"I think animal testing is a terrible idea;
they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
-- Unknown

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
-- Franklin P. Jones

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."
-- Franklin P. Jones

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”
-- Mark Twain

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car,
in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing
right in your ear.”
--Dave Barry

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
--Dave Barry

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events.
The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent,
are often continued in the next yard."
-- Dave Barry

“Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend,
and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
--Groucho Marx.

“Don't accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
--Ann Landers

“Women and cats will do as they please, and
men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
--Robert A. Heinlein

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
--Roger Caras

“Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong,
always try to make it look like the dog did it.”
--Unknown

“In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance,
everyone should have a dog that will worship him and
a cat that will ignore him.”
--Dereke Bruce

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.”
--Christopher Morley

“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless
absolutely certain that that he can hold his own in the conversation.”
--Fran Lebowitz

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
--Andrew A. Rooney

“I put spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.”
--Steven Wright

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
-- Winston Churchill

“In dog years, I'm dead.”
--Unknown

“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”
--Aldous Huxley

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and
to turn around three times before lying down.”
--Robert Benchley

“If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either.”
--Unknown

“He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men.
We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.”
--Immanuel Kant

“A reason a dog is such a pal is his tail wags instead of his tongue.”
--Unknown