I remember the day we met as if it was yesterday. How could I ever forget the day my life really began. I knew the moment I first set eyes upon him he was the only man I'd ever love. The man I would spend the rest of my life with. I never really believed in fate or destiny before that, but upon seeing him, I was a convert. How else can you explain two souls in a sea of five billion finding each other? Finding each other when they didn't even know they were looking. A chance encounter? I think not. The Gods knew exactly what they were doing when they sent me to the supermarket that day.

I stopped in to pick up three items: milk, chocolate biscuits and bread. I didn't bother stopping for a basket, it was only three items, I could easily carrying that. I had them in my arms and was heading to the checkout when I remembered I'd used the last of the breakfast cereal that morning. I spun around to go to that aisle so quickly that I smashed slap-bang straight into him. The force of our collision caused me to drop what I was carrying. Although stunned by the impact we both jumped away to avoid the splash of the milk as it came crashing down. He was far more successful than I. A few splatters covered his ankle while my left leg from knee to foot received a decent shower. I've heard milk is good for the skin but I don't believe it has any benefit on denim in the summer. I knew that by the time I arrived home it was going to really smell. He was wonderful about it though. Totally unconcerned about the damage done to his suit, which looked very expensive too. He was more intent on ascertaining I was unhurt and on apologizing for his carelessness. I tried to take the blame. I explained I'd turned suddenly but he insisted it was his fault entirely. He claimed he caused the collision because he wasn't watching where he was walking. We argued back and forth a little but really it didn't matter who was at fault we just didn't want to break our connection.

An odious little man in store uniform came by and started ranting about how I would have to pay for the spilt milk. Still recovering from the shock of the collision and the unexpected meeting of my soulmate, I wasn't in a fit state to be shouted at. I'd already had an awful day. Why do you think I needed chocolate biscuits? So being reamed out in public was the last straw. I could feel tears beginning to build. The knowledge they were coming and the horror of making such a fool of myself only served to make them arrive faster. I knew once I started to cry I wouldn't be able to stop and I'd have to run from the store in shame. I took what I hoped would be a deep calming breath but it what eventuated sounded suspiciously like a sob to me. My hand flew to my mouth to hide any more that may escape and I searched desperately for the quickest way out of the store. But my man stilled my actions. He placed a hand on my arm and looked at me with such compassion before turning on the horrible little toad. He gave him a right good talking to. He assured him the milk would be paid for, but it would be the only thing ever paid for by him at this store ever again. He stated he categorically refused to shop anywhere that treated their customers in such a reprehensible way. I nodded along pretending I too would take this stance, all the while knowing full well I would never be able to keep the promise. The next nearest store is two bus rides away. I had felt like the earth was swallowing me hole as the horrid man had shouted at me, but now, watching him squirm and get brought down to the size of a gnat by my true love, I felt on top of the world. I felt strong, invincible. Tears, what are they? I will have none of them. By the time my man had finished his rant and the odious man had skulked away I felt as if I was walking on air. My face felt like it was glowing and I know my smile was of a proportion never before known to me. We watched and laughed as the horrid creep was cornered by what I could only assume was the manager and subjected to another tirade.

I could see them but I was more interested in watching my beautiful man. I let my eyes roam over him. My God he is perfection personified: strong, dignified and gorgeous to boot. I apologized to him again for getting him involved in my mess. He turned his glorious smile onto me assuring me once more that he was fully to blame. I was prepared to stay there and debate it with him all day, all year, whatever, but then out of the corner of my eye I spied the manager and the odious man approaching us. Coward that I am I needed to run away before we were involved in another altercation. Although in a way I was trying to save him from anguish too so my motives weren't all bad. I bid him a hasty goodbye and turned to leave. "Wait!" he said and his hand clutching my shoulder drew me back. He wasn't ready for me to leave so soon. He needed to hold me to touch me. I know I had the same desire. I wanted to throw my arms around him and never let go. I needed to touch him. I needed to feel him, to know he was real because he was almost too good to be true. I felt at any minute I would awaken from this dream to find myself lonely and alone again but the weight and warmth of his hand on my shoulder told me all I needed to know. This was no fantasy. He is here and he is mine. I looked up into his dazzling eyes and listened to his words of love. "I have something of yours," he said. 'I already know.' My eyes said back to him 'You have my heart. But it is yours now. It will always belong to you.' I looked at him secure in the knowledge my heart would be his forever. His face was lit with a lustrous smile and I knew he understood we belonged together, belonged to each other. I could never leave him no matter what hardships I'd have to endure for him. My man is beautiful. Mind, body and soul. His arm raised and he offered me my biscuits. I did not need them anymore. They're merely comfort food. From this moment on comfort for me will always be found in the memory of his eyes. Those piercing windows of the soul, so beautiful and far bluer than the deep blue sea. Biscuits are a poor substitute for that, even if they are chocolate. I took them though I could never refuse anything he offered. We both knew what they symbolized. He was not yet free to give me more but he promised our time would come and when it did we would be together forever. I'm afraid our exchange distracted me. I was unable to escape before the manager and the toad arrived. Luckily for me as it turned out in the end.

