Remy’s condition slowly improved over the next two days. Four straight days Logan stayed by his lover’s side as most of the drugs finally wore off. The seizures seemed to be over, it had been a full day since the last one. Hank was finally able to get in more lines for fluids to help Remy get rid of the rest of the drugs and to replace much needed blood.

He had a trusted friend come in and check his eyes. Although the man was shocked at his first glimpse of Remy’s unique eyes he was very professional and kind. Logan relaxed after a while and finally agreed to leave so his lover could be examined.

“ Logan, I thought I’d come out and wait with you while Dr Small finishes up in there.” Hank seemed almost as nervous as Logan. Remy held a special place in his heart. Every since finding out about the boy’s past Hank had tried to get closer to him. He wanted Remy to know that he had friends on the team that he could count on. He wanted to be someone the young man could come to if Logan wasn‘t there.

“Thanks Hank, all this waitin around is really starting to get on my nerves.” He was pacing and chewing on the end of a cigar again. Hank started to say something but stopped himself. With everything Logan had been through, and everything he’d watched Remy go through this week, if chewing on a disgusting cigar calmed him Hank decided to allow him that comfort. With his healing factor fully restored he wasn’t in any danger anyway.

Dr Small finally exited the room and came to sit beside Hank. “ Your friend has had some kind of chemical dropped in his eyes. I’m sure from the looks of his eyes it was a very painful experience. Because his eyes seem to work different than yours or mine he was extremely lucky. There should be no permanent damage -”

Logan let out a huge sigh of relief.

“But…”

Logan hated that word. He’d heard it a thousand times since the whole nightmare began.
“ Warren was wrong but…”
“Your healing factor is gone and you’re slowly dying but…”
“Remy’s alive but …”
“ There should be no permanent damage to his eyes but…”

Logan stood and glared down at the frightened Doctor, “ BUT WHAT”

“ He’s a good man Logan, let him explain.” Hank turned to his frightened friend, “ I’m sorry James, Logan has been under a lot of stress through all of this, you understand. Remy is his lover, he’s just worried.”
 
Logan hadn’t moved a muscle. He still stared at the man daring him to add to his lover’s
Misery.

 No more.

He would not hear another negative word. Remy would be fine.
He would walk again.
He would talk again.
He would see again.

The doctor swallowed hard and concentrated on Hank. “ I w-was g-going to say that there is evidence of some burns on his eyes. I bandaged them and they must remain for two weeks. At that time I will come back and re-examine him. We will know then if there is any-” He looked up at Logan and swallowed hard, “ permanent damage.” The final two words came out as a whisper. Logan backed up a few steps and the doctor continued.
“ Use as little light as is necessary in his room. The darker you can keep it the better. His eyes are light sensitive as it is and who ever did this must have been trying to see how sensitive. It looks like his eyes were totally dilated and forced to stay open for an extended period of time. The pain must have been excruciating.” He looked up to find Logan glaring at him again and decided to get out while he still could. “ Henry, call me if you need to. Good bye Henry, Mr. Logan.” Logan watched Hank walk his friend out of the lab and sighed. He really didn’t mean to scare the guy. He seemed okay. It was just that this was all taking too long.

 He walked back in and sat down beside Remy’s bed. Carefully lifting his hand Logan kissed it and started talking again. “ You know Rem, this is a heck of a way to repay me for not letting ya sleep in on weekends. You’ve been sleepin now for four straight days! I promise, if ya wake up now I won’t bug ya ever again.”  Nothing.

“ We still need to change the oil in yer bike. We were gonna do that three weeks ago remember? You were gonna supervise cause of the bad arm.” Silence.

