Flame Wars: Episode VI Return of the Porn King
Flame Wars: Episode VI Return of the Porn King
Iron Sidewalker has returned to the Australia NG in an attempt to rescue Spin
Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Chandler. Little does he
know that the Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored
cyberspace station even more powerful than the first dreaded Flame Star.
When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band
of rebels struggling to restore freedom to Usenet...
--
Jeremy: Lord Jedi, this is an unexpected pleasure. We're honored by your
presence.
Darth Jedi: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Germs. I'm here to put you
back on schedule. Emperor Bozak is displeased with your lack of progress.
Jeremy: But he asks the impossible. I need more men.
Darth Jedi: Then perhaps you can tell him yourself when he arrives.
Jeremy: Can't. He plonked me.
Darth Jedi: Join the club. Why don't you just email him?
Jeremy: I am! He's not responding to me! Can you email him for me? Ask him if
he still wanna bet me!
Darth Jedi: So it was you who sent me that email, wasn't it?
Jeremy: I don't know what you're talking about!
Darth Jedi: Whatever. The Emperor will be here soon.
Jeremy: We shall double our efforts.
Darth Jedi: I hope so for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
Iceberg: The Emperor needs to be fired! I'm predicting a first round exit for
the Empire!
Darth Jedi: Amateur! A professional bandwagoner doesn't show his hand until the
trophy presentation. Where is Chrsan at?
Jeremy: Over there.
Chrsan: yo baby, want to go out with me? i'll take you for a ride in my
escalade.
Lakergirl1999: ROTFLMAO! That's a good one!
Chrsan: i tell you, i really do own an escalade!
Lakergirl1999: No I'm not laughing about that. You interested in the opposite
sex? LOL!
Chrsan: don't believe those rumors! just because i was aroused when i saw
jedi's pics, doesn't prove anything!
Darth Jedi: Chrsan! Did you get those penis enlargement pills I asked for?
Chrsan: um yes but...
Darth Jedi: Good. Jason won't be able to refuse me now!
Chrsan: but...sir... i used them on myself already. you won't be able to resist
me now!
Darth Jedi: Didn't you know? I prefer men with small penises. How much did it
grow?
Chrsan: doubled in size baby!
Darth Jedi: It did? I still can't see it!
--
Jabba the Chandler's Palace
C3Steve0: We bring a message to your master, Jabba the Chandler.
Kobes Team: This way.
Jabba the Chandler: Hohohohoho.
C3Steve0: Good morning, Jabba.
Jabba the Chandler. Call me Santa. Hohohohoho.
C3Steve0: Santa Claus doesn't exist.
Jabba the Chandler: But God does?
C3Steve0: What if I call you "lakersfan" instead?
Jabba the Chandler: Only call me that when I'm losing an argument with Bozak.
C3Steve0: The message, Jack2, the message.
Jack2: And in today's news, Al Queda terrorists....
C3Steve0: Jack2! That's the wrong one! Stop watching CNN!
Jack2: BEEP!
Jack2 projects an image of Iron Sidewalker.
Iron Sidewalker: Greetings, Corpulent One. Allow me to introduce myself. I am
Iron Sidewalker Jedi Troll, Porn King, and friend to Spin Solo. I seek an
audience with Your Obesity to bargain for Spin's life. I'm sure that we can
work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to
avoid any unpleasant confrontation. As a token of my goodwill, I present to you
a gift, these two 'bots.
Jabba the Chandler: There will be no bargain. I like Spin Solo where he is!
C3Steve0: Jack2, look! Spin Solo and he's still frozen inside Brando's
killfile!
Jabba the Chandler. Of course he's frozen. I wouldn't want him to rot. I'm
having him for dinner and I'm not sharing him with anyone! Someone put him in
the microwave! Hohoho. Speaking of dinner. Where is my Fish and Hunt report!
Kobes Team: Right here sir. We managed to hunt down some bulls, wolves, and
hawks.
Jabba the Chandler: Bulls, wolves, and hawks! Oh my! These are nice appetizers
but where is the main course?!
--
LadyJ: I have come for the bounty on this chimpbrain.
Jabba the Chandler. At last, we have the moronic Albacca.
