Bobby's POV

We'd been living together for three days when it happened. Three days of uninterrupted sex ... oh God I can feel Lindsay's slap from here. ... I mean three days of sex without Helen ... no that isn't right either. That statement could get me three years on the couch without parole and lonely sex is a place I don't want to go. So let me rephrase ... what I mean is three days of sex without Helen walking in on us ... not three days non-stop ... hang on can I just start this over again.

Lindsay and I had just moved in together. It was late at night on the third day and I was spooned up behind her, one breath away from sleep, when I heard a sleepy, "Bobby you awake?"

I quickly ran the logistics through my mind, time required, energy available and after I thought about it some, decided to answer with a yes. I never thought the time would come when I'd say no. What can I say I'm a guy! After what happened next, I'll be giving it more thought before answering the same way another time.

Lindsay rolled over towards me. At the time I wondered did she want to be able to see me or grant me easier access. Being a lawyer you're always looking for ulterior motives in people. I settled on her reason being access, as it was too dark to see. Plus that was the option with the better possibilities. Hey I heard that yawn. Look I'm sorry, the thing about being a lawyer is you become a stickler for details, but obviously I'm going for too much information here and losing my audience. Ok stay with me and I'll make it as brief as I can.

"Bobby I've been thinking" she said and then did that little rub my chest thing she does to stop me panicking. Come to think of it that would be why she rolled over wouldn't it? Never mind, I remember I promised to be brief. It's just, when it comes to Lindsay I love all the little details. So where was I? Lindsay, chest rub, that's right, so when her hand came in contact with me, I immediately thought, "she wants me." But when she did the rub thing I knew better. That move means she wants something 'from' me. An entirely different thing altogether and one which costs me dearly most of the time! Anyway I wasn't panicking yet. I was still naive enough not to be scared by that phrase. In fact I was so green not even the next words she said worried me. Do you want to know what they were? Yeah I guess there wouldn't be much point to this story if you didn't. Ok here they are "I think it's time our parents met." Nothing to be worried about there right? Wrong!

At the time I was surprised by her suggestion but certainly not concerned. It was just something I would never have thought of. I knew her folks and she knew my dad but it had never occurred to me that her folks should know my dad. I had no objection to the idea I just hadn't ever thought of it. No one had warned me about the pitfalls of marry me marry my family. Let me tell you, if males were warned of the impending in-law doom marriage brought upon them, weddings would be few and far between, trust me on this. I'm learning it all too painfully! By the way consider yourself warned. No need to thank me, you're perfectly welcome.

Anyway fool that I was then, I said, "Fine we'll have them all over to dinner one night." By her sharp intake of breath I guessed it was time for me to do the chest-rubbing thing. My eyes lit up; my hand reached out but was immediately knocked away with a stern "Not now!" I guess she had a point. It was already late and we did have an early start in the morning. Didn't stop me being disappointed though that's for sure.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a restaurant," she said sounding hopeful.

"Are you kidding! Restaurants are so impersonal. No one gets to talk." She was silent making me wonder if that was her point. If it was I wasn't buying. I did my best to sway her. "C'mon Lindsay it'll be much better to have it here then everyone can really get to know each other."

"Alright" she mumbled. I don't think she was convinced she certainly didn't sound so but she wasn't arguing. "We'll talk about it more in the morning" she said and rolled back over.

I knew what that meant. That's Lindsay speak for I'm going to need all night to think of a way to change your mind. 'Good luck!' I thought because I did not intend to have my mind changed. She'd already passed up her usual method of persuasion twice tonight. She'd have to be good to find something else as affective as that to use against me.

I was determined to do it my way for two reasons. First I'm proud of the fact we've made a home together and I wanted to show it off. I wanted a chance to show everyone how happy we are together. Ok yeah I just wanted to impress my in-laws. Is that so wrong? I wanted them to look at me with pride and acceptance instead of suspicion. I knew it wouldn't be an easy task. Her Mom I won over almost immediately but her father was proving a tough sell. I thought it made sense that, if he saw how happy we are, he'd have to accept us.

My second reason against a restaurant was if I go to one with my dad he insists on paying for my meal. It's something he takes pride in doing and it's just not worth arguing with him about it. It's surprising how stubborn he can be at times. So to help him I usually chose cheaper places I know he can afford, but for a dinner like this, it would have to be good. Plus he'd probably want to pay for Lindsay too now. I think he actually loves her almost as much as I do.

From the first day they met he's looked at her with some kind of awe. He's probably trying to work out how she allowed herself to become mixed up with his idiot son. Well, good-luck Dad, if that's what you're doing, I'm college educated and I still can't work it out. I love watching them together. He adores her and fusses over her. Maybe he's thrilled to have a feminine influence in our family again or, more likely, she's just charmed him. Whatever the reason, since we've become engaged, you can't stop him smiling. It's cute ... God what a girly word but I can't think of any other way to describe it.

But my point is there is no way he can afford to pick up the tab for this dinner and I refuse to embarrass him by taking him somewhere he couldn't make the offer. It's dinner here or nothing! I can be stubborn too. So while Lindsay lies awake trying to think of ways to change my mind, I'll lie awake thinking of ways to show her I'm right.

I'm pleased to say when morning came I was the most persuasive, yes elbows were involved but I'm not saying any more than that.

Although Lindsay did score one point: she ruined my dream of showing off our domestic bliss. Apparently daddy dearest isn't to be told of the change in our living arrangements. I'd always thought she was joking when she used his disapproval in our debates about her moving in. Obviously I was wrong. She's serious, and under threat of death, her father is 'not' to be told. The best reasoning behind this she could give me was "There are rules Bobby, with my father there are rules." She'd couple this with an exasperated sigh and a 'you'd never understand' look.

