Unfinished Business    part 6

Livvy

Headers in Part 1

Rating: NC-17

*~*~*~*


TUESDAY

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Lindsay smiles as she looks at Bobby; even in sleep he has sensed that he now has the bed to himself and has taken full advantage of it. He is sprawled out magnificently before her now. Knowing what she wants, Lindsay turns and crawls across the bed towards him. Resting on all fours above Bobby, she lowers her lips to his and softly presses lingering kisses there until his slack mouth awakens and returns the favour.

"Mmm, you've brushed," he croaks as his hand slowly raises to caress her cheek.

"And you haven't," she laughs moving her attention to his neck, loving the salty tang of warm sleepy Bobby.

"Whatimessit?" he mumbles, wrapping his arms around her and trying to coax her body to his.

"A little after 7," she replies.

"Lindsay!" Bobby whines, "We're on vacation, why are you up this early?"

"It's beautiful outside and I'm going for a run."

Bobby almost opens one eye as he peeks at her, seeing only contentment on her face, his eyes close again and he mumbles, "Have fun."

"So you're not going to come with?" she teases while moving off of him.

"Goodnight" he drawls, rolling over and stuffing his head under a pillow.

Placing a final kiss between his shoulder-blades, Lindsay climbs off of the bed, pulls on a sweater and opens the door; hearing Bobby burrowing in deeper she quickly steps outside and closes the door before the chill in the air fills the room. Once out on the decking, she pauses to commence her warm up routine, an act that her haste had prevented her from doing two days ago - much to her body's later distress. As she stretches she looks out at the pristine beach, feels its magnetic pull, wanting nothing more than to be running out there. Stretches complete and feeling limber, Lindsay takes a deep breath as she prepares to leave. Before descending the stairs, she takes one look back at Bobby and notes that he's curled on his side, hugging her pillow and unashamedly watching her. Smiling, she waves, then sets out on her run; not even his adorable face is enough to tempt her back inside this morning.

The crisp morning air is almost painful against her skin. It's so cold that it burns but she loves it. As she runs, the chill of the air becomes virtually an entity in her mind. It surrounds her, accompanies her, revitalizes her. As she breathes it in, it accentuates the sensations strumming through her body and as she travels through it, it brings life to her skin. Her senses become more attuned to herself with each step that she takes, until she's merely a body in action and all else fails to signify.

The puffs of her breathing and the thud of each footstep combine with the echo of her heartbeat and the crashing waves to create a symphony that powers her forward. Each step is a beat in life's melody, a moment of beauty, elation and invincibility. She'd never tell Bobby, but on days when all the elements connect, when her body is fluid, her surrounds inspiring and her mind clear and open, running can satisfy her as much as sex. On days like that she understands herself so unequivocally that decisions she may have agonized over for months can be reached in the space of ten steps. With each stride the jumbled pieces of her life fall into place and she becomes totally at peace with who she is. Her body, seduced by its instinctive rhythm, just exists and does until she's consumed by an almost orgasmic euphoria. Unbidden thoughts fly in and out of her head, answers to long sought questions, treasured memories of the past, and visions of future hopes, all to the accompanying arias of her harmonic run.

This morning the elements are connected. Lindsay's body feels so light that if she wasn't hearing her feet fall, she'd swear they weren't even touching the ground. She sees nothing but beauty ahead of her as she sets her sights on the lighthouse. Although she'd run further than that on Sunday, today isn't about pushing her body to its limits in order to chase fear away, today is about experiencing bliss, about opening herself to the universe, allowing it to empower her and celebrating all it has to offer. Her body sings to her with each measured stride and she listens, hears all the secrets that's she's kept buried for too long and lets them out to fly.

A little while later, Lindsay reaches her destination, with exhilaration pumping throughout her body. Jogging to the front of the lighthouse, she stands at the edge of the bluff, the waves crashing below send a gentle spray over her as she pauses to take ten deep, cleansing, life-affirming breaths. She embodies the inherent fervour of the ocean with each inhale and expels unrest with each exhale. Watching her troubles wash out to sea as the oceans fury cleanses her spirit. By the time her ritual is complete she feels taller, lighter and more than eager to return home and resume life. First, taking the time to reanimate unwinding muscles, she stretches a couple of times before jogging slowly around the light house, then turns and begins the journey home.

Her thoughts are more directed now and naturally center on the warm body that she'd left behind. She wonders, is Bobby still in bed? Will she return to find him sleeping, or will he look at her with a crooked grin and come-hither eyes until her body throbs and she flings herself at him? She pictures the scene of their reunion as she travels along and has to fight against the urge to increase her pace. All in good time, she reminds herself, and moves her thoughts in another direction before the need to be home becomes too overpowering and she turns a leisurely jog into a sprint. She remembers last night and the delightful restaurant they'd stumbled across after taking a wrong turn. Having decided that one untried restaurant is as good as another, they'd forgone their original plans in the interest of fate and adventure and had had a night better than they could ever have imagined.

The atmosphere was intimate as they sprawled on cushions barely aware of the activity around them. The waiting staff glided almost invisibly around the room, their sinfully decadent food seeming to appear out of nowhere. The very air of the establishment was an aphrodisiac and by the time they'd finished feeding one another, licked and sucked each other's fingers clean until it's a wonder they weren't reduced in size, all the cares of their world had evaporated. Having imbibed in the cafe's secret elixir, they laughed when the band started up and danced to the tribal beat until their bodies screamed for absolution. So many times last night, Lindsay had looked at Bobby's ecstatically jubilant face and thought 'who are you?' The excitement she remembers in his eye, even now, sends a warm thrill through her. His happiness is a true gift from the gods.

Lindsay doesn't think that they stopped laughing until their heads had hit their pillows. Then their minds were on more important matters, having made love a number of times already this vacation, the overwhelming need that usually consumes them, at times like this, had been abated, allowing them one of the greatest of luxuries - the time and inclination to do no more than kiss. For a change, this most intimate of acts that normally is a precursor to making love, become the indulgence of the night, long lazy kisses purely for the sake of kissing, long moments of perfection followed by more and more until the inevitable - exhaustion, won out. Naked, she'd lain against him and fallen asleep almost before the light had been turned off, drawing to an end Bobby's perfect day whilst feeling a contentment that suggested it may have been hers too.

