TRIPTYCH 3 – AWAKENINGS
This to Cirocco for her generous help
*
High on a tree and downwind from the mansion Remy looks
longingly at the house and grounds hoping without hope to see
his beloved man.
Still as a statue he stares and stares but time is a merciless
master and in time the wind may change.
If the wind changes, Logan will smell him.
If he smells him, Logan will go to him.
If Logan comes to him, he won't have the strength to leave him
again.
And Logan will die.
Simple as that.
Inevitable as that.
He is poison to all he loves.
Dried eyed – no tears left to cry – Remy drops from the tree and
walks down the road, away from home.
*
"What's wrong with me, Jane?"
Head in furry blue hands, Hank is truly troubled.
"Why, Hank? What happened?"
"I asked Jean Luc to come and take Gambit away. It seemed the
right thing to do, but I don't know, Jeannie, Logan was disturbed
by something he sensed and I too smelled something wrong
with Remy when he saw his father. I don't know…"
Jean sighs, she doesn't like the fact that Hank called the King of
thieves; like Logan, she has never really approved of his way of
dealing with his adopted son, but what's got Hank so upset?
"Why did you call Jean Luc?" she asks.
"That's the point, I don't really know. I told myself his family was
the best thing for Remy, but I fear I was just trying to get rid of him
once again."
"Oh, Hank!" she breathes "Still hung up on Warren? Has that
little toad still got his hooks in you?"
"Jean!" Hank is shocked.
"Yes, that filthy indecent toad!" she rages again "Whining about
his problems! Accusing a child, a child of what, Hank? 4? 5?
Even he doesn't know! Accusing a child of seducing his father
and killing his mother! Dumping all the causes for the
disfunctionality of his damned poor rich family on a child! And he
knew he was talking of a child! Calling that poor abused…"
Her voice is totally suspended by tears.
"Jean…" Hank manages in a very different voice.
She controls herself and barks "… that poor abused victim a little
leech! He was right to leave, Hank, very right. I hate him so much
now I could obliterate his mind in a second!"
Jean stops herself and smiles a little tight rueful smile at her
friend.
"It's alright, Hank, I can control it. I don't know if you did right or
wrong but we can find out, can't we?"
*
The city is huge, teeming with people. The city makes you
invisible amid the teeming millions. The city hides you.
Remy wanders through the city, wearing his unhappiness like a
cloak to protect his soul from the cold, he is not speaking much,
he is not stealing anything, he has found out he can't.
He can't steal, he can't touch, he can't do much anymore.
What little things he finds in the street, in the dustbins, he gives
away to the first person to ask him, he can't have things, that
doesn't feel right.
When thirst dries up his throat he drinks, from puddles if no
fountain is near; when hunger twists his intestines he eats what
he can get out of dustbins; when exhaustion makes his limbs
heavier than lead he sleeps in a doorway.
In his dreams the sorrowful ghosts pass by spitting pissing
tossing pieces of dripping flesh at him, at the traitor mass
murderer slut bastard devil trash die die die…
But he never weeps again: there are no tears in cardboard city,
they have all been dried up by the gutter.
*
Logan hangs up breathing heavily through his nose.
"Nothing." He announces to the world in general "That queued
bastard says Remy's getting better but cannot yet come to the
phone. Says he's in the care of a psychiatrist." The rest comes
out as a snarl "Remy would *never* go to a head doctor!"
They are all there, worried sick.
"I'll call him" Ororo offers but Logan shakes his head.
"I'm not sure of anything, mind, but one thing I know: that man
hates mutants and he hates this place."
"Are you sure?" Hank doesn't doubt Logan's sincerity, just his
perceptions.
"Tell it to my nose, Blue. I *know*. I was near the bastard enough
to smell his nausea!"
"Then I better make the call." Jean states firmly. "I'll pass myself
off as a human friend of Remy. Jean Luc doesn't know my
telephone voice so he will believe it. Let's see what he tells me."
Logan smiles relieved "Yes, do that for me, Red."
*
Days of hunger and not sleeping have thinned him to a shadow
of himself, but his mind feels enhanced: he sees shadow-forms
of movements all around him now and knows he's on the edge
of a breakthrough.
He's never still, walking walking walking all the time, and all the
time he's waiting waiting waiting for his fate to manifest itself.
Then one day he sees them.
Translucent and undulating his sorrowful ghosts are finally
before him beckoning beckoning.
