~ Why do we crucify ourselves?
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains ~

It was late, well past two in the morning…well past the time
when normal children would be tucked away in their beds, sleeping
peacefully. Sitting together in the flickering candlelight of Remy's
shrine, wrapped in the boy's tattered patchwork quilt, Bella Donna
and Remy sat in silence, the calm punctuated only by the boy's
shivering and occasional sniffles.

Remy had been crying for hours, inconsolable at the thought
that Bella Donna wanted him to leave. He was miserable, yes, but he
was also with her and that simple fact was all that mattered. She
was the only comfort he'd ever had in life, he was terrified to be
without her.

Bursting into fresh tears, he clung to her, desperate for the
comfort of her arms. He knew why she wanted him to go but this was
the only life he could remember and to ask him to give up the one
person who loved him and to trust a complete stranger, and a man no
less, was inconceivable. He couldn't understand that she only wanted
what was best for him, all he knew was that she wanted him to leave,
and the pain of that realization was a hundred times worse than any
physical pain that had ever been inflicted on him.

"Tu ne m'aimes pas encore? " Remy sobbed, burying his face
against the girl's neck.

"Naturellement je t'aime," she whispered, pulling the shaking
boy tighter against her. "Tu sais que je t'aime."

"Alors, pourquoi? " the boy whispered brokenly.

"Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore," the girl
answered softly. She knew Remy understood her reasons, but that he
just couldn't accept it. As hard as this life was on him, the boy
clung to it; it was all he had ever known.

"Mais je ne veux pas partir," Remy insisted petulantly.

"Je sais," Bella Donna answered patiently, "mais tu dois
partir."

-------

Logan sat with his back against the headboard of the
uncomfortable hotel room bed, watching a hockey game on TV with only
minimal attention. He couldn't get the fear on the boy's face out of
his mind…he'd hoped that the boy would change his mind and come find
him, but it was far too late at night for there to be much likelihood
of that now. All he could do was hold out hope that the kid had put
the money he'd given him to good use and had gone somewhere safe.

It was pointless worrying about it, there was nothing more he
could do about the situation, no matter how much he wished that
weren't the case. Trying to clear his mind and drive the worry from
his mind, Logan closed his eyes and tried to nap.

-------

"Remy, s'il te plait, fais cela pour moi," Bella Donna
whispered, sitting behind the boy and combing her fingers through his
hair, trying to calm him.

"Mais…"

"Pour moi," the girl said again, more firmly. It was a dirty
trick, using his devotion to her to get him to agree to something he
didn't want to do, but it was the only choice she had left. One way
or another, she had to save him.

She could see the looked of panicked indecision on Remy's
face; his devotion to her was tearing him apart, he wanted to please
her but didn't want to be without her. It tore her up inside, but
she knew she had to do this.

After several long heartbeats the boy appeared to reach a
decision, drawing in a shaky breath and forcing a smile onto his face
even though Bella Donna could feel that he was still shaking.
Meeting the girl's eyes with a look of determination, Remy nodded
almost imperceptibly, unable to actually speak the words.

"Tu ne vas pas m'oublier? " the boy asked softly.

"Jamais," Bella Donna answered, pulling him into her arms.

-------

Quietly leaving the boy to pack his meager possessions, Bella
Donna returned to her own room down the hall. Soundlessly padding
across the room, she knelt on the floor by the bed and reached
underneath, pulling out a battered shoebox.

Inside were her most prized possessions: a lock of her hair from her
first haircut, a picture of her mother, a sapphire ring that had
belonged to her grandmother…and a faded photograph of two young
children, scarcely more than four years old, one blonde, one dark-
haired, smiling into the camera with gap-toothed grins; it was the
only picture she had of Remy and herself together and she had guarded
it jealously over the years.

Taking the faded photograph from the box and replacing the rest of
her treasures underneath the bed, Bella Donna laid it carefully on
her writing desk and retrieved a pen from the desk drawer. Thinking
for several moments, she turned the photo over and wrote carefully on
the back:

"Remy –

Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.

– Bella Donna"

Although she knew that her friend couldn't read it, having never been
taught to read or write, she knew that he would someday be able to
and never wanted him to forget that she had loved him and only wanted
what was best for him. She couldn't bear the thought that someday,
when he was grown and had put all this behind him, he might forget
that she loved him. Tears running down her cheeks, she pressed a
kiss to the front of the picture before slipping back down the hall
to the boy's room.

-------

Sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, Remy waited
for Bella Donna to return, holding the knapsack that held the only
possessions he had chosen to bring with him: his crucifix, the
contents of his shrine, a rosary Bella Donna had given him a year
before and the clothes on his back, the rest of the room's meager
contents held too many bad memories for him and were being left
behind.

