Trivia about everyday idiots or weirdos
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Over the years, artists have claimed some pretty strange items as pieces of modern art. In November 2003, Mark McGowan, a performance artist in Britain, decided to make himself into a piece of modern art for over 100 hours. In support of the traditional fatty English breakfast, Mr McGowan decided that he would wallow in a bathtub full of baked beans, with some sausages draped around his head, and some chips shoved up his nose for a period of two weeks. At the time, Mr McGowan said, “The Italians have their pasta and the Asians have their rice. This is our main diet -- English cuisine is much maligned.” So like Easter traditions around the world, the English like their traditional English breakfast.
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Hands up if you’ve had the occasional incident in your car. Hey, I can see that hand from here you know!? Don’t feel too badly, unless you’re the German woman in 2004 who managed to damage five vehicles, simply by endeavouring to get out of a carpark. She reversed her car too sharply and damaged two cars near her. She then decided to drive the car forward, back into the parking spot, but hit the accelerator way too hard, and drove the car straight out over the top of the low wall in front of the park. What was even worse was that she was on a higher level of a multi-level parking garage! She drove her vehicle straight over the edge, down 6 metres onto a lower level of the garage. Her vehicle managed to crush a Renault and damaged a Citreon. The driver sustained only minor injuries, but at the hospital a blood test was taken to determine what may have caused her terrible driving.
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I remember reading a story about a woman who wrote a book about exercising with your cat. In 2004, the Dutch took the idea a step further. Annette Helder ran a training school which provided “doggy dancing” lessons. It’s not teaching your dog how to tango with another dog, but rather teaching both the dog and its owner to dance together, in a more appropriate doggy style. “Dogs love when they get attention from their owners...You teach the dog certain basic moves, like weaving between your legs, circling, walking backwards...rolling over," Helder said. What makes the idea even more amazing, is that this particular sport (and I use the term lightly) is actually becoming highly competitive in several countries including Britain and the US.
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How would you feel about some reggae music with the lines: "Bye bye diapers/ Hello fun/ I can potty by myself/ No help from no one." It may seem unbelievable, but a US mother by the name of Vicki Esralew created a DVD of music entitled “I Gotta GO”, which was specifically designed for toddlers to encourage them to become potty trained.
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Have you ever been in a really high cable car? Would you like to enter a competition to live in one for a week to win $30,000? IN March 2004, thirty-six couples moved into their temporary new homes in cables cars, high above the harbour in Singapore. Many years ago, I went on the same cable cars, dangling high above the water – it was one of the most stomach-churning experience I’ve ever had, and I was glad to get off on the other side. The cable cars are incredibly high. Ok, so perhaps heights don’t really affect you all that much, then imagine how much wind there is blowing that far above the ground, and the cable car would be continually swaying for hours at a time. That’s a combination of seasicknesses added to vertigo. But ok, perhaps that wouldn’t worry you, then imagine having to do tasks like hopping up and down and other challenges. The competitors were only allowed one 10 minutes break each day – which means that the rest of the time, they’d had to sleep cramped up in those little cable cars, go to the toilet there, and somehow try to bathe themselves there as well, while sharing it all with a pair of perfect strangers. By the second day, ten had dropped out. "We had one couple … who vomited everywhere, even over the other couple," said Jasmine Ee, a Singapore Cable Car spokeswoman.
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Marisa Gohr, a twelve year old from Colorado had to front up to court. “I was kind of scared,” Marisa said about receiving her summons from the Municipal Court. “I was worried because I’ve never been to court before and I’m so young.” Marisa had to go to court after she didn’t return one of four library books she’d taken out to do research for a project on dolphins. Once they’d received the summons to go to court, Marisa took her book back to the library. Then on the required day, Marisa’s mother went to court for her to pay the $16 fine. The judge told Marisa’s mother that the twelve years old had to appear in court herself, so a new date was set. Hoo boy! They have tough penalties for overdue library books don’t they?