Lindsay believes this morning is the first in at least five years in which she'd woken in the exact position she'd fallen asleep in. It's a wonder Bobby hadn't been smothered by her as her body lay across his and her arm rested over his throat. His snores had assured her that he was alive and well, so, carefully she'd extricated herself from his grasp, and rolling over had fallen instantly in love with an ocean begging her to come to it. Unable to ignore its siren call she had, but now she's ready to return home. The allure of love is too powerful to ignore for too long.

~~~~~~~~

As she's walking towards the kitchen, Lindsay hears the sound of Bobby's voice. She is about to call out a request that he repeats it for her, when she realises he is singing not speaking. Believing he must have no idea that she is home Lindsay walks stealthily towards him. With each careful step, his monotone off-tune warbling becomes clearer causing a smile to spread over her face at his choice of song. When she reaches the doorway, she's delighted to note that his back is turned and the show remains uninterrupted, because if she thought the sound was amusing the vision is even better. Bobby punctuates every second line of his refrain with a butt wriggle that Lindsay finds adorable. She leans against the door jamb, having no intention of making any move that would end this unusual display.

Lindsay has always enjoyed watching Bobby move. His smooth and graceful physical manner is so contrasting with the stilted man within. If he'd only give his emotions the free rein he allows his body, Lindsay knows that he'd be so much happier. For Bobby, repression is a habit of a lifetime. So much so that he unknowingly does it now with the good as well as the bad. Sometimes she fears that he just doesn't remember how to let himself feel anymore. That's why this week has been so wonderful for them. He's surprised her, again and again, with the walls he has let crumble here and hopes desperately that they will stay down after their return home. She doesn't expect they will though. Lindsay knows she too will be struggling to stay so open once returned to the daily grind of Boston. It's so much easier here, surrounded only by the other half of your whole. Here, seen only by the man she loves and trusts absolutely, she feels no need to hide and the greatest gift that she's received is learning neither does he.

This fact is reinforced to her when Bobby turns, and smiles, delighted upon seeing her, totally unconcerned at having been caught and watched. "I made breakfast," he says proudly.

"Mmm, smells good," Lindsay replies, noting the aroma which she'd previously been too preoccupied to sense.

Bobby nods towards the oven and comments, "Just trying to breath more life into Sundays muffins."

"You can never have too much life," Lindsay sighs as she walks towards him, needing to be in his arms.

"God, you look beautiful," Bobby vows, making Lindsay smile broadly at him.

"So do you," she replies hugging him tight. When he laughs, she rests her chin on his chest as she looks up. Smiling she says, "You are beautiful!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" he replies and directs her towards the table.

As she sits, Lindsay can tell that, feeling self-conscious about her praise, he's trying to ignore her gaze, so she dials her attentions up a notch. One day this man will believe in himself as much as she believes in him or she'll die trying.

"Cut it out!" Bobby chuckles when her eyes remain glued to him for longer than he can tolerate.

"Not until you admit I am right."

'Never,' he mouths at her, making her stare even harder. Bobby groans and turns away, pours Lindsay a cup of coffee then brings it to her. "Do you want something nutritious first?" he asks placing the cup on the table.

"To hell with that, Bobby," Lindsay replies "Let's go straight to the good stuff, I want chocolate."

"That's what I like about you, Lindsay," Bobby says removing the muffins from the oven, "You know what you want."

Lindsay is quiet as she takes a proffered muffin, when Bobby raises a questioning eyebrow, she says, "Do you really like that about me?" He looks surprised by the question and she quickly adds, "Not that I plan to change if your answer is no." When he laughs, she explains, "I just wonder, sometimes, if you like it or just put up with it because you like me."

"The truth is I put up with you because I like it," he teases.

"Well, that's okay then," she smiles, knowing Bobby will eventually answer her seriously. His innate curiosity will get the better of him sooner or later and the topic will resume when he's ready to confront the question.

They eat in a comfortable silence for a while, until Bobby asks, "Seriously though, Lindsay, why would you think that?"

"Just from the way you are sometimes with women," Lindsay replies, seeing a flash of concern cross his face she reaches out and takes his hand, "I don't mean that you do anything wrong, it's just ..." she sighs as she tries to decide how best to explain it, "From what I've seen, the way you interact, you seem more comfortable with women who are... well, less decisive."

"Who are all these women you speak of?" Bobby asks with a hint of amusement in his tone, "What happened to you saying that you'd never seen me with women? Now, suddenly I'm..."

"Bobby," Lindsay says, halting his rant, he waves to her to continue and grinning she says, "Well, when you and Helen first started dating, you must admit you floundered quite a bit, Bobby, and there aren't many people more decisive than her."

"There's decisive and then there's insane," Bobby retorts, "There's a reason that woman's single."

Lindsay gives a warning glare, and hides her laughter behind a mouthful of muffin.

Bobby, still confused about where this conversation is headed, or, for that matter, where it came from, asks, "Is that the extent of your evidence, Helen?"

"Well, the women I have seen you drawn to, the ones who appear to get under your skin the most tend to be the ones who look to you for answers."

"Who are you talking about now, because ~the~ only woman I'm drawn to and who gets under my skin is you?"

"Well, I guess I'm talking more about relationships with clients now."

"Clients!" he says, amused, "I don't have relationships with clients."

Lindsay raises an eyebrow but remains silent.

Sheepishly he says, "Okay, I almost did once, but that doesn't count towards your theory, because she could hardly be considered indecisive."

"No, five bullets is hardly indecisive."

Bobby enacts a mock laugh, but under his bravado Lindsay sees concern. She doesn't recall how they got to talking about this, but that's part of why she's been enjoying this vacation so much, strange conversations arise out of nowhere and through them they discover so much about themselves. Getting back to her point, she says, "But Victoria Keenan was vulnerable and counting on you for the solution."

"Among other things," Bobby mumbles, looking at his plate as if it is worthy of deep contemplation .

"What do you mean?" Lindsay asks.

When Bobby looks up again she sees a hint of annoyance, but it isn't until he speaks that she realizes it isn't directed at her. "She was lethal, and I mean that literally, she played men for her own amusement... it was all a game to her and she read me like a book, she knew what I was craving and offered it. I thought she was sincere and it was hard to turn that down..."

"What... what were you craving?"

"Love."

"Bobby, did you love her?" she asks, hating the fact that she knows it will make her feel ill to hear that he did.

"No, I loved you but you didn't want me to."

"I thought you understood why..." Lindsay says, suddenly wanting out of this conversation, hating that time in her life when she'd felt forced to give up on her dream.

"I did, but it still hurt. I understood it was what you needed, but it wasn't what I wanted and I didn't like it. I was angry and my best friend, the one who'd always made things right, was suddenly inaccessible to me. Vicki came along, offering... I'd lost so much when you... Linds seeing you everyday and knowing I couldn't turn to you, you no longer wanted... it was so hard to live with that... to lose a best friend but still have her right there, reminding me everyday of what... of what she'd taken..."

Never having seen it through his eyes before, Lindsay's stunned with his acknowledgement of the devastation he'd felt, "You never said anything," she says reaching for his hand, "I mean, I know why now, but then, I never knew... I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Don't be sorry, if you weren't ready, you weren't ready, it needed to be both of us wanting it, it never would have worked otherwise." Bobby gently squeezes her hand as he gives her a reassuring smile.

"I wanted it, Bobby, I just..."

"I know, Linds, I do, I know now... And, as for your other claim, I think you're confusing concern with caring."

"You do seem... Bobby, I know it's only concern, I'm not doubting that, it's just... you're quicker to succumb to letting it get personal with a certain type of...."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"And this upsets you?"

"Only in so much as... it makes me wonder if... maybe, you wish..."

"Well, you can stop wondering because I don't. I like you just as you are... even if you are a little too..." Bobby stops and smirks when Lindsay maneuvers their hands until she has one of his fingers trapped tight. "A little too good for me," he quickly says with an air of innocence.

"Lucky," she says and releases his finger, allowing him to take her palm and raise it to his lips.

"Lindsay, I'll admit it's nice having someone look up to you and put such faith in you. It's a power trip that's easy to get sucked into and I'll admit some people you just want to protect, some people you can tell need you more than others and it's gratifying to feel that important, we get so much backlash for what we do that when someone appreciates you it's easy to believe they're more to you then they are... but, Lindsay, I care ~about~ them not ~for~ them, this is work, it isn't my personal life."

"I know that," she replies, nodding that she does.

"Then you should know, too, that that isn't the way I want to live. I couldn't be romantically interested in someone like that, I want a partner, someone I can turn to as well as be there for, an equal, because some yea-saying cheerleader is going to get tiring very soon. I want someone who challenges me, who excites me, who I can talk to, who I'm proud to be with... I want you."

Lindsay has a thousand words running through her mind but the emotions he stirs in her with his words silences her. Her smile is all she can offer as evidence that his message has been received. Thankfully for Bobby's nerves, it's a blinding smile.

"I worry about them Linds, but it isn't love, it could never be love. You are the one I love, the only one I've ever felt this way about and the only one I ever will. You're the full package Lindsay; brains, beauty... brawn."

Lindsay laughs at Bobby's teasing grin, "Brawn, thank-you so much." She knows he needed to lighten the moment and lets him get away with it. To be honest she's still trying to process what he's said. It isn't that she hasn't heard it before, but for some strange reason, what has been said since they've been here, carries a little more weight with her. Whether it's because of their pact to be totally honest with each other from now on, or just the fact that she knows she has only spoken from the heart whilst here, but every word he's said to her this week she has believed absolutely. The faith that she now has in both their relationship and in Bobby, is more than she ever deemed possible.

"You may have a point," Lindsay says in answer to Bobby's what-are-you-thinking expression.

"What? That you're brawny?" he asks amused.

"No, that," she begins then pauses for effect, "I may have been mistaken in my theory."

Bobby looks at her in astonishment, "Could you repeat that, please?" he asks.

Laughing, Lindsay says, "I only said that I may have been mistaken, I'm not fully convinced I am yet."

"Well, what about Bec and Ellenor?" he asks with a gleam in his eyes which signals to her that he thinks he's winning this round..

"What about them?" Lindsay asks unsure what their link is.

"If I don't like decisive women then how is it that I count them as two of my closest friends?"

"Okay, okay point taken," she replies and watches a smug expression rise on his face.

"And you, you've made demands from the moment we met and I..."

"I'm not that bad, Bobby!" Lindsay declares.

"You're not bad at all." he assures her then, grinning leers, "Oh, but you can be bad, I like it when you're bad. Will you be bad with me?"

"I would but you might find me too demanding," she replies in mock despondency.

"Baby, you can make demands of me any time, any place, any way."

Lindsay smiles and rises from her chair, intending to take her plate to the sink, but Bobby snags her arm before she can pass him. Bringing her close, he rests his head against her chest and asks "Are we okay?"

Combing her fingers through his hair she draws his face back so she can look into his eyes, "Yes Bobby, we're okay. It was just a passing curiosity. Aren't there things that you've always wondered?"

He stares at her face for a moment before nodding.

"Like what?" she asks.

"What I ever did so right?"

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"To have been blessed with you I must have done something right, but for the life of me I can't think what it was."

Lindsay barks a laugh and leans down, kissing his lips, before walking to the sink. She knows it was a time buying answer but appreciates the sentiment anyway. This is a question that Bobby has voiced before, though, so it isn't exactly a revelation. Confident that he'll ask anything he needs to, when he's ready, she is willing to let the question rest for now. If there's one thing that this vacation has taught her, it's that it's easy to talk to Bobby when he wants to talk, so she doesn't feel the need to push him about this.

"So, what's the plan for today?" she asks, leaning against the kitchen cabinets.

Bobby looks up from his plate and, with an exaggerated eye waggle, grins.

"Bobbeeeeee," Lindsay drawls, shaking her head a little in exasperation, even as her body starts to come alive in anticipation, it knows exactly what that look means and likes it.

Playing innocent, Bobby leans back in his chair, looks at her curiously and says, "What? Am I being too demanding?"

Lindsay throws the dishcloth at him which he skillfully catches and sends straight back to her. Putting it back where it belongs, she says, "Don't you want to... I don't know, go somewhere, do something?"

"Yeah, I wanna do something," Bobby says, his cheeky smirk reemerging, leaving her in no doubt what he's insinuating.

"Be serious," she sighs, feeling her resistance to him failing with every second that passes. She knows that if they don't get out there and see the world soon their vacation will be over and the opportunity to do so will have been lost.

Bobby nods and sits up straighter, looking deeply into her eyes, he asks, all joking aside, "Do you want to... go somewhere, do something?" Seeing indecision on her face, he adds, "Honestly."

Lindsay looks down and shakes her head before looking back at him and saying, "No."

He smiles in relief and sighs, "Me either."

"I just wonder if we should," she says, "I mean it's a vacation and aren't you supposed to see the sights?"

When his only response is a long suggestive inspection of all the sights that her body has to offer, Lindsay's mouth starts to become dry while other parts of her have the exact opposite reaction, stuttering a little, she adds, "But... um... I like being here... with you, and that's really all I want to do."

"Me too," he says, thankful that he isn't about to be dragged to some noisy tourist attraction just for traditions sake.

Knowing that Lindsay likes to have a justification for everything before she's prepared to listen to her heart, he tries to give her head a logical explanation for why staying home is a good thing. "You know, I think that it's because we spend so much time, all our time, when you come to think of it, running around ~doing~ things, our lives are so structured, Lindsay, that we barely ever have a minute to call our own... We always rushing, Linds, always afraid of being interrupted, so, now, having the opportunity to just kick back and do nothing, to be a little bit lazy and just see where the day takes us... that's a vacation to us." When she nods he knows that he's winning her over, and never one to stop before the finish line, he completes his argument, "Running around and doing things, like normal people would," he pauses and chuckles at her amused grin - since when have they been normal? "Having a schedule and appointments, this day we do this, at that time we do that, that's too much like everyday to be a vacation for us." Screwing his face up in disgust, he says, "C'mon, that's not a holiday it's a nightmare and it isn't what we came here for, we don't want it so why do it?"

"Yeah, I know," she says nodding, "And it isn't just that, I do like the pace we've set, this has been relaxing, restful, which we've both needed, I agree with that... but making time for each other has been good too, we've needed that too..."

"Yeah, Linds, my idea of a perfect vacation isn't to spend it with a crowd of strangers, if I wanted crowds I would have stayed in Boston, I just want to be with you... and quality time not just quantity, I don't want to spend all day with you and not have had a moment free to talk... A holiday shouldn't be about spending time with obnoxious idiots in Hawaiian shirts, it should be about spending time with the people that you love... This has been great, Linds, I really like that we've talked."

Smiling, she says, "So we're agreed?"

"We're agreed," he nods.

"We do nothing?"

"Exactly."

"So, want some more coffee?" she asks as she pours herself another cup.

"No thanks, it might keep me up all day."

Lindsay smiles when he winks at her and has a vivid vision of Bobby spending the day in bed. She finds herself blushing, hit by the memory of the thoughts she had had of him whilst running this morning. She doesn't realise her eyes close as she concentrates on the sight of Bobby stretched out over the bed ready and eager for her. When his fingers caress her cheek and his voice whispers in her ear, "You've been a bad girl," she's startled out of her reverie.

"A little," she admits placing her cup down before she spills it any further but when he presses for a further explanation she just shakes her head.

"Don't go shy on me now," he says standing straight again.

Lindsay looks up at him and her hand reaches out to play over his face. Although she'd intended describing her vision, what comes out is a whispered, "You're so beautiful."

"This again?" Bobby all but moans, then looking sternly at her asks, "Do I have to send you to your room?"

She gives him an I'd-like-to-see-you-try look and says, "Bobby, you've got eyes, how can you even argue with me on this?"

"Because I've got eyes, and Linds... I'm just not my type."

"Idiot," she accuses, wondering how anyone could not love this face.

Framing her face in his hands he says, "This, this is beautiful." He kisses her softly then pulls away and waving his hand at himself says "But this, this is a mismatch of features."

"You're insane," she declares.

"Look carefully, Linds."

"I am, I always do."

"Then you'll see... my eyes are too small for my face; they're beady, they're set too far apart and it's only their color that stops people noticing that. My nose is too big, way too big. My forehead's too big and too small."

Lindsay laughs, "It can't be both, Bobby."

"Sure it can, it goes up too high making it too big but it's about half the width of my jaw so compared to that it's too small. Although honestly my foreheads probably normal size and it's just my jaw that's disproportional. I mean my jaw's practically broader than my shoulders. I'm very hurt that you're laughing at me," he pouts and Lindsay tries valiantly to curb her amusement.