She's right I don't, but if it's that important we do it her way, then so be it. It's a slight setback but nothing I can't cope with. She knows him best, so we'll play by her rules. All I know is he's big and scary looking so I'm quite prepared to not flaunt that fact I'm shacking up with his little girl in exchange for keeping a full set of pearly whites. Think of it like this, I have her living with me, her dad has his delusions and we're all happy.

A night was settled on and invites went out. God I wish it'd been that easy! At first it appeared the dinner would need to be held sometime in 2007 to get everyone there on the same night. To bring it forward sacrifices had to be made. We picked a fateful date, after juggling, my baseball, her art class, my father's bowling meet, not to mention her mother's yoga class and her father's assorted undisclosed commitments. Let's just say the only night everyone else agreed upon was the one night I had red sox tickets. So who among us had to make the sacrifice. You guessed it. ME!

It hurt to see the tickets go. Jimmy looked like he'd won lotto when I handed over the tickets. I never realized before how much Jimmy resembles a Cheshire Cat when he's happy. I hate happy cats! It briefly entered my mind that Jimmy orchestrated this whole mess. No I wasn't getting paranoid because I was sulking. It's the type of thing Jimmy might do. You don't know him as well as I do. Beneath that cuddly exterior is a devious mind. I plan to instruct Lindsay to keep far away from him from now on and next time I buy tickets, I'll just hand them straight to Jimmy. He's the one who always ends up with them so why delay the inevitable.

This dinner had cost me the ultimate sacrifice, red sox tickets and my sworn silence, Lindsay owed me big time! Being a man, naturally I made her pay! It was certainly a day to remember. I'll say one thing about Lindsay; she does like to stay out of debt! As a lawyer you have certain instincts about when it's best to play your hand. Well this opportunity was too good to be missed. So I played and I played hard. To tell the truth, she was a more than willing participant, I never heard even one objection from her. We acted like newlyweds. We smiled incessantly and were too wrapped up in each other to believe any setback could occur. Then, her father called!

He'd phoned Lindsay at "her apartment" getting Helen. To my shear amazement Helen got her story straight for once. She advised him Lindsay was working at "my place" so he may want to call her there. Do you know how long it is since I've had to use the excuse of homework to have a girl in my room?

There's nothing like talking to an over protective father to make a grown man feel like an errant teenager again. The feeling of being caught red handed heightened as the sound of the shower reminded me, not only is Lindsay here, but she's naked too! This wasn't good, well it was for me, I was more than happy but I didn't think her father would be too pleased. It was obvious even to me if she wasn't suppose to live here she most likely shouldn't be naked here either. So I handled it like any adolescent would; I lied.

I told him she'd gone to the office for something. Ok yeah a bit of a pathetic lie, but in my defense, I was sidetracked thinking of Lindsay naked. It wasn't until he started bellowing my name that I came back to my senses. I told him Lindsay would be back shortly but I could take a message if he wanted. Of course I was then subjected to a string of abuse for letting her go to the office alone at night. Didn't I know she'd been stabbed there? What sort of an insensitive imbecile was I? I figured, if I'm already lying, what's the harm of one more. So I told him she wasn't alone she had another colleague with her and then proceeded to describe Eugene to him.

That seemed to calm him down a little and I think the idea we weren't going to be alone in my den of iniquity turned him into a semblance of a reasonable man. He talked away to me and I nodded along with him. Stupid thing to do on a phone, I know, but at the time I was also wildly gesticulating to Lindsay who'd just entered the room to be quiet.

"I'm ringing about this dinner thing," he said and my ears pricked up. He's going to change the day and I can use my tickets.

"Oh you can't make it?" I asked possibly a bit too eagerly because he sounded a little put out.

"No that's not it at all I'm letting you know I'm bringing someone."

"Oh ok" I think I hid my disappointment "No problem sir I'll let Lindsay know when I see her." I winked at her and I think she got the hint because she mouthed "my father?" I nodded proud of my genius girl. She then pulled a face, which almost had me laughing. I must have been making some noise because he asked if I was ok. I claimed I'd had a bit of a cough and he asked, "You won't forget to tell her though will you?" This guy thinks I'm a moron.

"No I won't forget. I'll tell her first thing." I replied.



"Ok so I'll see you then?" he asked and I got the distinct impression he was hoping I wasn't going to show up. Sorry buddy, this party's mine.

"Yep looking forward to it" I said and received a gruff grunt and then dial tone as a reply.

"What did he want?" Lindsay asked.

"He's bringing a date to the dinner."

Lindsay went deathly pale and by the panicked look on her face you'd think I'd yelled "FIRE GET OUT."



"Bobby are you out of your mind?" She screamed. I began to think that maybe one of us was and I don't mean me. What the hell was she so upset about? So being a complete idiot I voiced that thought.

"What am I upset about? God you have no idea do you!"

Well I thought that statement was painfully obvious and I wondered when my beloved was going to stop berating me and actually inform me what I did wrong THIS time.

"You realize I'm going to have to tell my mother," she shouted.

I stood there in a bit of a daze, trying to work out if that was the big explanation I'd been looking for. If it was, I was in serious trouble, because I was still confused. There had to be more of an explanation than that. I tried to show her why I didn't understand.

"Well they're divorced, I would think one of them dating wouldn't be too big a shock to the other." I said in my voice of reason.

"Well a lot you know!" was her angry and not very helpful reply.

"Fine! Maybe after 'our' divorce I'll know the proper etiquette for these situations!"

