The straw that broke the lawyers back

By Livvy
& Jewel

Summary: You will be sorry or you'll have to pay


Feedback: Jewel wants it and she's not afraid to beg. Livvy hates being left out and says 'well if you're giving it to her I want some too!' She'll pout if she doesn't get it too ... warning not a pretty sight.


Disclaimer: Jewel did it so sue her ... No Livvy did, it it's all her fault.... Is not! ... Is too! ... Is not! ... Is too! ... Not! ... Too! ... Stop it! ... Why? .... Because I said so ... Ok


Author's note 1: (Jewel's version) This story is a result of blackmail by Livvy! She somehow confused me into attempting to write it ...how I'm still not sure...she has that way about her!!! Trust Me! This story is to tie in with her Stew... So really I should call it ...Goulash ... but the title is still being molded in our minds. This is a co creation...Livjewel ...or welliv...or Jewliv...or livwel...take your pick ..yes its me stalling ..cuz I don't know what to write..!!! This is becoming quite a habit..!!!


Author's note 2: (The truth as supplied by Livvy) Well luckily for me Jewel eventually quit her whining and got down to the business of writing. Meanwhile I'd been working hard all the time and patiently waiting for her to get with the program ... hey don't look at me like that I was and I bet no one can find evidence to the contrary.


Author's note 3: (technical advice) This is in alternating points of view, Bobby's and Lindsay's so when you see &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& it means you have a change of narrator

Bobby's Pov

This whole Horrific True Tale (I swear it is!) all started with me wanting nothing more, than to do a good deed for our dear, sweet, devoted friend Helen! Not buying it huh, okay, try this version then. It all started from me wanting just a bit of privacy. I wanted a waking breathing moment alone with Lindsay! But could we get rid of the wicked witch of the ... Oh don't look at me like that! I'm innocent I didn't do anything wrong. Although, if I let Lindsay tell the story you'd hear differently, but I won't. I want you to know the truth so I'm telling it. Maybe you should get a snack this could take awhile....

First of all, I'm engaged. Sometimes I can't believe it myself. It still feels like a blur; a nightmare that turned out to be the answer to my prayers. Lindsay was attacked. I thought I was going to lose her forever. Then in typical Lindsay style she fought like hell and pulled through. My name was the first word that crossed her lips and I was happier than I knew it was possible to be. She'd come back to me, making my life perfect! Well almost perfect, except for one tiny little spec of a problem! You guessed it, Helen!

Helen! How to describe her? I can't really. She defies anything normal or understandable. The only thing I can tell you for sure is, we couldn't get rid of her. Not for one millisecond! God she was even there for the proposal! This is no joke she is ruining every chance I have to keep my private life private!

I proposed at the St Anne's Hospital. Not the most romantic setting but I didn't have a choice. Lindsay was there and wasn't leaving anytime soon. I'd made up my mind to propose and wasn't interested in any delay. I wanted to do it then and there. I'd just learnt you should never put off today for you may not have a tomorrow. Deep I know. I can be at times. Lindsay prefers to say dense!

I'm not sure I like that term!

Anyway back to the hospital. We had finally cleared all but my parish priest away. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I never wanted to be apart from her again! It was the right time, as for the place; well we had flowers they cheered the cubicle a little. I should probably mention they were courtesy of a psychotic killer by the name of Joey Heric!

I really should send him a thankyou note but I don't particularly want to encourage him to resurface. The ring was burning a whole in my pocket. I wondered was it a mortal sin to kick out a priest. Finally he got Lindsay's veiled hint. He started to leave and I breathed a sigh of relief. The smile was plastered on my face, now Lindsay and I could be...

A gust of cold damp air hit me. I turned around. I don't know why I should have known instinctively who it was! Helen Gamble, the most infuriating, interfering, nosey etc. I could go on forever but I won't. I asked her politely to leave. It didn't work. No Siree she was there to stay. Try as I did to get rid of her, I might as well have tried to flatten Mount Everest, for all the success I had.

I figured, fine I'm proposing no matter what. If she wants a front row seat the least she can do is sit quietly and plug her ears! Fat chance. Miss stubborn heard every word! I proposed, annoying interfering audience and all, in retrospect that was a fatal error on my part. Helen witnessed what should have been a most private intimate moment, I thought 'okay I could live with that.' But then she even had the tenacity to decide she was the one who should answer my proposal!

I was patient, I didn't let her get to me, I ignored her, which is like ignoring a growling gorilla breathing down your neck, and focused on Lindsay. I bit the bullet and I gave it my all. To my utter and complete relief, Lindsay eventually said, "Yes!" I seem to recall Helen may have at one point too which probably explains the mess I'm in now. Why else is she there with us every waking and just waking moment? It's set the pace for every private moment Lindsay and I have had ever since.

When Lindsay first came home from hospital she needed all the help and companionship we both had to offer. She seemed to find security in numbers and preferred to be in her own apartment. Physically she had a lot of recovering to do and at times she found it frustrating. So together, Helen and I kept her entertained. She found our attempts to get along highly amusing and I guess we settled into a routine. It became habit to spend evenings together; talking, watching videos, playing games, whatever. Just the three of us doing normal boring friends stuff.

We tried a few times to go to my apartment early on but Lindsay no longer found it as easy to relax there. But then the time came when Lindsay was stronger both physically and emotionally. We no longer had any limitations, well we had abstained, and now we didn't need to. So it should come as no surprise to hear we were very eager to be alone. She no longer needed her Helen security blanket and personally I was more than pleased with the idea of losing it. We really, really, REALLY wanted to be alone. Did that ever happen? Hell no! We were rudely and crudely interrupted, daily by cyclone Helen!

It was as though Helen had some sacred right to be in on every intimate second of our lives. The fact she and Lindsay shared an apartment only contributed to her lack of consideration! I mean they shared the apartment 50/50 but unfortunately Helen couldn't see where the line was drawn. Nowhere appeared to be off limits to her!

In the last month alone she has walked in on us in the shower, our bedroom, the back seat of my car! We got more inventive, until sadly she played 'hide and seek' and found us in the broom closet, the laundry room, the basement, and yes even the fire escape! We tried my place but she'd show up there too. Her constant presence and meddling was beginning to create a rift between us. Frustration was setting in and we were taking it out on the wrong person.

There's a delicate balance when dealing with your lover and her best friend. That balance is only made even more precarious when said best friend is also an ex lover. Hey at the time I had Lindsay's blessing! I know I still have trouble figuring it all out but I did! She'd always acted like an adult about my brief lapse in judgement. Lindsay's the kind of woman who is so loyal; she refuses to let it come between any of us! I hate to admit it but I struggled with it every day. Not because there was anything left between Helen and I but because I was with Lindsay but somehow that now seemed to be a package deal. Love me love my friend.