Hearing her footsteps in the hall, the boy got to his feet,
slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and trying to stop the tears
that were streaming down his cheeks. He had to be strong, he knew
this was as hard on Bella Donna as it was on him and he didn't want
to make it any harder on her than he had to.

-------

Bella Donna walked into Remy's room slowly, trying to stay
strong when all she wanted to do was grab the boy and never let go.
Going to the boy's side, she took his good hand in both of hers and
squeezed it tightly then turned it palm up and laid the picture in
it. "N'oublie jamais, Remy," she whispered softly, eyes brimming
with tears.

Nodding, unable to speak, Remy turned his gaze to the photo
the girl had laid in his hand. It was hard to believe that either
one of them had ever been so innocent or so happy, but the proof was
in his hand. Unable to hold back his tears any longer, Remy pulled
the girl into a fierce hug, heedless of his broken arm. "Je t'aime,
Bel."

"Je t'aime, aussi, Remy. Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien."

"Mais…"

"Va t'en," the girl whispered again, more forcefully, trying
to hide the pain the command caused her.

Nodding sadly, Remy reluctantly released his friend and,
placing the photograph Bella Donna had given him in his pocket,
padded out the door, too scared to look back.

-------

Logan was snapped out of a restless sleep by a hesitant knock
at the door to his hotel room. Glancing at the clock, he swore
irritably; it was going on to three in the morning. Getting up from
the bed, he padded to the door and opened it, ready to give his
visitor hell for waking him up in the middle of the night.

Instead he stood silent for several heartbeats; standing in
the hallway outside his door was the boy he had been worrying about
less than an hour before, looking scared and worn out, and staring at
him with the most beautiful eyes Logan had ever seen. "Come on in,
kid," he finally said, moving aside to let the boy into the room.

Forcing his hesitant feet into the room, Remy stepped over
the threshold into the room, careful to stay fairly close to the
door. "Merci," the boy said softly, eyes on his feet.

There were so many questions Logan wanted to ask, so many
things he wanted to know, but those would have to wait. What the kid
needed right now was a good night's sleep, and a doctor to look at
that arm, but that would have to wait until morning. "You tired, kid…
Remy?"

"Oui," Remy answered softly. There was no point lying about
it; even if he denied it, he'd still end up falling asleep and
leaving himself vulnerable. And on top of that he had to trust this
man; he was putting his life in this stranger's hands.

"The bed's all yours, kiddo, go ahead," Logan said, waving a
hand toward the king size bed. "I'll sleep on the floor," he added,
noting the look of confusion on the boy's face.

"Merci," Remy answered with a weak smile, laying his knapsack
down and moving to sit down on the bed.

-------

Logan stood by the bed, watching the small figure on the bed
sleep. In spite of the boy's obvious fear, he had fallen asleep
almost as soon as he had laid down and was now deeply asleep with his
thumb in his mouth, his broken arm stretched out on the bed beside
him.

Logan was worried about the Remy. As peaceful as the boy
looked, his cheeks were flushed and his bangs were damp with sweat
and it was clear that the boy was running a fever. Reaching out
carefully, he lightly laid the palm of his hand against the boy's
forehead, swearing under his breath at the heat he felt. He was
definitely going to have to get the kid to the doctor.

-------

Waking up with a start some hours later, Remy shivered. He
could hear Logan's heavy breathing to his left side, deep and even
and calming. He was cold and scared and missed the comfort of Bella
Donna's arms.

Lying for several long moments, shivering, Remy weighed his options
and, reaching a decision, scooted off the bed and onto the floor.
Carefully, the boy laid down next to his benefactor, lifting the
man's arm and wiggling underneath until he was lying with his back
against the man's chest, closing his eyes with a sigh, hoping he had
made the right decision.

-------

Logan was careful not to move even though he had been woken
by the boy lifting his arm. He knew the decision had to have been a
hard one and didn't want to scare the boy away. Logan smiled softly
as the boy settled back down to sleep, warmed by the heat of Logan's
body.

TBC

~ TRANSLATIONS ~

1) Tu ne m'aimes pas encore?
Don't you love me?

2) Naturellement je t'aime. Tu sais que je t'aime.
Of course I do. You know I do.

3) Alors, pourquoi?
Then why?

4) Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore.
Because I don't want you hurt anymore.

5) Mais je ne veux pas partir.
But I don't want to go.

6) Je sais, mais tu dois partir.
I know, but you have to.

7) Remy, s'il te plait, fais cela pour moi.
Remy, please, do it for me.

8) Pour moi.
For me.

9) Tu ne vas pas m'oublier?
You won't forget me?

10) Jamais.
Never.

11) Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.
Always remember I love you.

12) N'oublie jamais, Remy.
Never forget, Remy.

13) Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien.
Now, go. I'll be fine.

14) Va t'en.
Go.