The horrified look on her face stopped my grin cold. It was a joke! Obviously not a funny one though. I never thought she'd take me seriously but I could tell I'd just hurt her. There are some things you should never say to the woman that you're planning to marry. Apparently the word divorce is top off the list. I needed to fix this. I needed her to know how much I regretted my throwaway comment.

I walked over and wrapped my repentant arms around her then kissed her hair. "I'm sorry Lindsay that was a stupid thing to say. It's just; I'm in the dark here. Tell me what's wrong so I can understand!" I tilted her sadly bent chin up and looked into her watery eyes. "I didn't mean that crack please believe that!" She burrowed her body closer to mine and I heard a resigned. "Why couldn't you have just said no?"

"Lindsay I don't have a copy of the Dole family rule book. Why exactly was I supposed to?"

"Because now Mom is going to insist on bringing Jeff." She answered with an adorable pout. I was getting more lost by the minute. Not a new situation for me to be in.

"Who's Jeff." I asked.

"Her boyfriend."

"Her boyfriend!!!!" I practically shouted before dialing my voice back when she jumped enough to hit the roof "Your mother has a boyfriend? Well that's good isn't it ... doesn't that make it even?"

I didn't think what I'd said was very funny but Lindsay thought it was hilarious. Her sudden laughter had me feeling like a real dill.

"Lindsay?" I pleaded.

"My Dad doesn't know she has a boyfriend."

"Well does she know he's got a girlfriend"

"He's always got girlfriends they last about a month or so usually."

"Let me get this straight I rubbed my poor tired suddenly throbbing forehead "Your Dad has a girlfriend, he's moved on but your Mom can't do the same. Why?"

"Because it's ... he's... he'll blow a gasket! Do you have any idea how my father is going to react to my mother bringing a date? Especially this one! He hates him!"

"Hang on you said he doesn't know Jeff. So how can he hate him?" Am I the only one missing something here?

"He knows Jeff. They used to play golf together and believe me, my father hates him, always has. He doesn't know Mom and Jeff are dating and he's not going to like it one bit."

"So...he's not the one dating him? He doesn't have to like him." I reason away the problem with my superior male mind.

"OH...you just don't ever get it!" Why is that always her response to my use of logic? I decided to explain to her exactly how well I do get the situation.

"What I've got so far is, you know about your mother's boyfriend but your father doesn't. You mother knows we're living together but you father doesn't. So what is it you know about your father that your mother doesn't and what is it he knows about you that your mother doesn't?" She just groaned at my cocky grin and went to the phone.

I was beginning to appreciate how lucky I am with my non-invasive, totally agreeable, always pleased to see me, no complications father. Ok so neither of us ever wants to get into a conversation deeper than sports scores but it works for us. From the sound of things Lindsay's family should try it sometime. Instead they have some complicated system where this can be told to that person but not this person and that can be told to this person etc, etc and you wonder why I'm confused.

Inadvertently I'd stepped in a mess and I watched Lindsay try to clean it up. She groaned through a conversation with her mother. Lindsay tried to convince her it'd be better if she didn't bring Jeff, while at the same time, she insisted she fully supported her mother's relationship with him. In the end she gave up. It became obvious, if Dad was bringing a date, then Mom was bringing one too. There was nothing Lindsay could do about it but sit back and smile. Well she sat back but she didn't smile.

Consequently I found myself in the doghouse. I tried to dig myself out but everything I said seemed to only further aggravate her. I gave up after a few hours. I pride myself on my sleek, suave way of escaping insurmountable odds in court but with Lindsay I seemed to be a mass of bumbling words and irritating gestures. With her after every inch I make I sink a foot deeper.

I wondered as we lay in bed that night, as far to our separate corners as possible, if she would ever talk to me again. She may as well still be living with Helen there was so much space between us. You want an example; well the Grand Canyon comes to mind. I tried to close the distance but got a more than obvious sign I wasn't wanted. I think it's going to bruise too. I rolled away from her grabbing the mattress just in the nick of time as, in a huff, I'd rolled too far too fast. I could just imagine her glee to see me sprawled out yelping on the floor.

By morning she'd either forgiven me or become resigned to the fact she'd promised to love me faults and all, because to my surprise, she acted as though we had cuddled all night. Did I miss something last night besides all the covers? Whatever the reason I wasn't complaining. We were a team again and I wasn't going to rock the boat. We worked hard in the hopes of making this night a success. But as the hour drew closer and our tension levels rose we just seemed to get under each other's feet.

We tripped over each other in the kitchen, got in each other's way in the bathroom and even dressing became a battle between us. Setting the table was a particularly traumatic experience. The cutlery and napkins are still exhausted. She'd move them. I'd move them back and then we'd start all over again. I thought I was being discreet but unless they had legs she thwarted my every move.

The dinner party I'd originally been somewhat excited about left me now with only an ever-increasing feeling of dread. Lindsay obviously feeling the same had become silent. Communication fell away to a few sullen words, monosyllables or stilted sentences. Twenty minutes of complete silence and she broke it by repeating her mantra of the past week "Bobby don't even think of breathing a word!"

"I get the idea Lindsay" I told her sweetly, "Daddy's not to know. Breathe a word and I won't be breathing again!" Yes sweetly, it's my version remember? Don't ask her it won't be remotely the same! I don't know why she didn't believe I could keep our living arrangements secret. I can keep a secret! I'm a lawyer, a defense attorney, privy to enough information about the majority of my clients to keep them from seeing the light of day for many, many years, but do I tell? No, my lips are sealed, wild horses won't get it out of me! Yet my blushing bride to be, okay the red cheeks were a rash that developed after I told her about her father's date, doesn't believe I can be trusted. She has so little faith in me. I'm a catholic for God Sakes. Thou shall not gossip is almost part of my religion! On this, if nothing else, I can be trusted.