Well I like Helen don't get me wrong. But there are times when a little Helen goes a long way. Like too much of something sweet can make you sick. Are you getting my point? So let's just say, at that moment, hers was the last face I wanted to see. But there was no eluding this woman! There was only one solution to the problem. I knew that in order for Lindsay and I to form a more perfect and less crowded, if you get my drift, union, Helen needed to make herself scarce! I decided she has too much time on her hands. I reasoned she wouldn't be nearly so intrusive if she had a male distraction of her own. If anyone needed a man it was Helen. So, it was time to take the said "bull" by the horns and find Helen a man. How difficult could that be?

All I needed was to come up with the perfect man. Well maybe not perfect, she'd had him, and what can I say he's Lindsay's now. So who could I get? I confess it crossed my mind to set her up with my cousin the dentist. They are both pretty whiny; they'd suit one another. Plus she'd have free dental for life if it worked out. That's got to be a bonus right? Then I realized she would also be at every family gathering we had for the rest of my life. Scratch that idea! Ok what about Jimmy, he's eligible or Eugene? No, no stupid thought Donnell, as then she'd have an inside pipeline to my practice! Not like she doesn't already but there's no need to double it. No, I needed someone who would get her out of my hair. All my single friends just seemed to ensure I'd see her more and I DON'T want that!

I needed someone who'd get her away from me. Someone not from my social circle and I guess clients were out too what with her persnickety dislike of criminals. They are people too but try to convince her of that! I needed someone I knew, who was good looking, ambitious, with a decent personality, no criminal history and only a very distant, cordial, relationship with me. I know someone like that. Craig Beaumont! My Chiropractor! Perfect! Lindsay's always going on about how Helen loves a good massage. Who could be more perfect than a man who knows his way around her spine could could? He's been single as long as I've known him, he has money, nimble fingers, and I only have to see him about four times a year!

So now I had the perfect plan. I had the man of Helen's dreams but how was I going to get them together? I tried to conjure a circumstance of a contrived accidental meeting but it was useless, I couldn't come up with anything. Short of breaking Helen's back there was no way I could subtly get these two in a room together. I knew I was going to need Lindsay's help on this. I also knew she wasn't going to be keen on the idea. Apparently this month Helen had sworn off blind dates. Mind you she says that after each and every one but I've never known her to turn one down. Then again I've never known Helen to turn anything down but don't get me started on that track.

Anyway, I knew it was going to be a hard sell. I'd need Lindsay's help and she's not going to trust my motives. There is no way I'd be able to convince her I'm doing it out of the goodness of my heart and I'm not sure I want her knowing the true reason either. I was afraid of how she'd react if she knew how desperate I am to have her all to myself again. Maybe she'd think I was too needy, too pathetic even. I spent a few days agonizing over how to bring it up and then she gave me the perfect opening. We had one of those all to brief minutes without Helen and Lindsay turned to me and said "Bobby I've been thinking, Helen's been a bit depressed lately we need to do something to cheer her up." I so love this woman! Sweeter words I'd never heard.

Ok slight exaggeration. Not about the love thing that's true, I mean the words bit. I've heard sweeter. The word yes on many occasions has had a profound affect on me but those words spoken at that precise moment were the answer to my prayers. They were a godsend. I smiled at her and said, "It's funny you should say that. I was just about to make an appointment with Craig, my chiropractor, and I thought he'd be perfect for Helen." I looked at her with my best 'totally legitimate, not up to anything' face. I was careful to make it all seem innocent, a grand gesture of friendship, and a generous thoughtful deed! Of course Lindsay knew me better than that!

First she gave me a 'yeah right" look than she said "Bobby, are you sure he's a decent guy?" in a doubtful suspicious tone.

"Lindsay, don't you trust me?" I asked full of sincerity.

"Gee Bobby should I?" she asked right back smugly. My fiancée has such a sense of humor. Its just one of the reasons why I love her!

"Of course!" I said trying to sound offended she'd thought it necessary to ask. She gave me a weak nod then stared at me hard. I knew I hadn't fooled her and I may as well come clean. "Linds, you know we need to do something!" I plead. So much for trying not to appear pathetic.

"Oh poor Bobby, is this getting hard on you?" she giggles. Maybe her sense of humor needs work! "Bobby, she means well." She sighs apologetically.

"She spies well!" I retort.

Lindsay tries to appear annoyed but I see the happy glint in her eye before she looks away; she wants this as much as I do.

"Hey I saw that look" I say triumphantly "I'm not the only one who's tired of this. Admit it! You want this as much as I do."

She smiles, we share so much with just a look and that smile says it all!

"You're sure he's perfect for her?" she asks and I know I've won her over. I can't whoop for joy and maintain my suave manner so I do the next best thing. I tease.

"Only one guy better!"

Lindsay gives me 'the look'. You know the one the 'Bobby if you're not careful you'll live to regret it' look. As usual I take it as a sign to misbehave.

"C'mon Lindsay, you know I'm every woman's dream." I taunt. Lindsay's eye's roll back into her head so severely I'm afraid she's having some sort of convulsion. I need to do something to stop that. "But they'll just have to dream Lindsay because I'm all yours."

She had the good grace not to laugh at me although I knew that's what she wanted to do. Her smile is contagious. It lights me up inside. Did I mention she is the most perfect woman on this planet? Hell the universe!

The best thing was she reluctantly agreed to my plan. I don't think she totally approved but I got the feeling she was just as desperate for this as I was. Just the thought she was thrilled me beyond belief. So I made the appointment to see my back man, it hadn't been three months since the last visit, but you can always do with the benefit of a spinal adjustment right?

It was all set. Lindsay took the idea to Helen. We agreed it would be less suspicious coming from her, and frankly the less I had to deal directly with Helen the better! Ok you think I'm a big jerk don't you? In my defense, lucky I'm a defense attorney considering all the times I have to come to my own defense. I should put myself on a retainer! Anyway as I was saying in my defense in some strange way I maintained a somewhat respectable friendship with Helen. Don't ask me how or why. I'll concede she has her good points but they are few and far between.

The main thing she has going for her is she is Lindsay's dearest friend. Plus once she knew the score between Lindsay and I, she was my most enthusiastic cheerleader and a guy can always do with a little help. So this was really the least I could do. To be honest the only problem I have with Helen is, ... well, she cramps my style. Oh and she's Helen. Kind of like Jimmy is Jimmy, which means ... oh never mind it would take way too long!

So the night of Lindsay's and my emancipation arrived, imagine how happy I was. I stood on the curb watching Craig head towards me. From behind him I saw the girls getting out of Helen's car. I was excited this was going to be perfect! "There they are." I said pointing them out to him. The smile on his face was instantaneous.

"Oh man, Bobby, she's beautiful, Wow, you weren't kidding, absolutely stunning!" He smiled widely shaking my hand vigorously. Visions of Lindsay and I alone, totally alone and loving it ran through my head. He was smitten and I was almost free. I should have known better! Since when has anything gone my way that easily.