The manager apologized profusely, and assured us the poor attitude of his employee in no way represented the attitude of the store. He promised us the toad would be sanctioned accordingly, although he didn't actually call him a toad but you know what I mean. My man pointed to me and said I was the one who should be apologized to. I was the innocent victim who'd been harshly treated by the store. The manager looked at me and asked if what I held was all I was purchasing. Embarrassed I mumbled "Yes plus breakfast cereal." He smiled at me, nothing like my man's but pleasant enough, and said he wanted me to have the items compliments of the store. He sent the now scowling toad off to fetch some more milk and my cereal. The manager then led me away with him. My man smiled and patted my shoulder as I began to go. I was reluctant to leave him but I was also not going to pass up the opportunity to get my purchases for free. With no employment my budget is tight and any relief is greatly welcomed. Besides, I wasn't really leaving without him, he'd left his mark on me. I could still feel the radiance of my skin where he'd touched me. His hand had burned into me, leaving me with a promise of what is to come. My body yearned for his hands to worship me as I would worship him. We are going to be so beautiful together.

I turned to look at the manager as he spoke to me but was immediately distracted by a woman's shrill voice screeching "What the hell happened to you?"

My man laughed. Although I'd never heard him laugh before I knew that glorious sound could only come from one source. I turned and sure enough he was looking at a shrew of a woman who was looking none to happy about the condition of his trousers.

"You never warned me grocery shopping could be hazardous Lindsay" he pouted beautifully.

"Well for normal people it's not," she looked at him in annoyance and whined "I can't take you anywhere."

I was so angry with her. That was no way to treat him. He didn't seem to mind though. He just smiled and said, "You can take me home anytime you please."

He's so sweet and playful and she's just a ... well, she is a word I won't say because my mother taught me better than that. 'If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all' she always told me. I guess what she really meant was that woman is not worth wasting my breath on. He must be miserable with her. He'll be so much happier with me I'll treat him right.

"So what happened?" she asked. Like she really cares.

"Long story." He replied non-committally. I could tell he wasn't interested in talking to her. Not after having been with me. "What took you so long anyway?"

"Do you have any idea how far I had to dig to find the right flavor?"

He looks in the basket she's carrying "Ice-cream! I'm getting assaulted so you can eat ice-cream?"

Laughing at him, instead of commiserating, as I would have, she says, "For the fiftieth time what the hell happened?"

"Nothing" he sighed "let's go." He led her to a checkout while she looked suspiciously at him. It was obvious she didn't like being left out of anything. I knew he wouldn't tell her though. It was too special and personal a moment to be shared with the likes of her. It was our moment. Our moment of discovery and joy. Smiling broadly I accepted my now bagged possessions and walked toward the exit. My man looked up as I passed the checkout line he was waiting in. He smiled at me so I waved to him. Grinning conspiratorially he waved back. Yes it is definitely love. She watched our exchange very displeased. 'Yes!' I thought, as you well should be. The chemistry between us was unmistakable. He may be with her now but he will always be mine. He'll never belong to her no matter how hard she tries and she knew it. Her eyes scrunched, resentment loomed over her face as she observed us. Her hopes and dreams washed away in the sea of our love. She wasn't worth my notice though, not when he was there. I watched him until the last possible moment. Our eyes feasted upon one another unable to get their fill. Silently we promised, soon it would be only us. Together. Forever.

