The Princeville Telephone
"Through My Kitchen Window"
by Vickie Callahan
6/14/90
We were visiting at my dad's house last week when his wife, who always has a good story to tell, said, "Did you hear that your father lost his pants again?" This time Daddy was on a ladder trimming a shrub when he reached a little too far, flattening his rotund middrift, and those britches fell directly to his ankles.Daddy explained further that being precariously perched upon a ladder wrung with one hand occupied clinging to the shears and ladder, he was left with only one hand to perform the formidable task of hiking his trousers--first one side, then the other--back up the long path of his legs. I asked if any of the neighbors had enjoyed ringside seats to this spectacle, and Daddy said he'd made a hasty survey of the neighborhood from his ladder-height vantage point, and having seen no one rolling hysterically in the grass, he'd clung to his small measure of remaining dignity.
This hadn't been the first time Daddy bared all for the public.
My dad is the retired executive vice president of a livestock feed manufacturing company in Kansas City, Missouri. A couple of years after he retired, Daddy decided to make a social call on one of his former customers in Grandview. He was conversing with his customer-friend as they leisurely strolled the gentleman's establishment, and as they were approaching the rear of the building, Daddy remembered the German shepherd which was always tied up at the back of the store.
Daddy has never taken too kindly to dogs, nor they to him, so he became a bit nervous as they neared the creature, and he reached into the recesses of his mind in an effort to recall just how long that rope was which held the threatening canine. Memory didn't serve him terribly well. Daddy looked at the dog...the dog looked at Daddy...then both dog and dad hastened their pace toward the front of the store. Blast that rope! The dog won! There stood my dad with his pants around his ankles and exclaiming, "That dog pulled my pants down!" as if everyone within earshot was not already visually and amusedly aware of this fact.
Now what daughter would not feel just a tad uncomfortable with the knowledge that her dad is with increasing regularity dropping his drawers in public? However, if this poses a problem, it resolves another. Daddy is one of the hardest people to buy for, and his birthday is next month. No fretting over this year's gift selection--he's getting a pair of suspenders!
The Census Do You Work? The Shrine Fruits Gleaning To Market To Market The Tintype Family Daddy's Pants