"I'm so sorry," she unconvincingly states, then with a laugh says, "I love you even if you have a big... jaw."

Bobby laughs as he says, "To make matters worse, my jaw isn't just broad, it juts out prominently too. Sometimes when I open my mouth I wonder, if I'm not careful, if my whole face might sink into my mouth and I'll end up with just a bottom lip and a chin. Actually as features go my chin isn't too bad, but I certainly don't think it's strong enough to be my only feature, so I guess I should be thankful my nose is the size it is because that may be the only thing stopping my face collapsing."

"You're such an idiot," Lindsay laughs, virtually collapsing against his chest for support due to a lack of breath. Bobby wraps his arms around her as he continues his spiel.

"You know what else, the shape of my jaw makes my mouth look strange. Most of the time it's okay as mouths go, but when I smile, it splits my face in half making me look like a complete idiot, first of all my beady eyes disappear and then my mouth opens and I end up looking like I have a hundred teeth in there."

"Better than being all gums," Lindsay moans, hating the way that she looks when she smiles.

"Hey, I love your smile!" Bobby assures her, moving her back a little so that he can say it to her face.

"I love yours!" she replies just as adamantly.

Bobby laughs as he says "We're never going to agree on this are we?"

"No," Lindsay agrees with a smile, then adds, "Although, I concede some of your points."

"Great," he pouts, "I just talked you out of being attracted to me."

"Who said I was attracted to you?" she asks.

Bobby's mouth opens wide in horror as his hand goes straight to his heart.

Smiling at him, she says, "I'm attracted to so much more than just your face, Bobby, it's what is in here that counts," she adds placing her hand over the one he had placed on his heart, "and my love for that is never going to fade."

"I love you too," Bobby says leaning forward for a kiss.

After a quick kiss, Lindsay pulls back and says, "Besides, all I agreed on was that, taken individually, your features can be considered... well," she pauses for effect, her eyes scanning the features she loves so dearly, her fingers playing over the sharp contours and deep ridges of his face, "Um, I guess, a little unusual, and if I only heard them described I probably wouldn't be interested... but, Bobby, put them all together and they form a weird symmetry...."

"Weird?" he laughs, "Thanks a lot, Lindsay, I always aspired to look weird."

"I said the symmetry is weird," she laughs, "But this..." Copying his earlier gesture she frames his face with her hands, "This is stunning." Bobby pulls a face at her making her say in frustration, "Oh, come on, Bobby, you're not stupid, you know you're good looking and don't tell me you've never noticed the way that women look at you when you walk by."

"I'm too busy glaring at the men looking at you."

"What if I'm not with you?" she challenges.

"Then I'm too despondent to notice a thing."

Lindsay rolls her eyes at him and says, "I'm not the one who has people approaching them out of the blue, people don't come up to me and say I'm in their dreams."

"Liar."

"What? I am not!"

"I'm not the one who was almost disbarred after being hit on by a juror." Seeing Lindsay's memory returning he adds, "And, I distinctly remember someone confiding in me they were feeling uncomfortable after a colleague had mentioned they'd dreamed about them and seemed a little fixated on the fact she was... what was the word?"

"Rigorous," Lindsay groans.

"That's right. You're not going to win this argument, Lindsay, so give it up already."

"Fine," she sighs.

"Fine," he imitates, leaning towards her.

"Fine," she grins.

"Fine," he kisses her softly.

When he moves to rise again, she grasps his face, pulls it back to hers and kisses him passionately. Bobby's hands flounder at first, with the suddenness of her act, but quickly gain possession of her hips and, whilst holding her to him, guide her back until she's again leaning against the kitchen cabinets. When their lips part, his are still hungry and nibble on her neck as he asks, "Good run?"

"Very," she declares, titling her neck to offer him more skin. Closing her eyes, picturing her very own vampire feasting from her. God Bobby looks good in black.

"Muscles sore?"

"Huh? Oh, no, not at all," she whispers, feeling her body involuntarily squirm against his and loving being trapped by the press of his body into hers.

"Need a massage?"

Oooh, oooh, nice idea, who needs a vampire when there's a Swedish sex-god in the room. "Have I ever declined?" she says, her voice becoming husky as her body anticipates his touch

"Here, shower or bed?"

Laughing, she asks, "Just what sort of massage are you offering?"

"Full body, Baby."

"Hmmm, sounds good."

"Linds?"

"Yeah?"

"Talk's good, but... uh... let's shut up and get to the point."

Ducking out of his grasp, she tangles her fingers in his waistband and begins leading him back to the bedroom. His smile, his lust-filled eyes and the hands that reach for her inform her that he's very pleased with her decisiveness and will follow anywhere she leads.

Arriving in the bedroom, Lindsay is suddenly mindful of the fact that, having been jogging this morning, she is sweaty which leads to the possibility that she's smelly too. As Bobby passes her by, to throw the covers off of the bed, she covertly lifts the neck of her T-shirt to take a cursory sniff, unfortunately Bobby turns and catches her at it.

"Hey, that's my job" he says.

Lindsay smiles shyly as she lowers the T-shirt. Smiling, Bobby walks towards her, grasps the hem and draws the shirt off of her. Dropping to his knees, he buries his face in her skin, and taking and exaggerated sniff, swears, "Mmmmm delicious."

"Bobby," she whines, trying to draw his face away.

"What? You're just the way I like you."

"What, smelly and demanding?" she mumbles stepping away.

She only manages two steps, though, before his hands catch her, and rising again, he leans his body against her back, holding her tight. As his face hovers over her shoulder, he doesn't speak, merely nuzzles the underside of her jaw until her struggling body becomes lissome in his arms. With her exertions no longer an attempt to flee, he slowly walks them to the bed, once there he releases his hold enough so she can turn in his arms, which she happily does.

Her arms rise and drape themselves around his neck as she languidly kisses him. When she shows no intent to move things further, Bobby presses more forcefully against her, trying to coax her body to lay down. Although receiving a pleased hum from her, she doesn't yield to the pressure, instead she presses against him just as firmly which, although an extremely pleasant sensation, makes it near impossible for him to get her closer to the bed. Becoming desperate, he moans, "Bed Linds."

"Mmm, I noticed," she unhelpfully replies.

"I want you in it!" he demands.

"Always nice to know."

"Lindsay!" Bobby growls, his tone is so threatening that Lindsay can't help but laugh.

"What's the rush, Bobby? We've got all day."

To give Bobby credit, he barely groans as he relents to Lindsay's will and turns his concentration into oral explorations and not positional planning. Lindsay delights in his mocha-mouth; coffee, chocolate muffins and Bobby, what more could a taste-bud want on such a beautiful morning. They kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss some more before Lindsay feels his loose body begin to regain its tension.

She smiles, knowing that although Bobby may have relented earlier, once his mind is made up about something, he has a limited amount of patience with compromise. Honestly though, she would have been perfectly happy to hit the bed ten minutes ago, it's just sometimes she likes to mess with his mind, to drive him insane so as to see what results from the frenzy that she stirs in him. He's the most exciting chemistry set she's ever experimented with and she loves nothing more than conjuring a mix that results in a cataclysmic explosion. Although Bobby may claim that he likes the fact that she's decisive, truth be told, Lindsay knows he prefers things done his way. She lets him manage this, from time to time, but only after she's made him work hard for it first.

When Bobby's mouth begins to trail down her neck, Lindsay's moan of pleasure is twofold. She's getting to the point now where she's eager for him to make his move. Not only is she incredibly aroused but her neck can't cope with the strain that their difference in height is placing on it for much longer. She tilts it, both, to garner him better access and to work out the kinks that had begun to develop as their lips were locked to one another's.

Bobby's hands had been busy while they kissed, divesting them both of their track-pants and undoing her bra. Stepping out of their embrace he looks hungrily at her. Now that her arms are no longer around his neck, he reaches out and helps the bra fall from her shoulders. His eyes devour the flush of her skin, the lips swollen from his kisses, the eyes dark as night and the breasts rising with each laboured breath. He'd thought she was beautiful when she returned from her run; stepping into the kitchen, she'd carried with her a glow brought on by the enjoyment of the morning's exercise, but now... now what he sees is caused by her reaction to him and she looks ravishing. That he can do this to her never fails to take his breath away. Right now he needs her more than he's ever needed anything in his life.

"Bed now," he says, wondering for how much longer she plans to torment him.

"Soon," she purrs, sensing how close to breaking he is and loving it..

Bobby feels his knees buckle at her tone and wonders if it's his body's desire to beg her to get this show on the road that's the cause. He looks at her, from the toes hidden in the bunched up track-pants to the top of her head she's adorable, infuriating but adorable. His eyes are caught by the scrap of material still covering her body and a plan forms. He hopes she attributes the gleam that's sure to have appeared in his eyes to the lure of her body. Although it's partly the reason it's there, the main cause is the light at the end of the tunnel that he feels as if he is suddenly seeing.

He'd told her earlier that he loves it when she's bad, and he does, but sometimes she gets him so worked up with her minxish games that he's afraid of what he might do in his rabid state. She takes away his ability to think straight, hell she takes away his ability to think at all. Today looks like one of those days when he knows that, if he isn't in her soon, he's likely to go insane. He'll get to the point where he loses control completely in a feverish attempt to own her, for someone who has always been so contained that thought is frightening as he doesn't know just what might be unleashed because of her.

Knowing what his lust choked voice does to her, Bobby steps forward, saying, "I think you're overdressed... let me help you with that."

His hands raise, land on her body at chest level and slide, feather-light and slow, down her sides until they reach the silky material just below her hips, loving the quivering of her body that they had felt along the way. "These have got to go," he hoarsely whispers. Holding her hips, he lowers himself before her, his face, through the auspices of his nose, trails along her skin. He fights his desire to smile when he feels her body shiver against him and hears a strangled sigh.

Kneeling, now, he whispers, "You smell delicious," as his hands slowly draw the material away. Once the silk reaches ankle level, Lindsay obediently, and without coaxing, lifts her foot to assist him in freeing her of all restraints. When she repeats the action with her other leg, Bobby makes his move; hooking it over his shoulder and rising, catapulting her onto the bed.

Her contented hum, at his seductive ministrations, quickly turns into a squeal of surprise at having been out maneuvered, then delighted laughter as her body crashes onto the mattress, "Bobbeeeee," she giggles.

Planning to join her on the bed, Bobby is quickly removing his boxers, he looks up in time to see her scrambling to all fours and the other side of the bed. Afraid that she's about to make an escape, he launches himself onto the bed, flattening her as he lands across her back. He's sure she'd be laughing if there was any air left in her body, sliding his arms between her and the mattress, he holds her tight before rolling them so they're on their sides and hissing, "Where do you think you're going?"

Free to breathe again, Lindsay laughs and assures him, "Nowhere, I was going nowhere."

Unconvinced, Bobby growls, "Lindsay..."

Before he has time to continue, she interrupts him as she says, "Bobby, give me your hand."

He lets her pry his hand from it's tight hold on her side and slide it down her body. His fingers lightly brush over the juncture between her thighs, "I'm ready," she purrs, "I'm so ready." The evidence of her claim coats him as his hand teases there.

"No more games," he pleads and she promises, 'no more,' as his arm loosens its hold on her.

She quickly moves out of his embrace, again rising on her knees and he's about to protest when he realises her intent.

"Oh, sweet Jesus!" he declares, his eyes devouring her face as she looks over her shoulder at him. Rising to his knees, he shuffles towards her, his hands run over her back, from hip to shoulder, before sliding forward and drawing her against his chest. "I love you," he husks into her ear.

"Yes," she whispers, shifting against him.

He loosens their embrace as his hands slide down to again rest on her hips. His knees slip between hers as he slowly glides in. His pleasure filled groan harmonizes with her susurrant hiss.

"So good," she tells him as he begins to move inside her, "You feel so good!"

Their encouraging entreaties soon lose the element of formal language and become more primitive but no less understood. Feeling euphoria hit, Lindsay places Bobby's hand on her abdomen and hums, "Feel us... God, Bobby... can you feel us?"

Bobby, who's lucky to even know that he has fingers and toes let alone feel anything through them, promises her he does as he gets lost in her, again and again. He feels her shift against him, as her unsteady arms give up the fight to remain upright, and groans at the new angle the action produces. He gets momentarily lost in sensation before awareness resurfaces. Feeling her tighten around him, recognizing the sound of her reaching her pinnacle, he suddenly wants more. Summoning every ounce of willpower he has, he pulls out and sinks to the mattress beside her. Soothes her anguished cry with his softly spoken, "I want to see you."

Looking over at him, she sees him gazing at her with total adoration. She takes a deep fortifying breath before raising up, moving over him and joining them again. Their eyes cling to each other's greedily, exulting in the ability to again do so, communing fully there; words aren't needed as looks say it all. Their absolute love and devotion is conveyed so clearly, beautifully and completely as emotion propels them higher and higher.

Sensing her again set to fly and knowing that she'll be taking him with her, Bobby reaches out desperately and grasping her hips, stills her motions.

"Wha...?" is the most Lindsay can utter, until after a few more breaths are taken she manages a frantic, "Bobby, what?"

Shaking his head at his insanity, Bobby tries to make sense of his thoughts, but logic has long since departed. All he knows is that today he doesn't want to be dragged with her, today he wants her lost with him, wants to mark her as his, wants more than this.

Lindsay lowers over him, framing his sweat-streaked face in her hands, she looks at him, ready to again ask what's going on.

But Bobby, now having her body in his control, rolls them over. Control. That's what he'd wanted; to show her she's his, his to love, his for life, his. Raising until he's kneeling between her legs, he nods to the pillows beside her, she snags one and passes it to him. After he's placed it under her hips he nods for another. Lindsay's eyes watch him, in wonder and exhilaration, as she hands it to him.

Happy now, he grasps her hips drawing her to him. Her legs wrap around him as her hands unconsciously raise to hold the spindles of the headboard, giving her purchase against the bed. He moves within her, now, with a ferocity that overwhelms them both. She's lost to the sensations he's creating in her, overpowered, and joyously so. She loves it when he turns her world upside down and what had been her tease suddenly becomes her own torture. She's at his mercy, her tilted body has her blood roaring with opposing desires; a battle between rushing to her lowered head or throbbing throughout her body. She knows that she won't last long like this, knows too, that when she shatters it's going to be unbelievable. Her pleas urge him on. With each thrust, her arms strain with the effort to give resistance, to push hard against him, to give back to him all that he is giving to her.

'Mine,' he thinks as he holds her, controls her and watches her succumb further with each stroke. 'Mine,' as he lets his body own her. 'Mine,' as he marks his territory, with his hands, his eyes, his heart. It isn't until Lindsay's cries of 'yes' turn into 'your's,' that he suspects his chants of 'mine' had been audible. That she acknowledges it, that she accepts it, willingly and joyfully, are enough to break him. A fireball rips through him as he throws his head back, bellowing, "Mine!"

He feels her jerk up against him, her body going taut in his hands as he spasms into her. He knows, although he can no longer see her, that she's with him all the way. As his body collapses onto hers, he rolls them, freeing her from his weight and her pyramid of pillows, then allows oblivion to swallow him. Upon awakening he's conscious only of the echo of his pounding heartbeat, her breaths laving his face, her warmth and her scent filling the air as his body slowly recovers from its exertions. He's not surprised to discover that he hadn't been the only one who'd taken a moment to slumber and his male pride smiles at the fact that he wore his woman out.

When he feels Lindsay stirring to life beside him, Bobby, not yet cognizant enough to censure his words, mumbles groggily, "Rigorous enough for you?"

Although Lindsay laughs at first, her brow soon furrows, and rising on her elbow, she looks down at him. Bobby's head turns towards hers and their eyes meet and hold.

"What?" he asks, when she continues to stare at him longer than he's comfortable with and without the smile he'd expected to see.

"Why'd you say that?" Lindsay asks.

It takes him a moment to recall having spoken, he mentally slaps himself at his sex-spawned-stupidity and says, "No reason, it was just a joke, forget it."

"No it wasn't."

"It was nothing," he assures her trying not to let a whine into his voice.

"No! It wasn't."

"Fine, it wasn't."

"I know." Lindsay continues to stare at him, hoping for an explanation, but when none appears forthcoming she says, "Bobby, talk to me."

"Tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it," he replies petulantly.

Rolling her eyes, Lindsay flops back onto the mattress and lays staring at the ceiling, 'talk about a mood killer' she thinks. It doesn't help that she isn't sure what she wants to hear, she just knows her Bobby radar is up and there's something she is missing. They lay there in uncomfortable silence. If he'd left her with an ounce of energy, she would have gotten out of bed and left the room. As he didn't he can just put up with her there, it's all his fault anyway. Of all the things to say, why did he have to say that?

Lindsay remains deep in thought, and Bobby can feel the displeasure radiating off of her in waves. Cursing himself, he mirrors her earlier action by rising on his elbow and looking at her face. Trying to convey only truth he says, "Honestly, Lindsay, it was just a joke."

