"Merci f’ th’ dinner Jean, it was real nice," Remy
said quietly from the end of the table. He felt like
he was on display, like everyone was waiting for him
to snap again. Logan’s boot tapped his foot gently and
he looked at his lover and smiled. Everyone was
present, even Warren and Bobby, and they seemed
genuinely happy to see him. It was an odd feeling and
it took him well into the meal to place it; it was a
sense of home, of family, of finally truly belonging
in this place. It was just a shame it didn’t happen
until he was of no use to them anymore.

"You’re welcome, I know how you feel about my
cooking," her brows rose and Remy tried to hide the
smile playing at his lips. " But it was cooked with
love."

Remy looked at Jean again and saw that she really
meant the words she spoke. His empathy wouldn’t allow
anyone he knew well to lie to him. " Merci."

" We’re all glad you’re back Remy," Charles added.
" but if you all will excuse me I have noticed an
increase in FoH activity on the news and I want to
keep an eye on them."

" We goin’ out tonight Chuck?" Logan asked and the
mood at the table turned from celebration to work in a
space of a sentence.

" No, nothing will happen tonight. Go on with your
celebration, again, welcome home Remy."

"We gotta go too. We’re gonna catch a movie in town."
Bobby and Warren stood, " Um, look, I know we were
never friends or anything but I’m glad your feelin
better Cajun," Bobby walked over and held out his
hand.

Remy wanted to stand, to get up and shake it like a
man but he couldn’t without help or support and he
blushed at his weakness. Logan rose suddenly and gave
him a hand up. Remy shook Bobby’s hand then nodded at
Warren who hadn’t said a word all night and watched
them leave. He closed his eyes and leaned back into
Logan for support. How many more times was that going
to happen? What if Logan wasn’t there? How was he
supposed to go from being totally independent to
dependent? How was he supposed to make a lifetime of
habits and survival instincts go away? Too many
questions, too many answers that he knew he would
hate.

Logan could feel the tension rolling off the kid and
leaned in close to his ear, " you okay darlin?"

Remy sighed and continued to lean back into Logan. He
felt like he was about to fall, like his legs were
going to give out and his stubborn pride refused to
let him admit it to his lover. "Oui ‘m fine." Logan
shifted his weight suddenly and Remy stumbled but the
older man caught him and sat him down without anyone
noticing. Remy stared down at the floor hoping his
hair was long enough now to cover the blush of
embarrassment on his face. AGAIN, he needed to be
saved again, twice in the same amount of minutes.

" Remy, if you’re finished could I have a word with
you in my office?"

Scott’s question brought him out of his thoughts and
he looked first at Logan, who gave him a tiny nod,
back to Scott. " Sure, I guess."

Without a word Logan helped him up and handed him the
crutches, "See ya later kiddo. Come to the Den when
yer done, I’ll wait fer ya there."

Scott stood and shared a glance with Jean, " I’ll be
home in a little while."

"Take your time," in his mind, she said < thank you
darling. >

*****

Remy stood outside the door for a full minute before
he worked up the nerve to knock. Scott opened the door
and had to smile, Remy looked like he was waiting
outside the Principal’s office. " Am I early?"

" No Remy, your right on time. Sit down, can I get you
anything?" He walked over to the small refrigerator
and pulled out a beer.

" Non, merci, can’ drink while I’m takin’…" he looked
embarrassed and Scott put his beer back and poured
himself some coffee instead. " Why ’m I here?"

Scott sat down in the chair beside Remy, not behind
his desk and stared into his cup a moment before
starting to talk. " I should have done this a long
time ago Remy-"

"Y’ keep callin’ me Remy…"

Scott looked confused, " That IS your name."

" But y’ never called m’ Remy before, it was always
Gambit or Cajun…why now?"

Scott nodded and looked him in the eye, " that’s part
of what I wanted to talk about. This is kind of weird
for me so I’m just going to dive in okay?"

Remy didn’t have a clue yet why he was there so he
just nodded and sat back.

" Okay…okay, when you tried to…well, when you were
depressed I did a lot of thinking. I never really did
that where you were concerned and I apologize. I just
wanted to say… Remy you are an asset to the team. You
fight hard you protect your teammates you never
complain, well okay, you do complain, but no more than
anyone else. You are a good man to have at my back. I
never told you this before but some of the stories you
told over the years kept me laughing for days. I think
if you put your mind to it you could accomplish just
about anything." He looked up at Remy and stopped
talking; the kid was just looking at him, blinking
like he was staring at an alien. " Are you okay?"