LadyJ: I want 50 thousand. No less.
C3Steve0: The mighty Jabba asks why he must pay 50 thousand.
LadyJ pulls out a round metal object.
LadyJ: If you don't pay up, I will detenote this bomb.
Jabba the Chandler: Your bomb can't harm me. I'm protected by 85% body fat.
Hohohoho.
C3Steve0: Jabba offers you 35 thousand. And I suggest you take it.
LadyJ: Agreed. I can finally start my retirement!
--
Later that night.
LadyJ releases the frozen Spin Solo from the killfile.
LadyJ: Just relax for a moment. You're free from the killfile.
Spin: I can't see!
LadyJ: Your eyesight will return in time.
Spin: Who cares about my eyesight! I want my real audio! Where am I?
LadyJ: Jabba's Palace.
Spin: Who are you?
LadyJ removes the helmet.
Princess Janet: A woman, a temptress, a witch. Who else?
Spin: Sheet! Put me back in Brando's Killfile!
Princess Janet: I got to get you out of here.
Jabba the Chandler: Hohohoho.
Spin: I know that laugh. Look Jabba, I was just on my way to pay you back but I
got a little sidetracked. It's not my fault.
Jabba the Chandler: It's too late for that, Spin. Take him away!
Spin: I'll pay you triple! You're throwing away a fortune here!
Jabba the Chandler: I'm already going to win my bet with Bozak so I don't need
your money.
Princess Janet: We have powerful friends, sweetie. You're going to regret this.
Jabba the Chandler: I'm going to enjoy having you for dinner.
Jack2: Beep BEEP! (Why don't YOU pick on someone your OWN size! You're just
LIKE Shaq! You like to pick on SMALLER guys! I'd like to see YOU start a FIGHT
with the 7'4" 500lbs Paul Wight!)
C3Steve0: Sorry Jack2. Maybe you didn't notice but Chandler weighs over 1000lbs.
Jack2: BEEP BEEP! (SO? Paul Wight is not only a BILLION times stronger than
Jabba but he IS one of the STRONGEST humans EVER. He can benchpress over
1000lbs EASY!)
C3Steve0: Chandler would squash Paul Wight!
Jack2: BEEP! (You have NO idea what you're talking about! Jabba only reached
1000lbs by hitting the buffet line like a MADMAN not by hitting the weight
room. Paul's body fat percentage is WAY WAY lower than Jabba's!)
Vaxio: You are a tomato!
Jabba the Chandler: Tomato? Where?
Vaxio: You are a tomato!
Jabba the Chandler: No. YOU are a tomato!
Jabba gobbles up Vaxio.
Jabba the Chandler: What's for dessert?
Spin: Jabba, what is the deal with all the OT posting going on here?
Princess Janet: Sweetie, it's no different than asbnll where 99% of the posts
consists of underinformed political commentary, insults hurled at fellow
posters, or Blazer fans talking about their team.
Kobes Team: They should take it to alt.politics!
Albacca: Roar! (I agree! OT posts are illegal!)
Kobes Team: Yeah! Let's go report it to their ISPs!
Brando: You two would be perfect for a sequel to Dumb and Dumber.
Kobes Team: That is such a lame comeback. I never even heard of such a gay
movie before so I have no idea what you're talking about!
--
Iron: I must speak with Jabba.
Kobes Team: You're not allowed.
Iron: You will take me to Jabba now!
Kobes Team: Or what? You'll insult me by bringing up a movie I never heard of?
Iron: I'd use my jedi mind trick on you but you're so stupid that I don't even
need it.
Kobes Team: You're as lame as bozak!
Iron: Wait! You don't like Bozak either? Um, Kobes Team, I just like to say you
remind me of my little brother. Please accept my apologies. Sincerely, Steve F.
C3Steve0: At last! Master Iron has come to rescue me!
Kobes Team: Master.... Iron Sidewalker, Jedi Troll.
Jabba the Chandler: I told you not to admit him.
Iron: I must be allowed to speak.
Kobes Team: He must be allowed to speak.
Jabba the Chandler: You weak minded fool! He's using an old jedi mind trick. I
should fire you and hire Dell Harris!
Iron: You will bring Spin Solo and the chimpbrain to me.
