The Dustrix
The Dustrix
Agent Chris Smith: We've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr.
Dusterson. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be. You're here because
we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a poster who calls
himself Marceus. He is considered by many to be the most dangerous poster in
Usenet. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start and all
we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known troll to justice.
Dust: I'll help you only if you help the Spurs win the championship! I don't
care if it's another * championship!
Agent Smith: What do you want?
Dust: I want a repeat of last year! That means you jack up Kobe's shoulder!
And Shaq's knee! And take out Rick Fox! And sprain Devean George's ankle!
Agent Smith: How about we take out Horace Grant instead?
Dust: No deal! That's not enough!
Agent Smith: You disappoint me, Mr. Dusterson. You're going to help us
whether you want to or not.
Later....
Marceus: At last Dust. We finally meet. I am Marceus. Let me tell you why
you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't
explain. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm
talking about?
Dust: The Dustrix?
Marceus: Do you want to know what it is? The Dustrix is everywhere. It was
created by Al Gore. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Dustrix is.
You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there
is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you stay in San
Antonio and you can continue your pagan worshipping. You take the red pill,
you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how far Road Runner can take you.
Dust: I'm taking the red pill! I'm outta here!
--
Marceus: This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load
anything from porn, mp3s, anything we need.
Coon: I'm Coon. I'll be your operator. I'm supposed to start you off with
some basic operations but that's boring. How about I school you with some
evolution?
Dust: No way!
Coon: How about some basic trolling.
Dust: Troll? I'm going to learn how to troll?
Coon loads the program.
Dust: Holy shit!
Coon: Mikey I think he likes it. Want more?
Dust: Hell yeah!
Coon: How about this one, "How to act like an idiot in Usenet"
Later...
Marceus: How's he doing?
Coon: His brain is pretty slow. You sure he's the ONE?
Dust: I know how to flame!
Marceus: Show me.
--
Marceus: This is a sparring program similar to the programmed reality of the
Dustrix. It has the same basic rules. What you must learn is that these
rules are no different that the rules of a computer system. Some of them can
be bent. Others can be broken. Understand? Now flame me if you can.
Dust: ir da most smartestest troll in dis newsgroup! Yur dummer than shiite
compared to me/ kewel self!
Dust suddenly cowers in fear.
Dust: Please don't hurt me!
Marceus: What are you doing?
Dust: Well uh, I usually get beat up when I insult someone.
Marceus: Don't you remember? We're inside a computer program now.
Dust: Oh yeah! I can flame you all I want in here! J00 stOOpit Farcus
Quanus! Ewe can't do anything to me/ kewel self!
Marceus: Well I guess you've sufficiently learned how to act like an idiot
in Usenet. I think we're ready to enter the Dustrix now.
Dust: Where are we going?
Marceus: We're going to ASBNLL to annoy some Laker fans and show them how
superior the Spurs are!
Dust: Yeah! The Lamers are no match for us!
Marceus: First we must see the Oracle.
--
Bullyo: I am Bullyo.
Dust: You're the Oracle?
Bullyo: No I am Bullyo.
Dust: I thought you were the oracle?
Bullyo: Oracle, Bullyo, what's the difference?
Dust: Oracle! I must know! Will the SpurSpurs bring out da brooms and sweep
da Lamers!
Bullyo: No. Not that it matters. The winner of the West will be swept by the
Bulls who will win their 9th straight championship this season.
Dust: 9th straight? What happened to the two Spurs championships?
Bullyo: They never happened. It was nothing but an illusion created by the
Dustrix. In reality, the Bulls actually won those championships.
Dust: NOOOOO!!!! At least give us an * championship!