsay's arm. The fact Lindsay looks about ready to do a Meg Ryan in 'When Harry met Sally' was a major clue. Shocked she stands up and bangs on her table "He's touching her elbow" she says in disbelief. Had Lindsay not been so pleasantly preoccupied I'm sure she would have been very amused by this but alas she didn't see it. She only has eyes for Bobby. Dean, however, did. He looks warily at Helen who's muttering about sleazy masseurs and elbows that don't belong to them. He thanks the day she walked out of his life, as life with a crazy woman could get quite expensive, what with the therapy and everything. Helen sits again still muttering about how Lindsay could let him touch her elbows. Those are Bobby's elbows and nobody else should be touching them. Dean not understanding the sudden obsession with elbows fears for the safety of his own. He's thankful his jacket has those nice leather patches on the elbows hoping that will offer him a little protection if Helen turns her obsession towards him. He's trying to decide the best way to ask her to leave without getting stuck with her bill but is also a little afraid to remind her he is there. Helen doesn't stay sitting for too long though because flannel boy moves his chair closer to Lindsay and leaning towards one another they begin to kiss. That's the last straw for Helen. "No more" she says standing up and walking towards them. Well she tried to stand up and walk but fell straight back down. Damn stupid shoes! Ripping them off her feet she storms towards Lindsay, "No more! This has gone far enough. No more!"



Reaching the table, totally flustered, Helen grabs Bobby's shoulder pulling him off Lindsay, "Get your filthy hands off her you flannel wearing bastard" she shouts before turning to Lindsay flinging her shoes at her "and you, I thought you were my friend. Friends don't lie to one another and try to make them believe they're going crazy. How could you be so cruel and ... and so unbelievably stupid? What do you think you are doing? Bobby is the best thing that ever happened to you!"

Bobby's eyes open wide in surprise at this. It's certainly not anything Helen would normally say to his face. Then again she doesn't realize she is saying it to his face. He mouths "wow did you hear that!" to Lindsay who is amused by his reaction, but has to stop herself laughing, as she continues to listen to Helen.

"How could you jeopardize your marriage like that Lindsay? You're hurting people. Have you thought about that? Have you thought this through? What the hell do you think you're doing to Bobby?"

"I believe she was kissing me." Bobby says still grinning at Lindsay.

Helen's head spins as she looks closely at him for the first time. Yes underneath the wig and glasses she knows that face. "What the ..." she looks back and forth at Bobby and Lindsay trying to make sense of what is going on. "It was you all along ... this is a setup ... Lindsay doesn't have a man."

Bobby smiling nods as she speaks until her last comment "Hey I take offence at that."

"Shut up!" Helen says angrily before turning and screaming at Lindsay. "Of all the low down rotten things to do. How could you?"

"I guess she's done defending me then" Bobby jokes to Lindsay. He should have known better than to provoke a furious Helen as she turns on him grabbing the wig off his head and whacking him repeatedly with it. "I can't believe you did this to me. Some friends you turned out to be. I'll get you both for this. Just you wait! I'll get you."

"Helen!" he complains trying to protect himself from her fury while Lindsay sits back and laughs. Helen flashes her a look warning when she's finished with Bobby it will be Lindsay's turn. Lindsay holds in her laughter until Helen looks away to again whack the snickering Bobby.

Suddenly Helen realizes there are men standing up all around the restaurant calling out "Helen! Helen Gamble!" She stops hitting Bobby and wig still raised in mid flight she turns looking around the room at all the smiling faces directed at her. Lindsay has managed to organize for almost thirty of the men on the list to be there and when Bobby removed the wig, or Helen as the case turned out, it was their cue to stand and call out to her. She turns around three times looking at all the smiling faces and then overwhelmed sinks into a chair and moans "Oh this is too much Lindsay. This is too too much."

Laughing Lindsay says "You never learn do you Helen? After all these years you still haven't learnt you are better than me at some things but I will always be the payback queen."

"God Lindsay this is unbelievable."

Lindsay smiles proudly.

"This was risky what if I hadn't shown up? Then they'd all be here for nothing. What then? How could you be so sure I'd listen to your messages and come?"

Lindsay rolls her eyes and says, "You're here aren't you." While Bobby mumbles something about plans b, c and d.

Helen astounded asks, "How did you get them to come?"



"You'd be surprised how many people want to watch you squirm Helen."

Helen smirks, "Actually no I wouldn't."

"And the only one I had to bribe was Dean" Lindsay laughs.