Tripping on his feet in his eagerness, Remy follows them, street
after street after street until they descend into the underground
and understanding at last what is expected of him, he goes
down into the bowels of the city.
*
"I don't like it." A understatement if there was one.
The Wolverine is passing and repassing his fingers through his
hair, as if freeing his head from some foreign substance. He
snarls: "Say it, Red."
"Yes, sorry. I called Jean Luc, told him I was a friend of Remy
and wanted to speak with him. He told me Remy wasn't well. I
said I had called the Institute and they had kindly given me his
number. How was Remy and when could I speak to him?"
She stops to mull over it a little.
"And?" Scott is very worried by now, he knows his wife.
"He said Remy was undergoing therapy and it was better he
didn't speak with people from his past right now, but call back
and I'll keep you informed." Her tension ups a notch "He was a
little too quick, he was too dismissive. He was not telling the
truth, whatever the truth is. I believe it is our duty to find out. I can't=

read him, and that I don't like because somebody put very heavy
shields on him…" a wave of her hand dismisses all objections
"They don't have his signature, just believe me. But if I go there,
I'm sure I can find someone unshielded to read."
"Right." Rogue says as if coming to the conclusion of a long long
trail of thought. "Whenever you say, Jean. I'll fly you there."
*
Down, down and down until it's too dark to see – even for his
eyes – too dark to breathe properly.
Down, down and down he follows his sorrowful ghosts tripping,
sliding on slime and rebounding from the walls he can no longer
see, but he doesn't know, doesn't feel his body much anymore:
the only real things in his world now are the ghosts and they
beckon beckon beckon…
"I'm following you see?" he doesn't know he's speaking these
words, thinking ad speaking are one, now. "If I follow you will you
forgive me? Yes, I'm coming, I'm coming, please forgive me,
please, please, forgive me, I didn't want your death, please
please believe me, I killed you killed you killed you, but I didn't
want your death. Forgive me, please, forgive…"
*
"Rogue!" the mental voice is like a sledgehammer.
"I'm here, Jean, don't do that!"
The Goddess of Death is back with a vengeance "He was never
here! He run away that first night! That unspeakable bastard lied
to us! And now I *know* how he treated my Remy!" Her hair
stands on end, she is a blaze of terror.
Rogue finds her teeth actually chattering.
"J-Jean, please…" she manages "We have to tell the others,
please."
"Yes." The cold of outer space is nothing to her voice "Fly as fast
as you can."
"B-but, Jean, you couldn't stand the lack of air…"
"A TK bubble will see to it. Fly Rogue or would you rather I
remembered what *you* did to him?"
"Don't you threaten me!" Rogue screams in terror and grief "I
want to make it right! Fuck you, Jean, hold on, then. I'll go
supersonic!"
*
"'snowater herenowater…" words are tumbling out of Remy's
mouth now, the pauses caused by ragged breathing not by
sense, he cannot stop the dribbling words and cannot hear them
anymore "was waterthereno Icannotbe there herehurtshurts
`snowater herehurtshurts pleasepleasefind mesome
waterfindme…"
*
Jean and Rogue have come back, but there's no good news to
tell.
"He cannot have gone far." Rogue says, more to convince herself
than to offer hope.
"It's been a month!" Logan howls.
"But he may have gone to the city. We must try the city first."
They've never seen Charles Xavier so agitated.
"We must do our utmost!" he goes on "We cannot abandon
Gambit once more!"
"Remy!" Logan glares at the professor "His name is Remy. And
fuck you all to perdition! I'll go look for him and don't you dare butt
in, you murderers!"
*
"Ratratratratstand… stilllittleratstand… stilltheretherethere…"
He's hunting by hearing at this point.
The first time he tried to eat a rat he puked.
The second time he tried to eat a rat he puked.
The third time his hunger was so rabid he managed to keep it
down.
After that he eats rats when he can get them.
Which is not very often.
The ghosts don't want him to eat often.
The ghost want him to linger and suffer.
So he does.
*
"Please, Logan, I know you hate me now and you're right," Hank
is near tears, but this needs to be said "but if you have an animal
nose so do I and I know Remy's smell. Please let me help you. I
know how wrong I treated him, but please let me do something
for him. I promise you if I find his smell I'll call you and wait for
you before doing anything. Please, you can find him and not tell
me, it's alright. I know I don't have the right. I just want to help
you, Logan, I just want to help Remy."