Before I knew what was happening, Craig had rushed up quickly, embracing my fiancée tightly in his arms. Lindsay laughed not bothering to disengage herself, or rectify the mistake. Somehow this wasn't going the way I pictured. I had to set him straight.

"Well actually, Craig, meet my fiancée, Lindsay Dole." I helpfully put a dampener on any dreams he was having. His face fell. I understood completely but I also didn't care. Lindsay's mine, all mine and he's delusional if he thinks I plan to share! I introduced him to Helen. Her lily-white hand extended to Craig, her most seductive smile ready and waiting.

"Oh...uh...nice to meet you." He mumbled taking her hand in his, then dropping it quickly. I wondered if he was suddenly shy or was he playing hard to get. Helen feeling spurned was not impressed either way. First impressions count and as far as Helen was concerned Craig's score had dropped below zero. This was not good.

Craig turned back to Lindsay and began to gush at what an honor it was to meet her. I cleared my throat while pulling Lindsay into the circle of my possessive and loving arms. "Well shall we?" I gestured to them to enter the expensive restaurant. I'd wanted to do Pizza. Cheap, quick, easy, we get them together then ditch them! But no Lindsay insisted atmosphere was everything! I offered to bring candles to the pizza place but Lindsay said ... well I can't really print what she said. So a "real" restaurant was decided on. Fine I thought what's a couple hundred on dinner, if this worked out; it would be well worth the little financial setback. I had been seriously considering bribing Helen to give us some privacy so at least this way I got a decent meal out of it too.



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&



Ok here we are on a blind date with Helen. Which, surprisingly enough was all Bobby's idea. Got to love a man who will go to any lengths to be with his girl and I do love the man! This was all Bobby's idea! I couldn't believe it when he suggested it. In the past he's gone so far out of his way to avoid double dates with Helen that it's almost comical.

Actually this is the first time he's agreed to one since the night of the 'S' word when he'd been running late. I wonder if this is some attempt at atonement from him, the silly man. Not that Helen's attempted to date since the stabbing either. Hell no she's been perfectly happy to allow all romance in her life to come from us. I think she looks at us as her own personal trashy romance novel but I'm sick to death of her peaking under our cover.

That's why I agreed to this plan of Bobby's. I am so desperate to be alone with him I'd be willing to agree to ANYTHING! I just wish I'd been the one to pick a man for Helen because Bobby has picked a real moron here. Well maybe he isn't a total moron, he does think I'm stunning, but damn he is a moron. I'm engaged to Bobby, he knows it but he's still making moves on me. He's here to be with Helen and there she is dripping in sexu ...butter ...oh Helen ... stop eating!

There is no way this is going to work out. Poor Bobby! When will he learn? And if Craig looks at me like that one more time I'm going to kick him in the shins ... or higher! Granted he has great taste. It's kind of nice to have some attention but he's taken this devotion thing too far. Besides the only attention I'm interested in is from Bobby!

"So Lindsay, what do you do?" Craig asked totally turning his body into mine.

"I'm an attorney."

"Really, well do you and Bobby ever oppose each other?"

"All the time." Helen mumbles, chewing on a rubbery piece of bread.

"Lindsay and I are partners." Bobby says grimacing at Craig and he adds "In every way" pointedly.

"Oh you don't say." Craig downs his drink and signals the waiter to bring him another. Bobby seconds the motion. "So Lindsay if I need some good legal assistance I could turn to you!"

"Uh well.." I try to move away, the only man I want to be pressed against is the one glaring at us angrily. I give Bobby a 'well you invited this jerk' stare. He doesn't appreciate it.

Craig rubs his knee against my leg in a gesture that could hardly be mistaken as accidental. "You would be available to me if I needed your opinion wouldn't you?" He persists.

"Well of course, you're a friend of Bobby's so if you needed some help..."

"Oh yeah Bobby, well he won't object, after all I'm the one who keeps his spine in line."

"What a guy." Helen grumbles popping a couple olives from the appetizer tray into her mouth." Bobby downs his scotch like he's been stuck in a desert without water for a week

"So where did you go to school Lindsay?" Craig asks as his wondering eyes look everywhere but my face.

"Harvard" I answer then try to remind him why he's here "Helen too, we were roommates!"

"You were?" He seems interested in this and turns to look at Helen. Thank God I think and good riddance "So Helen, was Lindsay at the top of her class?" Craig's totally enamored, just the way Bobby planned, only one little problem; he likes the wrong girl!

"Oh Lindsay always comes out on top!" Helen's voice is edgy, not the most attractive she can be.

"I bet you had those professors eating out of your hand!" He slides in a little closer to me his thigh brushing my bare leg. I quickly looked at Bobby to see if he noticed. He did. I'm not surprised. The shorter my skirt the more possessive Bobby gets and I'd made the mistake of wearing a very short skirt tonight.

"Speaking of eating." Bobby said raising disapproving eyebrows hoping to give the proper chastisement. I'm not quite sure whether it was for Craig or me. In retrospect, I'd say the trouble started as soon as we ordered.

"Oh I can't decide between the lobster and steak or the shrimp and scallops!" I said reading from the menu. "It all looks so good."

Craig looked at me sweetly, "How about I have the steak and lobster and you have the other and we can share."

I may have been over enthusiastic in my response but I was hungry and undecided. "What a wonderful idea, Bobby why don't you ever think of that!"

Bobby gave me a look resembling, someone whose underwear was just a bit too tight. I chose to ignore it. I'd only spoken the truth. He's never offered to share. Not surprising considering he doesn't like giving away pieces of his pie. I'm wondering if it's an only child thing or just Bobby.

"So Craig, you should know Helen here is very active physically, she loves to exercise." Bobby tries to put Craig's interest back where it belongs. Helen's glare bores into Bobby's skull I could almost see the light shining through the hole she made. I don't really blame her. It was quite a weird thing to say, even for Bobby, and it's false. Helen exercise! Please! We did decide to jog together once but we both got called in to work so we took that as an omen and never tried again. Now if what he just said is some kind of man code for something else ... well he just may have earned himself a slapping and not one he's going to enjoy either.

"Bobby, that isn't quite..." I begin going to a fuming Helen's defense.

"That's nice," Craig says vaguely not listening to Bobby and breathing too close to my ear for my liking.

The next round of drinks arrived. Bobby downed his and ordered another. That should have been a warning sign the evening was headed to the 'Wish we hadn't Hall of Fame!' Bobby doesn't drink often. It's a control thing. He likes to have it, ALWAYS! So for him to be hitting the bottle so hard so soon ... well I'm a little afraid. Something must be wrong. What it is I don't know. Did something happen at work after I left? It can't just be Craig and jealousy. He knows I'm only interested in him. I mean that's the point of tonight isn't it, so we can finally be alone together.

