*****

The pain in his chest was so bad he couldn't breathe
and the sob that was torn from his throat nearly
choked him. The arm he had braced against the door was

shaking. He felt something warm and wet on the hand he
had clenched to his chest and slowly looked down
wholly expecting to see blood; Logan HAD just ripped
out his heart after all. He saw that the hand on his
chest was wet and only then realized tears were
flowing from his eyes. He turned his back to the door
and slid down when he lost all strength in his legs.

" Get a grip LeBeau," he whispered to himself. He was
no stranger to pain and lately betrayal seemed to be
his best friend.

But not from Logan.
Not his lover.

" It's not my fault!" he said through the tears " I
didn' do anything wrong!"

He allowed himself a few minutes to mourn the loss of
the man he was beginning to think of as his other half
then wiped the tears and took a few calming breaths.
He replayed the conversation over in his head trying
to find the moment it turned from the best in his life
to the worst...

*****

Logan wanted a committed relationship.It was a dream
come true but it was also one of the scariest things
in the world to the young, commitment shy Cajun. He'd
been in three committed relationships before.

He committed to Belle out of loyalty to his family and
Guild. He married his best friend to join the warring
Thieves and Assassins. Long before it was consummated
Remy was repaid for that loyalty by having to run for
his life, banished from home and family forever.

He committed to Sinister out of misplaced gratitude.
He was alone and afraid of the power that refused to
be contained any longer. Desperate for help he was
conned by Nathaniel Essex, a scientist and physician
who surgically turned down the Omega powers in the boy
just barely a man. Remy was repaid for his gratitude
later as he lay bleeding to death in a tunnel where he
was forced to watch the slaughter of an entire
community of underground mutants. He never told a soul
that he felt every wound and every terrified mind as
they died. It was his penance for gathering the
monsters that actually killed them.

The last relationship was the most painful of all to
remember. With each one before he had somehow managed
to salvage a piece of his heart. He somehow believed
that there was still something worth believing in.

Then came Rogue.

He loved her with every shred of his battered and
bruised heart. Opened himself up completely for her.
She couldn't be touched and he couldn't understand for
the life of him how she survived like that so he gave
her everything he had left to give.She repaid that
love by leaving him alone and scared, freezing and
confused. She said her love was unconditional. He had
nothing left of himself when the Blackbird disappeared
from sight. The last tiny shred of hope was
extinguished and what was left of his heart was
shattered beyond repair.

The pain of the recovery from the cold was like
nothing he had felt before as doctors coaxed his
nearly frozen body back to life. He thought there was
no way he could ever feel a pain that was worse.

Until today.

All night long Logan had given him anything he
desired. He felt as if a dark cloud had been lifted
and that he was reborn. Every pain washed away. Every
mistake forgiven. Logan had done the impossible; he
had restored Remy's hope.

When they arrived home Remy pulled away from him but
Logan pulled him back. Remy was overcome with an
immense feeling of love and acceptance and dared to
think that maybe THIS time...

" So Swamp Rat's at it again huh?" came the sugary
southern drawl from the direction of the
kitchen."Watch y'self Wolverine, that boy can get in
y' head without y' even knowin' it." Rogue glared at
Remy, "Don't hurt him like y' hurt me. He'll hurt y'
back." She continued on her way to the stairs that led
to the living quarters. Logan looked Remy in the eye
when something he said earlier popped into his head.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. He shook the thought
away but a tiny doubt had already been planted.

They continued up the stairs to the men's wing.
Logan's look a moment ago puzzled Remy but he let it
slide. Logan opened the door to Remy's room and guided
him in. He sat him on the bed and kissed him
breathless. Rogue was wrong...wasn't she? He held both
of Remy's hands and asked him to commit to him. He
wanted to tell the team. The world. He wanted to put
an end to the whispers and comments. " Tell me you'll
commit to me."

Remy's lungs stopped working, his heart skipped a
beat. He wanted this more than anything in the world.
He wanted to belong to Logan.

Logan's smile began to fade and his gaze grew more
intense. "Well? Don't you want that?"

YES! He was screaming in his head. YES! YES! YES!