The fateful time arrived. I'd stirred the sauce so much the spoon was about to melt. Lindsay had rearranged the flowers on the table so often the petals were falling and wilting was setting in! If something didn't happen soon to offset the tension one or the other of us was going to explode. I heard her groan and rushed to her side afraid she'd taken ill. Visions of dealing with the Dole's on my own rushed through my head and they weren't at all pretty. If their own daughter was reluctant to see them then you can imagine the feelings of a not overly accepted, bumbling fool, not my opinion a quote from the old man, of a future son in law.

"What's wrong?" I asked fully prepared to give Lindsay the 'tough it out' pep talk. She was not deserting me now. If worse came to worse we'd move the whole thing to the emergency room but I was not doing this alone!

"Have a look at that" she moaned, no I'm not exaggerating, she was pointing at the window and actually moaning. I looked outside and saw her father on the other side of the street.

"It's your dad," I said stating the painfully obvious. I didn't get it. She knew he was coming here. This should not have been a surprise for her. She looked at me as if I was the stupid one and mockingly said "Duh Bobby, like I wouldn't recognize him after 29 years! Not him. Her!"

I smiled apologetically. I was now on my best behavior as sarcastic Lindsay is usually only one step away from run for your life she's gonna blow Lindsay. Being a good boy I had another look out the window and then wished I hadn't. I had to hold in my laughter. I managed but it was hard. I looked at her distraught face. 'Say something compassionate' I thought. So I opened my mouth and said, "He never mentioned he'd gotten a babysitting job."

Ok so my intention had been compassion but you know what they say about best intentions. Oh and have I ever told you my girl has the scariest glare known to man? Well I got the glare, I got a nipple twist, ouch, and I got a "Bobby that's not funny! That's my father you're laughing at!"

I suppose you've guessed by now I'd lost control of my laughter "I'm sorry!" I pleaded but I don't think she took me seriously. The fact I was almost doubled over in hysterics probably didn't help. The doorbell rang and we both looked out the window. Nope they were still out there. It must be someone else. I practically ran to the door. Sometimes it's a good idea to get someone else between Lindsay and I for protection and this was one of those times.

I opened the door to my beaming dad. "Hi son" he mumbled and rushed over to hug Lindsay. Well at least he'd made her laugh now too. She couldn't stay angry when she looked at his face. I don't know his secret but I wish I'd inherited his charm along with his blue eyes. I loved watching the two of them together. There's a light in his eyes whenever he's around her that I haven't seen for such a long time. I'd missed it and somehow, through her, we were becoming closer too. Maybe I could repay her the favor with her own father. Well a guy can dream can't he?

I'd barely made it over the room to them when the doorbell rang again. I looked at her and saw the apprehension on her face. "Time for the show" I heard her mumble. I rubbed her shoulder and went to the door. Yep, there was Daddy, his arms around someone I'd have to card if she asked for wine with her dinner. I ushered them over to Lindsay so introductions could be made.

"I'm Candy" she giggled throwing her arms around a startled Lindsay.

"Candy?" Lindsay almost choked on the word.

"Well Candace but all my friends call me Candy and I can just tell that we are all going to be best friends. Hey great sweater is it Ralph Lauren?"

Lindsay and I looked at one another with a mutual but unseen eye roll. Before Lindsay could respond Candy had lost interest and was exploring "Oh this place is darling! I love it all! Don't you Tony?"

"Tony?" Lindsay practically screamed.

I wondered why she was having such a problem with names tonight. If I said Bobby was she going to scream that too. Hmmm actually I wouldn't mind her screaming Bobby but later when everyone is gone. I was relieved to finally know her father's name it wasn't until he got to the door that I realized I'd never asked. He'd always just been Mr. Dole to me. We met when Lindsay was in a coma, so its not like she could give a decent introduction and no one else bothered to.

That and the fact, in his eyes, I was to blame for someone breaking into the office and harming his baby girl, didn't exactly put us on a first name basis. Even now he only used mine if he had to and it was usually preceded by a rather derogatory term, see above bumbling fool remark. He turned to Candy and said "You'd better make it Harry tonight to save confusion."

'Too late buddy' I thought 'I'm way past confused'. Lindsay saw my face and probably afraid I was about to say something stupid, like I would ever do that, pulled me down so she could whisper in my ear.

"His name's Harrington I've just never heard him called anything but Harry before."

I whispered back "She's probably only got up to spelling four letter words at school." Lindsay bit back a laugh and shot me a 'behave' look before rushing after Candy, who appeared to be about to explore too close to our, but don't tell her father that, bedroom.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Somehow I found myself chasing a prepubescent down the hallway towards my bedroom. Ok prepubescent is probably a bit harsh but God she's only a child. What on earth does she see in my father? He's old enough to be her grandfather ... almost. She's not going to live long enough to hit puberty if she uncovers evidence I'm living here. No if that happens then little Miss Candy is going to wish she'd never popped out of whatever sugar bubble she came from.

I grabbed her arm and mumbling incessantly about anything and everything to keep her vacuous, limited mind occupied, I led her back to the others. Bobby's dad was looking a little lost but his face lit up when I returned. He's such a sweetie. I noticed Bobby trying to explain to my over inquisitive father why we were holding the party here instead of at my apartment. I hoped to God that he'd remembered to tell his father not to let the cat out of the bag. I snuck a peek at Stephen and he winked. Good, one thing less to worry about. Stephen's reliable and won't tell but Bobby is another matter.