Jabba the Chandler: Hohoho. Your mind tricks won't work on me, boy.
Iron: I'm taking Spin Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or
we'll annex you the way Mexico annexed SoCal!
Jabba the Chandler: It's the other way around! SoCal was annexed by the US from
Mexico. I bet you have a hard time telling the difference between the people
from different latin countries!
Iron: Moron! I was referring to the high percentage of spanish speaking people
in SoCal!
Jabba the Chandler: Yeah, I'm sure Dan Issel was doing the same. You mixed up
spanish speakers with mexicans. There will be no bargain. I shall enjoy
watching you die.
Iron: My mind tricks may not work on you but my virus trick does!
Jabba the Chandler: ACK!!!! My Santa Monica Mirror articles are being deleted!
You'll pay for this! Bring me Spin and the chimpbrain! They will all suffer for
this outrage!
C3Steve0: Oh dear. His High Obesity, the overly huge Jabba the Chandler, has
posted that you shall be terminated immediately. You were therefore be cast
into the pit of band directors.
Iron: What? Not again!
Princess Janet: That doesn't sound too bad, sweetie. Afterall, you did manage
to live through your previous band director experience.
Spin: Are you crazy? That sounds horrible. I don't want to end up like Iron!
HEEELLLLPPPP!!!!
--
C3Steve0: Jabba hopes that you will all die honorably. But if any of you wish
to beg for mercy, Jabba will now hear your pleas.
Jabba the Chandler. And make it quick. I have a NG party to attend with Emperor
Bozak.
Spin: So by attending, you are validating Bozak's homophobic, racist, and
mysoginistic posts?
Jabba the Chandler: What you want me to do? Boycott the party and miss out on
all the free food he has to buy me? BTW, I will consider not executing Albacca
if he comes with me to the party.
Albacca: GROWLLL!!!! (If I attend your party, Bozak and his cronies will gang
up on me. I'm not a violent person so I don't want to hurt anyone!)
Iron: Jabba this is your last chance. Free us or I'll launch the nukes on you!
Spin: Wait! Are you crazy! Won't those nukes kill us too?
Iron: Hmm, good point. Fine. We'll lauch poison into the atmosphere instead!
C3Steve0: Sorry sir but that'll burn up in the atmosphere.
Jabba the Chandler: Enough! Put him in!
Iron leaps off the plank and starts flaming people.
Iron: Yeah! Flaming people is almost as fun as sending them viruses!
Brando: Spin! Help! The Band Director's tongue has my leg!
Spin: You refused to support a fellow biologist so why should I help you?
Besides, without you, the amount of OT posts decreases by 50%!
Brando: You're supposed to rescue me! It's in the damn script!
Spin: Who the hell is writing this? I would never help you!
Brando: I'll take you out of my killfile if you help me!
Iron: Everyone hop aboard Chrsan's escalade! Let's get out of here! Launch the
nukes!
Jabba the Chandler: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! You can't! I'm supposed to WIN!
--
Iron: I'll meet you back at the fleet.
Princess Janet: Ok hurry sweetie.
Jack2: BEEP BEEP!
Iron: That's right Jack2. We're going back to the Minnesota system. I have a
promise to keep.
--
Emperor Bozak arrives at the Flame Star.
Emperor Bozak: what did i tell you last time.... i told your sorry ass not to
get on your knees when you're around me... get up bitch!
Darth Jedi: Sorry my master but I love being in this position. The Flame Star
will be completed on schedule.
Emperor Bozak: you have done well.... and now i sense you wish to continue your
search for young sidewalker...
Darth Jedi: Yes my master.
Emperor Bozak: patience marsha....in time he will seek you out.... and when he
does...you will bring him before me...he has grown strong.... not to mention
weight....only together can we turn him to the dark side of the net...
Darth Jedi: As you wish.
Emperor Bozak: everything is proceeding as i have forseen....
Darth Jedi: How do you know?
Emperor Bozak: i saw the movie...now follow me jerki...
Darth Jedi: I can do that! So how was the party? Was Jason there?
