Alone in this room, scrutinized by everyone who feels in the mood to
be cheered up. All they gotta do is com and watch this fucked up old
man ... if they knew how old I was, they wouldn't be so happy to see
me down.

And is not that they are ... I know that's just me being self-
loathing. But how can I help it? Everyone who's ever been in my life
has done the same thing ... use me, abuse me, break me, fuck me ...
rape me.

The first couple ... hundred of times were welcome. I was the flavor
of the month, every month. It did wonders for my self-esteem,
not that i
I have any, but who's gonna tell them??

The first time in the mansion, my new home, was Hank. He was such a
gentleman, he even took me to dinner. When we got back to the house
he walked m to my room ....

--------------------
"Goodnight Logan" he placed one hand on my neck, the soft fur
tickled my skin. I shivered at his touch, I didn't want this night
to end like this.

"You don't have to go Hank" my fingers gently grazed his hand, still
holding my neck.

His sweet smile warmed my body and that's all it took for me, I
pulled him to me and my lips devoured his mouth. His hand found the door
knob, fumbling down we got into the room.

The mutant known was Beast removed every piece of clothing I had on
and slowly took me to lie on the bed.

"Don't be gentle" I purred as I noticed his hands smoothly roaming
every inch of my body "I like it rough and hard."

He chuckled, "As you wish" he shoved me till my back was up against the
headboard. I stayed still, watching him strip, then he grabbed my
ankles and brought them up to his shoulders.

His rock hard cock just inches away from my tight ass "Fuck me!!!" I
begged, he tried to ease one finger in and I protested.

"I don't care … don't prepare me … Fuck me! … NOW!!!" I managed to yell.

Guess he understood cause he pushed every inch of his cock inside of
me in one quick thrust. For a few seconds he remained still, letting
me adjust to the feeling of having him inside.

Then as fast and hard as he thrust in, he started pumping. Each
thrust was matched by his right hand stroking my own throbbing cock
and his left hand twisting my hard nipples. Everything I felt was
clouding my head, every feeling, every desire I ever had was being
fulfilled at this moment

"So tight Logan!!" his hand squeezed my shaft at the exact moment of
his climax, helping me reach my own orgasm.

He lay on top of me for the rest of the night.
------------------------
 ~I saw dem getting' t' his room after arriving at de mansion,
it's so damn weird havin' t' spy on him, only t' actually see him.
Why can't I talk t' him?? Just walk up' him and say hi, but I know I
can't … not as long as he sleeps around de mansion,~
 

That night was special for me and for Hank as well, I thought I had
found my other half. The part of my soul that was missing …but fate
thought otherwise. Soon Henry was called to supervise a project,
down the South American continent, Brazil to be precise so he left.

And I was alone … again.

But not for so long, Kurt Wagner had his eye on me, this old
Canadian Redneck. And it wasn't so hard for that German sweet guy to
wrap me up with his charm.

Not that it was for real,  all he wanted was a quick fuck. At
the moment I didn't know, but I learned it along the way … a very
long way.

--------------------------
"Are you up for it, old man?" his sexy eyes, sparkling under the
moonlight, his body glowing on the pond's reflection.

"Who' you calling old man?" I tackled him and ended up in the water.
Him naked and I fully clothed.

"Aren't ya overdressed??"

Quickly I got rid of my clothes and tossed them to the
shore, "Better" he licked his lips and ducked under water.

I jumped in surprise at the feeling of his wet tongue on my semi
erect cock, which by now was completely erect, just after a few
licks.

And he sucked and licked, and sucked some more. Then he shoved all
my manhood down his throat.

I tumbled backwards till I reached the roots of a huge tree, which
was halfway covered by the water. I leaned over so at least one of
us would support the other.

The warmth of his mouth was driving me nuts, his fingers playing
with my balls, gently squeezing them.

When I thought I couldn't take it anymore, Kurt lifted me up till I
had my back on the tree's roots and my ass was on the air.

He lubed me up with my own precum and slowly penetrated me, my legs
on each side of his hips and my shaft wrapped by his hands.

In … out … in … out, his blue dick ripping my insides in two, his
flesh slapping against my cheeks, his hands fisting my shaft. Never
leaving my dick alone, when one was gone the other had taken its
place.

"Logan … you've a tight fucking ass" he purred as he came inside of
me. And that's when I realized how flexible Mr. Wagner really is,
his mouth had replaced his hands and he was drinking all of my cum.