"You sure?" she asks and he can see hope warring with misery in her eyes.

"Pretty sure," he replies.

"So you're not still bothered by what Jimmy said?" she asks.

"What do you mean by still?"

Lindsay pauses as she looks up at Bobby in confusion. She's surprised by the question and is hit with the realization that she may have misjudged him then and has been living with a misconception ever since. Shaking her head she sits up so abruptly that she almost knocks him over. "Nothing," she mumbles, turning to rise from the bed; embarrassment making her flee where anger couldn't.

Bobby grabs her arm, stilling her flight. "Hey, if I can't nothing you, you can't nothing me either." Lindsay can't help but smile at him, and Bobby adds playfully, "You know what I mean, and if you want more coherency don't hit me with these conversations when I'm finding it hard enough to remember my own name."

Lindsay smiles and lays back down, resting beside him she says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you with anything, it's just ..." shaking her head, she stops and closes her eyes.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"I don't know." She hears Bobby lay back down in frustration and turns to face him. Moving closer she lays against his side with her hand playing over his chest as she says, "Honestly, I don't, you just threw me with that comment. I know we'd mentioned it earlier, so maybe it was just on your mind... but I couldn't help remembering how you'd reacted at the time."

"What do you mean how I reacted?"

Again Lindsay's surprised by the question, only this time she senses not so much a denial of her insinuation but defensiveness. "Bobby, I may be way off base here, you're confusing me right now, but at the time I felt you were upset by it. Were you?" He doesn't answer immediately, so she asks again, "Bobby, were you?"

In a voice that chills her, he says, "I wanted to kill him."

Lindsay sits up and looks at him in surprise.

"Not literally," Bobby teases, making her smile in relief that her Bobby has returned.

"I don't understand why it upset you so much," she says.

"Oh, come on Lindsay, you do understand. After all this time, you still flinch whenever anyone mentions Kittleson."

"That's a completely different situation, Bobby," she replies haughtily.

Amused that when it comes to Kittleson, his normally cool and rational Lindsay goes scurrying out the door to be replaced by an irate and needlessly jealous one, Bobby leans closer to her and challenges, "Yeah, how so?"

"Well, for one thing, there was no secret we were together, she knew it, and went after you all the same. Who knows if she had even dreamed about you, the truth is she was hitting on you, plain and simple. It was a totally inappropriate action for a jurist... I mean, who knows how many people she'd used that line on, the point was she told you in the hope that you'd then reciprocate... but with Jimmy, firstly he had no idea about us, and secondly he was avoiding me like the plague, I forced him to tell me about it, he warned me I wouldn't like it, practically begged that I leave him be but I wouldn't. Jimmy had a dream but Kittleson had an intention, it's two completely different situations."

Bobby stares at her until, in frustration, she says, "What?"

"You blamed me for Kittleson, that's why it annoyed you so much."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. You were angry at me too."

"What? No! I wasn't."

"Yes, you were..."

"Okay, maybe a little. But not at first, I only became angry with you when you started acting like an ass."

Bobby laughs and, laying back down, says, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Lindsay lays along his side, saying, "Yes, that's a convenient excuse, Bobby, but it just doesn't fly anymore; you liked the attention and you played into her hands."

"That's ridiculous."

"You should have had her recused," she insists, as her hand tugs a little too firmly on the hair that covers his chest.

Bobby places his hand over hers, stilling it's action, "Yeah, well, with hindsight I agree," he says and she grins triumphantly. Coming to his own defense, he says, "But, when the decision was made, I thought that the case was going well for us and I didn't want a mistrial."

"That doesn't excuse you taking her on as a client," Lindsay says, pulling her hand out from under Bobby's, making him nervous as she places it on his chest.

"Here we go," he groans, before adding, "Lindsay, any other judge and you would have been pulling for me to represent them. Admit it, it was never about the merits of the case it was just her that you didn't want me involved with."

Lindsay rolls away because she can't deny that it's true but Bobby follows her, laying along her side, her turns her face to him.

"Judges talk, Lindsay, it was a good case to take. It never hurts to get a name for discretion, we got her a good result and that's what's important. It was good for our reputation."

Lindsay nods.

"And if anything, spending more time with her just convinced me that she's a wacko I'd never want anything to do with."

Lindsay pushes him away and sits up, "So, before that you - were - thinking...?"

"What? No!" Bobby says, trying to encourage her back down but she shakes him off.

Lindsay looks at him, not wholly convinced.

"I wasn't!" he insists, "Why the hell would I think about her when I have you?".

"You just said..."

"I meant that knowing her more made me realize how lucky I was not to be involved with someone like that, made me realize how lucky I am to have you..."

"You're just saying that because..."

"Jesus, Lindsay, I'm not! If she'd never approached me I never would have given her a second thought... but she did and my only thought was, no thanks, and then, later, having spent some time with her, it was, thank God I escaped that life, that I'm out of that whole dating nightmare and no longer have to wade through hordes of lunatics to find someone I like.."

"You sound scared of her," Lindsay grins.

Feeling better hearing the amusement in her voice, Bobby plays it up for all he's worth, "I am, she's crazy." When Lindsay smiles, he pouts and asks, "Will you protect me from her?"

"Do you mean will I attack her if she comes near you?"

"Yeah."

"Most certainly."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Come here," Bobby says and Lindsay smiles as she moves into his arms.

He kisses her tenderly, his eyes, lips and the fingers softly smoothing over her skin, promise that she is who he loves and all he needs. He rolls her onto her back, following her, adoring her body with his eager mouth. She whispers soft encouragements and words of love, her sweet voice calls to him and Bobby raises up to look into her eyes. Although he appears to be staring at her Lindsay knows that he's really a million miles away.

"Earth to Bobby," she softly says, running her hands along his back, reminding him of where he is.

Bobby grins and slides off of her, resting on his elbow beside her, he asks, "Do you know what the biggest difference between us is?"

"Besides the obvious?" she asks, rasping her hand through the course hair covering his chest heading towards his abdomen.

Sensing the path it is about to take, Bobby grasps her hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it as he chuckles, "Yeah, besides that."

"Tell me o' wise-one," Lindsay purrs.

As much as he has an explanation, his lips are more intent on a different purpose than exposition. Wanting her, he leans forward, Lindsay meets him half way and they share another soft kiss. Bobby feels her smile against his lips and knows she must feel his too, they've talked about dreams, but to him, this is the dream; nothing could feel better than this, he could do this all day... in fact they should.

Pulling away abruptly, Bobby grins at Lindsay, runs his finger over the confused crinkle in her forehead and says, "We should do this all day."

"Uh huh," she replies, not sure what he's talking about but not really caring either. Sometimes after sex Bobby prattles, Lindsay's learnt over time that she need not always listen to his words, hearing the truth in his tone instead, what she hears now is that he's blissfully happy and she understands that fully. She feels a love-suffused lethargy overtaking her, laziness fills every pore as she reaches again for her man, content just to stay on this cloud of repletion that she is drifting on.

"I'm serious," Bobby says as he allows her to draw him near, kissing along her collarbone, he adds, "Let's spend the day in bed... all day... a whole day..." he raises to look in her eyes again, "Twenty-four hours... you, me and this bed."

Lindsay laughs and watches the enthusiasm infuse him, the Devil's advocate in her can't help but rise, it's a lovely idea but wholly impractical. "Can't be done," she tells him, "Sooner or later one of us will have to use the bathroom..."

"Gee, kill the mood," he whines nipping at her nose.

She laughs, pushing him away, "And what about food? You'd either have to plan in advance and have a stash by the bed, and just think of all the crumbs, Bobby... yuck! Or you get out of bed to eat, so really you aren't spending the day in bed."

"Or we don't eat."

Lindsay looks at him in exasperation, "There's no way you'd last half a day without food, Bobby."

"Sure I can."

"You're a man..."

"Glad you've noticed," he deadpans making her giggle. Rolling onto his back, he moans, "There's a time and place for practicality, Linds."

She hears amusement in his voice not true disappointment and plays along. Laying against him she says, "You're absolutely right." Grinning at his raised eyebrows, she adds, "Yes, Bobby, yes, let's do it."

"Too late now, you've talked me out of it," he grumbles.

"Oh well," she sighs.

"You hide your disappointment well," he teases and she snaps her teeth at the finger that has started buzzing around her face like an annoying fly.

"So, Bobby, come on, this huge difference between us? Enlighten me?"

"Oh... it was to do with Kittleson and Jimmy, you sure you still wanna know?"

Although Lindsay had been happy to put that conversation behind her, she finds herself exceedingly curious about what Bobby might say. "Um, yeah, sure... tell me," she says, rising so that she can get a full view of him as he does.

Bobby lays back, with his arms crossed behind his head and legs crossed at the ankles - a total air of casual indifference - but Lindsay sees in the mischief of his eyes that he knows exactly the effect he is having on her. "Okay, so, Kittleson and Jimmy, under the pretext of dreams, hit on us..."

"Kittleson hit on you, it was different with Jimmy and..."

"Don't distort the facts, Lindsay."

"What, I..."

"Jimmy may have disclosed the fact that he dreamed about you under duress, but, having done so, he then decided to use his confession as the impetus to ask you out, you told me so yourself, don't deny it."

"Okay, fair enough, you're right."

Bobby grins, uncrossing his arms so that he can reach out and caress her knee, "Speaking of dreaming, this has to be one, that's about the third time you've said that today."

Bobby's comment earns him a pinch below the ribs, as he laughs and squirms away, he says, "Ah, that's the woman I know and love."

"Get to the point, Bobby," Lindsay warns.

He rolls to his side, "Okay my point is, and you'll probably dispute this, but, hypothetically, if you'd inadvertently found out that Kittleson had dreamt about me, it wouldn't bother you, what bothers you about it is that she brought these supposed dreams to my attention hoping for some reciprocation."

Lindsay begins to shake her head.

"Come on Lindsay, if it had merely been bathroom gossip that you'd overheard you would have just filed it away with the rest of the garbage you hear. If you'd heard about her dreams that way, and she never approached me about them, can you say that it would still bother you as much?"

"No," Lindsay grudgingly concedes.

"Exactly, it was that she told me which really bothers you, you don't like it because you wonder what knowing about her interest in me made me think, you keep wondering if maybe even a spark of interest is there on my part, despite my assurances that there isn't and never will be. Linds, she's a wrinkly old hag, she's crazy... and you know what, that's not even the point, she could be a super model, Lindsay, and I still wouldn't be interested, I want YOU."

"I just..."

"I know, you have a thick head that some ideas just can't break through no matter how hard they try."

Pushing him away, she growls, "That is not what I was going to say." She glares at him but Bobby grins at her in such an endearing way that all her indignation melts. Laying against him, she sighs, "Are you ever going to get to your point."

Bobby rolls them over and takes the opportunity to kiss her again, both out of a desire to do so and a need to buy some time because suddenly he isn't sure how to put what he wants to say into words. Knowing that he can't delay the inevitable for much longer, he pulls away from her lips and raises on an elbow to look at her face.

Seeing his nervousness, Lindsay whispers, "Just say it."

Bobby nods and sits up, he's quiet for a moment, then, barely looking at her he says, "It wouldn't matter how I found out about Jimmy's dreams, it wouldn't matter if he'd ever brought it to your attention or not, just knowing that he had them is infuriating, and... it may be hypocritical of me to say this, when I've admitted that I had them too, but I can't help it... that Jimmy dreamt about you is unforgivable."

"Bobby?" Lindsay whispers, sitting up, running her hand over his arm and drawing his attention to her; she's surprised by the fury she sees inside of him and unsure what has brought it on. She tries to open his fingers from the tightly clenched fist that he holds them in, and join them with hers, but he pulls his hand away.

"No, no, you can't gloss over it, Lindsay," he says looking into her eyes, "You deserve... Lindsay I know how his mind thinks, he had no right to... he owed you more respect than that... it almost killed me at the time that I didn't have the right to hit him, to defend your honor... and that I never did a thing eats away at me still."

"I knew it."

"What?"

"That your comment earlier wasn't nothing."

Bobby sighs, "I'm sorry about that, honestly, there was no thought behind it, I just opened my mouth and that came out."

Lindsay allows her hand to slide down until it catches his fingers, entwining their hand she shuffles closer to him, looking up into his eyes she asks, "Why does it make you so mad?"

"I remember how you were when we first met, you were so young, so sweet and trusting, so innocent, so..."

"If you say virginal, Bobby, I'm leaving this bed."

He smiles at her and shakes his head, "Only someone who didn't know you would call you that, within the first month of knowing you I realized you were the most sensual woman I'd ever met."

"Me?" she asks in shock, sensual not being a word that she would ever have thought described herself.

"Yes, you, and that it's unintentional just makes your impact that more powerful," he assures her, "I'll admit learning it shocked the hell out of me too." He draws her closer and nuzzling against her grinning face says, "I might not have hired you had I known you'd so quickly have me wrapped around your little finger."

"Yeah you would," she hums, "You needed me."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" he whispers. They cuddle for a moment, lost in memories of when they'd first met, Lindsay eventually sits back up and Bobby sees in her eyes the desire to hear more. He runs his hand over her face and says, "Lindsay, you have an air about you, so cool, so confident, so controlled, that it captivates people, you have this don't-mess-with-me-unless-you-want-to-get-hurt attitude..." seeing Lindsay's raised eyebrows he grins, "You have no idea what a turn on that is to me."

"Actually I do," Lindsay giggles.

Bobby pauses in confusion then laughs, "Yeah, I guess asking you to role play kinda did disclose my secrets, didn't it?"

"Bobby, don't get me wrong, I like that it has that effect on you... it's just, when I'm in that mode, I feel cold and distant, I'm working, I've shut myself down so I can do the job, and the last thing I feel is sensual."

"Yeah, that's not what I meant when I said you're sensual, then you're determined, focussed, incredibly scary but sexy as hell," he pauses, checking that she's okay with what she is hearing, then continues, "The sensual woman, the one who I never expected to meet is the one who started coming into my office late at night when everyone else had gone home for the day... Lindsay, I don't know if you even knew it was happening but when you'd walk through my door it was like your mask would be gone, I wouldn't see who you were trying so hard to be, I'd see you and it felt like such a gift that you'd show me that. Your voice was softer, it felt intimate, it was intimate the way we were even when all we did was talk, and the best thing was, you'd talk to me like I was a real person..."

"You are a real person," she says, whispering, trying to assure him while at the same time trying to process his words.

"I am when I'm with you, you find the good in me..."

"There is a lot of that, Bobby."

Bobby smiles at their little mutual admiration society, he knows that he can spend the rest of the morning, or day depending on how much he chooses to milk it, getting his ego stroked, or he can acknowledge her claim and move on to telling her what it is he's stumbling over saying.

Nodding, he says, "I remember you'd come in and ask what you needed to know, or just tell me how your day had been, you'd just say whatever was on your mind, it was so refreshing, Lindsay, to have a real conversation with someone. You'd let me see your vulnerability, you didn't hide a thing back then, Linds, you really didn't. We'd sit and talk for a while, then you'd leave and... I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about you, how beautiful you were, how desirable, how much I wanted to hold you and protect you..."

Lindsay's eyes are wide open as she listens to his words, her hands are clenched together and she bites a little on her bottom lip. Bobby has seen this reaction from her many times before, though normally it draws concern from him he knows that this time her mind is churning with pleasure and not agitation, she's just hit with so many emotions right now that she doesn't know what to do or say.

"I'd dream about you, Lindsay, but mostly what I dreamed was your voice, that soft voice that you used when we were alone, in my dreams I'd feel you, I'd know that we were... we were making love but I never saw you, I just heard your voice. Sometimes... sometimes I'd dream that I was kissing you, those times I'd see your face, your hands, your arms, maybe your neck... but nothing... nothing I didn't normally get to see during the day... nothing that you hadn't already given to me. You were so young, Lindsay, you deserved... I wouldn't let myself take more, not from you, I just couldn't do that to you... I felt guilty enough for even wanting too."

Lindsay can't help smiling at that, she'd certainly never had the same compunction, her dreams had been vividly detailed. Knowing Bobby though, she isn't surprised at his hesitancy and feels she understands its cause. In part she's sure that it is due to the reverential way that he treats those he loves, the pedestal he puts them on but it is mostly due to his innate need to distance himself from emotion. Though he may have been falling in love, he hadn't been prepared to give himself to it and had set limits to protect himself from falling too hard.