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I’ve never really understood the obsession that some people have for sports teams. An England supporter thought the wearing the St George Cross flag and three lions on his shirt wasn’t sufficient, and took his passion a step further. The 29 year old builder had been wearing dentures since his two front teeth were knocked out in a football match when he’d been at school. For years he’d been teased about his denture plate, and he decided to combine the two. An expert denture company created special false teeth for him, with each of the symbols on a tooth, so that he happily share his obsession with everyone else!
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Do you have an old toy or some memorabilia that you’ve had for years and just can’t part with? Harriet Lesky of Colorado in the USA has kept the same piece of chewing gum for 33 years. Since she was seven Ms Lesky has been chewing the gum every day and she keeps it in a glass of water at night. “It just keeps getting better with age” she says. That’s a bit of a sticky one isn’t it?
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The eccentric English author Vincent Holt wrote a very unusual book in 1885 called “Why Not Eat Insects?” The Englishman could not understand why we have a prejudice against eating insects as it is even mentioned in the Bible. Many cultures partake in eating insects including grasshoppers, ants, weaver moth larvae, giant wager bugs, locusts, cicadas, beetles and white ants. Mr Holt’s book included tasty recipes for preparing termites, caterpillars, moths, woodlouse, butterflies and stag beetles. Although many insects are quite good nutritionally for us to eat, I doubt that there would be many people adventurous enough to try grasshoppers instead of prawns in a grasshopper cocktail.
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A Seattle woman found an unique way to overcome late-night nibbles. The 22 year old snacked on socks. Her fetish began when she was just a teenager but by her 20s she was consuming half a sock a night. Her habit came to light when doctors found a huge hairball in her stomach after she complained of feeling ill.
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Do you find daily bathing a bit of a bore? Well perhaps you might like to soak in mud or jelly, or perhaps a concoction of orange peels as some people do. Then there was a fellow by the name of Barry Kirk who bathed in a vat of baked bean for 100 hours. Perhaps you’d like to be a little more adventurous? Well a man by the name of Peter Smart jumped into a tub of 2 million maggots for 24 hours. Perhaps he wasn’t so smart after all! Yuck!
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In the late 1990s, in Pennsylvania in the USA, a man by the name of John Rothman sculpted creatures out of bull manure. Some of his creations included Stool Toads and dung bunnies. I guess you could say, he’s a bit of a stinker tinker!?
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Mrs Sara Winchester of California was a rather eccentric lady who for some reason was convinced that she would die if is stopped adding rooms to her house. For 38 years the house was added onto. When Mrs Winchester died in 1922 at the age of 85 the house contained 10,000 windows and 2,000 doors many of which served no purpose as they opened onto stairways that never went anywhere or opened onto blank walls. There were 48 fireplaces in the 8 story house and km of secret passages and hallways. In all, her home had 160 rooms and was spread over 6 acres of ground.
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Have you sometimes felt that Government agencies sometimes spend money needlessly? That certainly happened in Ohio when the Wildlife Division spent $25,000 in wages tracking down a criminal. That doesn’t sound so bad does it? After all there were fourteen agents and two undercover agents who spent three weeks keeping surveillance on the criminal. They took photos from nearby bushes including ones of customers buying goods from the criminal. But the criminal who they were surveilling was actually an eight year old boy who was selling illegal bait. The lad sold worms to passing fishermen outside his parents’ home. During that time, the boy had sold bait to only four fisherman. The case was eventually dismissed but the cost of the surveillance was enough to buy almost 25 tonnes of worms.
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In 1976 the Wisconsin state government spent $200,000 asking criminals to answer why they wished to escape punishment.
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In the 1930’s in Louisiana State University, CD Blaylock was a heavyweight boxer who was noted for his unusually long reach. One night in the ring he was matched up with a much shorter and stockier opponent from Missouri State. In the second round CD Blaylock came at his opponent with a strong right. As his opponent quickly stepped in closer to Blaylock to avoid the punch, he bumped Blaylock’s arm. This caused Blaylock’s arm to completely circle his opponent’s head and come right back at him. Blaylock’s fist connected with his own jaw, and he knocked himself out!