He's a cannon waiting to go off. I'd warned him repeatedly but Bobby can sometimes best be described as thick. Oh don't look at me like that I'm not being mean. I'm being realistic. If it's not important to him he has a tendency to be blind about things and I was afraid this was one of those times. I knew how happy he was he'd finally twisted my arm and convinced me to move in with him. I know he's proud of the fact we live together and I doubted, under pressure or excitement he could keep it to himself. I just knew he was going to let it slip. I just knew it!

I was terrified of what he'd say to my father. I listened intently ready to jump in and rescue the situation if it looked necessary. He surprised me though by giving a credible, and what my father found acceptable, explanation. He told him Helen was involved in a big case that's taking up a lot of her time and it would have been unfair to invade her space for our party. Plus we'd wanted this to be just family so his apartment seemed the better option. Pleased with him I kissed his cheek and handed Candy back to my father. He'd brought the child; the least he could do was supervise her.

I was just starting to relax when the doorbell rang again. It could only be Mom and Jeff. I was suddenly unsure letting Jeff walk in unannounced was a good idea. Surely it would be better if I warned Dad of his impending presence. "Daddy..." I began but too late. Bobby's father, always so willing to help, grabbed the door. Prepare to dive...take cover the room is about to implode. Surprisingly, although the tension became almost unbearable nothing too calamitous happened. My father and Jeff circled each other like alpha males battling to be top of the pack. Each waiting for the other to make the fatal mistake and promising at any moment to attack in a testosterone frenzy. I'm surprised they never got to the stage of snarling and frothing at the mouth but I guess they were saving that for later, not wanting to peak too early.

My mother, meanwhile, was attached to me like super-glue, whispering snide remarks into my ear about the delectable Candy, who was prattling away to us about her latest retail conquests, Gucci this and Prada that. Candy was totally oblivious to the absurdity of the situation and the scorn with which her audience held her in. Bobby and Stephen stood together observing all this fascinated. I can only imagine the image we presented to them. I almost expected at any moment a tour-guide to pass saying, "Observe the disturbing display of Doleful dysfunction." I was thoroughly regretting ever having told Bobby he was dysfunctional. I knew after tonight that remark would be coming back to bite me on the ass. I just hoped Bobby wouldn't leave teeth marks.

The tension in the room was intolerable. It was a stalemate, a rather embarrassing one at that, but I didn't know how to break it. Unfortunately my dear sweet future father in law solved that problem for me.

"Seems we are all here now let's have a toast to the beautiful couple." He said and raised his glass enthusiastically.

He received little reaction from the rest of the room. Not wanting Stephen to feel put out Bobby and I held up our glasses and drank ours too. Stephen looked around wondering why it was such a tough crowd tonight. He seemed to fold in on himself and I knew he wouldn't be initiating conversation again any time soon. His actions did seem to spur the others on to conversation though. Did I mention already that his was an unfortunate action? Just when I'd figured nothing could make things more tense the inmates decided to speak. Why fate always feels it has to prove me wrong, I don't know. I suppose it would've been too much to hope we'd get through the night in companionable silence.

"Susannah," my dad who'd finally decided to stop harassing Jeff said. Yes he sounded like a drill sergeant while addressing my mother but it was a start at least they were talking.

"Harrington" My mother replied in an equally clipped tone. During marriage it had been Harry and Susie. It's funny how the names get longer as the tempers get shorter.

"This is my Candy." My father pushed sexy Candy forward as if to rub vinegar in an open sore.

"Oh she's with you? I thought she was here to sell Girl Scout cookies." My mother sounded bitter but can you blame her? "But of course Harrington you know my Jeff already, so no introductions are needed there."

Things were off to a flying start!



"Oh God ...where's the bathroom ... I think I'm going to be sick" The lovely Candy has punctuated the conversation with my feelings exactly. She threw down her appetizer and headed in the direction of Bobby's pointed hand.

"My God Harrington you brought her here with the flu!" My mother is a total germ freak.

"No Susie of course not!" Ah back to sweet endearments but I'm sure it has nothing to do with affection and a lot to do with deflection. "She's probably just a little carsick."

"Oh don't worry Harry she should outgrow that when she reaches her teens!" Yes the sweet nothings were stronger than ever! The look my parents shared was, to put it mildly, not friendly.

So Bobby, did I mention yet what a great man he is? I didn't, well I'll make up for it then. My wonderful hunk of a blue eyed sex God tried to steer the conversation to pleasanter topics. Did I go too far with my praise? Well according to him I owe him big for life so I'm just trying to pay off some of my debt. Although the way I see it, if we'd stuck to my plan, an impersonal restaurant, this whole disastrous situation would have been avoided. So really he should owe me! Ooh this could be good I get to make him pay. I like the sound of that mmmm ... sorry I got distracted.

Anyway back to the story. Every effort of Bobby's to steer the conversation towards pleasanter topics was ignored by the grownups. They were having too much fun misbehaving.

Finally Candy rejoined our loving fold. She'd taken so long in the bathroom I was beginning to wonder if she's still at the age where she required someone to wipe ... oh no not going to go that far. Behave Lindsay!

Bobby announced dinner and we all sat down at the table. After passing the delicacies there was a slightly awkward moment when Bobby, Stephen and Jeff, bless him he didn't have anything going against him in my opinion, said a Catholic Grace. I took the opportunity to pray the ensuing meal wouldn't result in a food fight, but the way my parents were acting, I wasn't confident even God could prevent that.

"So kids when is the wedding?" Jeff asked in an attempt to distract the debating Doles.

"Uh well we haven't set the exact date yet." I replied.

"Do you have a dress picked out?"

"She does." Bobby interjected helpfully. What's a little white lie to keep the peace? I nodded agreeing with him. He reached over and squeezed my hand. Little did I know at the time, he was completely serious! But that was a discussion for a later date. Boy that story's a doozy, wait until you hear it ... do you have a month?