“ I need ya Rem.” Logan’s voice shook slightly with emotion, “ I’m lonely out here.” He carefully replaced the hand he held and started to pull away when those long fingers ever so slightly curled around his. He stared at the hand not believing his senses…

                                **********************************

Remy was frantic, trapped inside a body that refused to obey even the simplest of commands. Cher, please don’ give up on me! I’m tryin! I don’ know what he did to me. I couldn’ stay awake to watch! Please feel this!  He concentrated on moving his fingers; on making Logan know he was still there. THERE. With every ounce of strength he could find inside he forced his fingers to curl around Logan’s large hand.

                                   ***********************************

Charles sat watching Warren play with his food. It was time to get the man prepared for the next stage of his recovery, seeing Logan via a direct link to the mansion.

“ Warren, stalling won’t make this any easier. Logan has been informed that you wish to see him, possibly speak to him. I do not believe it is in your best interest to make him wait.”

Warren dropped his fork and turned to Charles. He felt so tired. “ What am I going to say to him? I drugged him. I handed Gam-, Remy over to Sinister. I won’t know where to start.”

Charles was so pleased with the way Warren was responding to the intense therapy he was undergoing. He was truly sorry about all the pain and suffering he caused. “ Why don’t you let him start first? I’m sure there is much anger and resentment he needs to work out.”

Warren didn’t seem to hear the last statement; he was lost in his own thoughts.
“Do you think this is how Bobby felt after the garage incident? I want to make it right again Charles. I’ve been treating Le…Remy so badly. You know, I forced myself to stay awake last night. I listened to the wind and rain… I put myself; as best I could, in his shoes. I couldn’t do it for more than a few minutes at a time. I could not imagine being alone and frightened and cold and wet. When I was a child, my parents gave me anything I wanted! I remember throwing away food just because it got cold. I tried to picture myself crawling into a filthy dumpster and actually eating out of it. I nearly gagged at the thought! How can I ever make this right?”

Charles was silent as his student talked. He saw in his mind that he did actually try to imagine Remy’s life. It was the final breakthrough he had been waiting for. Warren was ready to face the consequences of his actions. “ I believe Robert started by saying he was sorry. He sat down and talked to Remy. Then he actually listened to what Remy had to say. They have become friends since then. Charles thought a moment about what he would say next. “From what I’ve been told Remy has to be one of the most forgiving people I’ve ever met. I’ve talked to Ororo about him on occasion and he holds no anger towards anyone he has ever come across. Not his birth parents, not the other people on the street, not his adoptive family, not even the monsters that beat and raped him as a small child. He feels that he deserves being treated like that. He takes full responsibility. He feels you have every right to say and do the things you have in the past.”

Warren paled, “ But why? He wasn’t responsible for any of the things I blamed on him! Why would he do that?”

Charles started quietly, “ He was told by a priest when he was a very small child that he was a demon. That he should be happy that he was allowed to live. That decent human beings would try to destroy him as was their right.”

“ A priest said that to a child!”

“Remy believed him. His eyes were different. The priest was a servant of God. He wouldn’t lie.”

“ God, this is worse than I ever imagined.” Warren closed his eyes and shook his head sadly.

There was a knock on the door and the nurse, Mary, stuck her head in. “ Professor, Dr. McCoy is on the phone. He said it was important that he speak to you right away.”

“ Thank you Mary. Could you patch him through to this line?”

“ Of course.”

Moments later a very excited Hank appeared on the screen. “ Charles! Remy tried to squeeze Logan’s hand! It’s beginning to look like the paralysis was drug related! It’s the first breakthrough we’ve seen!”

Charles smile was full of sincerity. “ That’s marvelous news Henry. Warren and I are both immensely relieved. Please keep us up to date on his progress.”

“ Of course. I must be going, now that we’ve had our first positive step I’m hoping that others follow quickly. Please let Warren know that Logan will be unable to see him today. Good bye Charles.” The connection was terminated and the room was quiet.

“ Charles, I want to go home. I want to help Remy.”

“ I’m afraid that can’t happen until you speak to Logan. He loves that young man Warren. It’s as true a love as Scott and Jean share. As I recall you had problems with that too?”