Helen moans "Some things never change" She sits at the table deep in thought. Her face becoming serious as she silently stares into space. Bobby and Lindsay's smiles fade as they begin to feel uncomfortable. They're suddenly unsure Helen has taken the joke in the spirit she was meant to. They look at one another their eyes silently saying, "Do something" "Like what?" "I don't know she's your best friend." Lindsay grimaces and sighing softly reaches out and grasps Helen's hand. Apologetically she begins, "Helen..."

Helen immediately looks up and with confusion on her face says "Ok I think I understand the point behind most of this but Star Wars Lindsay? What was that about?"

Lindsay smiles relieved Helen was bewildered not angry, "That was just luck. When I contacted Ed he told me he was going and I couldn't resist."

"Oh and have I thanked you for Ed yet? I can't believe you made me sit through Star Wars with Ed Chambers. That was cruel."

"Hey we had to watch it too" Bobby complains

"Yeah and you paid real close attention."

"Sure did!" he grins leering at Lindsay.

"I meant to the movie!" Helen swats him.

"Oh" he pretends he genuinely misunderstood.

Lindsay laughs at him then explains to Helen "Originally I was going to have Ed call you, because that's the number I'm still registered with at the video store. He was going to say I'd left something behind and mention the blonde guy I'm always with when I come in. He was just meant to spark your curiosity but when he said he wouldn't be working Friday because of the Star Wars marathon well it was just too perfect an opportunity to miss."

"Believe me you should have missed it!"

"So how many movies did you sit through?"

"Two! You have no idea how difficult it was to get away from him. No idea! Darth Vadar is a powder puff compared to him. May the force be with you! I'll tell you what he can do with his force."

Bobby and Lindsay laugh much to Helen's annoyance. Her brow furrows as she thinks over the events of the past few days.

"What was the point of moving your car of the street?"

"Just something to keep Bobby amused for the afternoon we wouldn't want him getting bored and chasing lingerie models now would we?"

Helen laughs and Bobby looks at Lindsay as if she's gone mad "What?"

"Victoria isn't the only one with secrets." Helen giggles "I never knew. So Bobby do you just like to look or do you wear lingerie too?"

He looks at Lindsay for help "What is she talking about?"

"I almost had to call you to get you to take your car to the airport."

'Well that was a really helpful explanation' he thinks. "Lingerie? Airport? Am I the only one missing the connection here?"

Lindsay pats his hand reassuringly as she laughs with Helen. Bobby continues to struggle to keep up.

"And that disgusting flannel thing please tell me that was a plant?"

"Oh no Bobby gets really turned on when I wear that."

Bobby, who appears to be watching a tennis match, his head is moving from side to side so much, says "What disgusting flannel thing? What are you two talking about?"

"I'll show you later." Lindsay says causing Helen to laugh even harder.

"Oh boy are you in for a treat, but Bobby can I make one suggestion?" an almost hysterical Helen asks.

"Um yeah sure" Bobby replies doubting very much, he'll understand or appreciate the suggestion.

"Stay dark blond really does nothing for you."

Bobby looks smugly at Lindsay daring her to tell Helen how wrong that statement is.

Lindsay laughs "Didn't you see the T-shirt?"

Helen groans and pretends to gag while Bobby asks "What T-shirt?"

Giggling Lindsay merely mouths "Later."

Bobby wonders when everything turned against him and mumbles "Well at least it seems I'm going to have one hell of a time later."

"Let's just hope you can do the job and she doesn't feel the need to pull out a catalogue after." Helen laughs.

"I can do the job!" he answers petulantly and shooting Lindsay a 'you're going to pay for that' look.

"She's teasing" Lindsay soothes shooting Helen a filthy look of her own. Helen smiles smugly at her suggesting Lindsay brought it on herself and she is only just getting warmed up.

"So why'd you buy a Mets jacket?" Helen asks and gets a swift kick under the table from Lindsay who hadn't planned on letting Bobby find out about that one "Ow! What!"

Unfortunately Bobby heard the question "You bought a Mets Jacket? Lindsay! How could you?"

"It's for James."

"Your dopey cousin"

"Bobby he's a sixteen year old who lives in New York of course he's going to support the Mets."

Bobby rolls his eyes at her suggesting in his view there is never a justification for supporting the Mets.

Helen looking seriously at Lindsay says, "This payback was worse than Disneyland." Lindsay nods smiling.

Bobby says, "You two went to Disneyland?"

"No!" "Never!" They reply simultaneously faces suddenly serious and refusing to meet his eye.

Bobby considers pushing for an explanation but then shaking his head mumbles "later" to himself as Lindsay and Helen continue their debriefing. Considering the hell they'd put her through Helen seems to be having a delightful time, then suddenly her face becomes concerned, "Oh tell me you didn't!"

