He said / She said

By Livvy

Author's note: Another B&L story and that's all I have to say about it.

Summary: Everyone has a bad day once in a while and sometimes the easiest ones to hurt are the ones we love.

Feedback: Is always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I have no connection to the show what so ever. Apart from an all consuming obsession with it that is.

He said it didn't matter. She said nothing was more important. He said she was petty. She said he was insensitive. He said she was driving him crazy. She said she'd go. He said good go. So she did. She turned around, walked out the door and never heard him when he said I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Never heard him when he said come back I love you. Never heard his remorse. Never saw his tears. She just kept on walking.

Walking as fast as she could. Walking away. Wanting only to get as far away from the hurt as she could. Wanting only to leave behind the pain. But her legs weren't strong enough. They couldn't outpace it. The pain was there every step of the way. Taunting her, teasing her, tormenting her until eventually it broke her. It consumed her. She collapsed on a bench and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Totally oblivious of the curious looks of passersby. Totally oblivious of the vision she presented. Totally oblivious, totally uncaring and totally consumed. Consumed by sorrow. Anger having given way to sorrow. Anger having conceded defeat to sorrow. Immeasurable sorrow. It was all over. The dream, her dream, was over, finished. The facade shattered. Their future gone. He wasn't the man she'd fallen in love with. He wasn't the man she thought he was. The man she'd wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He wasn't that kind, considerate loving man. He was cruel and bitter and unfeeling. He wasn't the man she fell in love with ... but ... he was the man she loved. The man she would learn not to love. The man she refused, from this moment on, to love. The man she would never go back to. Never again! From this moment on, it was over.

She walked out the door and it hit him like a ton of bricks. She was gone and she wouldn't come back. No matter how much he wants her to she won't come back and he didn't blame her. He'd just hurt her terribly. He just tore her apart and for what reason ... none. None that could excuse it, none that could warrant it, none. He was angry, he was bad tempered, she came to him with a problem, he didn't want to hear it so he lashed out. No excuse for it he just lashed out. He wasn't interested in her problem. He was only interested in himself and how he felt. He was only interested in his anger and pain. He was wallowing in his anger and now, because of this, she's gone ... for good. And he can't be angry anymore, he can't be bad tempered anymore, he's hollow, he's lost, alone with only himself to blame. Alone. Painfully alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DYDF office

Bobby comes into the office fuming. He's in a filthy mood. He's had a completely rotten day. A day when everything that could go wrong did. Every decision in court went against him. The prosecution was strong and did damage to each witness he put up. He barely escaped being held in contempt by the skin of his teeth. And now has the prospect of going into court tomorrow and arguing a case he already knows he's lost. Not only is the case shot but he was held up in court longer than he'd expected and was subsequently late for a meeting with a potential new client. He was then caught in a traffic jam and when he attempted to call the client, to warn them he was going to be late, he discovered his mobile phone wasn't working. He was then pulled over for speeding which only made him madder and later. When he finally did make it to the meeting no one was there as they'd obviously assumed he wasn't going to turn up. If all that wasn't bad enough walking back to his car he'd inadvertently stepped in a puddle only to discover there was a hole in the sole of his shoe and he was now walking around with a wet and uncomfortable foot. It was the final straw in a long harrowing day. A constant reminder, with each step he took, of just how bad things had become. A constant reminder of just how much had gone wrong. Needless to say he is not in a sociable or accommodating mood. He ignores Lucy's attempt to pass on his phone messages. He just holds up his hand as he passes her desk and says gruffly "Not now Lucy!" before walking into his office and slamming the door.

Five minutes later Lindsay pops her head out of the conference room where she and Rebecca are meeting with a client.

"Was that Bobby coming in before Lucy?" she asks.

"Yes"

"Oh good." She walks over to his office and enters. He looks up annoyed at the interruption. "Bobby thank God you are back" she says upon entering "I've got a problem with.... "

"So what's new" he mumbles looking away.

"Excuse me?"

"You've always got a problem Lindsay" he snarls.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm sick of accommodating your problems. I'm sick of rearranging everything to suit you. I'm sick of always having to do things your way. I'm sick of you undermining me all the time. I'm sick of your lack of respect. This is my firm. I'm senior partner here but you keep forgetting that. It's about time I started acting like one and stopped letting you and your problems run everything around here."

Lindsay surprised by this outburst stares at him wide eyed and open mouthed. Eventually she manages to ask, "Where's this coming from Bobby?"

"The part of me that couldn't care less if I ever get laid again!" he says rising from his desk.

Her eyes open wider and this time she is truly speechless. She has absolutely no response to that. She is just too stunned. Bobby seeing this takes it as an opportunity to continue. Now that he has started shouting it just feels too good to stop. All the aggression he's held in all day is now begging to be released. And it feels cathartic it feels so good to let it all go.

"You know you're not the only one with problems around here Lindsay it's just that the rest of us manage to keep them from getting in the way. The rest of us..."

"What!"

"Why are your problems so much more important than everyone else's Lindsay? Why..."