He's never talked so simply in his own life and it's a relief to let
go of the masks – the doctor mask, the scholar mask, the
detached mask – for once.
Logan responds to it – but you knew he would, didn't you Hank?
Logan's unselfconscious generosity shames you – and says
"Alright, Hank, let it go. I need your help. Of course I'll call you.
Let's do this."
Rogue takes Beast, Storm takes the Wolverine and away they
go.
*
They grid the town, slowly, methodically.
Logan comes to a cardboard sheet in an alley and smells russet
and gold overlaid by piss and shit. The smell is faint and old
and, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot follow it.
"Fuck, kid, what are you up to, now?" he whispers.
*
"I found him!" Hank pants into the com "At least I think I know
where he may be now."
< Spotted you. We're coming. >
*
"He's gone down, do you know what this means?"
Hank is still hyperventilating and only the Weather Goddess
unnatural calm allows her to speak "Into the tunnels of course.
We should have thought of it sooner."
"I'm going down." Logan barks "Hank?"
"You need equipment or you'll get lost and what good will this do
my brother?"
"You've got it, Ro." Rogue says "I'll get it and come back in a
sec."
*
Back in a sec she is carrying bags.
"Right" she pants "Torches, special spotters and first aid kit."
"Right" Logan acknowledges "Hank keep your torch dim and
point it to the ground. We may blind him."
*
Down into the tunnels the air is humid and stifling, full of
whisperings not quite sounds not quite silence.
Logan walks and sniffs and walks and sniffs the fetid air, his
torch dim and pointed to the ground.
And a smell of russet and gold, and the tender acrid heady
perfume of applejack hits him like the mallet of the gods.
"Kid…" he whispers and follows the honey thread down down
down unending tunnels, follows the love-spoor twisting on itself
over and over again until he sees him.
His love.
His kid.
His…
He's little more than a bundle of filth, rags and matted hair.
In shock Logan calls out "Kid!" and the bundle on the floor
hisses in surprise.
"Monssssss…" like air escaping from a bubble.
"Oh, kid!" Logan turns off his torch and throws it down.
And the bundle throws itself at him clutching as hard as he can
deliriously spewing:
"LoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLogan…"
plastering his whole body to the Wolverine's as hard as he can.
"Shhh, kid, I found you, I have got you, everything'll be alright
now." Eyes no longer quite dry, Logan feels the young man
scratch his neck like a dog with fleas and melts in tenderness
and pity.
"Yes" he murmurs "I love you. I love you so much, kid. I love you
so much I can't breathe."
"LoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLogan…" it
is a lovesong dribbled and puddled at his feet.
Hugging him closely straining his body against the Wolverine,
Remy never stops dripping words "The ghostsletme
feedanddrink LoganLoganLogan the ghostsled methroughthe
tunnelsfeed medrinkme Ipleadforgiveforgive forgiveforgivebut
sorrowdeathsorrowno forgivenessLogan"
Remy's panting breath accelerates "Maybenowforgiven
nowyou're hereLoganLoganLogan nowyou canmakethe
ghostsforgive Remynowyou canmakethem
forgiveforgiveforgiveforgive…"
What to say now, Wolverine? You're silent in your animal pain.
Your mate, your alpha male, is hurt and what can you do? Sing
again the lovesong the lifesong? But it bought your mate to this.
He is still in his guilt-nightmare, he is still hurting. He is
plastered to you by the painsweat, the fearsweat, the madsweat
stronger than the strongest glue.
"There are no ghosts, love…" Logan essays and is stopped by a
stream of words.
"Yesyesyesyestheyare ghostsghostsghosts allbloodbloodblood
theyguidemethey feed metheyhateme theypunishme
punishpunishpunishbad Remy
traitormassmurdererslutbastarddeviltrashwhore
LoganLoganLoganmake themstopLoganLoganmakethem
stopmonsieur nomorepunishment pleaseleasepleasedon't
punishmeanymore!" the babble resolves itself into a rising
scream that seems to tear his throat away, louder and louder
and louder: "Don't punish me anymore! Don't punish me
anymore! DON'T PUNISH ME ANYMORE! DON'T PUNISH ME
ANYMORE!"
Unknowingly Remy has opened the com and Hank, Rogue and
Ororo run to them in the dark.
*
The com is open and Scott calls everybody in the mansion.
*
Hank is the first to arrive and shouts over the screams: "Let me
sedate him!