Remy shook himself from his daze and nodded, "Oui,
it’s just… who are you?"

Scott laughed, " I’m the new and improved Cyclops.
Jean tells me that it’s a big improvement. Look, it
took me being a fool and driving Jean away to get here
and I have you and Logan to thank for that too. You’re
a good man Remy, I’m proud to have you on the team."

Scott was smiling, proud of himself. He did it, he
told the kid everything he wanted to without
chickening out. A soft voice whispered in his mind <
Way to go tough guy. When you get home I will thank
you properly. >

" Umm…merci Cyke. Can I go now?"

Scott thought about Jean waiting out in the boathouse
to thank him, " Sure. I’m glad we had this talk Remy.
I need to go now, Jean…um, Jean needs me at home."

Scott left the office and Remy stayed frozen in
place, Scott talked like he’d be back on the team. You
ARE an asset to the team, not you WERE, you FIGHT
hard, not FOUGHT hard, it’s good to HAVE you at my
back, and not it WAS good. Those tiny phrases fed the
voice in his mind that LOVED to remind him his time as
an X-Man was over, forever. He closed his eyes and
willed the voice away before he stood slowly and went
to find Logan.

*****

Remy walked to the Den and looked in; Logan was
flopped down on the sofa, a beer in one hand the
remote in the other. Remy smiled and continued to the
stairs and up to his room; he felt like being alone
for a while. He glanced at the window at the end of
the hall. There was a time, not that long ago, that he
would have climbed out and sat on the roof. Those days
are gone now the voice whispered in his ear. He wished
Stormy were there. She was called back to Africa a
week before his return to help out an old friend. He
didn’t have any idea when she would be back and he
missed her terribly. Maybe he could go talk to Henri?
The Beast was a wonderful sounding board, fuzzy and
comfortable as an old blanket. He never judged, he
never interrupted… no; he needed to be left alone. He
had research to finish.

Remy entered the room and walked to his dresser. In
the top drawer he kept an old shoebox, it was a habit
from his time on the street. Inside were all his most
treasured things. Sometimes when he felt down, looking
through it made him feel better. He dropped the
crutches as soon as he was settled on the bed and
untied the string that kept the lid on and his
treasure safe. He carefully lifted out six notes that
Logan sent him while he was…away. He opened each one
and smiled as he read them. Devouring the words and
the sentiment behind them. They brought tears to his
eyes, how could he have ever doubted Logan’s love? He
sniffed and wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeve then
reached in for more.

" Hey, can I come in?" Logan was leaning in the
doorway watching silently.

" Sure Cher. Sorry ‘bout not meetin’ y’ in th’ Den.
Y’ looked so comfy an’ I needed t’ think."

Logan placed a hand on his shoulder, " Did Cyke say
something’ that upset ya?"

Remy wanted to stand and move to the window, Damn it!
He felt trapped by his own body. He sighed deeply, " I
hate this! He sat down there telling me he was proud
o’ me! Damn it, what’s there t’ be proud o’ now!"

" Hey," Logan tipped up his chin and caught his gaze,
" What’s going in in there?" He gently tapped Remy’s
temple.

Remy felt trapped. " Scotty was goin’ on ‘bout how I
was an asset to th’ team and he was glad t’ have me at
his back… It hurts Cher… I don’ wan’ t’ be useless
like this. I wan’ m’ life back!" He didn’t even
realize he was crying until Logan wiped a tear away.

" I don’t ever wanna hear that again, yer not useless.
Ya just gotta find something y’ can do instead. Just
think, now you can spend more time with the peanut.
And we can get away by ourselves easier, only one of
us will be an active member. You can still help out
with the mission planning and monitor the danger room…
there’s a lot you can do." He pulled Remy into a hug
and noticed the letters and drawings on the bed.
Trying to lighten his young lover’s mood he reached
over and lifted one of the notes he sent to Muir. " Ya
kept these?"

Remy sat back and took the note from his hand, " I
keep everything! These ‘re from y’… " He dug in the
box and pulled out some ticket stubs, " These ‘re from
that movie we ALMOST saw."
 