My inner muscles milked him dry just as his wet mouth did the same
with me. We stayed like that for a while, to compose ourselves and
then got dressed.

A few weeks later, after he had been avoiding me, I cornered him on
the library. "Logan, my friend, it was good for one night. But it
got old." he patted me in the shoulder and left me standing there
like an idiot.
---------------------------
 

~ y' keep lookin' for true love in all de wrong places … when are
y' gonna see me like I see y'?? When r' y' gonna realize dat dey `r
only usin' y' as a quick fuck??? When, Logan, when?~
 

I wish I can say I took it like a man but I can't. When Kurt left,
all I wanted to do was make the pain go away, but I couldn't.

So I did the next best thing, enhanced the pain.

And how I did that?? … I cut myself till the pain in my heart was
nothing, the only thing that mattered was the tingling feeling from
the wound.

Over and over

I did the same thing when Pete took me and threw me the same week.

---------------------------
"Comrade, want to go for a drink?" the Russian hottie looked so
fucking sexy, dressed on a pair of leather pants and a black silk
shirt.

This old Wolverine couldn't resist the tempting sight, "Of
course. Name the bar."

We rode on my bike, his strong arms wrapped around my waist, the
wind blowing in our faces. Nothing could have been better … how
wrong I was!!

I felt his fingers unfastening my belt and quickly unzipping my
jeans, his naughty hand dug into them and pulled my cock out.

"Turned on" he purred in my ear, but he was more stating a fact than
asking, I just nodded. This was his game, I only had to play along.

His slick fingers stroke me slowly at first and then sped up his
pace. "Watch the road" he whispered. How on Earth do you watch the
road when you have a Russian Adonis giving you a handjob from
behind?!?!?! It took all I got to do it and not crash into a tree.

After a few more strokes I exploded and he cleaned me up with his
fingers, licking them right next to my ear, fucking sexy, "Imagine
what I can do with my tongue on your ass?" he whispered.

And though I have a high resistance, I'm not stupid. I parked the
bike in a secluded area and let him show me. Which was quite a
lesson.

But it was over in a week
----------------------------------------

So when he said, "I found someone else" I couldn't help myself and I
cut my arms. And my stomach and legs, and every single part of my
body I could reach.

A blessing in disguise that healing factor of mine, then I'll patch
up when I cut deeper.

And no one would notice, I still don't know if that was good or bad.
 

~ y' dink no one sees but I do, I look at y' and I see a very
hurt man. De first couple of times I saw de patches I thought it was
not'ing, but after a few hundred times I knew der was somet'ing
wrong with y'. Why won't y' let me heal y'? why don't y' see me
instead of dem??? ~
 

The next one wasn't so bad and it lasted a few months, maybe cause
he was never home and I never asked him why.

But I knew why. Betsy kept him busy. Him being Warren Worthington
III, the Angel himself.

I still remember the last night we spent together, right before he
told me it was over.

The best fuck I had with him … and the last one.

-----------------------
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Warren had this lost look I
learned to adore. Plus he wasn't really listening to me, which
turned me on to no end.

"Uhmmm … oh … yes, not that I don't enjoy it normally, but BDSM is
something I DO want to try"

I handed him the leather straps for my wrists and ankles, he
strapped to the front posts from the bed. With myself facing the bed
and him behind me.

"Ready?" I nodded and he spread the grease on my back side.

He didn't want to hurt me so he thought the grease will ease up the
flapping, I guess he couldn't really understand why I was doing
this. I wanted him to hurt me cause I knew about Betsy, I knew she
kept him from me. Not that she planned it, no one knew about us. But
still it hurt, so I decided I could hurt with him by my side.

He flapped the whip onto my side then onto me. He slashed me once,
twice, three times … till I couldn't take it anymore, and then some
more.

On my back, legs, ass, arms. Then he flicked the whip and wrapped it
around my cock, reaching me from behind. He pulled hard enough for
my senses to go nuts.

I heard him moving some piece of furniture I couldn't see, he
climbed in so his dick could reach up my entrance.

Without letting the whip loose, he entered me. Hard and raw, just
the way I like it.

For hours he fucked me, when he was about  finished, he  slide out and
tighten the whip around my cock so I couldn't come.

When he finally came inside of me, he released the whip and allowed
me to come … hard, on his hand. Warren was holding me closer to him
from my hips, long enough for him to fill me up.