"So Craig, do you massage your patients before you..." Helen asks. I can't help but smile I know the way Helen thinks. The guy may be an ass but if he can help keep the cellulite out of her glutes then he's a keeper. Helen so loves her rubdowns.

"What...uh..." he looks at me for help. It wasn't that hard a question. Am I sure I trust this guy to the welfare of Bobby's spine?

"She wonders if you get your patients relaxed with a massage before you adjust them?" I whispered trying to explain.

He smiles lustily at me, "For you Lindsay anything. I'd give you extra tender loving care. What hurts you the most?"

"Uh..." I hesitate then consider his offer "sometimes my lower back gets knotted up a bit..."

"Yeah..." he looks at me delighted.

Bobby is seething, that and the excessive alcohol consumption make him act like a schmuck! "Why wait when there's an empty table right over there...I'm sure we could get the silverware removed, and you could have at her already and leave the rest of us to enjoy our meal."

"Bobby shut up!" I glare at him "You can be such a complete imbecile!"

"Me!" He sputters slamming his umpteenth empty glass on the table and having the cheek to look insulted! Helen stuffs a cracker in his gaping mouth! He looks like he might choke and to be honest I'd let him. I try to smooth things over.

"Craig, my back is fine. Its Helen who wanted to know..."

"Oh..." He reluctantly turns her way. "I have a vibrating chair that should work for you!"

Bobby snorts. He liked that comment.

The five-piece band begins playing softly. The calming music does nothing to ease the tension in the air. "Lindsay, what do you say we dance?" Craig asks hopefully. I look at Helen who is now chomping on a slice of cucumber in one hand and a broccoli tree dripping with ranch dressing in the other.

Poor Craig, Helen's lost interest and she can be very cold when the guy isn't her cup of tea! I look at Bobby who gives me an 'as if I care' look and then gets up and walks over to the bar to put a rush on his next order of drinks. I accept Craig's offer. After all Bobby hadn't bothered to ask! He's too busy holding up the bar. Why should I have a miserable evening just because he and Helen are in a mutual funk! I would try my best to rescue the evening if either of them gave me a sign they'd help. But no Helen's busy stuffing her bored face and Bobby's walking back with two drinks in his hands.

His eyes look beadily at me as I take Craig's hand. I don't think I've ever viewed them as unattractive before tonight but there's a first time for everything! He downs both drinks and turns back to his precious bar. I have to wonder if marrying him is the best idea after all.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

How could she accept that slob's invitation to Dance? He smile smugly with his arms are wrapped way too tight around 'my wife!' So ok we're not married yet she's still the future Mrs. Donnell. Plus she has the ring! They should make those things with flashing beepers to remind, the wearee, they are taken.

The barman is getting on my nerves. Isn't it his job to serve me drinks? Why does he keep looking at me like I'm some kind of lush...I can hold my liqueur. I scratch him off the Christmas card list. Damn if I keep this up Hallmark will go out of business but hey that's not my problem and I'm sick of their crappy cards anyway! Just like I'm sick of this loser who's threatening to cut off my supply if I don't go back to my table. I may as well go back to the table but I swear, if Helen provokes me she'll live to regret it.

I make my way back to the table wondering how all the chairs had moved so much that I keep bumping into all of them! I got to the table and there was my nemesis sitting right there chomping away on escargot and carrots like she may never eat again... she must know I'm paying...

This whole fiasco is all her fault I set her up with the stud of the month and she decides to make food her lover for the night! Talk about ungrateful!!!!

I slide in next to her knocking her elbow, which causes her to spill her $12 per glass wine on her dress! "Bobby I'll get you for this!"

"You spilled it! It's not my fault!" I tell her in no uncertain terms

"Not the wine you demented fermented idiot! The jerk who is too dumb to even know who his date is! This is some set up Bobby! I'll get you for this." she hisses.

"What's your problem Helen? Where's the charm that's normally oozing out of your pores? Has it been so long that you've forgotten how to attract a guy? Why the hell don't you do something?" I snipe back, giving the too close for comfort odd couple an evil whammy look, which they choose to ignore.

"Why don't I do something? Why the hell don't you? This is entirely your fault! Are you the only one who hasn't noticed you can't even keep your own fiancée interested in YOU!"

I've learned to ignore Helen, it's not easy but I'm getting good at it. Practice makes perfect. Plus Lindsay's out there putting on a show that grabs my attention more than the whiny tone droning in my ear. "MY God he's moving his hand towards her butt! What the hell does he think he's doing?" I can't take anymore. I'm cutting in.

"Bobby sit down. You'll only make things worse! Lindsay is handling it" Helen waspishly advises.

The fifth round of drinks comes as I wonder how she thinks it could be any worse. I down it and order a sixth! I'm about to tell Helen if she'd had the decency to handle Craig's goods we wouldn't be in this situation when I notice he's nuzzling Lindsay's neck and her hand is running along his chest! That's it! ENOUGH! I rise from my chair, the double scotches kick my ass right back down, as I nearly stumble and trip a passing waiter. Helen laughs at me and I turn all my fury onto her.

"You know the only reason we are here is to try to get you a life of your own. Lindsay and I are so damn sick of you buzzing around us all the time! You're just bitter we are happy and this is your way of getting back at us. You're trying to punish me for stealing Lindsay. I was hoping, if I could get some poor sap to take you to bed, you'd get out of ours! You're nothing but a pathetic peeping pervert!"

I'm sure if I'd had a clear head I'd have known when to stop, but after a month of foreplay, foreplay and nothing but foreplay because of someone's predilection to walking in on us, I was a little frustrated.

"YOU Jackass! I rue the day I ever let you touch my body!" She screeched.

"You and me both!" I agree wholeheartedly. "I wouldn't have sex with you if you were..."

"What the hell are the two of you talking about having sex for?" My bride to be isn't very happy, but then neither am I!

"Lindsay we're leaving!" I say it with the authority of a whipped drunken mouse if Lindsay's reaction is anything to go by. I thought I was being tough and firm but she replied with "Like hell we are I haven't eaten yet!"

Craig helpfully offers to drive Lindsay home if she wants to stay. He places his hand on her arm. By now the entire restaurant is listening in on us! Who is having what with whom, is the look on everyone's faces. I, being a man of unsound mind, due mostly to way too much scotch and a rampant case of jealousy, decide to cut the night, if not Craig's legs, short!

"You get your stinkin' hands off my fiancée!" I rise from my chair looking as menacing as I can in this condition. My eyes feel glassy, my speech is slurred but this is my woman we're talking about. I grab for her planning to stake my claim. She pulls away, angrily. I stumble into another poor waiter, sending a tray full of hot steaming food flying to the floor. As it goes so do I landing flat on my back. I feel the twist as a wrenching pop sends daggers up my spine. The pain is shooting like lightening bolts and I nearly black out. Sheer willpower keeps me awake. I won't let them have the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurt, especially not loverboy!