"What problems exactly are we talking about here?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Oh but it does. It makes a big difference. It makes a world of difference Bobby. Nothing is more important than this ... What problems are we talking about?"

"What problems are we talking about?" he repeats in a whiny voice.

"Don't mimic me!"

"What difference does it make which of your petty problems I'm referring to?"

"You insensitive bastard!"

"Just get out of my face Lindsay! You're driving me crazy."

"Fine I'll go!"

"Good go!"

She takes one deep breath giving him a chance to relent but he doesn't so she turns and walks out the door. He watches her go still fuming. He watches her walk out of his office past her desk and out the door. He sees the anger, determination and hurt on her face and as the door shuts behind her he realizes what he's done. His hands fly to his forehead as he lets out a long guttural groan. Suddenly all the shouting and venting of anger doesn't feel so good. Suddenly he regrets everything he's said. He's not even sure what exactly he did say. All he knows is it was whatever he thought at the time would most hurt her. The purpose of his outburst afterall was to lose his pain by passing it on to another. But it didn't work as planned, instead it has been returned to him tenfold. He's just irrevocably hurt the most important person in his life. The person he most cares for. The woman he loves. He slams his fist onto his desk in anger, kicks at his chair a number of times and then picks up a book to hurl it across the room but stops, with it raised above his head and takes a deep breath. This isn't going to help. He puts it back down. He's already done damage lashing out at Lindsay lashing out at the furniture isn't the solution either. But what is? How is he going to fix this? He flops into his chair and over his desk saying the things he knows he should have said earlier "I'm sorry Lindsay ... I didn't mean it ... Come back ... I love you ... I need you ... Lindsay come back!"

Head in his hands and tears in his eyes he looks up hopefully when, ten minutes later, he hears someone enter the office. Deep down he knew it wouldn't be her but he'd hoped. He isn't too surprised to see its Rebecca.

"Where's Lindsay?" she asks

"Gone."

"Gone where?"

"Just gone."

"What do you mean gone Bobby? We're in the middle of a meeting ... she can't be gone."

"Well she is."

"Look she was helping me out with my client. We came up with a problem and I sent her in here to ask your advice and she never came back ... Now you say she's gone. What the hell happened in here Bobby? ... What did you do? ... Where is she? ... Why is she gone?" Rebecca shouts.

Bobby groans and drops his head to his desk. It hits it with a loud bang.

"Bobby!" Rebecca shouts rushing over to him.

Lucy, Jimmy and Ellenor are now hovering around his door listening aware that something big has happened.

Bobby looks up tears streaming down his face "I didn't even give her a chance to explain I just laid into her. The things I said ... I was viscous ... brutal. I don't know what came over me. There's no excuse for what I did to her. She'll never forgive me ... She's gone for good ... she's gone." His voice breaks and he drops his head again luckily this time his arms are across the desk and cushion its landing. Everyone looks at one another thinking 'What are we going to do?' They leave him and gather together in the office to formulate a plan.

Rebecca takes charge "Ellenor call Helen see if Lindsay's gone there ... um ... Jimmy you try her mobile ... ok ... um ... I have to finish my meeting ... and Lucy ... Lucy you..."

"Helen hasn't heard from her but she'll let us know as soon as she does." Ellenor says hanging up the phone.

"She didn't take her keys or anything," Lucy says looking at Lindsay's desk "Maybe I should just go out and look for her."

"It couldn't hurt" answers Bec "but Lucy, if you do find her, don't say anything stupid"

Lucy rolls her eyes as she prepares to leave "As if I would."

A mobile phone rings. The sound comes from Lindsay's top drawer.

"Well we can forget about finding her that way." Jimmy says hanging up and heading to the door "I'm going out to look like Lucy did."

Rebecca and Ellenor look at one another and then at Bobby's office.

"Should I try to talk to him do you think?" Ellenor asks.

"I don't know." Rebecca replies heading back to the conference room "I guess it couldn't hurt."

Ellenor looks again at Bobby's office and then shakes her head "Actually I think I'll call Eugene. He'd probably rather speak to him if he was going to speak to anyone."

Rebecca nods "Yeah probably" and enters the conference room.



Phone rings. Ellenor being the only one in the office answers "Donnell, Young, Dole and Frutt"

"Ellenor it's Jimmy I've found her"

"That's great! Is she ok?"

"No she's even worse than Bobby she's just sitting there crying."

"I'll put you through to him."

"Bobby" she calls from her desk "phone"

"Tell whoever it is to call back later" he says without lifting his head.

"No Bobby you have to take this one"

Reluctantly he picks up the phone "Bobby Donnell"

"Bobby it's Jimmy I've found Lindsay."

"Is she alright?"

"I don't think so."

"What did she say?"

"I haven't spoken to her."

"Why not?"

"Firstly I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now ... secondly, it's not my fault she's out here crying and thirdly, Bobby, it's you she needs to be talking to right now not me. I'm not getting mixed up in it. She needs you here and she needs you now. She doesn't know I'm here. I'll stay and keep an eye on her and let you know if she moves ... but the way she's just sitting here crying I don't think she'll be going anywhere anytime soon."