He untied me and cleaned me up. Then he dumped me … he called
me "The best bitch I'd  had in a long time" slapped me in the  ass and walked away.
------------------------

That night I dug my nails into my thighs, till I tore my skin off
and my fingers were covered with blood.

It took me months to stop doing that, and a lot of help. Mainly from
someone I never expected to get it from … Bobby Drake.

But as I've learned during these experiences, all he wanted was to
fuck me … to satisfy HIS need.

~y' search for help in de wrong places, yet not in me. I
remember y' once told me I was a good friend, den why y'r with dem
and not with me???~
 

---------------------------
"Better??" Bobby has been such a great help. I don't know what I'd
have done without him.

My hands were still shaking a bit, so he was now holding the glass
of juice for me "Thanks"

He whispered, "You're welcome" and fluffed my pillows. "Need
something else?"

I squirmed a bit when I felt his hand on my thigh, "Nope, I'm fine"

And evil grin appeared on his face, and I couldn't help but
shivered. "Oh, no. you're not" he tucked me in and kissed my
forehead.

"Now you're ok" he sat next to me on the bed, "Want me to stay?" his
voice was sweet and yet his thought were anything but.

Even thought I knew he had ulterior motives for staying I didn't
care, I needed to be with someone, I couldn't bare being
alone "Yeah" I nuzzled his neck and tried to sleep, but Mr. Drake
had other things in mind.

He slipped the blankets off me, then he removed my shirt and started
teasing my nipples, alternating his hands with his mouth. When he
got tired of them he lowered a bit … well, more like a lot.

His fingers held my pants' waistband and pulled them down, revealing
my cock.

"Yummy Wolvie" his hands and his mouth became a vacuum sucking and
fisting my shaft. Never letting it free.

"Tastes good" he licked my cum from his lips and the little he had
on his hands he use it to lube his cock.

"No" I softly moaned, not being truly ready after what had happened
with Warren. But he didn't care, he placed his dick outside my
entrance and pushed it in.

He fucked me hard, but yet so sweet.

But when he came, he got cleaned up and walked away.
------------------------------
 

~ My dear Logan, I wish it was me de one who holds y' at night.
De one y' call when y'r sad or lonely, but y' don't want me. No, y'
choose de ones who y' know r' gonna hurt y' and der's nodding I can
do about it ~
 

The marks I made when he left me were so crooked due to the cocaine
I sniffed a couple of moments before.

That's something I only tried that once … didn't like the effect.

Spent three months cutting myself, every night. And drinking myself
into oblivion to complete the picture.

One of those nights I heard Bishop calling me.

------------------------------
"Logan? Are you there?"

Tumbling my way down, I opened the door. "What?!?" I growled at him.

"Nate and I were discussing something" I spotted Nate behind him. I
motioned them to come in.

"And what that might be?"

The pair of lovers exchanged a look, "If you would be willing to let
us fuck you".

My eyes grew bigger, but it didn't shock me. And the tone he used,
I'm sure he wanted to sound casual but his warm smile made it looked
so sweet and innocent.

"Sure, let's get it on!"

We stripped from our clothes and soon we were lying on my bed, naked.

Nate nibbling me neck and Bishop teasing my nipples, it was actually
the best sex I've had in years. Sweet and wild at the same time.

They were offering nothing more than one night, and for that I
thanked them.

Bishop took all of me in his mouth, while Nate positioned the tip of
his dick in my manpussy. "Ready?" he asked concerned and I growled a
yes.

Soon they set a pace, when Nate pumped out, Bishop bobbled in and
viceversa.

Nate's arms wrapped my chest and teased my nipples, while Bishop
played with my sensitive balls.

I felt my muscles tense, and I came hard on Bishop's mouth just as
Nate gave one last thrust and screamed his lover's name, filling me
up.

They switched places, so Bishop could release, starting all over.

We lasted all night long.

I fell asleep and the next morning they were gone. All I found was a
note, signed by both with a big `Thanks' on it.

It actually felt great, giving them that pleasure.
-------------------------------
 

~Why do y' settle for being a provider of pleasure, when y'
could get every single bit of love I have for y'? ~
 

That night I didn't cut myself nor drank for that matter.

But what happened the next month was something I never thought could
happen to me.
 
 

-------------------------------
It was around midnight when I heard Scott with someone else, I was
in my bed trying to shut out the world with beer.

"I'm gonna kill you if I don't get him" that voice … I know that
voice.

I was trying to remember where I've heard it and who belonged that
smell to, when my door swung open and two figures jumped in, one
slimmer than the other.