It doesn't surprise her that he can control his dreams, that not even his subconscious dares to misbehave, in fact, it would be a shock to learn that he had let it run wild. He'd said earlier that their lives are so structured, and that is certainly the case as no one can compartmentalize like Bobby can. One of the hardest things for Lindsay to get used to, after she and Bobby had finally gotten together, was the fact that she wasn't going in to work everyday with her lover. She works with Bobby Donnell, attorney and senior partner, then she goes home with Bobby Donnell, the man. At the office he's exacting, preoccupied, he'll order her around, question her, make demands on her, just as he does anyone else; the fact that they share a bed at night is irrelevant once they walk through the office doors because there they have a job to do and he'll do whatever it takes to get it done.

Though at work he may push her hard, sometimes he'll even push too far, at home, with the woman he loves, he's gentle and cautious, he's more inclined to back down than to stand his ground because his Lindsay, the woman he loves, is too precious to him to place her at risk. So, he lets her lead the way, holding her when she stumbles, carrying her when she's weary and walking proudly beside her when she's strong but always waiting for her guidance, as if he's saying, 'Take the first step, Linds, I'll be right there with you.' When it comes to love, he's so afraid of making the wrong move, so hesitant to make demands, so willing to merely accept whatever she is willing to give that sometimes she wishes he would take the lead so she could know for sure that they are on the right path for both of them.

Lindsay feels him touching her now, running his hands so tenderly over the skin that he'd deprived himself of all those years ago. Sighing with pure pleasure, she looks into Bobby's eyes and sees his fear, his hesitation to continue until he knows how she feels, his concern that he is saying too much. She knows that he is always afraid that the next word out of his mouth will be the one that is out of line, that will send her running. She knows too that it is going to take him a long time to believe that that was the old Lindsay, the new one refuses to run anymore, the new one is determined to see every moment out.

Smiling, she reaches for his hand, playing with his fingers when he lays them against hers. She watches the actions of their hands as she admits, "I was always afraid that you thought I was being a pest, coming to your office so often and unloading my day."

Bobby chuckles at the notion that he could ever have been annoyed by the presence of that mesmerizing girl who seemed to want to listen to him, who actually cared about what he said.

Lindsay looks up, then kissing his smile, says, "I just couldn't tear myself away, I'd fight it and fight it, trying to resist the urge to go into your office, I'd think that I'd won then five minutes later there I'd be, sitting on your couch asking you how you could do it, how you could live this life and seem so unaffected, wondering when it would start to be as easy for me as it was for you..."

"It's never going to be easy, Linds," Bobby sighs, "I think, if it feels easy its probably time to get out."

"Yeah... But you made it look so easy, back then, I didn't see that you were struggling too.

Bobby nods, not really knowing what to say.

They are quiet for a moment until Lindsay says, "I remember the first time I saw you truly frightened..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I remember it vividly because it was the same moment that I knew I was in love with you."

"Really?"

Lindsay nods, feeling a blush creep over her skin, she knows that its cause isn't embarrassment and wonders if maybe it is relief that she is finally sharing this truth. Bobby looks at her and she watches him fight the desire to ask. He's so gentle, she thinks, knowing that he is going to wait for her to tell him, no matter how much he wants to know he won't push her to say something that she may not be ready for. She wishes, with all her heart, that he would ask. How will she ever know that she is giving him everything he needs if he merely accepts what she offers and never presses for more.

"The Reynolds case," she says, answering the unspoken question.

"My God," he whispers, in awe, "That was..."

"A long time ago," she chuckles.

She watches the wheels spinning as he re-immerses himself into that case. Grinning, he caresses her face, "You asked if I had a girlfriend."

"You remember that?"

"I remember everything you say."

Lindsay shakes her head and laughs, remembering the embarrassment of that conversation, how she'd feared she'd let too much slip.

"I was kinda disappointed when you clarified that you weren't interested in... uh, filling that role."

"I was interested, I just hadn't meant to be so blunt about it then I got so embarrassed I made a total mess if covering it up."

"No you didn't, you were adorable."

"Bobby, I practically said my greatest fear was turning out like you."

"With good reason," he chuckles, he kisses her smile then adds, "I loved the way that you were always so honest, I knew then how interested I was too, I mean, I already knew before then that I was interested, but that spark of hope I go when you mentioned a girlfriend... at the thought that you could want me, I'd never felt anything like that before. After that... I... I started looking at us as a possibility, not just a dream."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Did it change the way you dreamt about me?"

"Not really, maybe I dreamt more frequently but... content wise, that didn't change until after we... after that night when we made love for the first time... you gave me your body then, I saw you, I saw the reality and I... after that night I saw you in my dreams too, it felt like you'd given me permission to... and, so, I dreamt about us a lot, about you..." Bobby sighs and his eyes close, he begins to shake his head and Lindsay watches the visible signs of ire invading him, "I dreamt about you, Lindsay, but never anything you didn't do already, never anything that wasn't something you'd voluntarily give... never like..." he stops again, his head shaking even more.

Lindsay senses that Bobby is getting weighted down by his mood, knowing that he needs to laugh, needs to relax so that he can tell her what it is he is struggling to say, she teases, "Oh really? What about that coming into your office naked thing you mentioned last night, I don't remember ever doing that, Bobby."

Lindsay gets the reaction that she had hoped for and watches Bobby's nervousness fade away as he laughs.

"Yeah, but you were naked in there often enough, I didn't see it as that much of a stretch."

"It's a stretch, Bobby, a big stretch," she laughs, "Believe me."

"If you say so," he shrugs, effecting an air of disbelief.

"I do," she insists.

"Okay," he nods, indifferently

"Shut up!" she says before breaking into giggles.

Bobby looks across at her, challenging, "Make me."

Climbing onto his lap so that she is straddling him, she rests her hands on his shoulders and, leaning forward, glares furiously into his eyes. Bobby's hands slide over her back, before moving down, caressing her bottom as he guides her further forward, chests pressed together their lips soon do the same. Arms pull tight, wanting no distance between them. Their caresses become more intense and breaths become labored as arousal takes over. Lindsay's hands move to Bobby's face, cradling him as she kisses him, his travel over her skin, igniting her with his touch. As his fingers move between her thighs their puffing breaths become moans and sighs. He brings her to the brink, again an again, until desperate for more, she shifts against him, lowering herself onto him, losing herself in the miracle of their now joined bodies.

The rumbling groan of intense pleasure that reverberates through Bobby brings a smile to Lindsay's face. "Good?" she whispers as she begins rocking slowly against him.

"So good," he replies lifting his mouth to hers.

Their hips leisurely rock as their mouths and hands continue to explore. This time it is all about taking it slow, memorizing every moment, every sensation, every flutter flittering through them, tickling through their bodies until they don't know whether to laugh or cry as all they know is they feel so much more than they ever believed possible and all of that emotion is circling through their bodies stealing their composure. As Bobby nips and kisses along her neck, Lindsay whispers to him of her love, of the wonder of the sensations he's creating in her, of how happy she is knowing and loving him. Hearing the voice that has long fueled his dreams say the words dearest to his heart has Bobby struggling against emotional overload, against losing control too soon.

Thankfully Lindsay is just as on edge as he is and the sound of her name on his lips is enough to send her body shuddering around him. Hearing her encouragement for him to let go and follow her, Bobby gives up the fight, calling her name as his body takes over. Lindsay watches the look of ecstasy that transforms his face before giving in to her need to sink against him and just feel. Bobby slides them until they are side by side and Lindsay lays in his arms again, totally blissful as she listens to the pounding of his heart feeling its echo inside of her. She plays over the words that he'd spoken earlier, drawing them into her heart, into her soul, precious keepsakes from her beloved man. As she remembers the way he'd spoken before she'd reintroduced playfulness to the conversation, she recalls him stalling in anger, unable to complete his thought.

Needing to know what had upset him so much, she asks, "Bobby, before, when you were talking about your dreams, you said, never like... never like what?"

"Like ~he~ did," Bobby replies, placing all of his scorn into that one little pronoun.

"He? Jimmy?" Lindsay asks, raising up a little to look at Bobby.

"Yeah."

"Bobby, why are you so angry at him? It isn't jealousy, is it?"

"No, it's... it's disgust."

Shocked, Lindsay sits up as she whispers, "Bobby?"

Turning slightly towards her, Bobby sighs, "This morning, when you said that you'd wondered how I felt about you because of the way I am with women, I became defensive because my mind went straight to Jimmy..."

"Why?" she asks, not understanding this at all.

"Because he doesn't respect women, Lindsay, because..."

"That isn't true," she says, instantly feeling the need to defend their friend.

"It is..." Bobby insists, feeling his anger again rising, he sits up, "You forgive him because he's a friend, laugh it off as just Jimmy being Jimmy, but, Lindsay, that doesn't excuse his behaviour." Seeing the question still in her eyes, Bobby adds, "Just think about it, if he behaved the way he does at any other firm he'd be up on harassment charges within a week, if any other man, someone without Jimmy's quirks so openly questioned you on your sex life, or told you that you needed to get laid because you were too... I don't know, what was it again... Hostile?"

"Um, mean, I think," she says trying to remember what he'd said to Bec.

"Jimmy's a friend, I've known him... it seems like forever, I get him, I mean, usually I know where he's coming from, but... where women are concerned... I just don't understand him at all... he's got this whole Madonna/whore complex going on that..."

"What?" Lindsay says with a bit of a laugh, where does Bobby come up with these things?

"He wants a wife and family, but what he wants for a wife, he'll never find in the one person, he'll never marry because no woman will ever meet his requirements; he wants perfection, unquestionable morals, the virtuous little housewife who'll cater to his every whim, who'll let him dictate what she can do and think, let him be boss, the perfect little accessory... But the woman he desires, the woman he wants in his bed is straight out of those porn movies he likes so much, he doesn't want someone meek, he wants someone who'll go wild and take him with her, that's why Kittleson has her claws so tightly into him, she fulfils that fantasy but it isn't about love it's just sex... and he'll never consider marrying her because at the same time as he's turned on by her he's also ashamed of her. You know that old adage, will you still respect me in the morning, well Jimmy doesn't... once he's slept with someone she's off his marrying list because she's no longer pure."

Lindsay looks at Bobby with a frown on her face as she considers whether there is truth behind what he is saying, it isn't something that had occurred to her but then it isn't something that she had ever given much thought to. "I don't know, Bobby, maybe you are right about that but I still don't understand why you are so angry with him."

"Where women are concerned, he doesn't think straight, you're like playthings to him, not worthy of the same respect as men, that's why he..."

"Bobby, you're being harsh, I think..."

"No I'm not, Lindsay, I'm the one running around cleaning up his messes, he's acted inappropriately with all of you, I've heard complaints about him from you, from Ellenor, from Bec and don't even get me started on Lucy and the video... How he could have repeatedly watched that... he knew... she cried, Linds, she said that every time she turned around he was looking at her, he didn't even deny the fact that he'd watched it more than once, do you have any idea how much that hurt her, to know he'd done that... she's just a kid, it's sick!"

"Bobby, he..."

"Rigorous, Lindsay, just think about it."

"I... what do you mean?"

"I'm not a prude, Lindsay, I've read my fair share of skin magazines..."

"And not just for the articles," she teases, rubbing his knee, trying to bring a smile back to his face, but as he's too caught up in past anger he stubbornly refuses to see any humor in the moment.

"Exactly, I don't have a problem with porn, I've watched it plenty... but for Jimmy... with him it's an obsession, that case you did, he goddamn knew everything about your client's private life, he has a whole collection of her videos, not only did he give me one but he offered me pictures too, he researches porn on the internet, he practically lives and breathes that world... and... and... dammit, Lindsay, he placed you in that role, he put you in one of those movies."

"What?" she says, her hand comes up to cover her mouth and her eyes open wide in shock but Bobby doesn't notice as he's too caught up in his explanation.

"I swear to God, Lindsay, just thinking about it, I want to hit him... Putting those words into your mouth, making you do... God knows what. Rigorous and flexible?"

"Supple."

"What?"

"He said supple not flexible."

"God, I don't even want to think about what he had you do to... so he could... Linds, you... you were so sweet, how he could... that he demeaned you that way, you who..." As Bobby looks at her he sees from her expression that what he is saying had never occurred to her before and that she isn't at all comfortable with it. He almost wishes that he had kept silent, had continued to protect her from this but the anger that has been burning inside of him has long been desperate to come out. Reaching out and caressing her arm, he remorsefully says, "I'm sorry."

Lindsay shakes her head, it isn't so much what she is hearing that is disturbing her but the emotion pouring out of Bobby. "No, it's okay, I should have realized... I guess the idea of Jimmy thinking of me was unsettling enough, I tried not to give it any thought to it..."

"He should never..."

"Bobby, that he had the dream didn't really bother me, the thing that got to me, the reason I came to you about it was how much he watched me after that day. What really unsettled me was that I knew he must have done so previously too and I'd just been unaware of it. I don't like the thought of being watched, I never have."

"I know, and he shouldn't..."

Trying to distract Bobby, she keeps talking, "I noticed he was especially curious when we were together. It occurred to me later that he may have suspected something, that... I think he knew that I had feelings for you, that at the time mine were obvious but yours weren't... and maybe he thought that if mine were unrequited, if you weren't reciprocating then maybe... if I was thinking about sex, and wanting sex, but not getting it, then, then maybe he was in with a chance. That's probably all it was, why I entered his mind in the first place."

"I wanted to hit him, I still do, he had no right to think about you that way, to do that to you, no right at all."

Seeing that nothing she is saying is having any effect on him, Lindsay suppresses a smile as she asks, "What's your porn star name?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your porn star name... um, first pet name and the street you lived in."

"What? Where do you come up with these things?" Bobby asks, unable to retain his anger at Jimmy when faced with the wonder that is Lindsay.

"I think that's what it is, or that could be some other name, but I can't think what other type of name there could be, Helen would know. Want me to call her?"

"No!" Bobby insists, then adds with a whine, "And I should have guessed."

"Quit stalling, Donnell, answer the question."

Bobby laughs, shaking his head as his ears start pinking up, Lindsay moves closer to him, she slides her arms tight around him, smiling encouragingly until he says, "Bam-Bam Rodgers."

"Bam-Bam?" she laughs, "You named a pet Bam-Bam?"

"No, well, yes, but there were uh... exceptional circumstances."

"Such as?"

"See, well, see, it wasn't a puppy when we got it, it was an older dog, someone my dad knew was moving and couldn't keep it so he took it, and um... it's name was Barnabus but, see, I was only tiny... eighteen months or so and well, I couldn't quite say Barnabus... and well... everyone thought the way I said it was cute and it kinda stuck, so it ended up being called it Bam-Bam."

Lindsay laughs, Bobby's embarrassment is too much for her and she snuggles against him as she purrs, "You're so cute."

"Bane of my existence that dog, imagine being nine and trying to act tough and then admitting that you have a dog called Bam-Bam."

When Lindsay starts humming the Flintstone's theme-song, Bobby goes on attack, tickling her until, through laughter, she is forced to stop. "You gonna behave now?" he asks and, catching her breath, she nods. "Good, now, I showed you mine, so pay up, Dole."

"Tiffy Sinclaire," Lindsay giggles.

"I just got incredibly turned on," Bobby says as he nibbles against her ear.

Trying unsuccessfully to wriggle away from him, Lindsay is eventually forced to meet pressure with pressure and allows her fingers to travel over him until she finds his squealing point. With a strategic squeeze of her hand, her ear is quickly released as he hisses that she's an evil woman. He lays on his back, grinning at her and she moves to lay over him. As much as she doesn't really want to reprise the subject, she knows that the anger is still lingering in Bobby's mind. "If it makes it any easier," she says, "It was Tiffy in his dream not me."

Bobby shakes his head, "That doesn't help."

Lindsay soothingly caresses his face, in a gentle voice, hoping to pacify him, she says, "Bobby, you have to let it go, it's in the past and I can assure you that Jimmy has moved on, he doesn't think about me anymore, so don't let this bother you so much, it's nothing..."

"It's just..." Bobby begins then stops with a sigh.

'Oh boy, here it comes,' Lindsay thinks, being fluent in Bobby's body language she knows that what has really been bugging Bobby is what he's about to say now. She sits up, giving him the space to talk.

"Remember that time we went to see Jimmy at the bank and you couldn't work out why I wanted you there?"

"Yes," Lindsay says apprehensively.

"Well, see, I knew how I couldn't say no to you, and, well, Jimmy's always had a roving eye, I..."

Sensing where this is going, Lindsay smiles as she says, "You took me there as a distraction."

"Yeah, kinda, I figured trying to impress you he'd be more willing to give me the loan."

Hoping to lighten the heavy mood, she says, "Gives a whole new meaning to the defense attorney's credo, doesn't it..."

"What do you mean?"

"Anything you can to get the guy off."

