Very Odd Lables
On a Japanese knife- Keep out of children!
On a chain saw- Do not try to stop with hand or genitals! (Oh, and that was my life long dream!)
On an Advil bottle- Must be taken internally! (How the hell else would you take it! Inject it?)
On a bag of coal- Extremely flammable! (You think?)
On a non-drowsy medicine- Warning, may cause drowsiness! (Then why say it doesn’t?)
On a bag of Fritos- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap- Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners- Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's "just" a suggestion!) br>
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box- Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Teramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)- Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose! How the hell do you read it if you can’t turn it upside down?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding- Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On Nytol sleep aid- Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a string on Chinese-made Christmas lights- For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in other space.)
On a Japanese food processor- Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts- Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw- Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this....)
On a box of garbage bags- Caution "do not use in bed" (Darn!)
On a box of biore' Deep cleansing strips- "Caution: if strip is too painful for your nose please remove"
(No, I was going to keep it on there. so I can go through all that pain!)
"Seen on Silks Alive! Artificial Foliage Cleaner- Extremely flammable. Do not burn can." (But, that was my one dream)
"On a container of GAIN laundry detergent- Do not reuse this package for dispensing beverages."
(You should have said something before! Let me go get the one out of my refrigerator)
"Seen on Suave Anti-Perspirant Deodorant- Apply to underarms only"
(But what about my stinky belly button?)
"On a container of Suave AGE DEFENSE renewing cream lotion- FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY" (Darn, I was going to try some on my cardiovascular tendons)
On a bottle of Salon Selectives Mousse- "Alcohol Free" (Really? Geez, I could have mistaked this for beer)
On a tube of Crest Toothpaste- For best results, Squeeze Tube. (Oh really? I thought I was supposed to jump on it)
Seen on RAPID WHITE Tooth Whitening System- Rapid White works to whiten natural human teeth only. (As opposed to what? My pet giraffe?)
On ACT KIDS fluoride rinse- Keep out of reach of children. (And I thought it said kids!)
On a box of Q-tips- "Inserting in ear may cause damage. Please be extremely careful. (If they cause so much damage would you like to explain to me why you sell them?)