I went home and sat at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee and my chocolate biscuits. Not because I needed them, but because I didn't. I was deliriously happy. You're probably wondering why I wasn't concerned leaving him behind. Its simple distance could never separate us. He is my destiny. We are meant to be together and when the time is right it will happen. I don't need to force it. I don't need to chase it. I just need to be ready when it happens and I am so ready. Neither of us feared our separation, we knew it was only temporary. It's just a matter of time. All we needed to do was wait for the sign that our time had come. I used my time apart from him well. I worked hard to make myself worthy of him. Hair, clothes, makeup all updated. House cleaned from top to bottom. My home will never be a castle but we will be comfortable here until we find somewhere together, a place of our very own. I thought of him constantly. Imaginings of how wonderful our life together would be. He would come home at night tired and weary and find comfort in my loving arms. We would talk and talk and talk about nothing and everything. Or we would have silences. Long easy silences because we need nothing more than to just be together. Weekends at the beach, or a quaint little bed and breakfast in the country, or creating life hands deep in the fertile soil of our garden, or curled in front of our open fire sharing our hopes dreams and desires. Yes I could see it all now. So perfect so right.

About two weeks passed before I received my first sign or if I was counting 16 days, 15 hours and 45 minutes give or take a few minutes. I was sitting at the bus stop waiting to go to a job interview I had no real interest in. The number 54 bus came by but it wasn't mine. The man next to me got up and boarded it taking with him only the sports section of the paper he'd been reading. I looked at what he left behind and considered reading it for a moment but changed my mind. Its words could not compare to the images in my mind. I was just turning away when a gust of wind caught the pages causing them to rustle and grab my attention. As I watched the pages fly open I was sure I'd seen his face. Slamming my hand down hard on the paper, so it wouldn't fly away, I opened page after page searching for him. Just as I was beginning to despair it had been only a figment of my imagination I turned the page and there he was. Oh my there he was. His eyes looking directly into mine, imploring me to know and love him. As if I didn't already, as if I hadn't from the moment we met.

I quickly read the accompanying article "Robert Donnell of the law firm Donnell, Young, Dole & Frutt and team successfully represented the Jacobs family in their suit against WYPR Broadcasting Company yesterday. In a press conference lead attorney, Robert Donnell, was quoted as saying, "The result was not a surprise but a pleasure. It shows society now calls for it's media to be morally responsible and considers it reasonable for them to be held legally accountable when they are not. We firmly believed going into this expose reporting was not an affirmative defense. If it is foreseeable your actions will adversely affect another's livelihood than you can no longer sit back secure in the knowledge the victim will not hit back. The message the jury sent is loud and clear. It is time for a decent responsible media. The time has come to say enough. The time has come for us to take action to ensure this. The time is now!"

The time is now! The words jumped out of the page at me. The time is now! Who am I to argue with Robert Donnell? My Robert! The time is now he said and I'm not going to waste it going to some stupid job interview, when there is a pay phone only a block away where I can look up the address of Donnell, Young, Dole and Frutt, and go find my man. He has sent me a sign. He has spoken. The time is now.

 

 

The signs appeared thick and fast from that moment on. I had my first glimpse of him before I even reached his building. I was about three blocks away when I spotted him from the opposite side of the road. I saw him exit a little cafe. Although the pavement was crowded his presence was undeniable. The spot where he stood seemed to attract the sun. Everyone and everything around him was dull, lifeless but he was luminous. The reason the sun continued to rise day after endless day. I stood and admired him. How could you not? There he was just waiting for me. I took one step towards the road to cross over to him when I suddenly became unsure. I hadn't expected it all to happen so easily. I'd been prepared to wait for him for as long as it took. I was ready for the loneliness and frustration of waiting. All good things come to those who wait I'd been told all my life. Yet here he is the best of all things, just a few short steps away. So close I could almost feel him. Could it be this easy? It's not that I wasn't ready for him. I'd been ready from that glorious moment when we first touched. My body ached for him. My soul belonged to him; my heart beat because of him. No it wasn't doubt that held me back. It's just, I'm suspicious of things that come too easily and I didn't want anything to threaten the joy of our union. I was prepared to wait and therefore was a little disconcerted by the idea I wouldn't have to. No pain no gain. Well I was ready for the pain. It would validate the purity of my love. I wanted to have to work at it and for him to be my ultimate reward. I wanted the agony of waiting to contrast and intensify the ecstasy of our blessed joining. I didn't want to have him just handed to me. But if that's how it was to be then who am I to argue. I won't complain. It's not my place to dictate the terms of our union. It's not like I was going to turn him away. I'm not crazy. If he says the time is now then it is.

