Remy fell on the bed with a loud sigh.  He was tired, very, very tired.  But he had too much on his mind to actually be able to fall asleep.  So he took the phone and dialed a certain number. This talk could help him a lot.

"Hello?" said a female voice in a strong, cold manner.  It sent shivers down his spine every time he heard it.

"Miss me Chere?"  He asked halfheartedly.  He was too exhausted to really flirt.

"Remy?  What's wrong?  You sound strange." said the Woman in a totally different voice.
Remy winced.  Dis woman!  Nothing can be kept from her.

"Pshaw! You're always so subtle."

"What happened?  You know you can't lie to me.  Or do you want me to catch the nearest flight to Westchester and beat the answer out of you?"

The young man closed his eyes listening to the sound of her clear voice.  Her words, said in a harsh voice could be taken as a threat easily, especially when one knew her.  But not Remy.  Sometimes he wondered if he pissed her off enough, would she come to him? But they both knew that would never happen.  He couldn't go to her and she. she would have to have a damn good reason to meet with him.  It would have rough consequences on her anyway.

"Nothing."

"Remy."  This time she was really angry.

"It's not'ing you can help wit' anyway, Belle."

He heard his wife sigh on the other end of the line.  He smiled weakly trying to imagine how she was trying to control her anger.  She was always a pistol.  It didn't take long to drive her mad.

"Tell me what happened," that was definitely an order.

"Remember dat mission I talked about last time?"

"Oui."

"T'ings went wrong.  Very wrong Chere."

"I'm listening."

"Logan and I started fighting.  In de heat of action he hit me too hard and I lost consciousness.  But before I pass out, I charged his shirt."  He knew better than to try to speak to Belladonna in third person.  She may just blow up his bike as an example again.
Maybe she never came over, but the Assassin's Guild had very long arms, and when their head - Belladonna - was unhappy, so was Remy. He still missed his last bike.

"De explosion knocked him out cold.  When he came 'round, he was feral.  I was afraid he would kill me so I used the Charm."

"How much of it did you use?"  She asked as a matter of fact.  She knew what it was and what it could do.

"All of it." answered Remy softly.   He could hear the sharp intake of breath meaning she realized what must have happened after.

"How bad did he hurt you?  Wasn't there a chance of killing him?"

"Belle."  He said softly.  "De man is. was my only friend left here.  I didn't want to kill him."

"So being.hurt was better?  When will you finally learn to fight back you thief!"

"Aw. but Cherie.  I do know how to fight.  Jus' didn't want too.  'Sides it wasn't so bad.  De Wolverine was almost. gentle.  One would never have know."

"What was the reason for your fight?"  Remy opened his red on black eyes and stared at the ceiling, remembering the still figure in the tank.

"Chere.do you remember what I tol' you once about Sinister?"

"Oui."

"I tol' you dat dere was somet'ing dat scared me?  Terrified me?  Well. I've seen it again.  Logan accidentally found Sever."

"Did she see you?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you so afraid of dat woman?  She isn't immortal."

"But I don't know what can kill her.  She.she is to me like a black hole dat sucks in every emotion.  I am an empath, Chere and meeting someone dat doesn't FEEL anyt'ing is scary, but she.I don't really know.  But dat's not everything."

"What do you mean, thief?"

"Dat time in laboratory.when Sinister forced me to use my Charm."

"Oui?"

"I haven't tol' you everyt'ing."

"What do you mean?"

"I woke up three days later.  And it wasn't Sinister who I was wit' dat whole time.  I can't remember anyt'ing. but."

"But what?!"

"Sever returned to de Tank also t'ree days later."

"So you think she kidnapped you?"

"I don't know Chere.  According to Sinister she shouldn't have been able to t'ink by herself.  Her mind it was replaced wit' bio-computer.  Alors, I don't think she is jus' a machine."

"I will send my spies to look for her.  If she is still in that lab, they'll find her.  And destroy her."

"Non!  She would kill dem and track you down too Chere!  It's too dangerous Belle.  Promise not to pursue Sever.  I've seen her in action.  She is a perfect killer.  No weapon could take her down.  Promise me."

There was a long silence.

"Please Belle."  He begged.  "You are de only one dat is left from my family.  I love you. S'il vous plait, don't do it.  I don't want you to die.  Dat wasn't why I fought wit' Julien, why I was exiled.  S'il vous plait! '

There was a long exhale and finally an answer.

"D'accord.  I promise.  But I will send my spies to find her."

"Dat would be good.  But.dere could be problems if somebody knew you were helping me."

"Now I am the headmaster of the Assassin's Guild.  I'm not like my father.  I won't bend my head before the old rules.  I am much stronger than him, and it is me who establishes rules.  If somebody disagrees.he dies."

"You've changed Belle.  Never knew, you were such an unforgiving person."