Emperor Bozak: chrissy decided to take advantage of me and order everything on
the menu... he must have doubled his weight by now....lol...i knew i should
have attended halle berry's party instead :-(
--
Minny-Yoda: Soon I will rest. Forever sleep. Earned it, I have.
Iron: But master, you can't die! I need your help. I've come back to complete
the training!
Minny-Yoda: No more training do you require. You already know that which you
need.
Iron: Master, is Darth Jedi my father?
Minny-Yoda: Uh... my internet connection is breaking off! I'm experiencing lag!
I'm being disconnected! Damn AT&T!
Iron: Stop joking around! Master I must know!
Minny-Yoda: Your father he is. Unfortunate that you rushed to face him. Iron,
do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor or you'll suffer your father's
fate and become a mindfucked following bitch. Iron, pass on what you have
learned. There...... is........ another......
Iron: Master, you can't die! I can't do it. I can't go on alone.
Ben: Minny-Yoda will always be with you.
Iron: Ben! Where have you been?
Ben: With my nipple thruster.
Iron: You told me Darth Jedi murdered my father! Why didn't you tell me?
Ben: Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Net. When that happened,
he ceased being Chris Petrohilos. So what I have told you is true from a
certain point of view.
Iron: A certain point of view?!
Ben: I don't blame you for being angry. What happened to your father was my
fault. I took it upon myself to train him. I thought I could instruct him but I
was wrong. He kept arguing with me in endless threads and refused to listen to
me.
Iron: There's still some hetero left in him.
Ben: I also thought he could be turned. But he is more homo now than hetero.
Iron: I can't do it. I can't troll my own father! Even if he is gay!
Ben: Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope.
Iron: Minny-Yoda spoke of another.
Ben: The other he spoke of is your twin sister.
Iron: So Jane really is my sister! Damn, I had no idea someone old enough to be
my great great grandmother, could be my twin sister!
--
Admiral Greenbar: Using a small Imperial shuttle which we have stolen, a strike
team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator. Spin is your
team ready? [g]
Spin: Yeah my team's ready. With my genius leading the way, how can we fail?
Albacca: GROWL!!!!!!! (I bet Bozak won't even show up!)
Spin: Brando, take my ship. You'll need all the help you can get. Besides, us
biologists must stick together.
Brando: Stupid botanist! You're going back in my killfile!
Rob: Spin will fail.
Albacca: ROAR!!!!! (How would a non-athlete like you know?)
Rob: It's just a gut feeling. Someone who has coached the highest scoring team
in the country would know something like this.
Albacca: GROWL!!!!! (I would trust Doug Collins over you! Ask Bill Walton. He
agrees with me!)
Jack2: Beep! (You have NO IDEA what you're talking about!)
Albacca: Roar! (Oh yeah? I schooled Larry so I do know what I'm talking about!)
Rob: You'll still fail. The Empire has better defense than the rebels.
Albacca: Roar! (Good grief! This place is full of cynics! The rebels are just
fine!)
Brando: (AW) Would you people please put AW in the subject line when you're
discussing anything to do with Al? Thanks.
--
The shuttle arrives at Endor.
Spin: If they don't go for this, we'll have to get out of here quickly.
Albacca: Roar! (They're contacting us through real audio!)
Jazz2001Champs: Identify yourselves.
Spin: Uh, Shuttle ShaqDaddy requesting deactivation of deflector shield.
Iron: Darth Jedi is on that ship.
Spin: How do you know?
Iron: I can sense homosexuals a mile away.
--
Darth Jedi: Does that shuttle have clearance?
Jazz2001Champs: It's an older code but it checks out. Shall I hold them?
Darth Jedi: No. Leave them to me.
Jazz2001Champs: Shuttle ShaqDaddy, you're cleared to land.
Spin: I told you it would work! I'm such a genius!
--
The shuttle lands.
Spin: Ok quietly now. Let's go.
Iron: Wait! What's this? Someone left their porno pics!
Spin: Forget about it, let's go!
Pipster: What the hell? Who's looking at my porn?
Tolstoy: The rebels are here! Go for help! Go!
Spin: Look what you did! After them!
Princess Janet: I'm a condescending bitch not a following bitch.
Iron: Let's just jump on your broomstick!
Princess Janet: Um, sweetie, you're a bit overweight. Could you please get off?