"Jesus, Lindsay," Bobby says climbing from the bed, he takes a few angry steps away, before, turning to face her, he asks, "I... God, Lindsay, how could you say that?"

Kneeling she shuffles to the edge of the bed, "Because I'm not as sweet and innocent as I used to be," she says with a wry grin, trying to coax one from him.

Bobby isn't ready to smile, not when guilt is eating away at him, "It wasn't like that," he insists.

Lindsay sighs, "Oh, Bobby, I know, I know, come here."

He walks back towards the bed and allows her arms to embrace him, but all she feels from him is the tension in his body. Slowly kissing over his skin, she says, "I know you, and I know that that wasn't what it was. Bobby, what you did, we do that every day, present our case in the way that will best serve our purpose, if it's the race card we need to play then we use Eugene, rape cases we use a female for the message it will give the jury, or if I just want to show off my adorable fiancé I ask him to sit in on a meeting as a show of strength."

Bobby smiles at her now, "I know, I just..." he shakes his head, "This was different."

"I don't see how, Bobby, if you are feeling bad about it now then you are blowing things all out of proportion. You took me there as window dressing, Bobby, we do it all the time. I knew what you were doing and I went along, I knew that I had no need to be there, you think that I didn't suspect the reason you asked was something like that?"

"But you kept asking why..."

Lindsay giggles, "I know, because you were so cute trying to avoid having to explain."

He growls at her, holding her so tight that by just leaning back he's able to lift her from the bed, "You... why did I ever think you were sweet."

Although she can barely breath in his tight embrace, Lindsay doesn't want him to ever let go. When he lowers her back to the bed, she shuffles backwards, holding her hand out to him, she encourages him to join her there. He launches himself back onto the bed, causing the mattress to jounce and Lindsay to almost lose her balance. He reaches for her and she allows herself to fall into his arms, laughing at the sheer pleasure of seeing him smile again. "I don't think I was ever as sweet and innocent as you thought I was, Bobby, but I love you so much for having believed it."

He smiles and rolls them over, trailing his lips over her skin, he whispers, "You're still sweet, so sweet..."

"Mmmm," Lindsay replies, closing her eyes to allow herself to feel nothing but Bobby. Her mind isn't able to shut down though, and soon she says, "There is one thing that never made sense though."

Bobby pauses, gives one last kiss to the valley between her breasts before sliding up her body; laying beside her, he asks, "What's that?"

"Why, when you were taking me there to help sweeten the deal, you turned so hostile on him?"

Bobby grins and shakes his head, "It was a spur of the moment decision to take you, I was leaving the office, I saw you there, you were free so I dragged you along. I told myself that it would help sell it but..." he leans forward and kisses her, then pulling back admits, "I probably just wanted to steal a moment with you."

"Why do you think I agreed to go along?" she replies, making him smile.

"By the time we got there, I realized what I was doing but it was too late to stop, I could hardly say I'd changed my mind and wanted you to leave, then... Jimmy looked at you and... God, I was desperate to insure he wouldn't get any ideas, I wanted the loan, sure, but suddenly the most important thing was to deter him from thinking about you, the only thing I could think of was if I made him look bad enough in front of you he'd be too embarrassed to ever consider approaching you."

"You're kidding?"

"Linds, when a guy's in love common sense rarely applies."

"So I've noticed," she grins, then turning serious, asks, "Were you really in love with me then?"

"In hindsight I'd have to say yes..."

"But you hadn't admitted it to yourself."

"Yeah, not yet, although, after I got so territorial with Jimmy, it kinda got to the point where not even I could deny it any more."

"You were pretty mean to him, I'd never seen you like that before, you'd told me he was a friend that you were trying to get a favor from, then, unprovoked, you turned so hostile, it was weird. The strangest part was that even after all you said about him, he was still promising to see what he could do for you."

"Yeah," Bobby sighs with a small smile of remembrance, "We've always argued, for as long as I've known him, but it blows over quick, forgive and forget."

"Then, Bobby, it's time you forget this too, it's time to forgive him for this, what he did it isn't as bad as you're making it out to be."

Bobby begins to shake his head, he's held this anger in too long to just let it go now, even for her. "Linds, it's different this time."

Pleadingly, she says, "Please, don't let me come between you, I couldn't bear that. Bobby, in our line of work you need to hold onto friendships, they don't come easy, yours and Jimmy's is strong, don't risk it, not over something so silly, something that happened so long ago, please, forget about it."

Bobby nods and looks away, Lindsay waits knowing that he hasn't agreed with her, he's merely processing what she has said. Eventually he turns back and asks, "Lindsay, can you? Can you forgive him?"

She smiles knowing that Bobby, her protector, has taken this more to heart than she ever did, "Yes, Bobby, I can, I have. And, actually, to be honest, the more I think about what you've said, the more I realize he wasn't really ever dreaming about me."

"What? How do you work that out?" Bobby asks amused.

"Well, like you said, the woman he wants is the one from those videos, for all I know it was Sarah Katlin he was dreaming about, but, to actually dream of her, even his subconscious probably felt that he was with a woman who earns a living through sex, like you said, he wants to love someone pure, someone above reproach and... well, apparently I had this sweet innocent thing going on back then, so in order to be allowed to dream about Sarah, like he wanted to, he needed to replace her face with mine, but it was never me he wanted, I just gave the dream credibility or..."

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"Why?"

"The way you look at things, the way you can put a spin on things that makes something horrible seem not so bad."

"Some people would call that denial, Bobby."

He laughs, "Yeah, maybe, but I think you're wonderful, the way you always see the good..."

"Oh, God, don't call me Pollyanna."

"Excuse me?" he says, surprised.

"When I first met Helen, she used to call me that, she used to say stop trying to find the good in everything, admit the worlds a creepy place, then embrace it and enjoy it. I got sick of her calling me Pollyanna and so one time, after she did, I didn't speak to her for a whole week, my silent treatment drove her crazy and she never did it again... although Glenda the good witch isn't much of an improvement, it may be time to take another stand."

"How you two ever became best friends..."

"I really needed her, Bobby, because as much as I'd hate the things she'd have to say, she was always right about me. I wouldn't be who I am today without her, and I certainly wouldn't be where I am."

"You mean here," he asks, drawing her closer, a teasing grin on his face.

"Exactly," she grins, "I mean, maybe without Helen's help, I might have ended up with Jimmy instead."

Bobby growls as he launches an attack on Lindsay's neck, grumbling, "That isn't even funny."

Lindsay can't help laughing though, thankful that it is mock anger that she sees on his face now and not the real thing. He raises up and she sees that his smile has gone, sighing she asks, "What is it?"

"Did you ever consider what it would be like... you and him."

"No."

"Not ever, I mean, when someone tells you that they've thought about it, doesn't it make you think...?"

"Did you think about Kittleson?" Lindsay counters and Bobby instantly tastes the foot he just placed in his mouth.

"Uh, no, never," he says, shaking his head with an attempt at innocence on his face.

Lindsay sits up and Bobby inwardly winces, thinking that she's going to be annoyed with him again. She smiles at him, seeing the terror in his eyes, then softly says, "There's sex and there's making love and, once you've found the second, the first just isn't enough anymore. So, no, Bobby, it did not ever occur to me to consider what it would be like with Jimmy. I didn't need to because I knew what I wanted and it was never going to be him... maybe it was different for you, but that's how it was for me."

"It was the same for me," Bobby quickly says. When Lindsay looks at him doubtfully, he adds, "You asked me once what was stopping me with Helen, that's what it was. That was my reason, I wasn't in love, I'd been making love to you and to give that up, to revert back to sex... it wasn't something that I wanted."

"But you did..."

"Yeah, because you didn't want me! I had to learn to love someone else, I had to try, you didn't give me any other choice."

When Lindsay doesn't respond, Bobby looks up at her, he sees tears in her eyes and sighs, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh... Lindsay, you told me it was the end, you kept pushing me away, pushing me to Helen, what was I to think? Even if I believed you felt anything, I knew you didn't want to, I knew it was -against- your better judgement. I wanted so much to believe in an us, but... you wouldn't let me, and you know, when it comes to Helen, I was in that relationship as much by your design as my intent. You were pushing me to her, Linds, what was I to do?"

"I just wanted what was best for you..." she whispers, fighting back tears.

"Which is you!"

"Well, I realize that now," she grins.

"Didn't you have any idea how I felt then?"

"I don't know. Bobby, I suspected you might... but I didn't trust what I believed. I knew it was what I wanted and I feared I only saw it because of that... but... but it was also... I couldn't want it, Bobby... I couldn't... not then. You scared me, when I told you about Jimmy, the look in your eyes was so intense, I didn't know what to make of it... you scared me."

"Lindsay, I... did that...?"

Bobby groans, frustrated, and Lindsay rolls to him, brushes her finger over his cheek, and softly says, "It's okay, say it."

He pauses, taking a deep breath, then quickly, as if wanting to get it out before he loses his nerve, says, "Did that have anything to do with why we ended?"

She looks into his eyes, sees that although he claimed to understand, both, at the time and earlier today, he obviously never has. He'd had questions he'd been unable to ask, well, she won't let him wonder any longer. "Bobby, the reason I gave then was true."

"You needed to find yourself," he mumbles, no matter how often he's thought about it it's always sounded more like an excuse than a reason to him.

"Yes, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that your reaction to Jimmy had been a part of why I'd felt so lost." Lindsay silences him with her hand when he attempts to speak, then says, "Bobby, it was an awful time for me, you were the only good thing happening to me and I was afraid of becoming too dependent on you because of that. My life was falling apart and I needed to be the one putting the pieces back together again."

Bobby watches as she speaks and nods that this he remembers.

"All my life I'd worked to get where I was, it was all I'd ever wanted but one stupid mistake and I was on the verge of being disbarred. I was terrified. I didn't have an alternative to fall back on, I was doing the only thing that I wanted to be doing, I don't know what I would have done had I... I was so on edge about that and even... even after you'd fixed that and the threat of disbarment was gone, the confusion was still there. I couldn't stop asking myself how I'd let it happen, how I'd allowed myself to get into such a mess, so then... when a once trusted friend... when Chris, so calculatedly betrayed me like that, and then... and then had the gall to lay the blame on me, I began to doubt myself more than ever."

"It wasn't your fault, he..."

"I know that now, Bobby, I do, but, at the time, Chris shook me like nothing before ever had. It went beyond the actual act of rape, as horrible as the thought of that was, he also took from me my faith in my ability to read people and situations, or to know myself. That it happened so close on the heels of the disbarment fiasco just made me question everything. It made me ask, could I trust any decision that I'd made in my life? I knew I should have come forward about that juror but I didn't, I let Ellenor persuade me, and Chris was right, in the past I'd let him persuade me too... I'd known what he was doing, I didn't like it, but I'd never stopped him. So all of that made me wonder, was I really where I was because it was what I wanted or because I'd let people convince me that it was. Was I leading the life I really wanted or just the one others had planned out for me..."

"Did you think... was I another persuasion? Did you feel that I'd..."

"No, Bobby, never. I loved you, even before we were together I loved you... You'd never put any pressure on me, I knew that what I felt for you was true, you were the one good thing in my life, Bobby, the one true thing... but the way that I was feeling, I didn't think that I had a right to tie you to me when I was such a mess..."

"Lindsay, you..."

She stops him speaking, needing to finish what she has to say, "I wanted you but I couldn't allow myself to, not the way I was then, I believed that you deserved more, it was a horrible time, I felt so lost and so alone."

She pauses and looks at Bobby, sees the sorrow on his face and can hear his unspoken words, 'You were never alone.'

"Bobby, I knew you were there for me, honestly I did, I just... it was a mess that I'd gotten myself into and I needed to... I wanted to turn to you, but... I couldn't... not after Chris, I couldn't face you about that. That was just the way I felt then, but Bobby, you did help me, just knowing you were there helped me, it always has."

"I hope..."

"It has, Bobby, I promise. I couldn't be with you after Chris, but that didn't mean I didn't still need you, what I needed was a friend... my best friend - you. We just couldn't, we couldn't be what we had been anymore. The idea of anyone touching me, of letting anyone get that close just made me physically ill. I hated myself for it, I knew it was unfair to you, you had never hurt me, you would never hurt me but I needed... I needed time and I couldn't explain that to you, not without telling you what I'd done..."

"What he'd done, Lindsay, what - he'd - done," Bobby says insistently.

Lindsay pauses, then nods and softly says, "Yeah... yeah, what he'd done." She looks away as she adds, "You deserved someone who could give you everything, I doubted that that could ever be me, you deserved someone like Helen..."

"Why? What had I done wrong?"

Lindsay quickly looks up, ready to assure him that the answer is nothing, until she sees the gleam in his eyes and knows that he's teasing, he's reminding her that that dreadful time is over and now she's allowed to smile again. "You're horrible sometimes, you know," Lindsay says, her tone belying her words.

Bobby grins and nods, "I know."

Sighing happily she sinks into his body, they softly laugh as they hold one another. "In hindsight, I see now that that was another error in judgement, that relationship was doomed from the start, the two of you are just too much alike."

"Helen and I are -nothing- alike," Bobby splutters.

"Case in point," Lindsay grins, "She'd make that exact same claim."

"Well, I hate to ever admit this, but, she'd be right."

"Bobby, you are both the kindest, most generous, compassionate people that I know but throw a case into the mix and the blinders come on, you're so passionate about what you do that winning is the only objective and if you have to blind side your own..." Lindsay pauses, stopping herself before she says mother, she sighs and says instead, "your own friends to do it then so be it."

"Okay, I concede that point, merely to end the argument, but, moving on, how did Jimmy factor into your decision? You said earlier that he did but I can't see the connection yet."

Lindsay sighs and rolls her eyes at him, "Helen likes to ditch an argument she's loosing too."

"Lindsay!" Bobby groans.

She smiles, then closes her eyes as she regains her previous train of thought, nodding to herself she opens them again and says, "Waiting on the news of disbarment, I needed my friends, I needed everyone who made me feel safe... I needed things to be normal or the fear of what I could be about to lose would get too strong. So, I couldn't handle it when Jimmy started acting strange around me. I believed that I'd done something wrong there too, I thought I'd destroyed that relationship as well and had to confront him on it. I couldn't bear losing anymore of my life... of myself. He warned me I didn't want to know what was going on, but, typically, I knew better, I wouldn't listen..." Lindsay pauses to shake her head, still, after all this time, amazed at what it was that Jimmy had told her.

Bobby pulls her a little closer, "You don't like the idea of him dreaming about you anymore than I do, do you?"

"No, I regret making him tell me, I learnt my lesson not to jump into situations without thinking them through first. It was just a knee-jerk reaction, I saw him pull away and dragged him kicking and screaming back towards me. Of course, after he'd told me about his dreams I was the one wanting to run away screaming... and I hated myself for what I said to him..."

"What did you say?"

"That for professional reasons I couldn't consider it, that I'd never be involved with someone I worked with, when the truth was, I was already involved with you. It just hit home to me how dishonest my life had become, how different from the person I used to be I now was and how I needed to make changes before I was completely lost. Jimmy kept looking at me, he said that I was supple and every time I moved I'd feel his eyes on me. I knew that he was still thinking about us together and it bothered me, first there had been the juror hitting on me, now Jimmy was making my skin crawl, I needed to talk to someone because men were driving me crazy, so, as usual, I turned to you."

When Bobby gives a little laugh, she smiles and says, "No offence, Bobby, but sometimes I forget that you're a man, you're just my best friend; the person I can turn to when I can't go anywhere else, the person I can believe in when I can't believe in myself."

Bobby smiles at her, letting her know that no offence is taken and that, in fact, he's honored by her sentiment.

"I'd been pushing you away since all the trouble started but when I came to you, hurting, you held me, no questions asked. That meant so much to me Bobby and I found myself telling you about Jimmy even though I'd had no intention of doing so. That's how comfortable you'd made me feel. Your reaction... I hadn't anticipated that and it showed me how out of touch with everything I was. I'd been so busy denying what I felt about you that I hadn't looked at you, I hadn't seen what had been so obvious, I'd never stopped to consider what you were feeling but I saw it then. There was anger, there was jealousy and... I thought... I thought maybe that what I was seeing was love too and it terrified me."

"Why?"

