Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell
Q. What's a mans idea of honesty in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Yo mama so fat, people jog around her for exercise
You should always give 100% at work... 12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Is your dad a terrorist? Coz you Da Bomb!
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she heard one of the men say the following:
Emma come first
Den I come
Den two asses come together
I come once-a-more
Two asses, they come together again
I come again and pee twice
Den I come one lasta time
"You foul-mouthed swine!" said the lady angrily. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin about a sexa? I'mma justa tellun my frienda how to spella, Mississippi."
A good gift to the person you don't like - suscribe the daily insult on behalf of your worst enemy - or amuse your self with some gas:
You are so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked you to move.
Your family is so poor, when I rang your doorbell your mama stuck her head out the window and said: "ding-dong".
You're so poor, you sat on the garbage can and your momma said: "Get off the roof!"
Your so fat when you step on a scale it says to be continued.
You are so old that you fart dust.
You are so clumsy you would trip over a cordless phone
You are so dumb you can't even pass a urine test.
You are like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on.
Excuse me, I can't seem to find my dick. Mind if I look in your mama's mouth?
Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
Your mama is so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
Your mama is so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Your mama is so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Your mama is so ugly she made an onion cry.
Your mama is so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Your mama is so hairy, she has afros on her nipples.
Your mama is so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Your mama is so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.
Your mama is so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Your mama is so old, she has an autographed bible.
Your mama is so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.