You're slowing us down.
Later..
Spin: Iron! Where's Jane?
Iron: We got seperated.
Spin: We better go look for her.
--
Laurel: My son is not to be disturbed. =)
Darth Jedi: The turd burglar will see me now!
Laurel: You don't have to follow him everywhere he posts.
Darth Jedi: You can defend him all you want. The guy is an asshole. I will
follow him whenever I want!
Laurel: I'm not defending him. I'm just defending his right to post.
Darth Jedi: Yet you're on a crusade to convince everyone he's a really good guy
and you attack his critics at every turn.
Laurel: No I'm not. He's just trolling you. You can have the last word here.
I'm done.
Darth Jedi: Yeah sure. bozak posts like an asshole so therefore that's what he
is. I can only judge people by what they post.
Looney: Maybe you may judge people based on what they post, but others can tell
when someone is being serious or not.
Darth Jedi: Yet another bozak apologist comes to bozak's defense?
Looeny: I *NEVER* apologized for Boz. If you don't like what he posts, stop
complaining and ignore him. Otherwise you're just wasting bandwidth.
Darth Jedi: Right. So complaining about bozak is a waste of time. But
complaining about someone complaining about bozak isn't. Gotcha.
Looney: Good. So we understand each other.
Darth Jedi: Yeah sure. So want to go out for a beer? Oops. Wrong parody.
Looney: Why the hell did i un-killfile you? PLONK!
Emperor Bozak: what are you doing here....i told you to remain on the
ship...but obviously you're so in love with me that you'll never get over it....
Darth Jedi: No I'm in love with Jason. Want to hear a poem I wrote to him?
Ahem. Oh Jason Green, you're such a special man to me. How I'd love to lay you
down....
Emperor Bozak: ENOUGH! i'm about to puke...so what is it you want?
Darth Jedi: A small Rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor.
Emperor Bozak: yes... i know...
Darth Jedi: My son is with them.
Emperor Bozak: are you sure?
Darth Jedi: I have felt him, my Master.
Emperor Bozak: lol....first the band director... now you?
Darth Jedi: No I meant I felt his presence.
Emperor Bozak: strange that i have not...
Darth Jedi: That's because I can sense homophobia from across the globe.
Emperor Bozak: then you must go to the moon and wait for him.... and then you
will bring him before me...
Darth Jedi: .....
Emperor Bozak: what's wrong....
Darth Jedi: This is strange. You never responded to me this much before.
Emperor Bozak: don't worry... i'm shitcanning you after this parody is
over...lol..
--
Jane is lying unconscious when a Trollwok arrives and pokes her with a spear.
Princess Janet: Cut it out!
Steve Wells: Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Princess Janet: Is this another one of your many identities, BS? Come here, I'm
not going to hurt you, sweetie.
Steve Wells: Kobe sucks!
Princess Janet: Aw, you're so cute.
Steve Wells: Kobe nicknames! BIGGEST BALLHOG EVER! AIRBALL KOBE!
Princess Janet: Come here sweetie. Want something to eat?
Steve Wells: I want McDonalds.
Princess Janet: Sorry sweetie but I won't buy any product that Kobe endorses.
--
Spin: Where is she at? Hmmm.... what's this?
Iron: It says, "Glen Rice sucks"
Albacca: GROWLLLLLL!!!!!!
Iron: No Al, don't!
Too late as the group now finds themselves upside down trapped in a net.
Spin: Nice work Al. You just couldn't resist the troll bait, could you?
Iron: Will you take it easy? Let's just figure a way out of this. Spin, can you
reach my flame saber?
Jack2: BEEP beep! (Let me use my BUTCHER knife! I can use this to cut ANY dog
to shreds!)
C3Steve0: Jack2, that's not a good idea. Master Iron is right on top of me.
He'd squash....... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Iron: Sorry about that. I'll pray for you.
Suddenly the group is surrounded by Trollwoks.
Spin: Point that thing some place else, you stupid troll!
Czilla: Kobe sucks!
Spin: Hey, these guys aren't that bad.
King Tut: Shuk sucks! Bow down to the King!
Spin: What?! That's it! Kill them all!
Iron: Don't. It'll be alright. Give them your real audio blaster.