"NO!" The Wolverine's breath is like a bellow of despair "Fuck
you, Blue, why don't you kick him in the teeth while you're at it?
He needs to say it. Needs to spew it out!"
He's been yelling over Remy's mindless screams, and suddenly
he's yelling over a babble of syllables.
"Notnotnotanymoredont punishmeanymore
dontpunishanymoreanymoreme dontodontdontdont…"
Logan hugs the Acadian closer and goes on thoughtfully "Now
shut up all of you because I have an idea."
The Xmen in the tunnel wait trying not to hear the soft unceasing
voice singing for the first time the song of battered humanity.
The Xmen in the mansion wait trying to hope, trying to believe,
trying to find a way to help their friends in the dark.
Suddenly Logan barks "Can you hear us at the mansion?"
< Yes. > Jean's voice is anxious < We have all been listening in,
Logan, what do you propose? >
"Okay, I'm still thinking it through, so bear with me." Logan
caresses the matted hair gently "He told me… Shut. It. Hank."
The Wolverine's snarl silences everybody.
"Okay. Remy told me he came down here because he wanted
forgiveness by the ghosts of the slain Morlocks. This makes
sense to me. That's how his mind works. So now we forgive
him. All of us. For everything, understood? Including the
Morlocks, understood?"
Yes, they do.
"I'll start." And he slaps the Cajun hard.
Remy's voice stops with a small gasp. He tries to burrow closer
to the older man.
"Now listen kid and listen good. Now we are all going to tell you
the truth from the heart and you just listen, okay?
Logan's voice is rough but kind and the bundle of rags in his
arms answers
"LoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLogan…"
"Yes, okay, love. I love you too. But now listen through, it's
important. It's the most important thing you'll ever hear in your
life, okay? Just nod, kid." The Wolverine has burrowed his nose
in the Cajun's soft neck and feels him nod. The kid is quiet, at
last.
"I don't know what I have to forgive you, kid." Logan says gently
"Yes, you made mistakes and sometimes they hurt me, but I hurt
you worse so we'll call it quits. I forgive you with all my heart and
you'll forgive me."
But it's the Wolverine who barks "Hank?"
Hank starts "My young friend…"
"Put a sock in it, Hank!" an impatient snarl "Keep it simple or the
kid won't understand."
So Hank starts again "I wish to ask you to forgive me first, I
promise I won't ever treat you badly again, but don't believe me,
my action will show you that I mean what I say. You have done
nothing that I have to forgive, but as for the Morlocks, I absolve
you of all guilt in their death."
The Canadian thinks `Trust Blue to come up with a pompous
formula', but says "Yeh, me too. As for the Morlocks, I absolve
you of all guilt in their death. Ro?"
The Weather Witch nods.
"You saved my life and always helped me. You loved me and
cared for me. I have nothing to forgive, but as for the Morlocks, I
absolve you of all guilt in their death."
This one isn't going to be so easy, there are old rancours and
old scars there, but now it's started it can't be stopped. With a
tremor in his voice Logan calls "Rogue?"
"Yes." A tight tense word.
Remy lifts his head and crawls to the sound, finds her legs and
butts his head in her lap "Forgiveforgive forgivecherieplease
forgiveforgivefirgivecherie…"
Her gloved hand shyly pats the butting filthy head and she can
finally say "I did horrible things to you, Rem. I was unhappy and
took it out on you. I committed a terrible crime against you, what
do I have to forgive?"
"Notloving enoughnot saying truthlyinglying lyingabout
Logan-loveplease pleasepleaseforgive…"
Rogue is now weeping "I forgive you and hope one day you can
forgive me."
She fears she'll never stop weeping again and none of them has
said the formula as a prayer for redemption "As for the Morlocks,
I absolve you of all guilt in their death."
Logan sighs "Jean?"
< Scott here, Jean is trying something with the professor. >
Whom are they trying to save now? The poor wreck hiding in
madness or their own guilty souls?
Scott know he has to say the truth for his own sake and hopes it
will be enough to save them both.
< I'm deeply sorry for not having done enough for you, for hiding
behind the leader mask and duty and responsibility, instead of
being an adult and a real friend to you and all the others.
Unfortunately I know you'll forgive me, but I can only thank you for
never hurting me as we both knew you could. As for the
Morlocks, I absolve you of all guilt in their death. >
< Don't listen to those creeps, Gambit! >
"Jubilee" Logan says softly and Remy scuttles back to him and
hangs on again, rubbing his face against his chest and putting
his hand on his neck. The Wolverine feels the movement and
covers the kid's hand with his.