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There’s a very interesting law in Canada which states that no-one can enter a Canadian aircraft while it is in flight (Ok, so how would a person do that?). It also says that no-one may legally exit a plane that is flying except to make a parachute jump (Right - I often jump out of planes for no reason - how about you?). In addition, it is illegal in Canada for anyone to jump from a plane without a parachute (like you'd really want to jump out of a plane WITHOUT a parachute!). A group of really useless laws for some incredibly stupid people.
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If you want to film some wildlife in Wyoming from January to April, keep in mind that it is illegal to photograph rabbits without written permission.
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Here have been some very silly studies undertaken in other countries, that not only wasted money, but answered some fairly obvious questions. One study in Taiwan found that people ate lunch because they were hungry or because they liked to eat three meals a day, and lunch was one of those meals. Another study by Dr Norris Thomson found that the reason people DON’T go to doctors, is because they aren’t sick. Yet another study in Stockholm found that when they are in a hurry, older people mover their legs with greater speed.
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An enterprising man from Los Angeles in 1983, decided to fly to his girlfriend’s house rather than drive. The man attached helium weather balloons to a lightweight pool lounge chair. Then grabbing a drink and a small air pistol, he jumped onto the chair and set off on his adventure. The clever fellow brought along the air pistol to shoot the balloons so that he could sink back to earth when he needed to. The chair began to rise, and once he reached the correct altitude, he pulled out the pistol to shoot a balloon, when suddenly he dropped the pistol over the side. The lounge chair continued to rise. Once he reached 3,048m the winds blew him over the Los Angeles International Airport where airline pilots began to call in unusual sightings. One pilot claimed he saw a UFO, because he thought that no-one would believe him if he said he saw a man lying on a lounge chair floating through the sky 4,572m. Eventually the adventurous fellow began to sink back to earth as the helium slowly leaked from the balloons. After quite some time he eventually landed in his lounge chair right next to a backyard swimming pool.
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Three towns in New Jersey were each required to hire an elevator inspector even though there were no elevators in any buildings in the towns. The New Jersey Department of Consumer Affairs defended the law that required all towns in New Jersey to have elevator inspectors. A spokesman for the Department explained that there could be no exceptions, “otherwise, the Uniform Construction Code would no longer be uniform.”
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In 1984, the Hong Kong Philharmonic Society received a stern letter from the tax authorities claiming that there was one individual associated with the orchestra who had not made any tax payments. The person that the Tax Office referred to was a JS Bach who had recently put on one of his concerts.
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It’s important for shop assistants to watch out for counterfeit bills, but one assistant in Abilene, Texas must have been having a bad day. They accepted a counterfeit $100 bill which was 12.7cm wide and 30.5cm long.
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Have you ever felt embarrassed after receiving a traffic ticket? Until you can match the record of the following man from Texas, don’t feel too badly. This fellow bought a used car and drove out of the car-lot at 3.50pm. Four minutes later he smashed into a Chevrolet and one minute after that collided with another Chevrolet. The fellow continued on his merry way and turned into a one-way street going in the wrong direction and at 3.58pm crashed into a Ford. Obviously still intent on improving his driving expertise, the fellow continued driving and at 4.15pm struck another Ford. In that 20 minute period, the hopeless driver had caused 6 accidents, hit 4 cars without stopping, drove on the wrong side of the road 4 times, and acquired 10 traffic tickets. When questioned, the man suggested that everyone else on the road was to blame even though he himself had not driven in 10 years.
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In 1930 an American soccer team trainer raced out onto the field to tend to an injured player, shouting abuse at the referee as he ran. The trainer threw down his medical bag, which caused a bottle of chloroform to break and anaesthetised himself on the fumes. His team carried him off the field.
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In the 1960’s the Ventura Baton Twirling Troupe made quite a spectacle of themselves. One of the batons flew up into the air and struck a power cable which blacked out the area, started a grass fire and put the local radio station off the air.
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In 1952 at an athletics event, the hammer thrower achieved a remarkable result. He twirled and released the hammer which flew out of the enclosure and crashed onto the bonnet of his own car that he had arranged to sell later in the day. The hammer then bounced off and through the window of the athletics office, struck the regional organiser of the vent and knocked him unconscious. Previously at other events, the athlete had struck a police car and the men’s toilets and an Esso petrol station.