"I don't know... I think, because, strange as it sounds considering what we'd been doing for months, your love was unexpected... it changed everything, I loved you and if you loved me then maybe we weren't just friends sleeping together to ease the stress of long horrible days, maybe we were more... I wanted so much to be everything to you, but... I hadn't planned on more and I didn't know if I was ready to handle it... I started pushing you away a little so I could think seriously about where we'd go from there... but a week later the decision was made for me... Chris happened and then I knew I couldn't have more with you because I couldn't cope with any relationship, with love. I didn't want you to love me, to want more from me because I couldn't give it back to you anymore... I couldn't give you anything, I was too... I had to step back from us, I had to get all the pieces of myself back together, I had to learn to believe in myself again, learn to cope unaided. I needed to know I could do it, I needed to find out who I was... and ensure I would never get myself into such a mess again, I never wanted to lose you but I couldn't be with you while I was feeling the way that I was. You deserved more..."

"Lindsay..."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be clearer about it then but I wasn't strong enough to face the truth about Chris and what that said about me, I couldn't confide in you about it because... Bobby, I was so afraid you'd think less of me..."

Horrified at the thought, Bobby tries to assure her, "Lindsay, you know I..."

"I know... I know now that you wouldn't have but back then... I guess, I was so scared and I realised that I needed to start believing in myself before I could allow anyone else to believe in me. I needed time and space. You took it all so well that I thought you understood, that you didn't need to know more. I could see you were disappointed but you never made any objection..." she smiles and brushes her finger along his cheek, "I know why, now..." she shakes her head sadly, hindsight allowing her to see what she had done to him at the time, it hurts to know that she has caused him pain, intentional or not. "Bobby, there was just so much I couldn't say, then... but if I'd known how much you were hurting... I don't know, maybe..."

Bobby nods, he had been full of secrets then too, so how can he fault her for only telling him the bare minimum about what she'd been going through. He doesn't deny that he had been hurt, there's no point as Lindsay can read him like a book sometimes, and it did hurt having his hopes and dreams dashed like that. He'd just accepted that he loved her and wanted more, only to then be told that she wanted out. After years of protecting himself from love, it felt like, the day he had allowed himself to feel it his heart had been stepped on. It had hurt, a lot. Only knowing what he knows now does the pain lessen, only knowing what he knows now can he see that she too was hurting and only now, with resentment dissipated by understanding, can he see the immense pain that she was in and he hates himself for having done nothing, at the time, to ease it and for having inadvertently added to it.

At the time he'd merely watched her struggling, inconveniently, only knowing half the story, he hadn't realised why she was so troubled and had no idea he was adding to her pain. He'd had no idea she'd wanted him as desperately as he'd wanted her, no idea that the actions of that bastard had caused her to devalue her worth and shun from all relationships, and no clue that she'd looked at herself as marred and stepped away to protect him from being tainted by her. Bobby hopes Chris Kelton never returns to Boston, or crosses his path, because should he meet him again, knowing what he knows now, Bobby can't guarantee what he won't do to him. He knows only that the woman he loves has suffered every day since and he'd happily punish him for that, consequences be damned.

"Bobby?" Lindsay tentatively says. He looks across at her and she asks, "Why... Bobby... what did you think my... my reason for ending us had been?"

"What you said," he shrugs, "That you needed to find yourself."

Lindsay knows that that hadn't been what he had thought at all and calls him on it. "No, there's more, I can see it. Bobby, you keep your emotions locked inside but what you don't realize is that they're evident on your face, it's so expressive, this beautiful, weirdly symmetrical face of yours tells it all. That's how I knew you were angry then and how I know you're troubled now, what I can't read though is the cause. I can see you hurting I just don't always know why."

"Is it that important anymore, Linds, it happened so long ago, can't we just..."

"It is important, Bobby, on Friday you said it yourself, we have unfinished business to deal with, I think this needs closure too. I don't want to live with misconceptions anymore, I want to know the truth, I want to know what you really felt."

Bobby nods and sits up straighter, collecting the pillows until he's made a comfortable base for his back. Lindsay moves to sit in front of him, knowing that he can't hide his face from her this way. His hand reaches out for hers as he begins to talk. "At first I wondered if it may have had something to do with Andrea..."

"Andrea who?"

"Wexler, we were co-counselling a case..."

Lindsay nods, "Oh that's right, I remember now, you went to law school with her..." then looking at Bobby warily asks, "What don't I know, Bobby?"

"Nothing, there's nothing to know."

"Then why would you think...?"

"Ellenor walked in on us..."

Lindsay takes a deep surprised breath before asking, "Doing what?"

"Well, nothing."

"Bobby!" Her hand pulls out of his as she raises her hands in frustration, she's seeing images of them in her head that she'd far rather never imagine, she wants him to clarify and to do it now.

"Okay, well, you know already that we were friends, right?"

"Yes," Lindsay says, wanting to wring the information out of him.

He blows out a breath then says, "Well, it was a little bit more than just friends. After Tia, I wasn't interested in relationships, I concentrated on studying, on achieving my goal. During my final year, though, I became friends with Andrea, we were two of a kind, neither of us interested in dating, it was the law we loved. It was great to find someone who understood that, no one else ever had before. We had different strengths and would work hard pulling the other through. We studied together, debated everything, we'd get high on the idea of it all, we became inseparable, I was happy, for the first time in a long time, I had a connection to someone... I had someone who understood me... then, then one day she kissed me."

Pausing he looks at her, she senses an uncertainty about continuing, but she wants to know more, "And?" she asks.

"And then I kissed her."

His apologetic look amuses her, how he can feel guilty about it when he wasn't even going to meet her for another ten years is beyond her. "And?" she again says, not bothering to hide her smile.

Seeing the green light to continue, he says, "And we were good together, but... it wasn't real, we just understood each other, knew what we were, that we were just making it easier on each other, giving ourselves something good, an outlet... I guess. We'd talk of the future, of when we'd graduated and started practicing, but it wasn't a future together, just a future in the law, we understood we were on our way somewhere and that when we got there we'd go the rest of the way alone... And we did, school ended and we went our separate ways and that was that. Doing that trial, it was the first time I'd seen her, except in passing, since law school. You'd think it would be uncomfortable but we just picked up right were we'd left off..."

"Do I want to know what Ellenor walked in on?" Lindsay asks, for the first time feeling afraid to hear more, afraid of hearing that he wasn't ever the man she'd believed him to be. Just how much did he pick up during a time in which they were supposedly together. Is it a long standing habit of his to sleep with ex-girlfriends while with someone new? She feels a revulsion rising in her and fights to repress it, reminding herself that this is, Bobby, she loves this man, he couldn't have... he wouldn't have... would he?

Bobby, caught up in the memory, misses the concern in her voice and merely continues his tale. "Working with Andrea was exciting, it was like coming full circle, we'd always talked about doing this and now we were. I normally hate co-counselling, but because we were friends, because we had such a history together it felt right, it never felt like she was an outsider." He pauses, gathering his thoughts, "It was a crazy time, the case was desperate, we were losing and we knew it, you and Ellenor were facing disbarment, I had Jimmy on my back, pestering to be given bigger cases and you... things had become stalled and tense between us and I was just too busy to have time to find out why."

Lindsay nods, remembering at the time that she had been grateful his plate was so full, she'd needed space, she had been unable to face him after what had happened, knew that, if they were together, he'd see right through her brave exterior to the aching woman inside. She hadn't wanted to admit that woman existed and could only achieve that by hiding from the man who saw into her soul.

Bobby watches as Lindsay sinks back into the emotions of the time and hates himself for, once again, bringing this on her. Reaching out, he takes her hand and says, "I'm so sorry that I didn't make the time..."

"Bobby, no!" she quickly says, seeing the man that she loves is and wanting to ease his pain. "I didn't want you to, the reason things were stalled was because I was hiding from you, Bobby, I couldn't face what was happening to me. I kept us apart, even if you had made the time, I would have pushed you away."

"But I was caught up in my own problems and... I never noticed that you were hurting, Lindsay, and I can't ever forgive myself for that."

"I hid it, Bobby! If you're going to blame someone, blame me.

"No," he says drawing her over to him, "No, not you, never you."

As her cheek comes to rest against his chest and their arms encircle each other, she says, "Not you either."

Smiling, Bobby rests his cheek against the top of her head, softly saying, "Okay, neither of us, we're both perfect."

Lindsay laughs softly, saying, "Well, I don't know about -that.-"

Whispering, Bobby says, "You don't think that I'm perfect?"

"Hmm, well," she raises up, resting her chin on his chest as she looks at him with a critical eye, after a long pause, she says, "I guess you are, in your own way."

"Oh, and what way is that?" he asks, enjoying the tantalising smile that she is unable to hide.

"You're perfectly... exasperating," she says, and the hands that had been tenderly caressing her back, swiftly travel down to give her bottom a pinch, giggling, she adds, "And you're perfectly infuriating..."

"Oh, really?" Bobby's hands slide up her body until they're framing her face, holding her gently, he stares intently into her eyes.

"Ah ha," she nods, "And... and... you're perfectly wonderful."

Bobby grins, and as he guides her to him, whispers, "You're perfectly kissable."

His mouth soon proves how true his words are as they kiss slow and adoringly. Feeling the familiar stirring in his body, he breaks the kiss and winks at her as he says, "There's life in the old boy yet."

"Oh, no you don't, Bobby," she laughs, "Not until you've finished this story, no more distractions mister."

"Nag," he growls, nipping at her nose.

"I'm practicing for marriage," she deadpans.

"I'd say you've already perfected it," he retaliates.

Lindsay sits up and places her hands on her hips, trying very hard to hold a scowl but it soon morphs into a cheeky grin.

"God help me," Bobby groans with an expression of pure delight. They stare at one another, their eyes promising a fabulous future filled with love. When Lindsay unconsciously licks her lips, Bobby has no choice but to draw her back down and kiss her again. As their lips part, Bobby says, "So where was I?"

"Ellenor walked in on something and if you don't tell me what it was soon, I'm calling her up and asking."

Lindsay's barely finished her demand when Bobby rolls them so that she's on her back and he's draped over him. Her arms wrap around his back, holding him tight as their tangled legs settle comfortably. "Don't you dare," he growls.

"Then... tell me, already!" she laughs.

"I'm trying to but you keep interrupting."

Lindsay stares at him with her mouth firmly closed, begging him to explain, while telling him how unimpressed but amused, she is with that last comment.

Bobby kisses her furious nose, then grins as he rolls them to the side. He takes a long drawn out breath before speaking again. "We were in the conference room, it was the end of the day and we'd just got back from court, we were excited, the case was falling apart around us but blindly we loved it, the challenge it presented, it wasn't scaring us yet, I mean, we said it did, but, really, we believed in us, we believed we'd do it. Andrea started talking about how different it all was from what we'd envisioned all those years ago, we started talking about old times and I guess it was easy to confuse the arousal over the thrill of the trial with... with memories of what we once were, with the thought of us. We were standing close and, I guess, for old time's sake, spirit of the moment, she leant in as if to kiss me but then Ellenor walked in before she did."

"But you would have?" Lindsay asks, wondering if Ellenor has some sort of radar that let's her know when Bobby's about to kiss someone, she'd never quite forgiven her for interrupting her moment with Bobby but now she's tempted to let bygones be bygones knowing that she'd thwarted another kiss.

"This close," he says, holding his index finger and thumb almost together, "So, yeah, I would have kissed her. It was just one of those things, we were caught up in the moment, but, you know, once it was broken it was broken, neither of us were disappointed, it wasn't an opportunity missed, it was just something that would have happened but didn't."

"If... would..." Lindsay looks away unable to voice the question.

"If you're about to ask if it would have gone further than a kiss, Lindsay, then you know that it wouldn't have."

"I know," Lindsay says, then adds, "But, actually I was going to ask, if you were to work with her now, do you think, would you still get caught up in the moment?"

"I doubt she'd even speak to me now."

"You know that isn't what I'm asking, hypothetically, Bobby, if it happened now...?"

"Lindsay if that same situation were to happen now, then, no, anything between us would only be predicated in friendship because she'd know from the outset that I have a fiancee who I adore. Lindsay it's you I want, only you."

Although she nods, Bobby isn't convinced that she believes him.

"Honestly, I've always been glad it didn't happen, Lindsay, we were together... sort of... things were strained between us, they were undefined but, I wasn't going anywhere, I wanted you." He holds her a little closer, resting his forehead against hers for a moment before pulling away and saying, "Lindsay, immediately after Ellenor arrived Andrea left, two minutes later Ellenor left too and the only person still in the room with me was you."

"Me?"

"Lindsay, other people walk out of the room and they're gone, but with you... you're always there, there's no out of sight out of mind with you, I can feel you always."

Surprised by the sentiment, Lindsay smiles at him, her hand finds its way into his hair, then slides down to rest on the back of his neck as she tries to compose a response, failing to do so, she merely draws their bodies even closer as they lay in silence. She thinks over all that he's told her so far and suddenly a niggling question arises.

"Bobby, what you had with Andrea, were you trying to recreate that... with me?"

Bobby sits up and looks at Lindsay, stunned. "Were we ever in the same relationship, Lindsay?"

Lindsay sits too, she looks down at her hands as they struggle not to reach out and soothe him, and she softly says, "I don't think so."

"How could you ask me that?" he says.

"The way you described it, Bobby," she looks back up at him, "You could have been describing us... then."

"No, no, we were completely different..." Her disbelieving look has him pausing to contemplate and, lining up the facts in his head, he begins to see a correlation - on paper she has a point, but relationships, emotions, don't exist on paper. "Okay, I can see why you could think that... and maybe, because the situation was familiar, because I'd done something similar in the past... maybe that's why I made such a mess of it..."

"Bobby!" Lindsay whines, wondering when she'll get it through his thick skull that they made the mess together, "For the hundredth time, it wasn't JUST you!"

"No, but, I think you're right... I wasn't consciously trying to recreate what I'd had, I mean, Lindsay, before we'd even touched, what I had with you surpassed what I'd ever had with anyone else... I wanted you for a long time, I loved you... but then, when we got together, we put so many restrictions on ourselves that what I think I did was become who I'd been with her, acted like I had with her, because that seemed to be what was wanted, I let you believe it was only physical, the difference is, with her the emotion was never there, but with you... I was just too afraid to let it out, it was there but I buried it. I always wondered why you never knew, how you couldn't see what I felt, I never understood how you could not know that I loved you... but it was me, I'm so sorry that I made you believe that..."

"No, Bobby, it was both of us, we made up those stupid rules then hid behind them."

Bobby nods, "I remember you'd always talk about what we weren't, I thought it was to remind me not to get too close, to keep me away."

Lindsay shakes her head, "No, it was to remind myself and to show you that I could do it, to prove that I could be adult, that I wouldn't push you for more than you wanted to give."

"I wanted to give you everything."

"So did I."

Bobby flops onto his back, moaning, "God, we were such idiots!"

Smiling at him, Lindsay says, "I couldn't agree more." She moves closer to him, resting on her elbow, she plays her hand across his chest as she asks, "So, you thought I was jealous of Andrea?"

"What? No, not jealous, angry maybe."

"Angry?"

"Of the kiss, even though it didn't happen, I thought that you thought it did and... I don't know, can I just say up front that I was confused."

Lindsay nods, knowing that she had caused him to be so with her erratic behaviour.

"After I'd won the trial and managed to have your threat of disbarment expunged, I thought we'd celebrate but you said that you had something else to do. A week of hearing that excuse and I started to get the hint..."

"Bobby..."

"At first I wondered if you were letting me know how it had felt for you to be left behind, I'd been too busy for you for so long, spending all of my time with her, and this was some kind of... but..." he sakes his head and looks into her eyes, "that isn't you, so then I started thinking Ellenor must have told you something, I started wondering if she'd made it out to be more than it was..."

"She didn't, not to me anyway."

"Then one night you came into my office, I was just so pleased to have you there that I couldn't care less what was going on, I just wanted things back the way they'd been, I was going to say something but... you looked so sad and I realised I'd been an idiot, there was something going on and I'd wasted all this time jumping to conclusions instead of asking you. So we got to talking, and you let me hold you, God, I'd missed that, then you told me about Jimmy and... and I stopped listening. I started to think maybe that was what was coming between us."

Lindsay sits up, "You thought I was interested in Jimmy?"

"No, I thought that he reminded you that there is more out there, that he'd given you the idea that it was time to stop wasting your time with me because there was a better man out there somewhere for you."

"No wonder you wanted to kill him," she sighs.

"There was that, and the way he'd dreamt about my woman."

Lindsay smiles at him, but he can see her eyes are thoughtful, trying to unravel the mess that is his mind. 'Good luck,' he thinks as he watches her.

Eventually, Lindsay says, "So, even after what I told you, you thought that the reason we broke up was Jimmy?"