“ It’s not natural, loving another man in that way. I can’t help the way I feel.”

“Neither can they. Would it surprise you to know that Logan feels “butterflies” when he is around Remy, or that the only time he feels truly human is when that young man is by his side?  Would you believe that the only time I ever sensed Remy without aid was after they made love the first time? The feelings were so intense to him that he couldn’t help but broadcast. For the first time he felt worthy of being alive and it is because Logan loved him. He finally feels like he’s not a demon to be hurt and abused but a man who deserves to be loved.”

 He looked sharply at the other man in the room. “ No Warren! It is not a disgusting immoral act! It’s two wounded souls who were lucky enough to find each other. Their love is warm and bright and good. It is impossible to ignore that fact when they enter a room. Until you can come to terms and except it you are not welcome in my home. I’m sorry.”

“ Fine! I am truly sorry for getting LeBeau hurt but I cannot stand the thought of them …” He wrinkled his nose and stood to leave.

“ I am sorry that you can’t open your eyes and see what the rest of us see. Their kind of love happens rarely in this world. It is an extreme honor and privilege to witness it up close. I will not let you hurt them because of your narrow views.” He held out his hands, begging Warren to see the truth. “ Warren, you’ve come so far. Please think long and hard about this. They are your teammates and like it or not your friends.”

Warren turned and walked to the door, “ I’ll send someone for my things.”

Charles sat there a while and thought about how close Warren was to fully recovering. This was a huge step backwards. He shook away the negative thoughts and concentrated on his home and the celebratory mood that must be filling it now.

                                *******************************

Remy woke to the feel of hands parting his legs and panicked! No not again! He was home! He was supposed to be safe! Where was Logan! He couldn’t move!

Hank watched the monitor that was keeping track of Remy’s pulse and blood pressure shoot up and cursed himself for being so foolish. He quickly pulled his hands away and removed the rubber gloves he was wearing.

“Remy? Remy relax! I’m so sorry my dear boy, I should have waited for Logan to return before I attempted this exam.” He ran his large furry hand up and down Remy’s good arm. The poor boy was shaking like a leaf! “ It’s okay… it’s okay. You have an injury there, I was just going to check and see if the bleeding stopped.”

 Hank leaned over and hit the intercom on the wall. “ Storm, could you join me in the lab please?”

* Is my brother well? * Storm’s worried voice asked.

“ I believe a visit from a friend would do wonders. I’ll explain when you arrive.”

* I’m on my way! *

Hank could just imagine the mess her winds would cause as she hurried down to the lab. She had been trying to see Remy for days. So far only Logan had managed to catch him apparently awake and coherent. Since his eyes where bandaged and the only movements he had managed were tiny and very easy to miss, it was hard to tell if he was awake or asleep. Hank heard the door to the lab slide open and a ruffled Storm breezed into the room.

She looked as if she’d dropped whatever she was doing and just took off. Hank had to laugh. Storm’s appearance was always perfect. Even in battle somehow she always returned exactly as she left. He wasn’t even sure if she could sweat! She gave him an annoyed glance and smoothed her messy hair as she moved to the bed.

“ Don’t say a word Henry! I know I’m a sight. Is Remy all right? He’s shaking.”

Hank turned serious again. “ I’m afraid I’ve given him quite a scare. Logan is sleeping in the other room; it’s his first real sleep since Remy’s return. I didn’t want to disturb him so I started to examine Remy alone.”

Storm was stroking Remy’s hair and speaking quietly to him as Hank explained, “ He woke up didn’t he?”

“ Yes. I am so sorry Remy.”

The young Cajun’s readings where headed back down where they needed to be but he was still shaking and he couldn‘t seem to stop. How do I tell dem I’m sorry? Poor Henri, he’s only doin’ his job. He took a deep breath and with the voice as weak as a mist whispered,

“sorry.”