"Is it white?" My father almost growled.

Okay so my father is a control freak. He has to have everything his way and everything exact. Bobby teases me that he knows where I get it from now. I don't appreciate his comments. It's only in situations like this that I realize how bizarre my fathers thought processes are. I guess after all theses years I'm used to his rules but you know, I try to be understanding, and just let things slide but what's wrong with this picture. We have a middle aged divorcee running around with a teenager refusing to believe his adult daughter is allowed sex in her life. Well all I can say is, if Dad wants to delude himself about that, I'm certainly not going to set him straight. I'm quite happy for him to stay out of my sex life.

Bobby seemed to want to humor him though or at least that's what I thought he was doing at the time. Remember previously stated long wedding dress story.

"Yes sir it's pure white and absolutely beautiful just like your daughter." Bobby said smiling proudly. I felt a blush arise as I looked at the joy in his eyes and couldn't help but love the beautiful man I was going to marry.

My father, Harry the Harasser, my fiancée now calls him, gave Bobby a very through glare. Maybe fearing he'd gone too far, Bobby quickly excused himself to get more rolls. I decided he wasn't going to enjoy his respite alone and I followed him into the kitchen. I felt he needed a reward for his so far impeccable behavior. You know what they say; constant rewards make training easier. In hindsight this may have been an error on my part as leaving our guests unattended was certainly a colossal mistake.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

We never should have left them out there alone. I really did only go into the kitchen for some rolls but Lindsay followed me in. Well it was a much more appealing option to stay in there, with her in my arms, then return to the scene of the crime and the third degree from her father.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked her compassionately. I felt her head nod against my chest. At least I hoped it was nodding because regardless I wasn't letting her out of this. I needed her to hang in there with me if we were going to survive. To be fair, separately all the components of our guest list weren't awful, but together! Lets just say, I had an experiment in my chemistry lab in high school that went really bad, smoke, fire, sirens but the terror of that day didn't come close to comparing with this!

"Remind me again why we are doing this" I teased.

"It was your idea!" she argued.

"What!" I said in disbelief. "You're a liar"

"Is that so" she pulled away from me and looked me dead in the eye "No, no, no Lindsay we can't go to a restaurant, it's too impersonal, no-one can speak there... is any of this coming back to you Bobby?"

I laughed. The girl had a point but I wasn't ready to concede yet "Well, with normal people this wouldn't have been such a bad idea Lindsay. How was I to know you're descended from lunatics."

She gave me 'the look' so I swooped in and kissed her before she could say something I wasn't going to want to hear. That kiss led to another and then another and before we knew it ... ha had you fooled. I know what you were thinking, but no, nobody heard pots and pans banging. All I meant was, ten minutes had passed and we realized we should be getting back to the maddening crowd.

We left the kitchen just in time to hear Jeff quizzing my father on why he hasn't returned to the dating scene. He seemed to find it unbelievable a man could go over twenty years without remarrying. I later learnt from Lindsay Jeff has six ex-wives. My father quietly insisted he'd already had the best woman available and nobody else could compare. Jeff scoffed at this sentiment saying "Stephen, man was not meant to be alone, there are a bevy of beauties out there. I know some lovely woman let me introduce you to some. I'll have you back in the swing just say the word." Of course my father with a horrified look on his face shook his head and insisted it wasn't wanted or necessary. He didn't seem offended just uncomfortable but Lindsay's dad was livid.

"How can you be wasting your time with this loser Susie you know he'll never stick around."

"Well you're certainly one to talk Mr. 'till death or midlife crises do us part'. I didn't notice you sticking around for long either" Susannah responded before turning to Candy and saying "Don't expect him to see out your teens with you dear."

"I'm 25!" Candy stated indignantly, drawing incredulous looks from all at the table. If I were a betting man I would have gone for 18.

My father, who doesn't like harsh words at the best of times, tried to calm things down "Now, now, there's no need for all this. Let's just enjoy the lovely meal the kids have provided." He received a few harsh looks for his effort but their attention was quickly turned back on each other.

Lindsay's parents began bickering again while Candy, who was mumbling about never being treated as well as she deserves, stuffed her face as if she hadn't seen food in a week. Jeff feeling a little lonely went back to describing the names and measurements of all the lovely ladies who could make my Dad a happy, happy man. He ignored Dad's constant assertion he wasn't interested.

If anyone had noticed our return they showed no sign of it. I'd started to wish we hadn't left the kitchen, as it seemed our presence wasn't needed here at all. Another look at my father changed my mind. While Lindsay's parents and Candy amused themselves, my father became increasingly agitated and flustered by Jeff's, well meaning but totally misguided, attempt at matchmaking. I would have helped him out but had no idea how to do so without embarrassing him. Jeff was onto the 15th possible perfect woman for my father who was, again, insisting on his disinterest. Jeff made the mistake of telling him it was time to move on, no woman was worth wasting a life over and it's time to get back in the saddle. My father turned a bright red and I wasn't sure exactly what he was about to do but I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. I didn't know what to do to stop it. I looked at Lindsay who must have seen the fear in my eyes because she immediately stood up and shouted "ENOUGH!"

Suddenly all was quiet and everyone stared at Lindsay. I noticed she was holding my father's hand and that his color was returning to almost normal. She released it and looking at me said, "I have an announcement to make."

The room was deathly silent as everyone, including me, waited to hear what she had to say. Well everyone bar Candy who squealed out the pronouncement "You're pregnant too!" at the exact same time Lindsay stated "Bobby and I are living together."