Bobby and Lindsay look to see what Helen is talking about. They notice Mike Maguire has entered the restaurant. They look at one another amused. "I didn't know there was any reason to," Lindsay says intrigued.

Helen with a secretive smile says "Oh there isn't."

Bobby begins to stand as if to call Mike over but hissing with venom Helen pulls him back down "You've done enough already."

Bobby looks to Lindsay for permission but when it isn't granted he stays seated. It doesn't matter though because Mike had already spotted them. He smiles at them and they wave him over. Mike makes his way to their table. "One word" Helen warns, "One word and it'll be your last."

Bobby and Lindsay both promise to be on their best behavior. Helen isn't sure that's any consolation having seen their behavior of the past two days. She doesn't remember ever feeling this nervous before. Mike sits on the final chair at the table and sighs, "Thank god you're here you can save me from payback hell."

Bobby, Lindsay and Helen look at one another and start laughing.

"What'd I say?" asks Mike surprised by their reaction.

"Long story." Helen replies.

"Yeah and being a guy you'll only understand every second word of it." Bobby says pleased he's no longer outnumbered.

"Hey!" Lindsay swats him while Mike nods and says, "I hear ya" much to Lindsay and Helen's annoyance.

"So what's your story" Bobby asks.

"Oh just relatives. Helped my uncle move furniture" he indicates an elderly couple waiting to be seated "so now he and my aunt insist on buying little Mikey dinner to say thanks. Just what I wanted, spending Saturday night being grilled about when I'm going to settle down and find myself a lovely wife already. I tried to get out of it but they wouldn't take no for an answer."

Bobby is almost bursting with delight as he grins at Helen but she flashes him a rather vicious warning look so he doesn't make the comment he's dying to. Luckily too because much to everyone's satisfaction Mike agrees to join them for dinner.

His uncle and aunt are happy to see little Mikey playing with his friends. They decide if that nice young girl had a few more good meals in her she just might make Mikey a lovely wife. Mike, although a little disconcerted by Helen seeming to know every male in the place, he's pleased she seems more inclined to talk to him than any of the others. Helen is thrilled she knows every guy in the place and that, without having had to make a first move she's managed to be having dinner with Mike Maguire. Bobby's relieved he doesn't need to wear that stupid wig anymore and seems to have performed to Lindsay's satisfaction thereby warranting a decent reward tonight. Lindsay is proud to still hold the crown of the payback queen. A happier group could not be found.

A toast was called for as their meal was served. "To best friends and jokes that end" Bobby began. Lindsay followed with "To cheating spouses and raiding houses" much to Mikes surprise. Helen's response only added to his confusion "to blonde wigs and flannel wearing pigs". Needless to say when it came to Mike's turn he was at a loss for words. After thirty seconds of silence Bobby, Lindsay and Helen loudly called out "forfeit" and continued with toasts of their own. "To the woman of my dreams the payback queen" Lindsay was delighted with this and flashed her husband a thousand watt smile and mischievously countered with "To blue eyes and rock hard thighs". Mikes discomfort only heightened with this bizarre behavior and he turned to Helen fearful of what she would say. Lindsay's comment almost left her speechless too but Helen's determined not to be bested again today "To Bobby wearing a bra driving Lindsay's car" Lindsay and Helen laugh hysterically and Bobby embarrassed splutters "I've never! I didn't!" in objection. Mike rising picks up his plate saying, "I think I'll go eat with my relatives afterall."

"NO! Don't you dare." Helen screams grabbing his arm before becoming embarrassed by her actions.

Lindsay who's still laughing saves her friend by saying "You have to stay Mike we need you as a witness"

Mike who never really intended to leave anyway laughs "I'm a little afraid to ask but a witness to what?"

"This" Lindsay reaches into her bag bringing out a piece of paper and passing it to Mike. Helen moves closer to him and reads it as he does. Her eyes becoming as large as the plates their dinner was served on as she reads,



I, Helen Gamble, who heretoforth shall be known as the party of the first part, do from this day forward agree to acknowledge Lindsay Dole, who heretoforth shall be known as the party of the second part, to be the payback queen. In acknowledgment of such the party of the first part agrees no challenges shall be made to the crown of the party of the second part. Punishment for dissolution of this agreement in thought deed or word shall be twofold firstly the party of the first part is required to shed both her inhibitions and her clothing and participate in acts of nude sky diving. Secondly for the minimum period of one calendar month the party of the first part must participate in a course of rigorous dating with one short bald and unattractive work colleague, namely one Richard Bey. Said colleague must never be informed that dating was performed merely to fulfil a contractual obligation.