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In 1981 an American man purchased a motorbike and asked his best friend around so that he could show off his new purchase. After starting the bike, the bike took off and smashed through some sliding glass doors, dragging the owner along with it. After the ambulance was called, the man’s wife mopped up the spilled petrol with some tissue paper and threw it down the toilet. After being attended to by the ambulance the man returned and went to the lavatory. While resting there he lit a cigarette and eventually threw it into the toilet bowl. The man was thrown against the door by the explosion that followed and the wife once again called the ambulance. As he was being carried out on the stretcher, one of the ambulance attendants tripped over the bike and dropped the stretcher. The fellow fell to the ground and injured his leg. At that moment, the man announced that he was going to sell his motorbike.
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A Spanish Air Force jet shot itself down in 1979. How was this possible? It appears that the pilot was having a bit of hillside practice shooting in his jet, when its gunfire ricocheted off and hit the plane. The pilot ejected to safety.
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In Oxford, England a man by the name of Bill Hine decided to protest against man’s inhumanity to man. He was appalled at the use of atomic bombs and wanted to visually show his feelings. Mr Hine purchased a sculpture and displayed it sticking out of the roof of his house. The sculpture was a 7.62m fibreglass shark. It was such an eyesore that the neighbourhood wanted it removed and a debate raged for 6 years over it. The Council finally decided that it could not discourage creativity and expression and allowed Mr Hine to keep his unusual sculpture. A very large fish out of water.
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In order to thoroughly air-condition his home, a man from the Greek Island of Corfu decided to ignore normal air-conditioning units and instead installed a 4m long aircraft propeller in his lounge to ensure it would cool more of his home. The aircraft propeller worked well, in fact it worked too well. When he switched it on, it blew the roof off his house.
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During a very heavy fog in Germany, two motorists had such difficulty in seeing through their windscreens, that they each stuck their heads out of their windows. As the men drove past each other, their heads crashed together. And the only damage sustained in the accident was to either man’s head. Neither of the cars was even scratched!
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A French artillery officer by the name of Nicholas Cugnot was the world’s first motorist. Just minutes after starting the vehicle, he also became the world’s first motoring accident. When 2 years later Nicholas attempted to drive a new type of vehicle, he lost control of the steering and the car rolled over. The police impounded Mr Cugnot’s machine and he was sent to jail for dangerous driving.
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An English butcher by the name of Barry Moore did not make it to the bank to put in their day’s takings. After searching the butcher shop he finally found the perfect place to hide the money. Unfortunately the next morning when his father arrived at work, he automatically switched on the mincing machine. Barry watched on in horror as the machine minced up $1,700 in banknotes.
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Did you ever have any problems going for your driving test? Well don’t feel too badly. Mrs Ireland of California on her second driving test, mistook the accelerator for the clutch and drove straight through the wall of the driving test office. Then there was the motor mechanic from Lanarkshire by the name of Thomson who failed his test even before the examiner got into the car. Mr Thomson impatiently sat in his car at the test centre and beeped his horn to summon the examiner. The driving test examiner walked out to the vehicle and told Mr Thomson he had failed his exam as it was illegal to sound the horn while the vehicle is stationary.
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Are you a bit of failure as a handyman at home? If yes, then consider the person who built a garage with 4 steps leading up the front! Then there was the garage that was built in the basement of a house on a hillside in Penzance. To actually get a vehicle into the garage they would have to burrow through more than 9m of earth, climb a 9m cliff, cross several flowerbeds and then across the lawn. Perhaps they were planning to buy a really good 4 wheel drive.
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In 1980 some workmen set about drilling at Lake Peigneur in Louisiana for oil. After drilling for several hours the workmen were very surprised when a whirlpool began to form in the lake. It eventually sucked down the entire 526 hectare lake, then 9 barges, 2 oil rigs, 8 tug boats, 5 houses, a mobile home, a botanical garden & 10% of a nearby island. What was left after that was a crater 800m wide. Everything had been sucked into an abandoned salt mine underneath the lake.