Lindsay's father turned red and he screamed at Lindsay "You're what?" While her mother shouted at Candy "What do you mean too?"

Again they responded simultaneously. Lindsay stating "I'm living with Bobby" while Candy giggling excitedly said, "I'm having a baby."

"You're what!" everyone at the table shouted at Candy. Almost dancing in her seat with excitement she said " I found a test in Lindsay's cupboard, I took it, and I'm having Tony's baby!"

"Who's Tony" Mrs. Dole asked and when her ex husband, in hushed tones, answered he was she laughed. "Harrington Cleveland Dole you can be called by whatever name you chose it won't change the fact you're an ass!"

"Way to go Harry not only did you rob the cradle but you're filling it up again." Jeff laughed holding up his glass in a toast. "A new father and a grandfather all at once not a bad effort for an old man."

Lindsay's ears suddenly pricked up and she shouted "No! No! I'm not pregnant!" Four disbelieving sets of eyes ran up and down her body. "Oh for God's sake I'll go pee on a stick if you don't believe me." My horrified dad tried to convince her there was no need for that as he moved her wineglass out of reach.

By the look on his face I'm not sure he knew what she was talking about but I'm sure he believed she didn't either. As for me I was stunned. First that Lindsay had made the offer, and second, that there were such things as pregnancy tests in my home. Is this one of the joys of living with a woman? Strange things appearing in strange places? My mind was in overdrive. Is it normal to have them in your cupboard? Is there any reason to have them except for a suspicion that you may be pregnant? Has Lindsay not been telling me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

The other four people at the table remained unconvinced and, to prove her point, an annoyed Lindsay left the room to do exactly what she'd threatened to do. I wanted to follow her. I wanted to do this with her. Not that I thought I'd be wanted at the exact moment if the look she shot me as she left was anything to go by. I guess if I'm not supposed to have had sex with her, I shouldn't be too excited about the results of a pregnancy test either. In fact I wondered why an irate father wasn't berating me already. Didn't Lindsay just announce to all and sundry what she'd instilled the fear of death into me about all week.

I looked at her father but his ashen face reminded me he's got problems of his own. I hoped Candy's little announcement distracted him at least until he got home, after that we'll avoid his wrath by refusing to answer the phone. I had a lot of time to think, as Lindsay seemed to be gone forever. When she returned with a light in her eyes and an aura of delight I felt my heart leap out of my chest and into my mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening. I wasn't sure I was ready but knew it was too late to decide that now.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I couldn't believe I was peeing on a stick while my parents, their dates, my fiancé and his father waited right outside. They'd better not be right outside. They'd better be sitting quietly at the table, behaving themselves as the responsible adults they're supposed to be or so help me God I'll be sticking a few things where the sun don't shine. What a disaster! Unbelievable! How the hell did I end up doing this? I stared at the damn stick waiting for something to happen and when the results came through I almost fainted.

I stared at the two tests in front of me, thanks a lot for tiding up after yourself Candy, and thankyou so much for rummaging through my cupboards in the first place. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. OH MY GOD! I grabbed the box, reread the instructions, and felt an overwhelming sensation of joy envelope me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep this to myself for long, but I had to, the only one I wanted to tell was Bobby.

I walked out and proudly informed them all there was a negative test sitting on the counter if they felt it necessary to go check. Thankfully none did, apparently I can now be trusted, why I had to pee for that to happen I don't know. Bobby kept staring at me as if I had two heads. Maybe leaving him alone with my parents was a big mistake. I was sure he was scrutinizing me trying to see signs of inherited behavior. I wondered if I'd be able to convince him, after they'd left, that I was adopted. I realized it would take a lot more than peeing to achieve that, especially as I'm almost a carbon copy of my mother. I've always maintained she is a beautiful woman.

Everyone appeared to be behaving now. It may have had something to do with the fact my father was obviously in deep shock. He was almost catatonic and therefore had no further interest in sparring with my mother. Jeff grinning, looked at me, stood and then said, "Seems we are all making announcements, I have a little one of my own." I heard a sharp intake of breath from my mother and looked at her. I saw her give Jeff a warning look. I hoped Bobby didn't notice it, because it was the exact look I use on him all the time. I made a mental note not to ever do so again. I'm sure that resolution will last all of half a day or at least until Bobby spoke again.

Just like Bobby does, Jeff ignored the look. He looked directly at me and said, "I've asked your mother to marry me and she said yes."

I was shocked but not upset. I looked at my father but he didn't seem to have heard. I'm sure the only thing he heard at the time was the clinking of the ice in what appeared to be a quadruple scotch. Oh and Candy droning on next to him about "baby gap" and "itty bitty outfits" and "maybe a nanny" and "Isn't this just darling!"

No my father had heard all he was prepared to hear that night. He might have been there in body but his spirit had long since left us.

"Congratulations" I said to my Mom. I honestly can't see the attraction but if Jeff makes her happy then I guess that's all that counts. He's harmless in an annoying sort of way and despite all his big talk he does seem to care for her.

My mom knocked me speechless though with her next comment. "We're moving to California to live in a self sufficiency commune. Jeff's going to farm and learn to surf and I'm going to make pottery."

I realized then that none of this could possibly be happening. I knew I had to be in a time warp or a drug induced hallucination. It was the only plausible explanation. Bobby found this all fascinating and quizzed them in depth on their plans. While I listened in stunned disbelief trying to picture my mother the socialite in a commune. I found it a bit astounding. My mother, who's had weekly manicures her whole life, is going to use her hands to mold clay and tend crops with surfer Jeff. I thought they'd be lucky to last two weeks tops but they seemed so keen and excited it was actually catching.