In such that the party of the first part signs this agreement the payback queen better known as the party of the second part shall willingly place her crown into retirement. A binding retirement which cannot be reversed until the party of the second part and her adorable dutiful husband Robert G. Donnell Esquire, who heretoforth shall be known as the party of the third part, do partake in repurchase of said crown. Payment of which requires parties of the second and third part to serve 72 hours of their time in the unified presence of one James Berlutti and one Roberta Kittleson. Said hours must be served concurrently and in a situation pertaining to romance. During said hours party of the third part must be solely in the presence of the aforementioned Kittleson for a time period of no less than 5 concurrent hours.

Although party of the third part states categorically this will only happen over his dead body. Party of the second part has party of the third part wrapped around her little finger, and will enforce the rules of this agreement under the threat of the cessation of marital privileges for an extended time period if party of the third part dares to disobey. Note should be made here that said threat has always speedily brought about the required acquiescence in the past and party of the second part has no doubt it will remain effective indefinitely.

Helen looks up at Lindsay at this point "Bobby hasn't read this has he?"

Lindsay cryptically replies "He knows the basics of the agreement."

Bobby is suddenly worried "What? Why?"

Lindsay smiles at him sweetly. With her palm against his cheek and her thumb running lovingly across his lips she leans in kissing him softly. "I love you" she whispers.

He stares at her warily; such sweet behavior is a sure sign she's up to something. He turns toward Helen, "Ok she's got me scared pass it over."



Helen looks questioningly at Lindsay who nods her approval. She's resigned to the fact she may as well let Bobby read it or he'll pester her about it all night and if she's going to have him pestering her she'd much rather it be about something more pleasant than a contract. Helen slowly passes the contract to Bobby chuckling she says, "Here you go Pinocchio."

"What's that supposed to mean?" a once again confused Bobby asks.

"Nothing it's just the only puppet I could think of."

"And?"

"And you're Lindsay's puppet"

Bobby look at her confused then shakes his head realizing it's not the first time and it won't be the last time he has no idea what Helen is talking about. He takes the page from her and puts the glasses back on to read it.

"What are you doing?" Lindsay asks giggling.

"Checking the fine print" he replies with a grin.

Helen smiles conspiratorially at Mike as they watch for Bobby's reaction. 'This ought to be good' Helen thinks. Lindsay sits back in her seat and grins. Bobby is at his cutest when he's flustered, she should know she has him flustered most of the time, and by the time he gets to the end of the contract he will be flustered with a capital F! Lindsay knows she's going to have a lot to make up for later tonight and is definitely looking forward to paying off her debt.

Bobby begins to read the document fearing the worst. Lindsay, Helen and Mike gage his progress by his reactions. He chuckles at payback queen and looks up grinning at Helen when he reads of her punishment. 'There's nothing bad here' he thinks 'although the smug look on Helen's face is worrying and Lindsay is particularly quiet and amused. In fact all three of them are quiet and staring at me. Shit!' Bobby's suddenly very nervous he reads on. Lindsay smiles when he mouths 'adorable' at her. 'Typical' she thinks 'throw in one kind word and his brain turns to mush. That's all he'll notice and the rest of the sentence is completely ignored.' She watches his smile fade and brow furrow as he reads their purchase price for the crown. He gives her an accusing glare "We discussed this!" he snarls.

"Bobby the point of punishment is it's unpleasant otherwise where's the deterrent" Lindsay argues "and it's not like we intend breaking the agreement.

Bobby still looks unimpressed he begins to read again and is very soon shaking his head. Lindsay knows where he must be up to now and waits nervously for his next reaction.

"What the-" he splutters finally understanding Helen's earlier comment. He looks at Lindsay who is trying not to laugh. "You don't have me wrapped around your little finger."

Lindsay can think of numerous occasions to refute that claim but before she has time to make an argument Helen speaks.

"Oh come on Bobby she's got you squeezed tighter than a fat person in my leotard. Tighter than those jeans you had painted on last night, oh and cute buns by the way..."

"Helen!" Lindsay warns knowing Bobby won't stand for too much of this.

Helen ignores her and continues she holds up the wig, "otherwise why were you walking around all weekend in this?"

Bobby looks to Lindsay for help but she just shrugs her shoulders also curious to hear his response. He begins to argue "I...I...I" he stutters before realizing there is no point denying it he has willingly spent all weekend at Lindsay's beck and call and would have no qualms about doing so again if she asked. Being unable to defend himself he decides to go on the attack instead. "I did all that because 'you' needed to be taught a lesson Helen!"