I remember getting' hit on the head. Then it all went black.

.."See?? I told you I'll get him for you" Scott had tied me hands
onto the sides of my bed and somehow immobilized my legs, having my
ass up in the air.

That's when I see who was the other voice's owner … Sabertooth.

"Please don't!!!" I begged.

And he laughed and I cried and … he raped me … while Scott watched
us from the couch, jerking off.

Creed's fingernails hurt my chest while his cock tore me apart. The
burning feeling growing inside of me.

The guilt … the shame.

Scott screamed when he came for the first time.

Just as Creed did when after a final thrust he came inside of me.

I sighed in relief, but it was far from over, "I'm not done yet" he
smirked.

Without waiting for me to heal, he pushed two fingers inside of
me. "So fucking … tight" then a third and a fourth, till his whole
fist was shoved in.

Savagely he fucked me with his fist … my muscles so hurt that the
only thought keeping me sane was the need to cut myself after all
this was over.

When he got tired of fucking me with his fist, he thrust his dick
back in.

A whole week went by with the same routine, his dick and the his
fist.

When both men were please of their work they left, laughing on their
way out and leaving me tied up.

Once I gathered strength enough to slice the bonds, I went straight
to the bathroom to slash myself over and over till I passed out.
--------------------------------

~ I wasn't der when dey did dat to y', but Bishop told me what
happened. I tried to come back but Ororo wouldn't let me, I had t'
stay in dat lousy island for anoder year. Dey were afraid I was
infected for some reason and I needed t' be tested over and over,
Gosh! I would've given my soul so what dey did would've never
happened but … I'm so sorry I failed y' Logan~

I decided to move to the boathouse after that last experience.

It took me almost one year to completely heal from the physical
wounds. The mental ones … those would never heal.

One night, while I was completely asleep, I felt a tapping on my
shoulder … it was Charles.

And what happened on the next two months was the worst part of my
life.

Cause he didn't fuck me, or rape me or anything like that. No, he
didn't so that, he did something far worse than that … he broke me.

-------------------------
"I'm sorry for waking you up Logan" his strong features were
softened by the moonlight from my window.

As I tried to shake the sleep out of me I sat up on my bed, "No,
it's ok. Are you alright Charles?"

There has to be a goddamn reason for him to come down all the way
from the mansion to the boathouse and wake me up at three in the
morning, "Yes, I was hoping you could come back to the mansion"

His request took me by surprise, but it didn't take him that long to
convince me.

"I miss you" he softly said and in five minutes I was back.

It was the perfect relationship, he listened to me and we shared
everything.

We only kissed, occasionally we gave each other a handjob and once
he gave me head, which I repaid with the same.

But our relationship was beyond the physical level, we completed
each other.

He was my soulmate and I … well, I thought I was his.

And as every other time before I was wrong, dead wrong.

"What do you mean you're sorry?" the love of my life was telling me
that he had found in his soul that person he truly loved was Moira …
Moira Fucking McTaggert.

Of all the people, it had to be her!!!

"But … Charles, I love you" I begged him, on my knees.

"Don't Logan, it won't make any difference. I love her and she loves
me" he wheeled his chair away from me and out of my life.

That night I took every single drug Cecilia kept on the infirmary
and then I sliced every single vein and artery I knew about.

Then I lay to die, praying that God had decided it had been enough
suffering.
----------------------------

Only that he didn't, Dr. Reyes found me laying on the infirmary's
floor, covered in blood. She pulled me up with the help of Nate and
Bishop.

She treated me, patched me up and cured me. Only I can't be cured.

Cause this is who I am … Fucked up Logan … Broken Logan.

So, I ended up in this loony bean, surrounded by basket cases like
me. Longing for a lost love, with nothing else but a broken soul and
an empty heart.

Until someone … who am I kidding?? Who could ever love this screwed
up? Who?!?!

"I could.." I turned to see who had spoken and that's when I see
him, maybe for the first time. "If you let me" he kneeled down in
front of me.

And I cried … this time of happiness.

"Thanks" I choked out.

He wiped the tears from my eyes, "Sorry for takin' so long" and as
more tears flown down, he kissed them away. "I'll never leave you
Logan"

"No, you will. And I'll end up here again" I stopped him.

His hands cupped my face, "When Remy LeBeau makes a promise" he
kissed my lips so softly it felt like rose petals, "He keeps it"

No more emptiness in my heart..
 

The End