knowing i'll never reach all the things that i need to feel
and with the way that it's haunting me and the depth that it runs
i am amazed that it took me this long to come Undone."
~Tapping The Vein (from the ep: Undone)
He didn't understand it at all, anything. How such a blue sky could exist. "This wasn't supposed to happen."
{"Detective?"}
How could the day be so beautiful, so bright and warm…
{"Detective?!"}
So full of life…
{"Leon!"}
When he felt so dead?
I turned myself over to you, you knew what it would cost me, but you let me do it anyway.
{"You're not surprised?"
"I think the only one surprised here is you, Keiji-san."}
I opened myself, spilled myself to you...knowing all along that I didn't really know you. Expecting you to turn on me and bare your inner self, the one you adorned with ornaments of grace and beauty. Expecting its jaws to close over my throat. But you only curled around me, wrapped me in the deceptive softness of your fur. Sometimes I wonder if the mask you wore was in all honesty a mirror of your soul.
{"Since you will not come to me, I have come to you."
"Count, what are you doing?!"
"What you want me to."}
But there was an edge to it, one that cut me every time I touched you. A heat that resided just beneathe the coolness of your skin. And sometimes, in the midst of our passion, I felt as if I could reach deep into you---and grasp that elusive heat. Wrap myself in your perfumes until I was cradled in that warmth I have always craved, but never felt.
{"You know how I feel."
"But I need you to say it!"}
No, this wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to be etched in stone. I was supposed to die and you were supposed to carry on with that pale perfection of yours far into the future. Drenched in your poison and beauty with tragic eyes…that missed me. That sought me in the face of every child.
{"You belong with all those creatures you keep, You're Just Like Them!"
"Yes, but I'm just like you, too."}
Even now you echo through my being. God, if I could have kept you! If I could have locked you in a cage and forced you to see only me…Kept the hands of reality from you , imprisoned you against my breast without mercy. Anything for you, you could have ruled me from your cage.
{"Detective…"}
Bastard. What am I going to do now? Who is going to pay for what you did to me? The pain inside stretches each time to touch your face, but your not there. It expands in my veins and creates shadows of wounds. I'm bleeding into the air and no one can see it, it exists only for your eyes…And I'll bleed to death because I can't do anything else, or feel anything else…
{"Leon…"}
I'm dying and it's your fault. Every breath I take bears your name…is a knife ripping into my breast, feeding on my agony. I feel your memory like rows of tiny teeth gnawing on the nerves of my eyes; I will never escape you and what you have done to me!
"Leon, please. Look up."
Leon paused, stopped dead in his tracks, but remained as he was. Head hanging, eyes bitter-wide, yet tinged with dry tears. "I won't look again," he whispered. "You're never there."
Cool fingers moving along his brow, tracing his jaw, pushing his chin up until his eyes raised as well.
"You…"
The eyes intent, warm---Memory could paint such a seductive torture, could make you believe the pain was love.
"You're dead."
"Nonsense," the smile that conveyed all and nothing. "I am so much more than a memory, Detective. I am a promise."