The Following Bitch Apprentice
The Following Bitch Apprentice
Donald Tiberone: Good morning. Today your task is to troll ASBNLL. Whichever
team gets the most bites, wins. The losing team gets a meeting with me where
someone will be killfiled. As usual Larry and Laurel will be my eyes and
ears.
Moron Corp.
Jedi: Ok, we need a leader.
Spinhead: That would be me. I have all the qualifications.
Jedi: What would that be?
Spinhead: I'm in the Usenet Hall of Fame. I'm known as the Master Baiter,
and quite frankly, I'm a genius. What about you?
Jedi: Um... I'm a genius too.... in shark behavior!
Jane: Sweetie, you're a following bitch, not a leader. I nominate Spinny.
Jedi: Ok fine. I'll follow Spinhead.
Spinhead: Now we need to plan our strategy. ASBNLL is full of Kobe Kockroach
Klub members. I say we focus exclusively on Kobe. Lakers fans won't be able
to resist taking the bait. Just follow my lead and we'll win this one
easily.
Chrsan: that's a great idea! how about we use the Kobe-Clutch-O-Meter?
Spinhead: What's that?
Chrsan: it's a scale from 1-10 on kobe's clutchness. except i'll go below
the scale and use minus numbers. whenever kobe misses a clutch shot, i can
have the meter as minus 4 or something. it'll be great!
Spinhead: You're stupid. What else? Anyone else have some ideas?
Chris: Yeah.
Jedi: Could you use a different name please? There's too many Chris' here.
Chris: We know that Kobe pushed David Copperfield. If he can push David
Cooperfield, he can push anyone over a chair and rape them!
Jane: I agree. It's obvious the young woman that was raped, doesn't have
much experience with sex and obviously objected to having sex doggy style.
Spinhead: Yeah I like it! Anyone else?
Jack: Yeah, we shouldn't focus ONLY on Kobe. We should have a TOTALLY
balanced attack. We can compare how TOTALLY FAT Shaq is compared to Wilt
Chamberlain. His body fat percentage is like WAY WAY higher than anyone in
the league.
Spinhead: WHAT?! Get this guy off my team!
--
Meanwhile at Braindead Corp.
Dust: ir the kewest troll in dis newsgroup. ir should be the leader!
Support4FPO: A leader can be like KB but only if KF would allow for it.
Vaxio: You are a tomato! In classic, only Italy can have very very expert in
leader.
Jared: What is this? Team Illiterate? Did anyone understand what these 3
just said? Who cares who the leader is! Anyone would make a better leader
than that fraud Phil Jackson!
Judden: Judden is good, Judden is wise. Judden should be the leader!
Glapski: Ok, we should see who weighs the most. The winner gets to
lead......... oops looks like I win!
Jared: Ok, we need a strategy. We can compare the Lakers to Dream Team 3!
The Lakers are the worst champions since the 79 Sonics!
Judden: Judden has a brilliant idea. We can expose jordon's foolishness.
Judden will intentionally misspell foolish jordon's name and people will
bite just to correct the spelling.
Jared: It's a Laker group. They don't care about Jordan.
Judden: Wrong. All the Bulls bandwagoners are now Laker bandwagoners.
*Flush*
Support4FPO: If bandwagons exist for KB, not only would KM co-exist but
their fate would be alike in that manner.
Jared: Shutup! Nobody understands what you're saying!
Glapski: You guys are stupidl. You just do your own thing. I'll do mine. In
the end, I'll win without your help.
Jared: What you plan on doing?
Glapski: I donut have to do anything. Just create a bot to flood the group.
Then sit back and relax. The more spam I post, the greater the chances that
someone responds!
Jared: What makes you think they'll respond to all your spam?
Glapski: I heard there was some guy named Greg Cooper who would spend all
this time responding to every single spam. It'll work! This will be so easy!
The Board Room
Donald Tiberone: Ok the results are in. Moron Corp managed to get a 40%
response rate. Braindead Corp 0.1%. Therefore Moron Corp wins!
Spinhead: It was all because of my genius leadership. I carried the team!
Chris: No he didn't! I got many bites! Like when I got Larry to bite on my
gag order post!
Larry: Obviously you're not paying attention. There is still ongoing
litagation.
Chris: Do you attend the University of California or do you work there? If
you're a student, I suggest you study more.
Larry: Don't try to act smarter than me, you'll fail.
Chris: Why won't you answer the question! Are you student or not?
Larry: I'm not a student. You figure out the rest.
Chris: Uh...ok........let's see..... if he's not a student..... um..........
Larry: Well?
Chris: I'm thinking!
Larry: Have an answer yet?
Chris: I know the answer! I'm just not going to tell you!
Donald Tiberone: Enough of this. Moron Corp wins therefore you will get to
attend the next NG party.
Jedi: Yes! I get to follow Bozak around for real!
Donald Tiberone: Ok now who was the leader for Braindead Corp.
Glapski: I was. If the rest of my braindead team would have followed my
instructions, we would have won!
Donald Tiberone: So what was the problem?
Glapksi: Well I thought we had a brilliant plan. I thought that maybe if we
flooded the group with a thousand posts that we'd get a thousand bites.
Donald Tiberone: Or maybe a thousand complaints to your ISP.
Laurel: Do you like dogs?
Glapski: What?
Laurel: Not even my dogs would have bit!
Vaxio: Dear Terraholm, you are a leader of tomato juice!
Laurel: Thanks. =) Do you like Mongols?
Vaxio: Italy in classific is more powerfoul than mongols!
Donald Tiberone: Laurel shutup.
Laurel: Right. =)
Donald Tiberone: Jared, who would you killfile?
Jared: Dust. He was the worst troll since 79!
Donald Tiberone: Vaxio, what about you?
Vaxio: Support is a tomato!
Support4FPO: I say no only because KB would listen.
Donald Tiberone: Judden?
Judden: Support belongs in Ho-Jail. *slam*
Donald Tiberone: Ok Glapsi, since you were the leader, you pick the 2 you
thought were the worst.
Glapski: I pick Dust and Support.
Donald Tiberone: Dustedo, who would you killfile?
Dust: Glapski! We would have won if me/kewel self were the leader!
Glapski: Dust was clearly the worst. Nobody would respond to him so he kept
changing his name.
Donald Tiberone: Dustedo, normally I'd killfile you but you already
killfiled yourself on Google with your no-archive. And Glapski, I don't need
to killfile you. Your ISP will do it for me. Support, nobody understands
what you're saying. I can't be having a bitch apprentice following me around
posting jibberish.... Support, you're killfiled.
Support4FPO: Shining Knight, KB is honored as am I. KF is shocked that
following the path would be blocked indeed, unintentionally as it may.
Donald Tiberone: Yeah whatever.
Support as he is leaving in a cab.
Support4FPO: KF would have said no for me. But only if Shining Knight would
have preferred it. They have destroyed justice but not KB.
Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode.
Jack: Hi everyone, come visit ASBNLL. It's WAY WAY better than any other
newsgroup! Come join us now!
Spinhead: That's stupid. That isn't going to attract any new visitors.
Jack: You are SO WRONG.
Jedi: What if we include Kobe in the promotion? He's still popular.
Jane: I won't have any part of this. I refuse to promote anything with Kobe
on it.
Jedi: What if I put up a poster of myself? I mean, people will want to visit
ASBNLL to check out my body!