"What has Bobby done to you?" Lindsay asks Helen who's gone all weepy for God knows why. What have I done? Why the hell is it always my fault? Good to know my fiancée has such a high opinion of me.

From the floor, as I don't think I could rise without screaming in pain, I hit back "Absolutely nothing! Been there done that!" Helen is still sniveling away so I make sure the blame goes to the right place "I don't know why Helen and Craig didn't hit it off seems they both like to go for the grope."

Helen's face goes white then red. She rises from the table and turns her wineglass upside-down over my head! Before I know what's hit me Lindsay throws my just delivered plate of Shrimp Linguini where she knows it will have the most symbolic effect!

"Here Bobby, I think you've had a little too much to drink. Maybe you just need some food!" As the slimy noodles slide down my three hundred-dollar Armani slacks I look up at her wondering if she has lost her mind!

They give me a 'you should know better than to mess with us' look and stomp off leaving me, and Dr. Horny to duke it out. The way I'm feeling it had better be verbally or I'll be pummeled to a pulp. After several threats to turn my skeleton into a pretzel if I ever set foot in his office again he leaves me to my own miserable company. This is what I get for trying to help a friend. Do I deserve this? NO! I was so pissed I had half a mind to call off the wedding... oh don't look at me like that...I said HALF and that was the half that was pickled in booze! I have mentioned I was pissed haven't I?



I went home ALONE to sulk. I was a little unsteady on my feet as it had been a long day. The bedroom seemed too far away, so I thought I'd just flop onto the couch until the bedroom came closer. In a graceful dive, ok a swaggering tripping tumble, I fell to the couch but where was the damn couch? It was there a minute ago but moved almost a foot away while I was in mid air. Who did that? I'm going to get the bastard when I find them. I would have kicked the couch if I could have, but I couldn't move without excruciating pain shooting across my back. Every sorry bone in my body was screaming in agony! I'm quite happy for that to happen in ecstasy but I'm not likely to be experiencing that again any time soon.

Anyway so now I'm in agony on the living room floor, my back is out and I know I'm going to need a chiropractor in the morning. The problem is those guys are crooks and I'm not letting just anyone mess around with my spine.

Sure up until about two hours ago I had the best man in the business. Yeah I know everyone thinks their guy is the best but mine was until, before my bloodshot eyes, he'd become my sworn enemy. Now I wouldn't trust him to come near me if he was the last spine mangler on earth. This is all Helen's fault! She owes me big for this one.

Somewhere in the fog of pain and alcohol in my brain I got a brilliant idea. So I called Ellenor. She wasn't overly happy to hear from me, so much for being a friend. Some people make a big deal about the time of day. So what if it was 2 a.m. I didn't need to be told so four times. Anyway I asked her for her chiropractor's number because I needed an appointment. She told me she didn't have a chiropractor. I said she did. She said she didn't and we continued this discussion for far longer than I would have liked.

I told her I didn't appreciate being lied to when I'm in agony and that I distinctly remember her bringing a chiropractor to the office and that I need to see one pretty damn quick. She said if I meant Fred Spivak then he was her friend not her chiropractor and anyway he's in prison. I asked if she thought he'd see me.

She replied rather snidely, "Well gee Bobby I don't know, do you want me to ring and see if he'll make a housecall." I'm sure there was a jibe in there or something but I said, "yeah that would be great". She laughed, I don't know why and asked the most stupid question I've ever heard "Don't you already have a chiropractor Bobby?"

I answered "I did but Lindsay stole him."

Ellenor said "Bobby are you drunk?" and I realized I didn't want to be in this conversation anymore so I hung up. I now know never to turn to her when I'm in need. So much for friends and partners, talk about kicking a guy when he's down!

Well from there, things just went from bad to worse. What you don't think they can be worse than writhing in agony, drunk as a skunk, on the floor? Well they can! Try being totally and utterly ignored by an irate Lindsay. Although whilst in my drunken stupor I'd vehemently vowed she'd have to come crawling back to me begging for forgiveness before I'd talk to her again, by morning I'd changed my tune. I wanted her.

So first order of the day was to call her. Well second actually, first order was to swallow copious amounts of painkillers in the hopes of being able to move faster than a snail and to try and remove the jackhammers that had taken up residence in my head. So I called her to apologize. I wasn't too surprised to get the machine. I don't remember all of last night but if she drank even half what I did then this morning listening to someone talk was not something she would want to do.

So I waited patiently through her message, "This is Lindsay, leave a message and I'll get back to you." I waited ready to speak as soon as I heard the tone but instead I heard, "Unless it's Bobby in which case you can go to hell!"

There goes my plan for the day. I'd been hoping she'd drive me to the chiropractor and if there was a problem she could smooth talk Craig for me. Going by her little message there I don't think that is now going to happen any time soon. So I bit the bullet and called his office myself but his receptionist, hearing my name, laughed and said she'd been informed he refused to take my calls. I was frantic. I was in pain, I needed help and he was the only person I could turn to. I had to make him see me. To achieve this I only had one option.

I called a cab and had it take me to his office. I presented him with the Celtics tickets I'd waited almost a year to use. The first game was now only a month away. They were floor seats no less but now I would have to get used to the fact the closest to a front row view I'll get will be 10 feet from my TV!

Needless to say, after the receptionist took the tickets into him, I was ushered into his office quick smart. Lucky for me Craig was a quick to forget guy. He'd proven that last night with Lindsay and his inability to remember she is mine!

Half an hour later and with a schedule of twice weekly appointments for the next month I left. I was almost feeling like a new man. More stiff than sore but feeling like my body was well on the road to recovery, unfortunately my heart was another matter!

I went straight to Lindsay's apartment. What can I say, I missed her. I can't remember the last time I had to fall asleep without a goodnight kiss or wake up without her soft breath whispering in my ear. Nicotine has nothing on her. She's the most addictive thing I've ever faced in my life. So I got to her apartment, put my key in the lock, opened the door, pushed it forward two inches and then thwack. It stopped. They'd put the damn chain on! I did what any man would do in this position. I whined. "Lindsay!"

But who answered my call? You guessed it. I nearly screamed when a green slime-faced Helen greeted me. Maybe that's why the door is double locked: To keep her in! Isn't she scary enough without enhancements? Her white teeth gleamed out of the muck and the vision began to have an adverse affect on my already queasy stomach. I was sure my face was beginning to turn just as green as hers. I didn't laugh, I didn't scream and I didn't groan. It took everything in me but I kept a straight face as I asked to speak to Lindsay.

"Lindsay doesn't want to talk to you," she said with a smirk. For the person who'd caused all this fuss she was looking decidedly too happy "Go away and leave her alone. She'll call if and when she ever wants to talk to you again."