Hank and Storm stared at each other with their mouths open wide. “ Brother!” Storm carefully grabbed the sides of his face and kissed the top of his head.

“ Remy, please do that again.” Hank begged.

Remy wasn’t sure he had the strength to do it again. It had been two weeks since the last time he made any sound. Every little movement was a huge effort. Every small sound seemed to steal the last of his breath. They watched as the young man wearily drew in a deep breath and whispered

 “ hi.”

Storm and Hank both whooped and hugged each other. They were still hugging when a zombie like Logan stumbled in. “ What’s goin on?”

Storm had tears on her face as she turned to Logan. “ Remy says…” she was overcome with emotion. All these days of worry…over! “ Remy says hi.”

Logan’s eyes grew and he bent so his face was just inches from his lovers. “ Darlin?”

With a Herculean effort Remy whispered,

“missed…y’”

Logan carefully worked an arm behind the young man and pulled him into a gentle embrace. He wanted to crush him to his chest, feel his heart beat against his own. Kiss him dizzy. He wanted too, but he held his lover as gently as he would the butterflies in his stomach. “ I missed you too.” A tear left his eye and fell into the soft hair he nuzzled with his cheek. He carefully eased Remy back down to the mattress and kissed him again. How did this happen?” He was totally awake now, caressing his lover’s cheek and neck over and over again.

“ I scared the poor boy to death during an aborted exam and he apologized.” He shot Remy a look he knew he wouldn’t see. “ Stop doing that!” There was a smile on his face big enough to show his huge fangs.

“  I knew you’d be back darlin! I knew it!” He bent and kissed the young man again and was rewarded with a tiny smile. His emotions became too much to bear and he rested his head on the side of the bed and cried. Hank and Storm smiled at each other and quietly left the room. Logan hated to show his emotions and they knew he would be uncomfortable knowing they were watching this release. They also knew it was the best thing their friend could do.

Remy wanted to hold Logan, comfort him the same way Logan had been comforting him since this all began but the damn drugs! He was so frustrated!

 Cher, please don’ be sad. Damn you Sinister!

He concentrated on lifting his arm and to his surprise and unbounded joy it was easier this time. He was as weak as a newborn but feeling Logan in his arms again was a powerful incentive. Logan was startled as the young man in the bed weakly wrapped his arm around his broad shoulders. It only stayed a moment, quickly falling back to his side.

“sorry…weak”

Logan lifted his hand and kissed it. “ That’s okay darlin, it’ll get easier. How ‘bout I hold you?”

Remy wanted to nod, wanted to say yes, wanted to do something but there was nothing left. He was so tired! He couldn’t even cry it seemed. He forced himself to stay awake long enough to feel his lover pull him carefully into his arms before the darkness took over.

 Logan carefully slipped an arm behind him and held him close. He seemed to understand that the boy was done in.

Hank returned ten minutes later. He felt like he was intruding when he opened the door and saw Remy in Logan’s strong embrace. “ Logan, I would like to examine Remy if that would be all right.”

Logan looked up at his friend and nodded. “ He’s out again. He’s so weak Blue, when is this gonna end.”

“ Logan he’s made remarkable progress today! He’s moved his hand; he’s spoken! Now that all but four drugs have left his system it will just be a matter of rebuilding his strength and dealing with any emotional damage. Of course we will have to wait to see if there were any long term effects of the eye damage but James sounded fairly confident that he would be fine.”

“ He’s been through so much.” Logan kissed Remy’s cheek and carefully pulled his arm out from under his lover. “ I wanna talk to Wings tomorrow.”

Hank looked confused, “ Why the sudden urge to talk to Warren?” He was gently examining Remy as they spoke. “ I need to see if there is any more bleeding. This is what got him so upset earlier today.”

Logan nodded, “ No wonder. All right, I’ll take care of him if he wakes up.” Hank was very professional as he checked the wounds. “ It looks as though the bleeding has finally stopped. I want to clean the area and check again tomorrow to be sure.” He gently cleaned Remy up and replaced the warm blankets. “ Now, why the sudden urge to see Warren?”

