hell

(a true story)

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his
graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic
(gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your
answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure
in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as
souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1). If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2). Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan
during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell
before sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I
still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of Hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in
Hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while,
they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the
engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."

God replies "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
YOU going to get a lawyer?"