Composing myself I stood and watched him one moment longer. I wanted to memorize everything about this moment: the moment before our completion. He hadn't moved from the time he stepped out of the cafe. It's almost like we were magnetically drawn to one another and when I stopped he stopped. He was waiting for me. He stood motionless, deep in thought staring into space. A tired dejected expression on his face. I wondered what he was worrying about. Did he think I wasn't coming for him? Surely he couldn't doubt my love. No it couldn't be that. He must have some other pressing concern. I admit I got a little thrill at the thought of comforting him, of turning that forlorn expression into one of joy. I believed then, the reason I didn't have to wait for us to be together is because he needed me now. I watched for the break in traffic that would allow me to end the distance between us once and for all, I willed him to look my way, to know I was coming for him but he didn't. My break came and I took one step off the curb before I noticed two small hands snake around his waist. I stepped back onto the pavement to watch what would happen next.

The change in his expression was instantaneous. His whole body seemed to relax into those small hands and his countenance brightened. An amused smile crept over his face as he looked over his shoulder. He slowly lifted his left arm outward allowing the owner of the hands to slip under it and slide around to his front. It was the woman from the supermarket. She kept her arms around him clinging to him. That's why he'd looked so sad. He hadn't been able to break away from her yet. His hands ran up and down over her back and they held one another, looking into each other's eyes before exchanging a few words. She then looked away and resting her cheek against his shoulder took comfort in his arms. His beautiful hands softly rubbing her back. It should have been me in his arms. I was ready to give; she was just taking. She was using him for her own needs with no consideration for his. Selfish, thoughtless, callous woman. They stayed that way for a moment before she looked back up and said something to him. With a resigned sigh he nodded and kissed her forehead. Then they separated and began to walk away. She wouldn't leave it at that though. Oh no not her. Greedily she tapped and clutched at his arm until he reached for her hand. Was that enough for her? Not at all, she had to have more. Always more. She had him by her side. She had him tethered to her but still that wasn't enough. She bumped him with her shoulder as they walked until he looked at her. Yes she wanted those eyes, my mans eyes, on her too. She wanted him looking at her and only her. She wanted the world to pass him by and for him to be trapped in a prison of her making. He looked down at her and laughed. That simple sweet action broke my heart to see. He looked happy as if he shared the joke but I knew the truth. I knew how much it hurt him to do it. I knew what we could be without her and that he was dying a little inside each day that we were apart. "Just hold on a little while longer" I begged him. "I'm coming. I'll release you my love. Just hold on a little bit longer."