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A British council hired a firm in 1980 to demolish some broken-down old cowsheds near Birmingham. On the day the demolition was to take place, some eyewitnesses noticed an excavator travelling in that direction and then it veered off onto the wrong road. The cowsheds were left totally intact and in just 45 minutes the demolition company completely destroyed an 18th century farmhouse known as Monkspath Hall. It was one of the most famous farmhouses in the Midlands.
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A very successful spy by the name of Elyese Bazna was able to obtain top-secret documents and hand them over to Hitler’s soldiers for money. Mr Bazna had worked as valet to the British ambassador during the 2nd World War. By the end of the war Mr Bazna had amassed $300,000 from his activities which he hid under floorboards in his bedroom in the British Embassy. After quitting his job, Elyesa took his money and travelled to Istanbul where he decided to build a luxury hotel for tourists. Mr Bazna then discovered that he too had been betrayed. The money he had accumulated turned out to be worthless forgeries.
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In 1987 Michael and Lilian Long from Kent decided to go on a day trip to Boulogne. On the Sunday Mr and Mrs Long thought it was the perfect day for a short stroll and they set off around the town. Before long, the couple found themselves quite lost but continued walking in the hope that they would eventually find their way back to their holiday spot. Alas they continued walking through the night, then hitched a ride to a small village. Unfortunately it was not their holiday spot. Then they caught a train to Paris and spent their remaining money on catching a train to Boulogne. When they reached their destination they found themselves in Luxembourg at midnight. The local police put them on a train back to Paris but the half of the train they were on ended up in the north of Switzerland. Mr and Mrs Long then walked 68km, hitched a ride to Paris, then got on a train and finally ended up in Bonn in Germany. Finally they boarded a train that eventually got them back to Boulogne a week after they had set off on their short stroll. Mr and Mrs Long have since decided that they will only go on holidays in England.
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In 1974 the Consumer product Safety Commission of Washington brought out 80,000 promotional buttons for its Pre-Christmas campaign. The buttons bore the words “For kid’s sake, think toy safety”. Unfortunately all 80,000 of the buttons had to be withdrawn as they had sharp edges and parts that a child could swallow. In addition, the paint used on the buttons had a dangerously high lead content.
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In 1903 in Chicago the world’s first fire-proof theatre was opened. Within one month, during a song, a faulty blue light bulb set fire to the scenery. Two thirds of the way down, the safety curtain jammed and the audience was asked to vacate the building. The so-called fire-proof theatre then burnt to the ground.
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Some firemen of Arklow raced to their posts in 1984 when they heard the fire alarm sounding. They reached the station only to find flames engulfing their own fire station. Everything was destroyed. What was even worse was that it was the second time in a few years that an Arklow fire station had burned down.
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In 1985 the British Post Office decided to run a competition to accustom people to the new postcode system. The competition requested that people answer one question correctly, which was simply to get their own postcode correct. Unfortunately very few of the competition forms reached their correct destination. The Post Office had printed their own postcode incorrectly onto the competition form.
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In October 1987, a weather broadcaster on British television told viewers that a woman had phoned and advised him that a hurricane was on the way. With an amused chuckle, the weather broadcaster told the viewers that there wasn’t and that there would be a few sea breezes and a showery airflow. Later on Britain was hit by 193km an hour winds that tore up 380km of power cables that plunged one quarter of the country into darkness. Twenty-five percent of the trees in Kent were knocked down and 200 roads were blocked with fallen branches. The rail traffic in southern England was halted for 24 hours and at Hayling Island an ambulance was hit by a yacht floating across the road. The meteorological Office stated that it was the worst hurricane in over 280 years. I would imagine that the TV forecaster felt just a bit under the weather don’t you?