"She won't want to see to me Jimmy."

"I'm sure that's what she's trying to convince herself right now too. Do you want her to decide that? Do you want it to be over? Do you want to give her up without a fight Bobby?"

"Where are you?"

"You know the park on the corner of Lassiter and Fifth?"

"Yeah I'll be ten minutes tops"

"Ok"

"And Jimmy?"

"Yeah?"

"Look after her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Bobby sees Jimmy leaning against a tree. He hurries over to him. "Where is she?" Jimmy points Lindsay out. "Thanks Jimmy" Bobby says patting him on the arm. He slowly approaches Lindsay. She doesn't notice him, not even when he sits beside her on the bench.

"Lindsay"

She turns at the sound of her name and looks horrified to see him there. She gets up from the bench and walks away. He follows her grabbing her arm to stop her leaving "Lindsay"

"Don't touch me!" she warns.

He lets her arm go. "Can we talk?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Lindsay please!" he pleads.

She walks back to the bench and sits. He sits next to her again. They sit in silence until eventually he turns to her and says, "I love you!"

She closes her eyes and ever so slightly shakes her head.

"And Lindsay I'm sorry! You have no idea how sorry I am ... and I know sorry isn't good enough right now but I still need to say it ... Lindsay, I'm sorry! The things I said were cruel and spiteful and you didn't deserve it, any of it! ... I didn't mean any of it. I was in a foul temper and ... look I have no excuse there is no excuse ... I'm so sorry!"

She shivers.

"Lindsay are you cold?" He asks concerned.

She turns and looks at him for the first time since they sat back down again. In a cool even voice she says, "If I am then it's my problem Bobby."

His face crumbles "Oh Lindsay!" he pleads "I didn't mean any of that! I'm sorry! You have to believe that ... I was angry and I just lashed out at you because you were there ... I didn't mean any of it."

"Yes you did."

"Lindsay!"

"No Bobby! It's out there now, you've said it and you can't take it back."

"But I didn't mean it. I was just lashing out. I..."

"You don't think I know what it's like. You don't think I've ever lashed out. You know I have. I did it to you over Pearson and you wouldn't let me take it back. You wouldn't let me deny the way I felt so why should I let you. You can't deny the way you feel any longer Bobby. Its obvious how you feel. You know it and I know it. Accept it Bobby because until you do you won't be able to move on."

"How is it you think I feel?"

She looks away as she answers "Tired of me and my problems ... Tired of keeping up the pretence of caring ... Tired of being trapped by your impulse decision to propose ... Tired of..."

"NO! No Lindsay you're wrong. Completely wrong! That's not how I feel at all. I am tired but not of any of the things you say. I'm tired of always failing you, of failing to protect you. Of failing to be there for you. I'm tired of always being one step behind of always reacting instead of acting. I'm tired of never being quite sure what it is you want and of never being able to give you exactly what you need."

"And what is it you think I need?"

"I don't know! ... I've thought about it. I constantly think about it and Lindsay I can't come up with a thing I have, a thing I can give you, that you would need ... What is it you need Lindsay?"

"You."

"Me?"

She just nods and whispers crying, "That's all I ever wanted."

"Oh Lindsay you've got me" he puts his arms around her pulling her against him "I don't know why you would want me but you've got me."

She stays in his arms for a moment but then pulls away not looking at him, "I don't know if I can trust you anymore."

He strokes her cheek "I'm not surprised ... but I promise you this I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you you can! ... I am truly sorry Lindsay."

"I know"

He takes her hand and kisses it "Lindsay I love you"

She gives him a half-hearted smile and turns away.

"Lindsay!"

She turns back. He moves in closer looking intently into her eyes.

"I love you!"

She sighs, looks down and then back at him sadly. As a tear escapes her eye she whispers "I love you too." She buries her head into his shoulder as he wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. They sit there for a while just holding on to one another. Holding on tight.

"Let's go home?" Bobby says hopefully, almost too afraid to believe she might agree.

She pulls away and looks at him, then slowly leans forward and softly caresses his cheek before standing and walking back in the direction of the office. A couple of quick steps from him and he catches her. They walk in step together for five or six paces before he hesitantly reaches out for her hand. She accepts his hand and fingers entwined they continue the journey.

Too soon for him though she stops walking. Still holding his hand she turns to look at him. Too afraid to breathe he watches her and holds on tight. Watches the battle of her conflicting emotions play across her face. Watches her decision arise. Watches her eyes seek out his. Watches her take one step in to him. Watches her hand reach up to touch his cheek, his hair, his neck. Watches her raise herself up until her lips touch his with a soft chaste kiss. The softest kiss and yet one who's immense power overwhelms him. He's overwhelmed by all the promise and hope the kiss entails. Tears in their eyes they look intently at one another and silently reach an understanding.



Eventually they spoke.

"Thank-you" he said. She said, "Let's go home."