"I don't know, I thought it was a combination of things but I could never narrow it down to a combination of what exactly... Lindsay, can I confess something?"

"You know you can," she says softly, seeing through the expression on his face that this confession won't be easy.

Bobby sits up against the headboard and pauses a moment before speaking, "The tension between us at the time, for me it was because I was angry at you..."

"I know, I understand, it was such a stupid thing to do, not to come forward, we put the firm at risk, you were so busy as it was and to have to fix that for us too..."

"It wasn't that Linds, not really, I mean, yeah, I was annoyed you'd screwed up, but mistakes happen."

"Then what?"

"When Ellenor laid the blame at my feet, you just sat there... When she walked out I thought you might say something, might tell me that it wasn't true, but you didn't. When I asked if that's how you felt too you shut me down, you said your life was falling apart and you didn't have the time or inclination to deal with me now..."

"I said that? Oh, Bobby..."

Soothing her concern, he reaches out and takes her hand, then huffs a bit of a laugh, saying, "Well, you said it a lot nicer than that... that's just what I heard, and honestly, Lindsay, you were right, you were facing bigger problems than an ego dent. I wasn't angry at that, it was what you said the next day that really cut..."

"What did I say?" Lindsay asks, searching her memory for what he could be referring to.

"I called a meeting so we could air things out, Ellenor said she'd said all she needed to say the day before, I asked you how you felt and you backed her..."

"And that made you angry?"

"No, I kinda expected that, but then, what you said next... that I needed to decide what I wanted the firm to be because if things weren't going to change then people needed to know so that they could get out now if that's what they wanted. I didn't know that you wanted out."

"Bobby, I didn't, I never have..."

"Linds, I was in love with you and to hear that you were thinking of leaving..."

"I wasn't, Bobby, I just meant..."

"Hey, I know, I'm just saying, back then, to hear you say that you might want out, it stunned me... Like I said, I was in love with you but here you were talking of leaving, I realized my hope that you'd one day love me too was futile and suddenly I was faced with you not being in my life... and... instead of turning to you, instead of acknowledging what I felt, I shut down, I started pushing you away thinking that better now than later, you'd be going anyway why let myself get hurt any more than I already was..."

"I had no idea."

"I know, and see, ridiculous as it sounds, when you came to me about Jimmy it just fed into that, the whole idea that out there is the life you want and I was holding you back..."

Lindsay shuffles closer towards him, "You were never holding me back."

"I kept that anger going, it helped me keep the distance but after you told me about Jimmy, I was going out of my mind, Linds, the thought of you with someone else... I was thrown by how much that hurt, how much I hated it and I realized that distance wasn't going to help at all. We needed to talk, I wanted to be honest with you, I just... I put it aside, I needed some time both because I was running around trying to fix the mess I'd made for Andrea's client and because I needed to work out exactly what I wanted to ask of you... But, before I got myself sorted, it was too late, you'd ended it and there was nothing that I could do about it."

Lindsay sighs, she closes her eyes as she thinks over all that he has said and wonders how different things could have been had he not put that talk aside, had they aired their feelings before Chris came onto the scene and ripped them apart. Feeling herself becoming too sombre, she opens her eyes and says, "Andrea Wexler, huh?"

"Yeah," Bobby grins and she can see the question in his eyes, the confusion about where he mind is going right now.

Smiling, she says, "The names just keep coming out of the woodwork now don't they, Ally, Andrea... For someone who claims they gave up dating lawyers you sure..."

"Hey, Andrea doesn't count, she wasn't a lawyer when we dated."

"Okay I'll let you off of that one on a technicality."

"I never dated Ally either, so you've got nothing on me."

"Maybe not, but I'm starting to think Hiller was justified."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How many lawyers have you dated?"

"Well," she drawls, "There are a couple that if Andrea doesn't count then they don't count either."

"Not fair..."

"And then, well, apart from the irresistible Bobby Donnell, I was sensible enough not to mix business with pleasure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, being a woman in a man's world comes with a price, it's a boy's club, you sleep with one and then suddenly all the rest feel they are in with a chance... I just, I wanted to make a name for something other than... I wanted my work to speak for itself. I kept away from lawyers because... well..."

Not knowing how to respond, Bobby runs his hand softly over her thigh and asks, "Want another confession?" .

"Sure," Lindsay says, feeling less confident this time as her mind is still reeling from the last one.

"You know, when Helen asked me to that party, I hoped it was a test."

"You did?" Lindsay says, stunned.

"Yeah," he chuckles, knowing now how wrong he was, "Honestly, I was still trying to work out your explanation for why we were over, so I guess, in my head, until I did, we were still together."

"Now that's Bobby logic," she laughs.

"Yeah, I thought maybe you'd had time to cool off, to reconsider..." he grins almost embarrassed to say it.

"To miss you," she says for him.

He nods, "Yeah, so I thought maybe it was a test, to see if it was worth us going down that road again. I thought this may lead back to Andrea, and you believing that I strayed, so, I figured the plan was that Helen would flirt with me and you'd see how far I'd go. I was determined that I'd go to the party but nothing would happen, I'd show you that I wasn't interested in anyone else no matter how handy another option was..."

"Handy?" Lindsay laughs.

"Literally, although that maneuver threw me, it was not part of the anticipated game plan. And then your reaction when I told you about it just confirmed what an idiot I'd been to think you were still interested. You weren't upset she'd gone too far, then you let slip you were giving her advice, that you'd told her to kiss me and I realized it was Helen who was interested in me and not you. You were encouraging her to go for it and I knew then that it was permanently over, you wouldn't do that to her if you intended ever coming back to me. That's when I really started to wonder what the hell happened."

"But I told you..."

"No, no you never, not the way I needed to know, not enough to explain... Lindsay, if you'd told me the truth, if I'd known the full story... if I'd known about Chris and..." Seeing tears begin to build in her eyes, he stops, and in a gentler tone says, "I would have done whatever you needed, given you whatever you asked..."

Laying back against him, Lindsay says, "I know, Bobby, but honestly, what I needed was what I did."

"You really believe that?"

"Yes, it hurt, it hurt both of us but... I think it was unavoidable, you're right though, I should have explained it better, you should have known but knowing wouldn't have changed anything."

"It would, it would have changed a lot, I would have waited..." When she closes her eyes to suppress a tear, Bobby decides to drop it, when it comes to this issue Lindsay's walls are almost impossible to break through. He knows so much of the insecurity Chris instilled in her, both in college and as a result of the rape, still lives within her today and she needs to believe her decisions were right. As much as he doesn't believe it, she's already had too much taken from her and he is not going to take that from her too. They lay in silence, each processing the new information that they've learnt while regretting the mistakes they'd made in the past.

"Bobby," Lindsay quietly asks.

"Mmm?"

"Explain to me about Vicky."

Bobby hears the hesitation in her voice, knows that she just needs to make sense of all the ridiculous things they did at the time. As much as he'd rather live in denial that he'd even been silly enough to fall for Vicky's ruse he knows that if Lindsay needs to talk about it then he needs to come clean. He wants to make something clear from the outset though, "I never slept with her..."

Lindsay raises on her arm to look at him, "I know that, Bobby, I never suspected you..." she pauses when she sees the unspoken question on his face, "Bobby, I know you, I know how passionate you get about cases but you'd never cross that line, you're too professional for that..."

"I did kiss her."

"Well, we all make stupid mistakes," she grins a little, "like I said you aren't perfect. A kiss is a kiss, and apparently you going around kissing women more than I ever knew..."

Bobby laughs, "Past tense, I promise, now it's you and only you."

"Better be," she warns, trying for stern but, as he advances on her, her smile takes over.

Bobby moves them until he's hovering over her, "I love the way you kiss," he whispers before moving in to experience the much loved delight.

They kiss, long and slow, memories of last night wash over her as they again indulge in this intimacy. Lindsay knows that, should it be physically possible, she would do this 24/7 and never tire of it. Kissing Bobby is her most favoured past time, so many varieties, so little time. She could happily spend days just trying them all out, long-slow-wet kisses, quick-little-biting kisses, fevered-hungry-desperate kisses, kissing while they're standing, seated, lying beside each other, kisses while hands explore or promises are made or sweet lazy lovemaking, in the morning, late at night, any time of day, just to kiss him, to feel, taste, smell, hear, see him, it's all there in a kiss and she adores it.

When tongues slowly draw away, Bobby sighs and nuzzles against her neck, whispering, again, "I love the way you kiss."

"Hmmm," Lindsay hums, too content for words.

Bobby raises up, promising, "Only you, you're all I want."

"You're everything I want too," she assures him.

He places a tender kiss to her lips, then grins, "So, do you like the way I kiss?"

"Well," Lindsay drawls, "Most of the time, yeah, but it gets annoying when you do that thing where you..." she can't continue because the horror on Bobby's face is too amusing and she has to laugh, "I got you good, didn't I?" she giggles before screaming when Bobby pounces, nibbling on that ticklish spot on her neck, while his hands attack her sides.

Finally her pleas for mercy are heard and Bobby relents, "I'd have to be a saint to put up with you," he growls and Lindsay runs her fingers over the back of his head, verifying the distinct lack of a halo.

Grinning he rolls them over, laying on his back with her draped over him, he says, "It's never been like this with anyone else, Linds, this... this is everything to me, you are..."

"I believe you," Lindsay says, smiling at the relief in his eyes, "And I never believed that you'd done more with Vicky either. Bobby, months later with Helen you were still hesitant to move forward, you were dating her and you still wouldn't sleep with her..."

"And that didn't clue you in on how I felt."

Lindsay closes her eyes and sighs a little, before sitting up and looking at him again as she says, "No, it did, but, by then..."

"You didn't feel the same," he says sadly.

"Oh, Bobby, no, I did, I did very much," she lays down along his chest, her hand caressing his face as her eyes implore him to believe it. When he nods she continues, "It wasn't right for us anymore, Bobby, for starters there was Helen... and..." she sighs, "and I didn't want to go back, I needed you too much for us to go back."

"I don't understand, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Bobby, from the beginning you'd been... you were my friend, I relied on you so much, I really did, before that night... before we slept together I could come to your office and we'd talk. I needed that, Bobby, I needed those words, the chance to let it all out but after... after that night, we stopped talking to one another."

Bobby nods, remembering how preoccupied they'd become, 'We, uh... we got a bit distracted there for a while, didn't we?"

"I'll say, every chance we got, every moment we were alone, we would... you were wonderful, Bobby, it was incredible, the most exciting time of my life but, sometimes, it had felt like I lost a friend to gain a lover, I missed us, a lot. We were closer before we started sleeping together, Bobby, and I wanted that friendship back. If I had to sacrifice the sex to regain our friendship... I was willing to do it, I needed you more."

"That's why it was so easy for you?"

"Yes, I knew what we weren't when we were together and what we weren't is what I wanted us to be. Bobby, that night, that night when you said that you wished it was harder for me... by then we'd regained so much, our friendship was strong again, I could come to you again... we were what I wanted us to be. It was hard to let you go but, at the same time, it was easy for me because I knew that I had made the right decision, that what we were doing was right for us, I had my best friend back... finally."

"But... but that night, we..."

Lindsay grins, remembering that night, remembering their ~last time~ fondly. Seeing the question in his eyes, she leans forward, brushing her lips against his, before saying, "Never underestimate the allure of your presence."

"Excuse me," he grins.

"Bobby, you were right there... wanting me, I... I was..."

"Powerless to resist?"

"A little," she laughs, "just because I knew that the decision had been right didn't mean I didn't miss being with you, I did, so much, but I'd missed our friendship more. If I could have had you as a best friend and a lover things would have been perfect, but, Bobby, back then it was either or and I needed a friend more... Do you understand that?"

"I do," he promises her and for the first time she sees evidence of the fact in his eyes.

"We are so much better together now," she says as Bobby draws her face back to his, "So much..." the rest of her sentence is lost in their kiss.

"I missed us too," he says when they separate, "Talking to you, holding you, laughing with you... arguing with you..."

Lindsay laughs, "Like that ever stopped."

"True," Bobby grins.

"You being with Helen, it was supposed to make it easier for me to resist you."

"It didn't?"

"No," she shakes her head a little sadly, "It only made it hurt because with her you seemed to have both friendship and..."

"Seemed being the operative word... we didn't."

Lindsay nods, she knows what Helen and Bobby were together and how different that is from what she'd perceived at the time. She's heard the truth from both of them and knows that, though close, they'd never been truly in love. She lays her cheek against Bobby's chest, closes her eyes and breathes him in, this... this is the type of thing that never would have happened before, this is why what they'd previously had never would have worked out, why they needed to part to build a deeper connection. She loves that they can, and do, talk now. After a moment of silence, she plays her fingers over his chest as she says, "You ever considered getting Jimmy and Helen together?"

Bobby gives a resounding no as he laughs; Lindsay lays there loving the feel and sound of it echoing through her. When his mirth tapers off, he says, "You know, I don't know which we'd be punishing more, although... no, not even Helen deserves that, unless she's been really annoying... oh and can I say, I am never going to thank you for giving me that image to think about."

Lindsay giggles, and wanting to steer him away from reverting back to being irritated with Jimmy, she says, "Let's make a pact."

"Another one," Bobby groans, shaking his head.

Lindsay slides up until she's kneeling above him, nodding at him and ignoring his scowl.

"Okay hit me," he says, knowing she won't relent until they've discussed it. His heart speeds up at the sight of her infectious grin.

"Ooh there's an offer too good to refuse," she says, raising her hand as if to strike him.

Bobby grasps her wrist and wrestles her back down, their laughter and grunting filling the air as they fight for supremacy. When Bobby finally wins control, he lays above her and growls, "Behave!"

"Like you really want me to," she retorts smugly.

Bobby grins, she's right, he doesn't, but not willing to concede, he says, "The pact, come on, what is it?"

"Today we hereby declare that the name James Berlutti, or any derivative of, will not ever again be mentioned in our bed."

"Agreed... although it's totally unworkable."

"Then why agree... and it is not unworkable."

"Because in spirit I'm so there... and it is too, Lindsay, we talk cases all the time, we talk about our days, he's going to pop into conversations, it's inevitable."

"Well... we'll just call him he who is unmentionable."

"Oh, yeah, that's gonna work."

Lindsay giggles at the ridiculousness of it and Bobby can't resist running his fingers over her lips, loving the feel of their movement and her breath against his skin

Her laughter fades as she looks into his eyes and sees the desire residing there. "Bobby," she whispers and his eyes raise from staring at her mouth to look into hers.

"I can't..." he begins before, becoming mesmerised by her, he leans forward and presses his lips against her shoulder.

She sighs, feeling his hands and lips trailing so gently over his skin, "Can't what, Bobby?" she asks.

"Stop," he says, "Can't stop touching you, can't keep my hands off of you."

Smiling she cups his cheek and guides his mouth to hers, understanding full well his overwhelming imperative to touch, to claim and to adore. As she feels the intensity of their kiss increase she realizes that they are headed for round three, as wonderful as his sweat soaked skin feels to her she can't help feeling funky in her own. When Bobby pulls out of the kiss, whispering, "I want you," she knows that it's now or never time and quickly makes her decision.

"I want you too," she says.

Bobby smiles and begins moving his face towards hers, an obvious intent in his eyes.

Placing her hands on his shoulders and pushing him back down, Lindsay adds, "Only not right now." When his face expresses concern she smiles and says, "There's sweaty and there's disgusting," she leans in for another long kiss, then adds, "I'll see you again after my shower."

"Mmmm," Bobby hums and Lindsay rises from the bed, feeling Bobby's eyes follow her as she leaves the room. He closes his eyes for a moment, then needing reality again and not just his memory of her, calls out, "Hey Linds?"

She saunters back into the doorway, "Yes," she purrs.

"This naked thing, you should do that more often, it really suits you."

Lindsay smiles at him, it's hard not to when he looks at her with such a goofily adorable expression on his face, "You like that, do you?" she asks coquettishly.

"More than you'll ever know."

She scans her eyes over him, "Oh, I don't know, Bobby, I think I've got a pretty good idea of how much."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," he grins.

Lindsay looks at him, prepares to make a teasing reply but suddenly is distracted as he moves onto his side and rubs his hand over the mattress in front of him. 'That could be me that he's touching,' she can't help thinking and, knowing that if she wants to shower she has to tear herself away now or she may never be able to do so, makes her escape before she gives in and returns to the bed.

"Lindsay, you're killing me here," she hears him call out in a far more delighted voice than a dying man should be using.

She can't help laughing as she turns on the water, Bobby can be an idiot but he's her idiot and she wouldn't change that about him for anything.



    To be continued
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