< Yes, Jubilee and I don't see what they have to forgive you! You
never did nothing wrong and I know you never killed those poor
Morlocks, so there! >
And a warm loving blanket covers everybody in the tunnel in a
dazzle of love: Jean is in there with them.
Hank is bowled over, but can't repress his curiosity "Jean! How?
You're not an empath and even you can't…"
A bubble of laughter in their heads, a young-old presence sends
balmy thoughts °The professor is with me I use my TK to send
both our love to Remy and all of you. There are no words to
explain it, dear Hank, and do you really think this is the right
moment?°
Logan smiles and hugs Remy tight, Remy hugs back and slides
his hand over the Wolverine's covering his scars and
murmurs-purrs
"LoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLogan…"
"Can you hear Jean, love?"
Nod.
"Go ahead Red."
°As they all said, as we all say, you are forgiven all your mistakes
and absolved from all guilt. Now tell me, Remy, can you see the
ghosts?°
"Yesyesyesyesyesall bloodbloodbloodyesall bloodblood…"
°Do they speak to you?°
Nod.
Fearing she can't know Logan says "He…"
°I know. Thank you.° the warmth is unabated, the patience
infinite °What do they say, Remy?°
"Diediediediedie traitormassmurderer slutbastardevil
trashdiediediedie…"
She is very soft in his mind, a feathered tendril of loving justice
°But you didn't kill them.°
"IIIIIRemyRemyIIIbought deathdeathdeathmassacretothem…"
Ro cannot be silent "But you tried to stop the marauders!" she
passionately utters.
"IIIIRemyRemyRemybrought deathdeathdeathtototo
themthemthempoor poorpoorcouldn't
stopdeathdeathmurderpoorpoor…"
°Did you know you were bringing death to them?° There is a
stillness in their minds, a waiting.
"Nonononononono..."
°No.° Something important has been said °Then there was the
trial. Do you remember the trial, Remy?°
Clinging tight to his anchor, his rock, his life, Gambit that was but
is no more moans long and miserably
"LoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLoganLogan…"
"Yes, kid, yes love, yes, I love you too. Do you remember?"
"Yesyesyesyesyesyes…"
°And afterwards you were condemned to death, weren't you? Left
to die all alone.°
"Pleaseforgiveforgive forgivepleaseforgiveforgive
pleasepleaseplease…"
Jean is implacable now, a sword of justice and truth °And then,
after we left you, do you remember the military base? Do you
remember the colonel?°
The sound emerging from the shivering body is heartbreaking.
But Logan knows the right words to say to bring him back to the
present "It's alright kid, weep. It's dark, it's allowed." And holds
the now weeping boy to his heartbeat.
Xavier's signature is far away and thin but clear °You were
punished for your mistakes, Remy. You were punished for
overconfidence and misplaced trust. See?"
But Jean is a hot beacon of love in the darkness °The
punishment was so much greater than your mistakes, Remy.
Much too cruel and too hard. Now it's over, you have paid in full.°
Each thought-word falls like a drop of melted gold in their minds
now °Now, Remy, *now*. Can you see the ghosts?"
All breaths are held, there's a paralysed silence as at a difficult
birth, they all silently pull for him, each is chanting, in her or his
particular way, `go, Remy go…'.
Time's sandgrains drop one by one, like a bleeding wound, like
a weeping eye, like the sweet salt tears of a pressed apple.
Remy raises his head from Logan's chest.
He turns his raised head around cautiously.
Then he flips his head around more and more wildly until he
sings out
"Noghostsnoghostsnoghostsnoghostsnoghostsnoghostsnogho
sts…!"
Then laughs an uncertain little laughs "Eheheh!" and pushing
against Logan scrambles suddenly on his feet.
The Wolverine giggles.
Hank is irritated and fearful "What's he doing now?"
And Logan starts to laugh louder and louder feeling younger with
each bark of merriment and relieved joy.
"He's dancing his war dance! " he gurgles "He's dancing his
fucking mad reel of victory!" and he picks up a torchlight and
turns it on keeping it pointing to the ground at minimum light.
The feeble light blinds them all for a moment, but then they can
see him: the scuffed filthy savage jumping and kicking to some
inner rhythm, his face alive with a gigawatt smile that threatens
to split his face in two.