I followed them. Well I don't know if it can really be considered following as I was on the other side of the road but, I followed them. He'd called out to me. 'The time is now' he'd said and I wasn't going to let him down. I wasn't going to abandon him. He needed me. Robert needed me! They arrived at what I believed must have been his office building. I couldn't tell from where I stood but the numbers on my side of the road seemed to indicate it was. They were opening the door to enter when a young man approached them. They stayed on the street and talked with him for a while. He appeared to be a mutual friend if their body language was any indication. After about five minutes Robert whispered something into her ear. She nodded and he went into the building while she stayed outside laughing and chattering away as if she's the most wonderful, amazing, interesting person and we are all just so privileged to be in her company. She was all smiles and 'look at me I'm so pretty, look at me aren't I great' and the man was eating it all up. What is wrong with her? She has Robert jumping to fulfil her every command and still she's not satisfied. It's unbelievable! Why would she need to chase this man too? What is wrong with her! God Robert is so perfect. Eyes that speak volumes making words unnecessary, a soul so heartbreakingly beautiful, so innocent and loving, generous and kind. A strong noble body with shoulders mighty enough to carry the weight of the world, yet soft enough to cry on. Beautiful, powerful, calming, gentle hands. A voice that soothes and electrifies as its cadence and tone resonate throughout my body. What more could anyone want? But no, little miss mouse over there wants more. With her big smile and little power suits she thinks she can do better. She's either insane or stupid or or just incredibly greedy. While she's still chattering away Robert returns laden down with bags and folders. She looked at him as he exited the building then turned back to her other companion to continue her conversation. Stupid girl! Who could be worth turning from Robert for? He made a move to pass one of the bags to her but she ignored him and instead threw herself into the other mans arms. Cow! Robert watched all this expressionless. Obviously he has no feelings for her. She flaunts herself flirting shamelessly in front of him but there is no hint of hurt or jealousy from him. I don't know what their connection is but it definitely isn't a result of emotional attachment. No he's tied to her in someway but his heart is mine. It's me he loves. She's just a burden he carries.

When she reluctantly released the other man she resignedly took her case and a share of the folders from Robert. Having a hand free at last, he holds it out and shakes the other mans hand, then placing his hand on her back he slowly begins to guide her forward. She turned to look over her shoulder at the other man and called out, "Good luck!" He nodded and walked away. Robert guided her three or four steps and then in unison they turned to the road to cross over. I panicked for a moment not wanting him to see me. It would be awkward to meet again for the first time with her there. When we meet again I want to be able to take him in my arms. He obviously isn't free to be with me yet and it would only cause him pain to see me now and have to hold back on what he feels for me. I would never want to hurt him. When he bleeds I bleed. Besides if we meet again with her there surely she will be able to feel the depths of our devotion for each other and I wouldn't put it past her to hold onto him even tighter just because she knows he wants to go. Just looking at her I could tell she would be that spiteful, that evil. No I won't cause him problems. I know he's trying as hard as he can to be with me. I'll just have to wait a little while longer. I looked around for somewhere to hide and saw a couple of businessmen coming my way. I looked back and Robert and 'it' were crossing the road. I did a quick mental calculation and decided the men would arrive in perfect time to cover me. I could hide in their shadows and still be able to follow Robert sight unseen. I was amazed at how fortuitous the day had been so far. It was a jigsaw with all the pieces magically falling into line when required. I couldn't wait until all the parts came together for all eternity. Together, never to be separated.

Soon we were all walking in the same direction, Robert with his 'oh so delightful' companion followed closely by the businessmen and then me hidden behind them. I was honing my ears desperate for the sweet sound of his voice but all I could hear was her shrill chattering as they walked. I never heard a word from him but she talked and talked and talked. Yammer, yammer, yammer! "Bobby this and Bobby that" He's a grown man for Christ's sake with a good solid noble name, Robert. But does she use it? No, she wants to keep him like a child. Keep him under her control tied to her apron strings. Well I won't be like that. When he is with me I'll let him be a man. I'll let him be strong. I'll set him free and help him be the man he aspires to be. He'll be so much happier with me.

Their short walk took them to the courthouse. As much as I wanted to go in there and watch him at work I didn't think it was right. It felt like I would be stealing from him. I couldn't do it. When I finally do get to go in there and watch him perform it will be an honor because he has asked me to be there. When we are together I will be by his side everyday because he wants me there, because he needs me there. I'll be his anchor, his strength, and his support. I won't allow her to cheapen this moment for us by forcing me to sneak around like some unwanted third wheel. Plus I know it would hurt him to know I've seen him at less than his best, and with her there, he cannot shine. Right now he is only a shell of a man. A man with amazing potential but a man held back from his greatness. I won't go in and see him work while still held down by her. I won't take away from him his pride and his chance to excel. I'll wait until we are together. When I can help build him up and make him whole. I'll set him free and it will be a privilege to see him bloom. To see him as the great man I know he will be. When I go in, it will be because he is proud to have me at his side, and it will be an honor for me to be there. Then I will exult at his brilliance and cheer him to each new victory I won't be an invasion or intrusion as she is! Besides I have plenty of places I can go to see him now. I don't need to invade somewhere I'm not wanted. I know where he works. Where he goes everyday and sits and dreams about us, and our future. I can watch him there. Learn his habits, routines, likes and dislikes. I can watch over and protect him. Be near him always, ready and waiting. No I won't go into the courthouse not when there is a whole office building I can look at and search out its secrets. I mean what harm could it do to go there now and look around a little while he's out. I can search for signs of him everywhere in his office. I can learn everything there is to know about him and put in place my plan to protect him. My plan to save him from her.