Helen smirks at him satisfied goading him was so easy.

"And ..." Lindsay says squeezing his hand to calm him down before she strikes again "because you'll do anything I ask because you love me."

Bobby opens his mouth to argue but closes it again with a sigh; he can't deny the truth.

"She's got you there." Mike says chuckling

"Oh Bobby did you read 'all' of the contract" a giggling Helen asks.

Bobby quickly picks up the page again. His face becomes red as he finishes reading. He throws the page onto the table and sits back in his chair sulking. He can't believe Lindsay wrote that. He can tell she's penitent as she's stroking and clutching at his arm trying to get him to acknowledge her with something more than a scowl. She wants him to look at her, she knows he'll give in if he sees her smile.

'If you're the payback queen that makes me the payback king' Bobby thinks 'well two can play at this game and Lindsay you're about to find out what an ingenious player I can be.'

Bobby turns and looks at her then stands and walks away.

"Bobby!" she calls out after him but he doesn't turn around. Lindsay looks at Helen and Mike's shocked faces "It's ok" she says calmly.

"You sure?" a concerned Helen asks.

"Positive." Lindsay saw the hint of mischief in his eyes as he looked at her and knows he is up to something. They eat their meal in relative silence. Helen and Mike unsure, Lindsay excited.

Lindsay's assumption proves correct as Bobby returns less than ten minutes later. He sits and wordlessly passes a folded piece of paper to her. "What's this?" she whispers but he answers by turning to Mike and starting a discussion on the Red Sox. Lindsay opens the page and begins to read.

To whom it may concern

While Robert G. Donnell, who here to forth shall be known as The Man, acknowledges and supports the existence of the binding agreement to cease and desist all forms of payback between his lawfully wedded wife, also known as Payback Queen, and Helen 'Wigwacker' Gamble, exception is taken at some claims made in said agreement.

Namely

a) That Payback Queen has The Man wrapped around her little finger.

b) That Payback Queen could and would voluntarily abstain from the incredibly skillful ministrations of The Man and his magic fingers not to mention other equally talented body parts for any extended period of time.

c) That payback Queen could and would place The Man's safety and sanity in jeopardy through extended exposure to the sex crazed psychotic witch more commonly known as Roberta Kittleson.

Although c is the clause he finds most disturbing The Man feels in disproving clauses a and b he can guarantee c never occurs as after said disproval is accomplished Payback Queen will be so addicted to and desperate for The Man herself his every wish will be her command. He will prove beyond all doubt that The Man, is not only king, but the law too.

The Man intends to disprove clauses a and b through using the above mentioned magic fingers to cause Payback Queen to become so tightly strung he will play her like a symphony orchestra until she is begging him for release. A release that will be so powerful she'll be proclaiming The Man's name in screams loud enough to be heard on the west coast and will have a satisfied grin plastered on her face for the minimum period of a week.

The means by which The Man intends to achieve this directive are as follows:



Lindsay gasps as she reads a detailed and enticingly descriptive account of Bobby's intentions.

'What is it? What's it say?" Helen asks desperate to find out what's caused Lindsay's face to flush and such a gleam to come to her eyes. Plus Bobby is looking too smug for Helen's liking.

Lindsay looks at Bobby and he shakes his head. He leans over so his mouth is against her ear and whispers "If the contents are exposed the offer becomes null and void."

"Lindsay!" Helen whines "What's it say?"

"Sorry Helen" Lindsay says "Bobby said no and I always do what 'the man' says."

Bobby smiling smugly says, "Who's got who wrapped around what now?"

Lindsay leans over and whispers in his ear "As long as we're wrapped around each other you won't hear me complain."

Helen, who likes to be informed and consulted on every detail of their lives, watches on annoyed. It doesn't happen often but when she does get left out she doesn't much care for it. She grabs Mike's hand "Come on let's go dance these two can be such sickening company at times."

Bobby and Lindsay smiling watch them leave "God I thought they'd never go" Bobby says then grins, "now about that final clause of mine." They proceed to enter into detailed negotiations about the terms and conditions of their respective contracts until by royal decree it is decided the time has come to end discussion and pursue consummation of the most desirable clauses.

Mike, and the barefoot Helen, swirling on the dance floor didn't notice until hours later that Bobby and Lindsay had gone.





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Authors note 2: Ok I felt guilty I had been pretty mean to Helen so I had to make it up to her. She tells me all is forgiven and she's willing to come out and play again. I couldn't get anything out of Bobby and Lindsay though they said they were too busy to talk right now. I wonder what they were doing.