Logan manages to stop laughing, and still faintly gasping says:
"Come on, kid, let's get you home."

EPILOGUE
In bed, in the kind circle of Logan's arms, Remy listens to his
beloved breathe quietly in sleep and feels finally free.
Slow and warm, like the gentle unceasing voice that has called
him back from the dead, that has called him back from
emptiness, that has called him back from madness and tears,
hope flutters soft wings in his mind, a tendril of thought tasting
gingerly the air, like a snake's tongue, looking for old fears and
old griefs.
The sorrowful ghost are gone, he has paid as hard as he could
for his deeds and the ghosts are finally satisfied. He is free now.
He is home.
The strong heart beating on his chest is home, the strong body
lying besides him is home, the strong mind never reproaching
him is home, the strong love nothing could abate is home.
How can there be any fears at home?
How can there be any tears at the true home of his soul?
A sharp intake of breath heralds the realisation that his body is
awake again and an unstoppable bubble of laughter makes him
sit up, eyes bright, smiling from ear to ear.
An ungentle prod at his sleeping love, eager voice singing: "What
did you tell me that time in bed?"
An ungentler prod "What exactly did you tell me?"
An even ungentler prod "What, Logan?"
A barrage of decidedly rough prods "What? What? What? What?"
"Stop that! I'm awake!" the Wolverine grumbles, than opens his
eyes and the sight of his kid grinning from ear to ear and
bouncing on the bed slams him out on sleep. "How can I
remember, I talked myself stupid those days, don't really know
all that I said."
"Yes yes yes" prod prod prod "You do! The night we were in bed
and I freaked out of my silly mind, you said something! I want to
hear it again."
"Now!" prod.
"Now!" prod.
"Now!" prod.
"Stop it!" but Logan is finally laughing and his laughter triggers
Remy's delighted giggle.
The Cajun launches on the Wolverine in a storm of kissing and
petting never for a second stopping his annoying "What? What?
What?"
"Stand still!" Logan's eyes are full of incredulous tears of joy, is it
possible…?
"From catatonic to hyperactive, don't you have *any* middle
gear?"
"Non, was a deprived child, am allowed!" and the fury of kissing
is renewed.
Overwhelmed Logan grabs his mad love and says "I don't
remember the exact words, love, do you want the gist?"
"Non" Remy shakes his head so violently he almost blinds
Logan with his flying hair.
"Watch out! You are a danger to humanity!"
"Oui dangerous Remy, dangerous Gambit, dangerous LeBeau
dangerous to the Wolverine, dangerous to Logan, dangerous to
friends and enemies…"
"Are you going to go on all night?"
Remy stops, his dangerous eyes, full of laughter and mischief,
soften "Show me, Monsieur, mon amour, show me how to make
love to you."
A tidal wave of joyful lust engulfs him, he grabs the Wolverine's
unresisting body and hugs him so convulsively that Logan feels
his adamantium ribs creak.
Later laughter is born again when a sated Remy, still nuzzling
into the back of his spooned lover, says "*That* wasn't what I
really wanted to hear."
Half asleep the Canadian smiles and says, obediently, "What
then?"
"All that rigmarole about making apple-jack? And what does that
really taste like?
Logan laughs, spins around and says practically in his lover's
mouth "You!" and the night is made splendid again.
THE END

ENDNOTE
These are the lyrics to Awakenings by Symphony X, the album is
"The Odyssey" the music is classical-prog-blues metal an you
probably won't like it, but this song is to take your breath away
and weep like rain.
Awakenings
Needless to say another day has passed away
Yet everything and nothing has changed
Awake I lie my thoughts get lost up in the sky
Needless to say nothing will change…
Maybe a mystic with fortunes to sell
Surrender my coin at the old wishing well
Maybe the stars will align in the night
To show me the path that is right.

`Would've-been's and `could've-been's
They waste may days away
The colours of my life dissolve and fade to grey.
So many paths of promise
Indecision poisons my mind
If only I had seen the signs – so blind so blind
Yet must I journey on – on and on

A haunting vision torments me
It smothers and steal my dreams
I see an old man in the mirror
Cold and bitter staring back at me.

Here I am – at the crossing of my life I stand
On my own – looking down the road
Hear my cry – answer me
Still I'm searching yet the truth is unknown
Though the night is cold
I walk the road alone