 

As soon as I arrived I knew I'd made the right decision. I was in the ground floor foyer reading the office directory on the wall. Donnell, Young, Dole and Frutt Attorney's at Law 306. Donnell it is a beautiful name. An inspiring name that one-day will be mine. Mrs. Donnell, Mrs. Robert Donnell, Mr. & Mrs. Robert Donnell I liked the sound of that. I don't know how long I was staring at the directory for but it was obviously long enough to cause suspicion. I was approached by a man, who asked me, if I was there to apply for the janitorial position. I think my heart actually stopped for a beat. I couldn't believe how perfect everything was turning out. I knew now why Robert had called out to me. He had found a way of keeping me near that wouldn't garner suspicion. I could be there without being there. Nobody ever notices the janitor. If I'd had any doubts about us, which by the way I hadn't, today's signs would have eased them all. It was obvious we were meant to be together and Robert needed me close to him. So from this moment on I would be a janitor. I couldn't refuse him anything he asked. I could be there always blended perfectly into the background. Always there, always watching and waiting. I could protect him from all harms. I could love him freely and adoringly. I think they were very impressed with me saying I could start right away, either that or they were desperate to hire someone because with very few questions asked I was suddenly employed. Unfortunately though my duties didn't include the third floor offices. But I would find a way to make do.

After I'd worked there a while I discovered the man who had that floor was a kindly old man. He looked about as old as my father, or at least as old as I imagined my father would be, never having actually met him. Long story not all of it pleasant and I'd rather not go there. Anyway the janitor for Robert's floor and I became close. He was like a surrogate father to me. He took me under his wing, showed me the ropes, and practically made me an honorary member of his family. I learnt everything there was to know about him. I knew all his family's names and birthdays, their secrets and dreams. I watched his joy after the birth of his first grandchild and I offered to help him out occasionally so he could go home early and spend more time with his family. It was no bother to me to occasionally do the third floor offices for him. It was the least I could do to repay all his kindness but I'm getting a little ahead of myself aren't I? I'm jumping ahead in the story. Ok back to the first day.

Initially when I realized I wouldn't be working on the third floor I thought, in a way, it was probably a blessing. I didn't want to be in Robert's face all the time. I didn't want to rub salt into his wounds. It was enough that he knew I was there, that I would be there for him whenever he needed me to be. He didn't need to see me constantly to know this. I knew he trusted and loved me enough to believe without seeing. I didn't mind not working in his floor. The separation of mere floors could not keep us apart. No distance or barrier would hold up against our love! I was perfectly happy with the way thing were working out so I left without seeing his office. It was the safest thing to do. My behavior needed to be above reproach. I was not going to lose this job. I was not going to jeopardize my position by being caught snooping in the offices before I'd even started working there. But I would be coming back in three days, coming back with permission to be there, coming back free to do all I'd intended doing today. I was coming back to be with my man.

The next three days flew by. I have no idea what I did all I remember is thinking about seeing him again. Monday morning couldn't arrive soon enough for me. I was giddy with anticipation. I wrote him letter after letter telling him everything I wanted to say to him and dreamed of the time when I could say it to his face. A time when, with his arms wrapped tightly around me, we will begin our future together. Such a glorious future it would be too. For those three days the smile never left my face.