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In 1980, one poor fellow from fellow from Utah awoke to find that a burst pipe was flooding his home. He decided to hire a pump and dashed out to his car only to find that one of the tyres was flat. After running back into the house he picked up the phone to make a call and received a severe electric shock that threw him across the room which caused the man to pull the phone out of the wall. Upon recovering from the shock, the man dashed to the front door, but found that he could not open it because the moisture from the burst pipe had caused the floor to swell. In desperation the poor fellow began screaming for help and finally one of the neighbours smashed down the front door. At that moment, the unlucky fellow found that his car had been stolen. Finally the fellow was able to contact the police, hire a pump, seal the leak in the pipe and eventually clean up his unit. The distraught man decided to take the afternoon off and attended a civil war pageant that was being held nearby. The unlucky fellow had only been there for a few minutes when he sat on a bayonet. That kind of puts your bad days into a better perspective doesn’t it?
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The Dales National Park brought out a map in 1969 displaying the various walking paths available for bushwalkers. The walkers soon found that that one path indicated on the map crossed a river in two places with no bridges between the banks, another went straight up a cliff face, and yet another path marked in the map passed through the middle of a hospital ward. Used 28/07/01 & 05/10/02
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Mr Taylor of Gloucester would have to win a special award as a do-it-yourself non-expert. He decided to make an extra room and set about lowering the floor of his cellar. After digging away the foundations, the entire building then collapsed.
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Mr Drew of Kent was a keen home handy-man and decided to change the shower curtain. After setting up a ladder he fell off and splintered the bath enamel, cracked the bath with his hammer as he fell and dropped the drill onto the basin and smashed it. Mr Drew concluded that he would leave those repairs for another day and went downstairs to fix the fireplace. While he was there he smashed the TV screen with his hammer. Mr Drew then decided to attempt something else and pulled out the ladder so that he could paint the outside of the bathroom window. After placing it outside the building, he once more fell off the ladder, tossing the chisel through the window as he fell. The chisel broke the lavatory bowl and Mr Drew crashed through the carport roof.
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In Leicester, England, the local police pulled over a man for drink driving. The man concerned was on his way home from the pub, and was holding a torch to light his way. Trotting along beside him was his border terrier Chocky. The drunk man was travelling at 3.5km and was driving a ride-on lawn mower. As it was a second offence, the mower man lost his licence. And a Wiltshire businessman also lost his licence because of his drink driving. This man was not driving a ride-on mower, but was pulled over for DD on his motorised skateboard.
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In Tehran researchers found the remains of a skeleton of a dinosaur that had never been seen in Northern America. The vertebrae and ribs were carefully preserved and in 1930 a group of scientists from Madrid flew out to examine the exciting archaeological find. Much to the embarrassment of the original researchers, the scientists declared that the skeleton was not a reptile, but was a lost hay-making machine that that been caught in a landslide.
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A secret army base is supposed to be a secret isn't it? One such top secret NATO base was actually drawn onto maps for local bushwalkers. It included precise drawings of its size and its layout including details of its arms depot. When the Ministry of Defence found out about the map 5 years later, it banned them. By that stage it was far too late as more than 2,000 copies of the maps had already been given out.
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An Italian businessman in 1980 purchased a pet dog for his children. The small fluffy pet was a big hit with the family, but nobody could decide what breed of dog it was. The children claimed that it was a poodle but his wife insisted it was a fine-haired chihuahua. The husband fervently believed that it was a pedigree labrador. Three months later they took the pet to the vet because it never barked. At that time, the vet was able to verify what breed the animal was. The family had actually purchased a lion cub.
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I think it's fair that airports are extra careful checking items that people take on Board their planes, but can you imagine being refused entry to a plane because of a BOOK you were reading? This happened to Neil Godfrey, 22 at Philadelphia Airport. The security people were unimpressed with his choice of reading material, a book called "Hayduke Lives!" by Edward Abbey, which has an illustration of a man's hand holding several sticks of dynamite. The 1991 novel is about a radical environmentalist who blows up bridges and sabotages projects he believes are destroying the Southwest landscape. The police and national guard questioned Mr Godfrey for several hours, and eventually he was released, but was NOT allowed to catch his plane.