But his battered heart and wounded soul kept him
quiet. DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF AGAIN! DON'T OPEN
YOURSELF UP TO THAT KIND OF PAIN AGAIN! a voice
shouted in his head. Remy opened his mouth to say the
words Logan was waiting to hear but they wouldn't
come. He was scared. He wouldn't survive another blow
to his already battered heart.

Logan's intense gaze turned angry and he let go of
Remy's hands. " What the Hell is wrong with you? Can't
you say those few little words?"

Just like that , right in front of his eyes, the older
man turned from his compassionate and gentle Logan
into the beast known as Wolverine. " Come on Gumbo, I
know you had a good time tonight."

Remy's heart was pounding.God, please no. Not again.
Couldn't he see how hard this was for him? " Oui!
Loved it! Was just what I wanted!"

There were those words again! "Then say it!" He was
getting angry; the kid was just staring at him. He
suddenly remembered Rogue's words and understood.
"You've been playin' me!" He'd never fallen so hard so
fast. Loving the Cajun was like falling from a plane
and he was about to hit the ground. Hard. " You used
that fuckin' empathy shit on me!" He stood and glared
down at the stunned Cajun. "You fucked with my head!"
He growled and lashed out with his claws swiping the
lamp off the nightstand and making the kid flinch back
in fear. He could hear the boy's heart pounding in his
chest. He was scared. " Little shit! I was nothin' but
a toy t' be played with!" He waved toward the door,
"They were right!"

Remy finally found his voice again. "NON! NEVER play
that game! NEVER!" He swallowed hard past the lump
that was growing in his throat. "Never..." he
whispered the last word because he could tell by the
look in Wolverine's eyes he wasn't hearing a word that
was coming from his mouth now.

"Fuck you! I don't like bein' played BOY and I ain't
gonna be yer fuck buddy anymore!"

He stormed out the door, Remy was two steps behind.
The sound of the door slamming was like a gunshot to
his chest. He placed one hand on the door and clenched
the other over his heart. " Logan?" he finally managed
to whisper but it was too late; the man was long gone
and the final blow had been dealt.

*****

Remy stood on shaky legs and stumbled back to the bed.
The room was dark now, the lamp was in pieces next to
the wall. He wiped the last of his tears and put on
his best poker face. He wouldn't give his frigid
teammates any more ammunition to use against him.

He wouldn't let them see him cry.

*****

* thump* *thump* *thump*
Storm lay awake and listened to the relentless
bouncing of the basketball on the court. She sighed
and picked up her alarm clock 3:27 am. With another
sigh she threw back the sheet and walked through the
door of her balcony into the warm summer night.

The lone figure on the court was deeply troubled and
she had no idea how to help him. She watched for a
while before she sent a silent prayer to the Goddess
that he would someday find peace. Floating on the
winds that she summoned she glided gently down like an
angel from Heaven.

" Hey Stormy, can' sleep either? How 'bout a lil' one
on one? I'll spot y' 10."

"Brother..."

" Non powers though, that'd be cheatin'."

She took a step closer and placed a hand on his sweaty
shoulder. He stilled and then looked into her calm,
blue eyes but quickly looked away. He was her
protector. He couldn't let her see his pain.
He had to be the strong one.

She knew the inner turmoil he was forcing on himself.
He protected her as a child and he still felt that
protectiveness even now. She decided long ago that was
probably the first time the young man ever felt truly
needed. It was a sweet, carefree time; just the two of
them against the world. She smiled every time she
thought of it. It was something she never spoke about
to anyone. It was THEIR time and it forged a bond
between them that was stronger than blood.

" Remy, please talk to me?"

Remy still bounced the basketball and with the
slightest flick of her wrist she redirected the ball
to the far side of the court.

He looked into her eyes again and the words started,
"Logan... he... he..."he started and the raw pain in
his voice and in his eyes told her all she needed to
know. She feared that this would happen but prayed
fervently that it wouldn't.

" What happened?" she whispered as she pulled her
brother into her arms. He held on tight, this was the
only person in the world he would ever be comfortable
enough to show these feelings to.

" He said I was usin' him."

She felt tremors run through his body. " He didn't
mean-"

" Oh yes he did!" She heard a tiny sniff and her heart
broke. Her brother NEVER cried in front of anyone.

" Remy," she pulled away from him, he may be her
protector but she was still at least four years older
than him.She looked deeply into his eyes and gently
grabbed the sides of his face, " Tell him."