Jack2: BEEP! (NO! DON'T! We can take them! It'll be like a tiger FEASTING on a
pack of dogs!)
Iron: Jack2, even a pack of organized dogs would kick a tiger's ass.
Jack2: Beep! (You have ABSOLUTELY NO idea what you're talking about! That's
like saying a bunch of 5 year old kids could BEAT UP Shaq! I've seen tigers
KILL a pack of dogs on the Discovery Channel! I made some screencaps of it?
Want to see?)
C3Steve0: Ohhhh. I think Master Iron crushed my ribs.
The Trollwoks gasp when they see C3Steve0 and start chanting.
Iron: What are they saying?
C3Steve0: These trolls are using a primitive form of language but I do believe
they think I am some sort of god.
Spin: Well why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of here!
C3Steve0: I'm sorry sir but I can't break the first commandment.
Spin: You idiot!
The Trollwoks take the group to their village.
Iron: Jane! What are you doing here with these trolls?
Princess Janet: Aren't these trolls the cutest things?
Mike Ma: kobo is a ballhog!
Iron: They're starting to annoy me.
--
Later..
Princess Janet: Sweetie, what's wrong?
Iron: Jane, do you remember your mother?
Princess Janet: She died when I was real young after some gang members insulted
me.
Iron: I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her.
Princess Janet: Sweetie, what's troubling you?
Iron: Jedi is here... on this moon.
Princess Janet: How do you know?
Iron: I felt his presence. He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's
why I have to go. I have to face him.
Princess Janet: Why?
Iron: He's my father.
Princess Janet: Sweetie, Chris isn't old enough to be your father.
Iron: Don't be deceived by his pics! They're fake! Besides, I'm sure he had
plastic surgery to make himself look younger. Jane, if I don't make it back,
you're our only hope.
Princess Janet: Don't talk that way. I don't understand these powers you have.
Iron: You're wrong. You have that power too. The Net is strong in my family. My
father has it... I have it... and my sister has it. Yes it's you, Jane.
Princess Janet: That's very funny Iron. I haven't laughed this hard since Dog
Woman tried to tell me what to do and ended up paying Aol for it. Sweetie, I
don't know how to use the Net. I mean, I don't even know how to use Deja or
even attribute properly.
Iron: I have to face him.
Princess Janet: But why?
Iron: There's still some hetero left in him.
Princess Janet: Well of course there is. He's bisexual.
Iron: I can turn him back completely! Once he gets a load of me, he'll be
disgusted by men forever!
Spin: Hey what's going on?
Princess Janet: Nothing. I just want to be alone for awhile.
Spin: Nothing? Come on. Tell me.
Princess Janet: I can't tell you, sweetie.
Spin: Did you tell Iron? Is that who you could tell?
Princess Janet: You sure you want to know? It was OT.
Spin: Nevermind.
--
Chrsan: Lord Jedi! This is the rebel that surrendered to us. He was only armed
with this vibrator.
Iron: It's a flame saber you idiot.
Darth Jedi: Yes but it can also work as a vibrator. At least it does for me.
Now leave us.
Chrsan: Wait! I heard Iron has over 1000 discs of porn! I'm tired of looking at
National Geographic for nude pics. Can I borrow some of yours?
Iron: You wouldn't be interested. I only have pics of women.
Chrsan: Damn!
Darth Jedi: But you can look at my pics anytime you want.
Chrsan: But you're not naked!
Iron: Thank God.
Darth Jedi: Now leave us! Go play with your blowup doll or something.
Chrsan: lamar is not a doll!
Darth Jedi: The Emperor has been expecting you.
Iron: I know, father.
Darth Jedi: So you have finally accepted the truth.
Iron: I have accepted the truth that you were once Chris Petrohilios.
Darth Jedi: That name no longer has any meaning for me! The truth is..... I
left your mother to be with your band director.
Iron: What?!
Darth Jedi: I am now the jedi boy named Sue! I am your mother now!
Iron: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Darth Jedi: The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Net. He is your
master now.
Iron: No he's just an unemployed cellphone salesman.
Laurel: Actually he just got a new job.
Darth Jedi: What a surprise. Dogwoman to the rescue again.