My first day at work was, to put it mildly, eventful. I'd barely been there ten minutes before he came to me. I'd met with the building manager, been shown where all my equipment is kept and informed of my required daily duties. Then I was on my own. I felt like a child at Christmas time surrounded by gifts and not knowing which to open first. I took in a few deep breaths. Even the air in the building seemed sweeter because he shared it with me. I loved this building. In it was everything I held most dear to me. I was designated the 1st, 2nd and ground floor but knew I would devote most of my time to the ground floor. He had to walk these halls everyday as he arrived and left and I was going to make every moment he spent in them a pleasure. The glass doors would shine, beckoning to him, welcoming him home. The windows would be clean and clear offering him a view as pure and unadulterated as he deserved and the floors would be spotless, worthy of his step. Nothing would affect his perfection here. Nothing would taint or tarnish him I would personally see to that.

I took hold of a bottle of Windex and a cloth and walked purposely towards the glass front door. But the directory called to me. With a grin I decided the glass on it needed a little cleaning. We couldn't have a smudge obstructing the name Donnell now could we? I gave the glass over his name the tender loving care I longed to bestow on him. I caressed his name but it became more than that. I could feel him there. I could feel his body under my fingers. The hard contours of his chest, the firm sharp collarbone cool to touch but warmed by my affections. He was there. I could feel him. Opening my eyes I looked into the glass and I saw him. Reflected back at me was the image of him walking through the front door, briefcase in hand. God he looked beautiful. A black overcoat over a dark charcoal pinstripe suit, a gray shirt and tie and to top it all off he was smiling. He was alone and he looked so happy. I wondered if he knew I would be there today. He must know. He looks so at peace, so content, so gorgeous of course he knows. I turned around needing to see if he was really there.

People had silently passed me by all morning. To them I was a piece of the furniture. I was only there if I was in their way. It didn't bother me to be so ignored because as far as I was concerned they weren't there either. Only one person of importance existed in my world and this person was finally here and coming towards me. I stood watching him. His graceful movements captured my attention. Each step he took intensified the beating of my heart until I was sure it was beating so fast and strong it could be heard more than ten feet away. I watched him walking purposely towards the elevators, then he seemed to pause for a moment before he turned and looked directly at me. He'd sensed me there. He must have because I wasn't in his line of sight. I watched the emotion flash across his face. Question, answer, resolve. My next breath caught in my throat as I wondered what he would do. Was I wrong to come here? Had I misread the signs? Was he upset with me? I was almost afraid to have the answers given to me. He's the only person who's actually seen me today. The only person I wanted to be seen by but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have been more cautious. I could feel my world crumbling apart. I needed to know I hadn't been wrong. His eyes told me what I so desperately needed to hear and I couldn't stop the joy from bubbling forth. The breath I held exploded out of me and I know I smiled. Choirs of angels were singing. Life doesn't get any better than this. He smiled at me and took the extra five steps required to get to my side. Holding out his hand he said "First day on the job?" I took his hand but was unable to speak. My body was experiencing a full system overload and my brain to mouth function chose this exact moment to shutdown. I nodded. While still holding my hand he said, "Bobby Donnell pleased to meet you." I nodded again. There wasn't much else I could do at the time. He released my hand and said "I guess I'll see you around then" I nodded once more and he smiled before walking back to the elevator. He pressed the button for the third floor and looked my way again. I admit I hadn't moved a muscle since he left me. He smiled again then turned back to watch for the doors to open. It was then that I noticed something over his shoulder. She was there.

I don't know whether she'd seen us together but she was coming through the doors and was focussed intently on him. She moved in slowly until she was behind him. He was checking his watch and didn't see her approach. Her hands raised and then covered his eyes. He chuckled and said "Hey."

"Miss me?" she asked and he nodded.

She dropped her hands and moved to stand beside him he looked down at her and then recoiled with a shocked expression and said "Oh no it's you!"

She elbowed him in the ribs and I felt my blood boil. She is going to live to regret that. She has no right to treat him that way. I won't allow her this continued abuse of such a wonderful man. He doesn't deserve it. Rubbing his side he tiredly said, "God is there nowhere you wont follow me?"

With a smile she began listing places off on her fingers "Courthouse men's room, baseball hall of fame, that sleazy bar you and your cousin are so fond of, anywhere that involves the word karioke, your mechanics..."

"What's wrong with my mechanic?" He looked a little hurt now.

She shuddered as she said, "He gives me the creeps."

"But he will rotate your tires at no extra cost." He said teasingly with the most delightful expression on his face.