"They let Julien, that crazy, psychopath fight with you.  In Dual?!  For God's sake.  How could he challenge you on your honor if he had none of his own?  They exiled you, my husband, because you won the dual.  I am not going to forgive them dat.  Not now, not ever.  They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and I believe in it."

"Je t'aime my wife."

"And I love you, you worthless thief."  He smiled at the ending.

She disconnected without saying goodbye.  They never said it.  Feeling a lot better he finally allowed his exhausted body to fall asleep.

 
* * *
That was it.  He had to go to the mansion.  All his food supplies were gone.  And he really wasn't in the mood to go shopping.  After all, he still risks his life while working for the x-men, so they could provide him some food.  After making up his mind, he grabbed a paper bag and headed for the mansion kitchen.  If he was lucky, he wouldn't meet anybody there.
  The place was empty and Remy was glad.  The bruise still ached and he wasn't feeling like listening to Warren's accusations or Scott's coldness.  But his relief was poisoned by a stray thought - a memory actually.

Out of the blue he remembered the breakfasts he used to have here with the rest of the team. Warren teasing Jean or Scott, usually by telling everybody regardless of wether or not they wanted to listen, about his current girlfriend.  Or Bobby babbling on about something or other or pulling pranks on poor some unsuspecting victim.

There was usually a lot of laughter.  But sometimes it was quiet.  After a particularly difficult mission when everyone needed time to cool down from the adrenaline rush.

He remembered feeling a part of this family.  He felt good.  What a foolish belief.  His desperate need to be a part of something has always caused him a lot of troubles, but he seemed to never learn from it.   He remembered Rogue too but refused to think about that woman.  He still wasn't sure that he wouldn't kill her the moment he saw her.  What was the funniest thing in his life, was he really did love her.

Now however he was hating her with equal passion.   It was strange how love was so close to hate.  A dull ache that always companioned the thought of the white stripped southern belle was here.  Even when his thoughts were angry, violent and bitter, the love still lingered somewhere deep in his heart.  One thing he was sure of now.  He would never feel the same again.  He felt completely burned out.  He could not trust anybody enough to love them.

Remy closed his eyes trying to wish the pain to go away.

Some people thought of him as naive because he still sot love.  They thought of him as being stupid, blind to harsh reality.  But that wasn't the truth.

He had had his share of pain in life, maybe more so than most of the others.  Still he refused to see only the pain.  So what, if the world outside was angry and bad?  Cold?

It was his choice to see only the joy in life.  He
never stopped loving people.  He offered his heart to
the ones he cared for in a fruitless attempt to
create, and find his own family - something he never
was blessed with.

But now looking at the empty table with chairs full of ghosts of the past, he started wondering if they were right.

Maybe putting his heart on a silver platter wasn't such a good idea.  So far, all he got in return was heartache and disappointment.  He felt tired of trying, when he had no chances of winning.  Having lived just 23 years, he felt just too tired like an old man.

He looked at the dark world outside the window.  The rain poured like the skies were crying.

It was gray and getting dark quickly.  He wondered if the weather had something to do with Storm's bad mood.

  Remy sighed loudly.  He missed her.  The cool, distant Goddess was very close to his heart.  Although grown up woman, older than him, he still considered her his little Stormy.  He met her as a five-year-old girl and no matter what had happened later, her image lasted.  Mon Dieu!  How he missed her.

He ran his fingers thought his long, soft hair and pretended he didn't feel the burning in his eyes.  Remy knew that others often wondered why he had returned.  Why stay where nobody wanted him.  He really didn't know.  There was just something that kept him there. That wouldn't let him go.

Like there was a place he could always return to.

"Get a grip Gambit!"  He chided himself and shook like a dog trying to get rid of the stray, dark thoughts.

He felt her long before he saw her.  The feeling hit him hard.  His shields were weakened by his mental and physical exhaustion. And they didn't protect him from the disgust and anger that literally pour off of Storm as she entered the kitchen.

The dark skinned woman with shockingly white hair locked her blue eyes with the red on black ones.  A painfully wave of disappointment and anger washed over him.

He took a step back before he even had the time to think about it.  A wave of nausea swept over him and he fumbled to make his shields stronger.

Storm's eyes were cold.  She still couldn't understand how Remy could have worked for Sinister.  It was just beyond her.  All the time she had believed she had known him.  Knew his fondness for children and his good heart, but how could he do something so disgusting?  Working for that monster?  Leading Marauders to the Morlocks Tunnels? Was it because of the money?  Why?

Remy didn't need to hear her questions.  It was all there in her face, eyes and the way she FELT. But who she was to judge him?  Since his return no one, not once asked about Sinister.  None ever asked why, had he worked for that man?  They just judged him and left.  The pain and anger like a tidal wave washed through him.  He felt the bitter taste of betrayal in his mouth and his throat tightened painfully.  It hurt, Mon Dieu, how it hurt.

He tried to say something but couldn't utter a single word.  He just stared at Ororo with unreadable eyes.  Red pupils flashing with emotions he kept inside.  His fingers itched to charge something, anything, just to lessen the storm in his soul.