“I want you to set up the link here, in the kid’s room. I want the playboy to see what he did. I want him to finally take responsibility. He made damn sure Remy felt responsible for every damn thing that every went wrong in his life, I want him to know what he‘s been putting Remy through all these years.”

Hank nodded absently, “ Yes, I agree he needs to pay for this. All right, I’ll call the Professor and set it up.”

                                     ******************************
Warren paced around the room, he had no idea what to expect. In ten minutes he would have to face Wolverine, perhaps the most dangerous mutant alive. He had every right to be pissed this time too. The door opened suddenly and Warren jumped.

“ I’m sorry Warren, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Charles said as he entered.

“ No problem Charles, I’m just a little jumpy. I have this feeling that even though Wolverine is thousands of miles away he’s still going to be able to kill me.”

The phone on the table started to ring and Warren swallowed hard, this was it. Once they picked up a video link would be established; he would be staring into the eyes of Wolverine. Charles picked up the phone and was greeted by Hank.

“ Good morning Professor, Warren. Are you ready to proceed?”

“ Yes Henry…Warren?”

Warren took a deep breath and sat down. When he looked into the monitor Wolverine was staring back at him. “ Wolverine.”

Logan was shaking with the need to rip out Angel’s throat!  “ Shut your fuckin mouth bird! I have something I want you to see.” He shifted to the side and Warren gasped. It was Gambit! Gambit was lying on a bed behind him in the med lab.

“ I didn’t agree to this!” He turned to Charles, “ I’m not ready!”

“ Too fuckin’ bad Wings! You think the kid was ready to eat that shit you put in our food! You think he was ready to be Sinister’s lab rat! You think he was ready to have his broken arm smashed down on that hard, cold, table over and over until the bones broke the skin! You think he was ready when Creed…” his voice broke with emotion. “ When Creed …” he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t betray his young lover by repeating the torture he had to endure at Creed’s filthy hands.
 “ He’s paralyzed Wings, he can hardly move. He’s blind, those beautiful eyes that you think are evil may never see again!” Logan walked to the bed and caressed Remy’s cheek. “ That still bother you Wings? Well guess what, because of you I may never get to feel his touch again. You stole that from me you bastard and if it takes me the rest of my life I’m gonna find a way to make you pay!”

Warren watched silently as Logan sat on the edge of the medical bed. He watched as Logan held Remy’s hand. He watched closely as Logan tightened his grip and the young Cajun didn‘t respond. The look on Logan’s face was something he would never forget as long as he lived. He didn‘t understand the feelings behind it but he recognized the look of utter helplessness he could clearly see on the old Canadian‘s face. Logan turned back to the camera to say something more as the Cajun suddenly tensed and weakly cried out. Hank rushed over to him and after a moment and without a word he terminated the connection.

Warren stared dry mouthed and confused at the static on the monitor. “ What just happened to the Cajun?”

Charles looked upset as he turned to Warren, “ I don’t know. I hope the boy is all right.” Charles moved around to Warren’s side of the conference table. “ Warren?”

“ He actually loves Gambit doesn’t he? I mean… He really does…” It was as if a light suddenly went on, Warren slowly rewound the tape of the call, pausing it on the image of Logan after he tightened his grip on the Cajun’s hand and got no response. He leaned in closer to the image and yes; Wolverine had tears in his eyes. “ He loves him.”

“ Yes Warren, he does.”

He looked again at the image. The Cajun was deathly pale. His arm was in a huge, heavy cast. His eyes were heavily bandages and the room lights were very dim. The look in Logan’s eyes… damn it, it was helplessness. Logan felt helpless. His …lover…was injured, hurting, and he could do nothing but sit and watch.

And it was entirely his fault.

“ I made a terrible mistake.”
 

                                                               TBC
 
 
 

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