He was smiling now and Logan relaxed, " That was a
good movie…first time I ever did it in a theatre."

" Really? Never woulda guessed Cher."

Logan looked at Remy for permission then carefully
lifted each item from the old box. It looked as old as
the kid; taped together at the corners and bent in the
middle. Remy must have had it since the streets. There
were old pictures he found of the bayou and the
Louisiana sunset. Probably tore them from discarded
magazines, maybe they were the only good things he
could find about the city at the time. There were
letters from Alisa; he noticed the dates were before
the attack. The handwriting was crisp and clean and he
noticed with a smile, very much like Remy’s. There
were dozens of them. All on pretty pastel paper and if
his nose wasn’t deceiving him, scented with magnolias.
 
 

Remy had a sweet sad smile on his face as he watched
his older lover look at his treasure. He never shared
it with anyone but he was happy to watch as Logan
smiled at the drawings and finger paintings Alisa sent
over the years. His personal favorite was a picture of
Alisa’s handprint on top of his. The most recent were
harder to read and it hurt to see them beside letters
from just months before. Logan carefully opened a
letter at random and read through. He watched as Logan
smiled about something she wrote, Alisa had a crazy
sense of humor; some of her earlier letters kept him
smiling for days.

Logan replaced the letter and reached in again…the
next thing he found was admission papers for the
hospital where they got their first look at her after
the attack. Remy saved every scrap…every treatment she
had, every diagnosis they made, notes to himself to
ask the doctors about this treatment or why was she
given certain meds. He had no idea Remy was that
involved. He felt a rush of burning rage when he
unfolded one piece of paper and saw Jean Luc’s
signature on a document okaying shock therapy at the
dive he dropped the poor kid into. Remy moved her
suddenly to the school she was in now but never told
him why…He looked at the boy and saw the same rage in
him. He leaned over and leaned his forehead against
Remy’s, " You got her out. You put her in the best
hospital in the country. She’s happy now and she loves
ya as much as I do."

Remy was a little embarrassed that Logan found that
paper. He was torn… Lean Luc saved him! He took him
off the street and treated him as his own son. He
never showed Alisa the same love. He was kind to her
but he never tried to connect. Remy never understood
and he never questioned it. In his young mind he was
afraid that if he did he would be thrown back onto the
streets. He took it upon himself to love his little
sister and by the time she was big enough to show her
feelings in return he was truly and deeply in love
with the little girl. She needed him and he was so
proud to be the big brother. When he had to leave her
behind he hoped that things would get better between
adoptive father and daughter and it did he thought.
Alisa’s letters were always mostly upbeat; her report
cards were always good. Things had to be better…right?

Logan laughed out loud and Remy smiled, Logan was
holding a picture of the three of them at one of the
"Family Days" at Alisa’s school. The three of them
were covered in paint. Alisa wanted to paint a picture
of the family so they were all sitting at the table
when Remy flicked a tiny bit of paint on Alisa’s nose.
She flicked some back and the paint fight was on!
Alisa’s private nurse Rebecca snapped the picture as
they stood there, laughing and hugging.

Logan carefully put all the pictures and letters back
into the box and replaced the lid. This was his
lover’s whole life… his sister, his home, and Logan.
He turned to Remy and took his face in his hands, "
Thanks for letting me see this."

" It’s me, everything I love is in that box. It’s
worth more t’ me than anything else in th’ world."

Logan put the box carefully on the floor and pulled
Remy close. " We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives
putting more stuff in that box. We’re gonna be so
happy Rem." He kissed the boy soft and slow tasting
every inch of his perfect mouth and Remy let him.

There comes a time in every life when everything is
perfect. A frozen moment when you look to the sky and
know that THIS was the reason you were put on the
earth. Logan found his moment right there in Remy’s
arms. The phone rang and the lover’s slowly parted,
" Whoever that is get rid of ‘em. I need to welcome
you home proper."

Remy was still smiling as he picked up the phone,
"‘ello?"
Logan’s perfect moment was shattered when Remy turned
deathly pale and the phone slipped from his hand and
fell to the floor.

" Remy?"

*****

Watch for "Family Portraits" by Nicole Wagner and BJ!