Laurel: No I'm not. I'm just pointing out that Bozak isn't unemployed.
Darth Jedi: So are you done with the turd burglar's biography yet?
Iron: Don't call him that. Call him Dennis instead. That'll get him real mad!
--
Steve Wells: Kobe "I'm NOT going to turn my game down" Bryant!
Spin: The main entrance is on the other side of that platform.
Albacca: Growl! (Don't worry. I've gotten into places more heavily guarded than
this)
Princess Janet: Sweetie, I don't think the Rose Bowl was heavily guarded back
then.
Steve Wells: Kobe nicknames! MR SH*THEAD, TALK LIKE MJ MOVE LIKE MJ SHOOT LIKE
MJ MISS LIKE KOBE!
Albacca: Growl!!!!!! (Tell these trolls to shut up!)
--
Admiral Greenbar: All groups assume attack coordinates.
Rob: They won't make it.
Brando: Don't worry. My friends are down there. They'll get the shield down on
time.
Rob: Maybe but only because the Empire is not that good defensively.
Brando: Wait, didn't you say before that the Empire is better defensively?
Rob: No I never said that! You're twisting my words!
Brando: That's it! You're going in my killfile!
--
Emperor Bozak: welcome young whaleside.... i've been expecting you...i'm
looking forward to completing your training... soon you will call me master....
Iron: You won't convert me the way you did with Jedi. He'll jump off your
bandwagon when the time comes.
Emperor Bozak: that's why you're going to take his place.... i have an
announcement to make.... i'm leaving the empire.... that fat slob chandler
broke my bank account at the party so now i have to get a new job....
Darth Jedi: Why not get a job as Shaq's free throw instructor?
Iron: So Dennis, your wife finally forced you to get a job?
Emperor Bozak: i see you've been using the bozak top ten dis list....
Iron: You're a little asian boy that I will beat the crap out of!
Darth Jedi: Why don't you use #3 on that list? The bozak post of the day?
Iron: Stay out of this, you homophobic pedophile before I sent you a virus!
Darth Jedi: So you were the one who sent me that email? I knew it! It is
pointless to resist, my son. You will become his following bitch just as I have.
Iron: Am I a uniter or what? What are you trying to do? Beat out Looney for the
bozak apologist of the year award?
Darth Jedi: No but bozak's mom will have something to say about that.
Emperor Bozak: your friends up there on the moon are walking into a trap... as
are the rebel fleet...the shield generator is quite safe from your pitiful
little band.... no pun intended.... an entire legion of my best troops awaits
them...this is how you protect an empire from terrorists dumya!
--
Emperor Bozak: so you still want to hire a new emperor?
Iceberg: Ok, I admit I was WRONG! Looks like we might pull this out afterall!
Emperor Bozak: come soft-tushy... see for yourself...from here you will witness
the end of the rebellion....
Iron glances at his flame saber.
Emperor Bozak: you want this... don't you?... take your weapon....strike me
down with it.... give in to your anger...with each passing moment... you become
more my following bitch....or better yet... why don't you send me another
virus...lol..
Iron: I told you Dennis. My PC was infected by the sircam worm virus. (Thinks
to himself: What the hell is Bryan's email address?)
Iron can resist no more as the flame saber flies into his hands and swings it
at the Emperor but Jedi blocks it.
Darth Jedi: I don't think so. Without Bozak or Ben, I have no one to follow.
Emperor Bozak: lol... isn't mindfuckage a mofo?
Iron: I will not fight you father.
Darth Jedi: Why? Cuz you're such a good guy that kids say hi to you on the
street and you drive within the speed limit?
--
Darth Jedi: Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for your friends are
strong. Especially for.... so you have a twin sister. Though I'm not sure you
can call yourselves twins when you weigh 10 times as much as she does.
Mithra-Wan was wise to hide her from me. If you will not turn to the dark side,
then perhaps she will.
Iron: NEVER!!!!!
Emperor Bozak: if his sister will not turn... then maybe his son will....
Darth Jedi: Wait. You have a son? You mean I'm a grandma?
Iron: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Emperor Bozak: lol...calm down man.. i wasn't dissing your son....