Not that my father noticed. He didn't even stay long enough to finish his meal. He excused himself claiming he didn't feel too good and took the chattering Candy home. Jeff and Bobby acted like the best of friends. I'm sure Bobby was most impressed with the fact Jeff was taking my mother to the other side of the country. Now if he could only manage to send my father to Australia he would be a very happy man.

Stephen wasn't happy though but Bobby was too preoccupied to notice. Stephen seemed withdrawn and all my attempts to draw him into conversation failed. I was caught between trying to keep him company and convincing my mother I was thrilled with her plans. Eventually Mom and Jeff left and Bobby took Stephen home. I breathed my first relaxed breath for what felt like months and then began to tidy up. The sooner I cleared the mess the sooner I could forget any of this ever happened.

When Bobby arrived home I rushed to him and threw my arms around him. He'd been on his best behavior all night and I wanted him to know how grateful I was.

"You ok?" he asked concern in his voice. I nodded and held on tight not wanting to let him go.

He pulled away and framing my face with his hands tried to speak "Are we ... did it ... was it..." His eyes pleaded for an answer but I had no idea what the question was. He was hyperventilating and I didn't know why. It scared me.

"Use full sentences Bobby or at least a keyword so I know what you're talking about."

He did his best but all that came out was "test ... pregnant ... you?"

At least that went some way to explaining the terrified but delighted look on his face. I wasn't sure if what I had to say would be considered good news or bad but I couldn't leave him wondering anymore.

"Bobby I'm not pregnant."

"You sure?" he asked making me wonder if I'd put on weight as I was having such a hard time convincing everybody of this.

"Positive ... or I should say negative as the case turned out to be"

"But you thought you might be? You bought a test?"

I shook my head. "It wasn't mine. Bobby it was in the guest bathroom. My best guess is Helen planted it there to stir things up a bit. She likes to snoop in people cupboards. She also likes to plant things to surprise other people who might be snooping. We should count ourselves lucky it was only pregnancy tests she put in there." I laughed but he didn't join me.

He looked at me strangely and asked, "So what's going on then?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've got your smug I've got a secret face on."

He was right. I did have a secret. "Ok I'll trade you," I said.

He grinned seeing my playful mood, "What do you have to trade?"

I raised my eyebrows at him then said "If you finish cleaning up, I'll tell you my secret."

He laughed "I've got a better idea" he began to walk predatorily towards me.

"Really?" I asked backing away but he followed me until I'd backed myself into a corner. He reached for me. His hands grabbed my hips as his body leant into me. I found myself stuck between a wall and a hard body. I wasn't complaining.

"We'll finish cleaning together, then after you've told me your secret, I'll..." his mouth and hands filled me in on the rest of his plan. It seemed like an excellent plan to me too. I decided to reward him for his ingenuity and let him in on my secret early. Ok yes I wanted to ditch the cleaning and just jump right into what he'd just suggested. Can you blame me? You have seen my fiancé haven't you?

"I'm not the only one not pregnant." I said. He looked at me not understanding what I meant so I explained. "Candy misread her test. She isn't pregnant, there is no baby."

"And you didn't tell your father?" He looked shocked.

"Nope" I smiled. "He'll find out soon enough and maybe this scare will knock some sense into him. Plus that's what he gets for misbehaving here tonight."

"Remind me to never get on your bad side" Bobby said with a smirk.

"Remind me never to let any of our parents near one another again" I countered. Bobby didn't respond but I felt his body tense up. I looked into his fiery blue eyes, they were filled with love for me, something I'm only starting to get used to seeing, but they were also filled with nervousness.

"What is it Bobby?" I asked becoming concerned.

He continued looking at me then his mouth turned up at the corners. "It's ... just ... I ... um" Bobby isn't the greatest when it comes to expressing his feelings. I've learnt the more he stutters, the deeper his feelings are. Sometimes he just needs a little help to get them out.

"You can tell me anything!" I assured him touching his cheek softly.

He took a deep breath and then blurted it all out. "The baby, Lindsay if there was one ... I ... it would be ok ... really okay!" He smiled relieved he'd said it then the nervousness appeared again as he asked, "How do you feel about it?"

Stunned was the word that came to mind. This is an all new subject for us. Until a few months ago the only future I was envisaging with this man was one of trials and briefs. We still expect plenty of trials and briefs but hopefully some are of a more personal nature, if you know what I mean. Wow this was big. So far we've just been having fun, living for now and only vaguely contemplating the future and here we were suddenly talking about the possibility of creating another human being together. Life certainly is full of surprises and not all of them unpleasant.

Bobby sighed and began to pull away. I realized he'd taken my silence the wrong way and had to set him straight. "Bobby, if it had been positive and I was having your baby it would be ... wonderful ... more than I ever dreamed." I could tell the smile I could no longer contain touched him, by the way his hand caressed my neck. He pulled me closer towards him as if embracing me to him for all eternity.

"So when the right time comes, we agree?"

I looked up into his face and nodded wordlessly. I smiled at him then realized there was something we needed to get out in the open first. "Are you sure, after tonight, you want a little person running around here who is a product of my gene pool?"

He laughed "Lindsay with your looks and my personality we can't go wrong." To protect himself from the right hook I know he hopes I don't pass onto our child he grabbed my hands. Holding them against his heart he said, "You know Lindsay it may not be the right time for a baby yet but there is a lot to be said for practicing." I couldn't argue with that. What can I say? When Bobby's right he's right and this was one of those rare times.

How did the rest of our evening go you ask?

Well let's just say we sealed our agreement with a kiss. One thing led to another and soon the events of the painful evening quickly faded away as we indulged ourselves in pure pleasure. Practice makes perfect they say and we are both very dedicated to our practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End