The door then slammed in my face. Not really because its hard to build up enough momentum to slam with only two inches but I had enough imagination to hear the slam Helen would have done if she could have done.

So I went home and called Lindsay every hour on the hour. Leaving message after message until finally ... no she didn't answer my call. She must have taken the phone off the hook because I couldn't get through anymore.

'Fine!' I thought. I can survive until Monday without seeing her. And I did, if you call moping around the house carrying her picture surviving without her. But a picture can't do for me what she does and a picture doesn't make those cute little noises. A picture doesn't giggle, sigh, and say "Bobby you're crazy!" By Monday morning I was desperate for her. My fear was she wouldn't come in to work. In my anticipation to see her I arrived at the office an hour early.

I realized the stupidity of this as I sat alone for an hour imagining the worst. Slowly the others began to trickle in. I couldn't handle the wait and so hid in my office ears pricked for her arrival. I heard her laugh and was out of the chair and running in less than a second. She stopped laughing as soon as she saw me and walked past me and into my office. I couldn't help but smile. Finally we were going to talk. I followed her in and watched her take an envelope out of her bag before slamming it down on my desk. She looked at me and said "Read it" then walked out. Ok so our talk consisted of two words, it was still the most I'd heard from her in two days.

I opened her letter greedily and began to read. "Bobby, I did a lot of thinking over the weekend and I hope you did too." I sure did. I thought of all the things we'd do together when she finally came to her senses but somehow I don't think that's quite what she meant. I continued reading. "I've come to a decision" Suddenly I froze not sure I wanted to read more.

What if it's a resignation letter? Or worse, what if she's about to break up with me. No it can't be that. Can it? She is a lawyer, and lawyers like to get everything down on paper, but no not that. Lindsay wouldn't do that to me in a letter. I need to believe that. Ok be strong and read.

"We really need to talk but the office isn't the place to do this." Snidely I thought that if she'd spoken to me over the weekend we could have had this sorted out by now.

"I know what you're about to say but I needed the weekend to think." Embarrassed I realize how well she really knows me. The fact she loves me in spite of this amazes me.

"We will talk but not now. I need you to promise not to bring it up here. No discussion of our private problems can be made during business hours or while colleagues are present. If you are unable to make this promise and keep our relationship purely professional tell me now and I'll work from home until we get this sorted out. If you agree to act professionally sign on the dotted line and return this letter to me. If I haven't received it by 9 a.m., I will be going home."

I slammed her letter onto my desk, then did what any red-blooded male would do, I seethed in anger! I was pissed at her now. All I wanted was to go out there and tell her exactly what I thought of her little rules and regulations but I didn't. No she wants to pretend we're only professional well I'd show her I could be just as professional as she can. She won't be getting the better of me this time. I signed her damn letter and left it on her desk as I went into the conference room.

For the remainder of the day we barely said two words to one another. When everyone else had gone home she came to my office. I'd had all day to realize Lindsay had decided to make me pay. Which translates to I'd had all day to sulk and become indignant. Ok so maybe I screwed up, but I wasn't the only one who was in the wrong and I'm not going to take all the blame! "He was an ass!" I said angrily.

She sighed and asked, "Is that all you have to say?"

I shrugged and said, "I'm sorry he was an ass."

"There's no point in continuing this conversation if you won't take it seriously, goodnight Bobby!" she said.

I was silent, I know she really wanted to talk it out with me but to be honest I just wasn't in the mood. I guess she eventually realized this because she turned and left. I let her go. 'Good' I thought 'Go'. I was angry, I don't like being pushed around and I figured what's one more day without her. I can handle that. I was sure she'd come to her senses soon.

The next day, after another day of silence, we repeated the same dance. She came to my office after everyone was gone. I said, "I'm sorry I got drunk" and she looked a little hopeful, then I said "but he got on my nerves. He deserved everything he got."

Her hopeful look faded into resignation and disappointment. She stood there as if expecting more. What more did she want? I'd said I was sorry, that should be the end of it, but she can be so damn stubborn and unreasonable. I crossed my arms and gave her the stare down of her life! She stayed a little longer, trying to get something, God knows what from me but eventually she left yet still nothing was resolved.

After she'd gone I was annoyed. I was sick of playing games. We'd just gone ten rounds in one of those 'if you don't know then I'm certainly not going to tell you' ping pong matches. She wanted something from me but of course she couldn't possibly tell me what it was. Oh no that would be too easy. Women ramble on incessantly about the need for communication but when they want something do you think a guy can pry it from their lips. Not a chance!

Can I just say that would have to be the most annoying habit women have, actually among the most annoying habits women have, because the more I think about it, the more of them I can come up with. I'm just not dumb enough, despite what Lindsay thinks, to allow myself to be quoted listing them.

Wednesday I gave new meaning to the word stubborn. No way would I give in first. It was now a matter of pride, oh alright yeah, it also had a lot to do with I didn't have a clue what to give. I wasn't going to be pushed around anymore. If it was game she wanted then she'd have to play by my rules. Instead of going back to the office I went home directly from the courthouse. If she wanted to speak to me she knew where to find me. I did the same on Thursday too but she never came.

By Friday I was desperate for her forgiveness again. I was afraid we were never going to work this out. I'd tried everything and knew I had only one untried option left. I went to see Helen. The fact I was willingly approaching Helen should be a true indication of how desperate I was. After a warm welcome, images of Siberia come to mind, and lots of begging she agreed to listen. I had 5 minutes and a threat that if I didn't make it good I wouldn't get another chance.

Despite my best efforts to convince her to speak to Lindsay on my behalf, all the response I got was, "It's got nothing to do with me. I seem to recall you requesting I stay out of your relationship so that's what I'm doing."

Normally this would have been music to my ears but now I needed Helen to run interference for me. I needed someone with Helen's tenacious overbearing quality to make a dent in Lindsay's rock solid resolve. I hadn't got anywhere and the only person more stubborn than me is Helen.

I didn't think before my next word left my mouth "Look Helen you owe me!" See what I mean. Not the wisest words but then my carefully constructed plea hadn't had the desired affect so maybe outright desperation would. Or not.

What she said in reply is completely unpublishable. Words I'm not sure I know the meaning of came spewing out of her. For a moment I thought I was watching a new version of the Excorcist. She finally stopped and I was left wondering if she'd been a sailor in a past life. I mumbled something and ran. I left her office more annoyed than I'd been when I arrived. I stewed over our unproductive encounter all afternoon. There was no way Lindsay would come around if she had Helen influencing her against me. Obviously I'd done something to upset her too. How I ended up having to appease so many people I'll never know. Well basketball tickets worked for Craig I just needed to find Helen's weak spot.