He forced himself away from her and looked to the star
filled sky. " I can'! Ro, I tried! I can' I'm..."

" Scared?" she finished for him.

He nodded and swallowed hard, " Oui."

" But Remy, you love him." she said with a gentle
smile.

" I got some kinda curse on me." he said in a voice
that was low and full of pain. " Ev'body leaves Remy,"
he whispered.

The third person scared her so she pulled him close
again and waited for him to cry out some of his pain.
"Tell me exactly what happened."

Remy walked to the bench and picked up the towel he
threw there. He wiped the sweat and tears from his
face and sat down. She sat beside him and put a
comforting arm around his shoulders, running her
fingers through his hair. She waited patiently for him
to speak.

" I don' know. We were kissin' one minute an he was
sayin' he was tired o' bein' m' fuck buddy th' next.
He said either I commit or he leave."

Storm's brow creased in confusion. " Then what is the
problem? I know how much you love him."

Another lone tear fell from his eye and she could see
that it carried all the pain in the world. " I couldn'
say th' words." he whispered. " I wanted too, but they
jus' wouldn' come... He walked away. Left th' room."
He looked into his sister's eyes, "I didn' do anything
wrong." She felt the need to go find Logan and make
him pay for the pain he was causing but Remy needed
her and it felt good to be the one he came to for
comfort.
"I...I couldn' stay in there..." He sniffed again and
dropped his face to his sister's shoulder and cried.

*****

Logan finished the last of the beer in his cooler at
the cabin, it only held a case. He silently cursed his
healing factor, wishing it would let him get lost in a
drunken haze. He got mad and walked out on what he was
beginning to believe was the best thing that ever
happened in his long, lonely life. All he wanted was
for the kid to say a few simple words! He wasn't
askin' him to cut off his arm! Remy was a player,
always had been. He didn't care who he slept with as
long as he didn't have to sleep alone. There had been
times when Logan had caught the scent of more than one
person in the same night on the kid. He seemed to be
lookin for some thing in all those people, something
he never found.

The kid was drunk the first time they slept together.
It was like nothing Logan had ever experienced before.
The kid was totally uninhibited, the sex was hot and
wild. He knew stuff someone as young as he had no
business knowin'. They started fooling around
regularly after that and the strange scents
disappeared. The fooling around turned into making
love before either of them realized it. Logan planned
on telling him he loved him. Then all of a sudden what
Rogue said kept playin in the back of his mind. The
kid's words came back to him again, it was EXACTLY
what he wanted. " Fuck him." Logan spat from around
the cigar in his mouth. " I don't need him. I was
nothin but a fuck buddy. Shoulda known." The words
didn't sound as convincing as they had before and the
pain in his chest didn't ease a bit.

*****

Jean sat in the small kitchen of the boathouse rubbing
her temples. She was so distracted that she never
heard Scott enter the room. She startled as he
wrapped an arm around her shoulder and dropped into
the seat beside her. " Problems?"

"Remy and Logan are in trouble."

Scott instantly stood, " An attack?"

" NO! No, their personal life."

Scott sat back down and sighed. " Oh. Well it's about
time."

" What's that supposed to mean?" she asked with a
touch of anger.

" Honey,they were just playing with each other, it
couldn't have been anything more. Now we can all get
back to the way things used to be around here. I was
getting sick of all the pictures that kept popping
into my head." He shivered to prove his point.

Jean sat back and looked him in the eye. " Why
couldn't it have been more. Remy is devastated and
Logan is in the cabin trying to give himself alcohol
poisoning. I've got to go try-"

" NO!" Scott grabbed her arm as she stood and squeezed
a little harder than he needed to. " Just stay out of
it! We have enough problems around here. We have to
plan a strategy for the FoH rally next month, Magneto
has been making noise again... We don't need to get in
the middle of a fight between two GAY team members.
It's about time it ended anyway because I was about to
demand that it stop! He finally looked closely enough
at his wife to see the tiny flames that were dancing
in her eyes. " WHAT?"

" I think I will be sleeping at the mansion for a
while," she said coldly. With a mere thought a
suitcase full of her things floated to her side not
more than two minutes later.

" What did I do?" Scott shouted as his wife opened the
door.

" When you figure that out I'll be back." was the last
thing she said before she left.

TBC