"It's what else he's rotating while I'm there I don't like." She unattractively pouted.

He gave a little laugh and said, "He was one of my very first clients."

"That figures" she replied a little more testily than the situation required.

"Well we all have to start somewhere Lindsay."

"Don't I know it" she complained "you should have seen my first firm." She shuddered again.

"Bad?"

"Terrible the office had rats and the boss was a real piece of work. Strutting around ordering everyone around." Typical she had to complain about everything. I'm sure there are plenty of people with worse troubles than she has.

"Is that so?" he says feigning interest.

"Yeah" she grins.

The elevator doors opened and they stepped in. It became hard to hear what they were saying but I believe he asked her what her boss looked like and she replied actually a lot like you only younger. They turned and leaned against the back wall. I could see big smiles on their faces as the door closed. I guess nothing could get him down today not even being stuck in a confined space with her.

I smiled as I returned to work. Truth be told I think I hummed for the rest of the morning I was so happy. I hadn't expected to speak to him so soon, not that I'd actually managed to say a word but you know what I mean. I thought it would be stolen glances and secret smiles for quite some time. I guess though that he has decided he's ready and he's going to push his boundaries as far as he can. Maybe that's why he was so happy this morning. He feels he is finally getting somewhere. He believes we will be together soon. It was the same everyday when he saw me. He would always smile. He'd nod if he was in a hurry, he'd stop and say hello if he had the time and on those momentous occasions when he was totally free he would talk to me. Actual conversations! Small talk, inconsequential things not the deep soulful conversations of our future. No those conversations would wait until we were free, totally unrestricted and unhampered. They would be our reward for being so patient. Until then we had these talks instead. Conversations filled with hidden meanings. Perfect moments in time. Moments of promise and adoration. These moments were rare but only because he is a busy man. He is so important and I understand that. I will never hold him back from what he needs to do. He knows that. He knows I'm not going to make unnecessary demands, to insist on attention when he isn't free to give it. I won't be like her. Unlike her I respect him and give him the freedom to be himself. I don't want some fantasy man that I mold into what suits me. I want Robert to be the man he already is. That's why he loves me. He knows my love is pure. We don't want to change each other we just want to be with each other, eternally. He reminds me of that every day.

He never passes me by without acknowledging me somehow. To everyone else I don't exist. I'm just a speck on the ground to be walked around. But not to him. To him I'm a beacon guiding him home and everyday in gesture or word he promises that soon he will find his way home. Unless she's with him. He appears to never see me if she's with him. When she is around he acts as if he only has eyes for her. But I know the truth. I know it is just an act and it hurts him as much as it hurts me. She has some power over him. I don't know what it is but she has some hold that he isn't free to break from. It is a torment. It is wearing him down trying to fight it but now that I am here I can give him my strength. We just need to be patient. Just keep striving day after day and soon he will be able to come to me. Free, unfettered, mine and we will be together. Until then I'll keep watch. I'll give him my constant love and understanding. As long as I'm alive my beautiful man will never have to fear being alone.

Anyway I was telling you my first day was eventful wasn't I? You didn't think I just meant our meeting did you, because that was only the start of it. I finished cleaning the windows and was putting the equipment back in the supply cupboard when I was almost knocked over by a scruffy man rushing towards the stairwell. I'd barely recovered from that when I was suddenly engulfed in a sea of blue. I realized after they'd passed that it was between 6 and 10 policemen and they were chasing the scruffy man. I was terrified. I had no idea where they were going but if they were going up the stairs, then they were going closer to Robert.

There was nothing I could do except hope and pray he would be safe. I couldn't believe fate would allow him to be gunned down whilst caught in the crossfire when we are so close to achieving our goal. I couldn't lose him now. Not when our being together forever seems so attainable. He cannot be taken from me now. It was with tremendous relief that within 10 minutes of the police rushing in I heard the elevator and looked up to see the scruffy man and a large woman led out by the police. The man was frantic. He was crying and calling out to the woman "I'm sorry Ellenor, help me Ellenor I can't go to jail help me I'm sorry." While the woman, who appeared to be more annoyed than afraid kept saying "Quite Leonard don't say a word to anyone not one word"