Iron rushes at Jedi and knocks him off balance. Then slices off his hand.
Iron: Let's see you masturbate now!
Emperor Bozak: good.. your hate has made you powerful....now fullfill your
destiny and take jerki's place as my following bitch!
Iron: Never! I'll never turn to the dark side of the Net. You've failed,
Dennis. I am a Jedi Troll like my father before me.
Emperor Bozak: so be it.... PORN KING....
--
Spin: Hand me some more explosives!
Albacca: Roar!!!!
Spin: Ok, that's enough. Let's get out of here!
Admiral Greenbar: The shield is down! Commence attack! [g]
Paul: We're on our way!
Brando: Hey Rob (not Paul), you fucking asshole! I told you they'd do it!
Paul: Hey Brando. If you're going to flame Rob, flame him. I'm not Rob.
Brando: Was my starting my message out with "Hey Rob" not clear enough?
Paul: You were replying to me not Rob.
Brando: Hey Paul (not Rob), I have Rob killfiled so I'll have to relay my
messages through you.
Rob: Hmm... Barbi or JJGoofPaul. Tough choice.
--
Emperor Bozak: time to put you out of your misery...into the shitcan you go...
i know you won't be able resist responding to my every post!
Iron: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Anything but that! Father, please help me!
Darth Jedi: Hmm... Ironlard or turd burglar. Tough choice.
Emperor Bozak: now bob's bigboy.... you will die.....
Darth Jedi: Damn, the rebels are coming back! I better jump off the bandwagon!
Iceberg: I told you we'd be out of the first round! Gutless cowards!
Jedi takes Bozak and hurls him down the bottomless shaft.
Emperor Bozak: you stoooopid biiiiiiiitch!!!!!!!
Darth Jedi: Oh no! What have I done! I better follow him down there!
Iron: Wait! Don't! I have some heroin for you!
Darth Jedi: Gimme! Gimme! Iron help me take my mask off.
Iron: Um.. I don't think that's a good idea.
Darth Jedi: I want to look at you with my own eyes...... oh shit! Put my mask
back on! No way in hell can my son be this grotesque! What the hell did that
band director do to you!?
Iron: At least I don't post fake pics of myself!
Darth Jedi: Yeah whatever. I have one final request before I die.
Iron: You want me to continue your crusade to shut down all breast cancer
clinics in the world?
Darth Jedi: No. This!
Iron: AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
Darth Jedi: Now go. Leave me. Tell your sister you were right about me. I am a
shameless bandwagoner.
Iron: I'm not leaving you! Don't you want to attend the NG party?
Darth Jedi: With no Ben around, there's no place for me to stay. How about I
stay at your house?
Iron: Forget it! Stay here and die! I'm outta here!
--
Rob: I'm going in. Hey Paul, maybe you should reply to me so Brando knows
what's going on.
Paul: Yeah whatever.
Brando: Hey Rob (not Paul), you're a fucking asshole.
Paul: Hey Brando. Stop replying to me! If you want to reply to Rob, take him
out of your killfile!
Brando: Hey everyone (including Paul) Lock on to the strongest power source.
Let's split up and meet on the surface. See if you can get some of those
fighters to follow you.
Rob: There it is! The main reactor! Hey Paul, let's blow it up without telling
Brando. Then we can get the hell out of here while he gets blown up.
Brando: Hey Rob (not Paul), I can still read your message. Didn't you know I
don't actually killfile people? I only threaten to killfile anyone I don't like.
Rob: Let's get the hell out of here then!
--
The Flame Star explodes. The Rebels celebrate with an NG party.
Spin: Brando! You made it!
Brando: Where's Al?
Spin: I'm sure he's lurking somewhere.
Brando: Hey Iron made it too!
Iron: Yeah, only because Bozak isn't showing up!
Bryan: But I'm here! You want to call me a coward now?
Princess Janet: That's odd. Where did Iron go? He was just here a second ago.
Bryan: Well, did Mayner at least show up?
Princess Janet: I think he said he was out of town or something.
Jabba the Chandler: Is there a party going on?!
Admiral Greenbar: Oh no! [g]
Jabba the Chandler: You didn't think I'd forget about our bet, did you? Where's
the food!?