"What are you doing here?"  She asked her voice colder than usual.  It was edged with suspicion.  He felt like his guts were being jerked out of him and twisted, very slowly and very, very painfully.

Suddenly the feeling changed.  Why does he have to suffer all the time?  Doesn't he deserve some happiness?

"Why you ask, Chere?"  He asked mockingly.  His voice held a trace of venom in it.  "Gambit t'ink dat you already know yo' answer."

Something desperate and dark drew her attention.  It just wasn't like him to be this way.

"What are you talking about?"

He cocked his head, using the advantage of his height and leaned casually against the wall, pretending that all his muscles weren't painfully tight.

It was time to show her his other side; a side of him that only his enemies knew.  But anything was better than showing her his pain.  Anything.  And anger would help him forget, even if it was only for a moment.

"You ask, what Gambit do here, but you suspect de thief wants to steal somethin'.  N'est-ce pas mon ami?"

Storm watched mesmerized as before her own eyes he changed into complete different person - full of anger and hurt.  Without even any additional abilities she could tell what he felt was hurt.

"I never accused you of stealing.  Never would."

"Why?"  He moved so quickly, that she barely noticed it.  In a matter of heartbeat he was standing in front of her, nearly nose to nose and his eyes burned like twin fires in the pitch black night, casting scary glow on his handsome features.  His long auburn bangs had slipped free from the loose ponytail to fall in his face.  And they could not mask the obvious pain and anger.

"You already judged dis thief."  He pointed himself.

"You t'ink he wouldn't steal but you t'ink he would kill!"

"What is this all about?"

His eyes narrowed to a tiny slits, glowing red.

"You ask?!"  He laughed bitterly.  "You asked what it is all about?!  Now?"  He shook his head and headed for the door.  But Storm didn't allow him too.

"Remy answer me.  Why?"

He jerked his arm free not caring about anything anymore.

"Off all de X-Men Gambit believed you would be de one to."

"To what?"

"To ask dat question earlier."

"What do you mean?  What question?"

"If you don't know, Gambit has nothing to say here."

He cast her a very hard, foreign glance.  "Let go petite.  You are no longer Gambit's friend."   There was an edge to his voice that almost was like a threat and Storm stepped back.  She never knew him to be like that - angry, bitter and vicious.

He stood in opened door, not caring about storm rising outside.

"You better watch yourself petite."  He said in unnatural voice.  "'Cose if you make a mistake, dat x-men of yours could not forgive you for either.  They could even sentence you to death."

"You were never sentenced to death!  It was an accident!  Rouge thought you were dead!"  A loud peal of thunder seemed to punctuate her words.  Her control was slipping.

"Oh really?  Gambit must have been mistaken.  All dat ice, easy to... misunderstand... some actions.  Wish you well Chere," with that he slammed the door behind him self and headed into the garage.

It was just too much for him.

* * *

A sudden sound surprised Storm, who was still staring at the closed door.  A slow clapping, she whirled around and saw Logan standing in the entrance.  A cigar in his mouth, arms crossed and body casually leaned against the wall. When she noticed him, Logan pushed away and headed in her direction.

"Good work Ro.  Really good work."

"I do not understand what are you talking about.  I don't even know what he was talking about.  What question?"

He stared at her for a long, unnerving moment.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You never asked him WHY he had worked for Sinister.

None of you did."

There was a long, painful silence after that.

"I have a piece of advice for you 'Ro."

"And it is...?"

"You better keep away from the kid.  If you ever treat him like that again.it will be ME you will be dealing with."

"What?!"  She asked shocked.  Logan never showed such protectiveness towards anybody except his lovers, and Remy definitely wasn't one of them.

"I won't say it twice.  None of us is saint here, 'Ro.  Why do you judged him so harsh for gods sake?!  I probably have murdered more people than died in The Morlock Massacre.  And Rogue was terrorist.  She killed innocents!  Civilians!  All of us have a past of his own.  But no one was judged so far except him.

Storm averted her gaze.

Suddenly they heard the sound of a bike roaring.

"You better do something with this storm, before the kid kills himself."  Logan said and headed for the door that Gambit left by.

"What are you going to do?"  Storm called after him.

"Catch him and beat some reason into that thick skull of his, and then straighten some things out.
 

Understanding - Evanescence

The pain that grips you

The fear that binds you

Releases life in me

In our mutual shame we hide our eyes

To blind them from the truth that finds a way from who
we are

Please don't be afraid

When the darkness fades away

The dawn will break the silence screaming at our
hearts

My love for you still grows

This I do for you

Before I try to fight the truth my final time

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you

Listening to you breathe

The light that flows inside of you burns inside of me
 

Hold and speak to me

Of love without a sound

Tell me you will live through this and I will die for
you

Cast me not away

Say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot bear it all alone

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

It just won't fade away