Is there a more sensitive topic among Christian women than this one?  Is there one more feverishly discussed…even debated?   We wives need to understand the Lord's commandments to us, and unless we are in rebellion we desire to know His ways and abide in them.  When we understand and abide in God's will, we experience His peace and blessings.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.Matthew 11:29,30
 

Unto the woman he said, … and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Genesis 3:16

Some have interpreted this verse to mean that a woman will desire and attempt to rule over her husband, yet he will rule over her.  Perhaps it should be no wonder that some draw this conclusion, as truly submissive wives are in short supply, and aggressive, commanding women are in abundance.  It makes no common sense and is not borne-out through the whole of Scripture that God, Himself, would place in each and every woman a desire to sin.  He is righteous, and it is Satan, not God, who tempts us to sin.  A more fitting interpretation seems to be that a woman will desire and love her husband; he will rule over her rather than the two of them enjoying positions of equal authority.  God would not establish a line of authority and simultaneously instill in each woman a desire to disregard His commands, to sin against Him.

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.  For Adam was first formed, then Eve.  And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
I Timothy 2:12-14

This is God's plan.
This is the order of authority as God has ordained it:

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God.
I Corinthians 11:3

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Ephesians 5:23

According to I Peter 3:1-6, a wife is to 1) be in subjection to her own husband; 2) have a chaste conversation [behavior, conduct]; 3) be adorned with a meek and quiet spirit; 4) be in subjection to her own husband, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But [let it be] the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.  I Peter 3:1-6

What other instruction does God give women regarding their behavior?

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. I Corinthians 14:34

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.  For Adam was first formed, then Eve.  And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.  I Timothy 2:12-14

You may be saying, "Yes, but you don't know my husband!  HE's not submitted to the Lord!"  There is not in the whole of Scripture a disclaimer on God's command that each woman obey her own husband.  God didn't say one is to obey the husband who is walking perfectly under His authority and free to disobey the husband who is not.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband?  I Corinthians 7:14,16

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;  I Peter 3:1

Some women did choose a husband without first submitting to the Lord.  The woman who chose her husband instead of allowing God to choose her husband may very sadly be reaping the recompense of that decision.  Some women have accepted Jesus Christ as their Saviour and Lord after they married and find themselves now unequally yoked.  And some women are married to men who have made a profession of faith, yet are in a backslidden or rebellious posture. The Lord sees their circumstances and has a plan.

I won't because…  I can't because…  But my husband…

I believe that's precisely the posture the enemy has planned and beautifully executed in many marriages.  Remember, God didn't put any disclaimers on his commandment to wives to obey their own husbands.  God equips every man and woman with everything they need to obey Him.  God knows every woman's husband, and He tells husbands how they are to treat their wives.  He knows if a husband is unkind or demanding or not submitted to His authority.  That is between the husband and the Lord, so wives needn't study nor proclaim what the Lord has instructed their husbands to do.  Wives can look deep within their own hearts and ask, "What sort of wife did my Lord give my husband?"  Does one's husband see that her Lord is good to him, has given him a good wife?

When we go before the judgment seat, we won't be dragging along with us all the people who made the path of obedience rocky and difficult to walk--hostile witnesses as it were.  What sort of wife did the Lord give your husband?

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.  Proverbs 12:4

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.  Proverbs 14:1

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Proverbs 21:9

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Proverbs 27:15

God's commands to us are never predicated upon other people in our lives being perfectly aligned with His will and ways.  We will walk in the flesh or we will walk in the Spirit.  We trust the Lord and walk in faith, or we don't.

Wives are commanded to obey their own husbands in all things.  We cannot choose to obey our husbands in some areas and not obey them in others.  We also cannot expect God to execute His glorious plans if we are aligned with His will half-heartedly or only when it suits our own purposes or desires.  Dare we expect God's best when we are in rebellion against Him?

Sisters, hopefully we desire to obey the Lord in all things.  One may know (or believe that she knows) the ways of God more perfectly than her husband.  This is the first way of God for wives:  Obey your husband.  Be meek.  Be quiet.  These are God's commandments to wives.  This is God's way.

Some teach that women should obey their husbands only to the point that they're not required by their husbands to commit a sin.  Often is cited the command or instruction regarding civil disobedience (Acts 5:29 Then Peter and the [other] apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men).  Civil government and the marriage relationship are two separate entities.

When this admittedly difficult portion of the topic of wifely submission arises, there's a propensity to bring forward the worst possible test cases--murder, thievery, lying.  Testing the "worst" should work equally well on "the least".  In God's eyes, is sin not sin?  Moreover, if a wife is submissive to her husband only when she deems that he is not asking or commanding her to sin (transgression of the law of God), then does she not become his judge and even the leader of their family?   "I will determine what is sinful and will obey you, submit to you, only when you do not require me to sin."

This does present a problem for some teachers, and one which in my experience causes many to teach that specific acts (of commission or omission) aren't really sins at all, when clearly, according to God's Word, they are.

I won't attempt to state for the Lord or for individuals which, if either/any, of the following contrasting examples is correctly or perfectly aligned with Scriptural standards or commands.  Please allow me to merely list some contrasting beliefs held by true, Bible-believing Christians, desiring with all their hearts to be pleasing to the Lord and obey Him.  We'll omit murder, thievery, and lying from the list.  Consider, if you will, the very real possibility that husbands and wives may hold different understandings, believing it would be a sin to act not in accordance with their perspective on God's commandments to His children:

• Homeschooling would not be best for our children; they will attend public school / Sending our children to the government schools would be a sin
• Watching any Hollywood-produced films is a sin / Some Hollywood films are fine for our family to watch
• Modern swimwear is sinful attire / It doesn't matter what one wears to the beach; you and our daughters will wear swimsuits
• Women dressing immodestly is a sin / God doesn't care what styles or clothes women wear--He cares only about what's inside and to think otherwise is legalistic, a sin
• It's a sin to have dinner with a Christian couple living together without benefit of marriage / Judging other people is a sin--we will host or be hosted; the Holy Spirit will convict
• Watching television at all is a sin / Some television viewing is not a sin / There is nothing sinful about television viewing
• Not going to church is a sin / We can fellowship with other believers outside the setting of a church; church is not necessary
• It is a sin for women to not wear a veil when they pray / Veiling is never necessary and not to be done / A woman's hair is her covering