I turned up at her office that evening with a voucher for an all inclusive spa day. Her eyes lit up, her pupils dilated and she was out of her chair, hugging me and screeching in my ear before I knew what hit me. I again asked if she'd talk to Lindsay for me and surprisingly enough she agreed. I was again flavor of the month it seemed.

I spent the weekend waiting for Lindsay's call but it never came. I knew Helen would have spoken to her but obviously she'd been as successful as I. I decided I couldn't sit back and wait any longer. I needed to do something to make her come back to me. Gifts had seemed to work for Craig and Helen so why not for Lindsay too?

So Monday when she arrived at work there was an enormous bunch of flowers on her desk. She thanked me then placed the flowers where they most brightened the office but from her desk were hardest to see. That night we went through the same dance as the week before: I apologized, then she left disappointed as if she'd expected more.

Ok if it's more she wants more she will get. On Tuesday there were more flowers and chocolates too. She gave them to the others to eat. Every time I saw someone from the office they had a chocolate in their mouth. Jimmy actually thanked me thinking I had treated the office. Lindsay never touched any though, no that would be surrender. Well the next gift is going to be personal; something she can't possibly share.

Wednesday a gift box accompanied the new flowers. In it was lingerie. I watched her open the box and then quickly slam it shut again. It was shoved under her desk and she looked madder then ever at me. What the hell did I do wrong this time? The only thing I could think was, maybe that had been too personal, so Thursday's gift was theatre tickets. When she came to the office to thank me and we went through our perfunctory dance it was obvious she still hadn't forgiven me. What more did I need to do?

I thought, maybe she didn't like the show I'd chosen and offered to exchange the tickets for opera ones if she'd prefer. She sighed and looked at me as if I was completely dense.

"Bobby I'm not holding out for better gifts. That's not what I want from you."

Not what she wants! Well what does she want then? Frustration was fast becoming my middle name. As a last resort I voiced my feelings, "Then what the hell is it you want Lindsay?" I'll admit I was also a little annoyed she hadn't let me know she didn't want gifts before I'd spent all that money. I think my mood may have been catching, as she was looking pretty frustrated herself.

"If you'd just think about it you'd know what I want" she said as she left me again.

Like hell I would! If I think anymore, my brain will explode!

What does she think I've been thinking about for almost two weeks now? Ok gifts weren't working. She'd berated me on Monday for using her friends for my own dirty work so asking Helen for help again would not be a good idea. I briefly considered speaking to Bec or Ellenor I mean they are women maybe they can crack this crazy code she seems to be operating on. I decided against this though as she'd made such a big deal of keeping this disagreement out of the office. I swear I'm never falling for that trick again. If we ever get back on the same page all future disagreements are public domain. I need all the support I can get. I just couldn't think of what to do next. She has to know how sorry I am, doesn't she? The only thing I could think to do is, sit her down and really convince her of this. Maybe she just hadn't believed me the first one million times. We need to talk. Really talk, not just frustrated words in passing at the end of the day.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

We need to talk. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I had no idea it would take this long for him to apologize. He's unbelievable. Bobby can be so infuriating. I love him dearly but sometimes he just makes me scream, and I don't mean that in a good way. Surely I'm not asking for too much. All I want is, for him to admit what he did was wrong and then apologize.

But Bobby, when it comes to being wrong lives in a permanent state of denial. I can see him now as a little boy, hand stuck firmly in the jar, cookie crumbs on his chin and chest, chewing on another one as he vows he didn't touch them. I can see it clearly because to be honest, in that area of his psyche, he is still that little boy. If you look at him with even a hint of disappointment in your eyes his immediate reaction is I didn't do it. No matter how obvious or how much evidence there is that he did.

So why am I surprised he hasn't said sorry yet? Oh I should correct that he has said he's sorry. He's been saying it all week So far he's been sorry Craig was a jackass, an idiot, a creep, goaded him, deserved it, had it coming and a number of other things. He's sorry Helen was in a mood and went out of the way to ruin the night. He's sorry I was bored with his company and encouraged Craig's attention. So far he's admitted he's sorry for everyone's behavior bar his own. Plus he seems on a mission to gain my complete forgiveness without giving me a true apology. I can't do it.

I can't let him think just because he makes those blue doe eyes at me, and seems to be walking with his tale between his legs I'll let him off easy. No if I do that it will be the death of me in this relationship. He'll think, 'oh she'll forgive me this once and that once and the next once.' NO Way! I'm not falling for his charms no matter how adorable they are. I have to take a stand. I have to set limits but God this is getting hard!

So he said he was sorry over the answering machine at least fifty times not good enough! Almost every night we've had the same discussion. He's begged for forgiveness for everyone else's faults and I've held out for him to admit his own. Somehow he managed to bribe Helen into supporting him and it's slowly driving me insane. He's tried to sweet talk me. He's tried to buy my forgiveness. He's tried to seduce me. God the lingerie almost killed me. Imagining his face, amongst other things, when I wore it almost made me cave. What can I say I miss Bobby! But I can be stubborn too and he won't be forgiven until I get what I want.

All I want to hear is three words. "I was wrong" Is that really too much to ask? "I was wrong" Is that really too hard to say Bobby? I've all but told him what it will take to get my forgiveness. I can't just say, say this Bobby, because I want him to say it because he means it, not because he knows its what will get him results. But I can't hold out much longer.

I miss him. I need him. I'm slowly going crazy without him. God this is so hard. One more day and he'll win the battle! I mean if I hear Helen spouting off about Sergai her Spaman and his magic fingers one more time I'll climb the walls! If I have to take one more cold shower or I watch one more sexy romantic comedy with Helen, Bobby will find himself pinned to his desk and attacked unmercifully! He wont get to utter a word before my lips are locked to his and you'd swear super glue has gone amok!

Oh boy I really shouldn't be thinking about those lips now. Everyone has gone home and it's just us here. Soon I'm going to have to confront him again in the hopes what I want has finally penetrated that beautiful thick head of his and I need all my presence of mind to do that. I can't go in there thinking of all the things I'm missing out on. Keeping myself under control is getting so hard to do.

As it turned out he didn't give me a chance to regain my composure. He came out of his office, stood in front of my desk and said, "Lindsay I don't know what else to do here. You know I love you. You know I'm sorry I acted like an idiot. I don't know what more you want from me. I don't know what else I can do."

I pinched myself and stared at him in disbelief. He began to shuffle his feet nervously. I think I just heard him say what I'd been waiting to hear but I'm scared I wanted it so much I may have imagined it.

"What did you just say?" I ask hopefully.

"Lindsay I'm at my wits end. What can I do to make you believe how sorry I am how horrible I feel about the way I behaved?"

He is saying what I want to hear. I can't believe it. I stand still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I say "But?" expecting the excuses I'm sure are soon to come.

"But nothing. I'm sorry! I was wrong and I'm sorry. I can't ... I need you Lindsay. Forgive me please. I miss you so much. I've got an 8 o'clock booking at Maison de l'amour please come with me?"

I wasn't sure which surprised me more, his apology or his offer. I was overwhelmed. That's why the next words out of my mouth weren't the loving ones he wanted to hear. "You hate it there Bobby!" Yep even to my ears it sounded catty.

"I know but you love it and I love you and I just want to make you happy." He said it so sincerely, his eyes pleading with me for the forgiveness I knew he already had. "I'm sorry Lindsay I know I was an idiot and if it will make you feel better you can tell me so all night long and I won't argue I promise. Please let me make it up to you."

Yes I was going to let him make it up to me but in ways that didn't involve dinner. Who needs food at times like these? "Can we go to Maison de l'amour tomorrow night instead" I asked.

"I've booked for tonight!" He said with a frown.

"I'm sorry but I have other plans for tonight."

Bobby looked heartbroken and mumbled "ok sorry to interrupt" as he turned to walk away. I had to stop him leaving.

"Aren't you going to ask what my plans are?"

He was barely able to look at me when he said, "I don't think I want to know."

"Oh but you really do trust me!" I walked towards him and ran my hand across his strong masculine chest. He whimpered softly, afraid to believe what he wanted was going to occur. It was a beautiful sound. I'd never realized before how much power I had over him, how emotionally invested in us he is.

"First" I said "I am going to do this" and I put my arms around his neck. His eyes begin to show hope. "And then this" I raised myself up on my toes and kissed his lips softly before pulling about an inch away and pausing. Bobby pulled me back to him immediately, we kissed with all the passion, and intensity two weeks of pent up emotion can muster.

Oh my God it was amazing. Week kneed, heart pounding, breathless, dizzy but no intention of stopping. I could have died and I wouldn't have stopped. I'd missed his mouth, his hands, his warmth, and those lips so much. Actually I'm getting aroused now just thinking about it ... anyway where was I ... oh yeah that's right the kiss. Well of course eventually we did pull away and to say I was shocked at what I saw ... well I was shocked.

He had tears in his eyes. The little things that Bobby does unintentionally that show he loves me really floor me. When he puts his mind to it he can use the perfect words and he can make me swoon but the thing is, I know he's meaning to do it. But sometimes without intending to he does something so natural, so sweet, so perfect that I fall for him harder and harder until I feel ... well I feel like I do now, like he's my life and I don't know how I could live it without him.

I reached up and brushed away the tears he didn't know had fallen and said to him "Do you see now why I didn't want to be in a public place tonight?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I could have answered her question. It would have been so easy to just say yes but I couldn't. It would have been a waste of time. Time that would be far better spent recapturing that mouth that has been denied me so long. Those lips that are still so enticingly close to mine. So that's what I did. I answered her with a kiss. We then continued with a long, long discussion.

Non verbally of course!

Hey I had to do a thorough examination it had been two whole miserable weeks since I'd been enveloped in the warmth. I had to check for cavities. Who knew what changes might have occurred in there since I was last granted entrance! I was pleased to discover it all felt just right. Just right? No that doesn't sound good. I don't mean that in a negative way it was perfect, it was incredible, it was amazing. I meant just right in that it felt like coming home. Like I was returning to where I belonged and suddenly, once again, all was right with the world.

She soon shattered that illusion though because she pulled away slightly and after lapping at my neck a little, ooh I'd missed that, she whispered into the ear she was biting on "I have plans for you Mr. Donnell take me home now!" I groaned, and not the pleasurable kind either, actually I'd been doing that ever since she returned to my arms. No this was a groan of despair. A groan of a man who has been showed his world and then had it taken away.

Think of it like this, you're a little kid and you've been asking Santa for the same thing for as long as you can remember. On Christmas Eve you happen to wake and go downstairs just as he's delivering and you see your hearts desire peeking out from the top of his sack so you scamper back off to bed to await the morning when it will finally be yours. Morning comes and you run downstairs but it isn't there the fat old bastard was giving it to the kid next door.

Ok so I may have been making a big deal about this but have I mentioned lately that I've gone two weeks without being allowed to touch, or speak or kiss her, amongst other things. And now here she is telling me to take her home. Telling me she's just as eager as I am. Telling me she wants to be alone with me only me. Telling me we are about to have the best goddamned make up sex known to mankind ... ok I may have been interpreting a little more into her words than you think there was but you forget I know her inflections. I know what she meant and what she was thinking and what I just said; well that's what she was thinking. But I wasn't going to be able to deliver.

Hey stop laughing. I don't mean it that way! Of course I could do that! What I meant was ... well just shut-up for a minute, listen and you'll learn.

Ok I think I've already mentioned I groaned well I pulled away too because I had to look her in the eyes when I did this to her. She looked at me confused. 'You and me both babe' I thought. Her hand came out to me as if to comfort me or to ... I don't know what but I could see on her face she thought she'd done something wrong. So I grabbed her hand and squeezed it a little. Reassuring her I wasn't upset with her but with circumstance. Then I explained the problem.

"Remember a while ago I said my cousin was coming to Boston for a weekend and I'd told him he could stay at my place." Realization dawned on her. She nodded and had this adorable 'oh well it's not perfect but it's still doable' expression on her face. All I could think was 'I wish!'

She smiled sadly and wrapped her arms around my waist. Nuzzling into my chest she said "Bad timing". I answered something like "mmmmm" oh no that was to the nuzzling to the words I said, "You don't know the half of it." She pulled back and looked at me with a cute 'what the hell are you talking about' expression.

"It gets worse," I said and her eyebrow raised questioningly, have I ever told you how cute she is doing that? Ok time to stop procrastinating and tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth "He showed up with his seven months pregnant wife so I could hardly make them share the couch." I said it as quick as I could, like pulling a Band-Aid off fast to try and lessen the pain. It didn't work.

But Lindsay smiled and with a sigh said, "I guess we're going to my place then."

"Like hell we are!" I replied so forcefully that I think I scared her. Her eyes opened so wide I was afraid they'd drop out of her head. "I want you only you and I'm not interested in playing hide and seek with Helen" I quickly explained.

"What are you suggesting?" she asked all confused but excited at the same time. I could tell, remember I know her inflections.

So I said "The Ritz!"

"Bobby!" she screeched I'm not sure if it was from excitement or horror "You can't afford that!"

I picked her up then. She just looked too damn cute I had to do it. It was either that or throw her to the floor, ... so I picked her up, said, "The only thing I can't afford Lindsay is losing you", and it wasn't just a line I meant it.

"Oh Bobby" she whispered and my heart just about leapt out of my chest "You'll never lose me"

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

So then I carried her off and ... well I'm keeping my private life private so the rest I'll leave up to your imagination.

I will tell you this though, Helen was out of sight and out of mind and Lindsay took me out of this world. Just try to imagine it for yourself because I'm not saying another word.