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There's a story that has been going around for a number of years that sounds so ridiculous, that people think it's just made up, when in fact it's true. This story is about a dead whale. The poor creature, a 13.7m, 7¼ tonne whale beached itself on an Oregon coastline in 1970, and died. A week or so later, the stench was so unbearable that the coast guard decided to blow it up, rather than try and dig a hole big enough to bury it in. Since nobody in Oregon had ever blown up a whale before, they over-estimated how much they would need, and placed 227kg of dynamite under it. To protect the spectators, they moved them back 400m before detonating. A few moments after the explosion, flaming blubber came bucketing down almost 800m from the beach. People began scrambling for cover in terror. A car was completely demolished by a huge chunk of whale, but fortunately, no-one was seriously injured. Can you imagine glancing up into the sky "Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a chunk of flaming, rotting whale meat!" Click here to link to a website which contains video footage of the event.
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There was a miscommunication between the Engineer and the Contractor who built the Citibank building in New York and it was built with a major structural flaw that was not discovered until 1978, which was one year after the building was constructed. This was no minor flaw though, as there was a 50% chance that the building would collapse if there were winds of over 125km per hour, which is not uncommon in a hurricane. At the time the fault was discovered, a typhoon was heading straight for New York City. In desperation, in the middle of the night, the engineer and the building owner, secretly corrected the problem by welding bracings which had only previously been bolted. At the time, rumours began to circulate about the "glowing Citibank Building", because residents could see the welding work going on at night. If the major flaw had gone undetected, and severe enough winds had struck the city, it is estimated that 156 city blocks surrounding the building would have been destroyed because of the domino effect the building would have started had it actually fallen over.
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A cemetery in Auburn, Massachusetts in March 2003 received a bill for one of its clients - one of its dead clients that is. The bill was addressed to David Towles at Plot 01501 at Hillside Cemetery. The statement was from a phone company for 12 cents including the cost for a call placed five years after Mr Towles had died. I hope somebody wasn't trying to be funny and saying that Mr Towles was a dead ringer.
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During 1989 in Sydney, Australia, some pranksters sent hoax letters supposedly from Gareth Evans (a politician) and the Commission for Community Affairs to several old age pensioners. The letters stated that because of the pensioner's deep feeling for ethnic people, they were selected by the Australian Department of Community Relations as a participant in the Lend a Hand scheme and were assigned a typical family group from Vietnam to be guests in their house for several months. The letter continued that the family would consist of a father, mother, five children, wife's brother, husband's grandmother and her sister. Tents stretchers and portable toilets were to be made available at a modest rental. The letter suggested that the Department would adequate supplies of rice, chickens, and goat's milk so that they could prepare the family's meals. It went on to suggest that the pensioner might like to hire a small mini-van and pick up the family from the airport. The letter finished with the words "While this may seem like a small gesture to you we are convinced that it is only by such brotherhood that Australia will become one big happy family. I don't know what motivated the wacko letter-writers, but I hope the poor pensioners were not too distressed.
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I guess Politicians are not probably the most widely loved people in the world, and there are plenty of people around to give them a hard time. Some of their challengers can even be a little on the strange side. During the 1992 Federal election in Australia, Premier Kennett was harassed and followed by two odd people wearing lemon suits. The two lemon people attempted to disrupt Kennet's speeches and hounded him at every opportunity. Premier Kennett eventually responded by writing on their lemon suits in large marker pen, the words "Bitter and Twisted". Then during the State election in 1996, a man dressed in a chicken suit leaped out at Premier Kennett challenging him to debate the Opposition Leader.
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A three year German boy from Berlin was a bit car crazy. In July 2003 he used a ladder, borrowed the keys to his dad's Honda Accord and hopped into the vehicle. Once inside, the toddler started it up and drove straight into a nearby Toyota causing almost $6,000 worth of damage. Four days later a television crew arrived to question the family about the incident. The child was placed inside the vehicle to get some footage for the news, but unfortunately, while the father was distracted, the child turned on the vehicle and smashed it again, doing further damage to the vehicle. What do you imagine the chances are that the father is going to allow his son to borrow the car when he gets to be a teenager?
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Do you remember the old saying about not judging a book by its cover? The US Bank of Washington in Spokane should have remembered that when in 1989 a shabbily dressed man approached the counter. He asked the teller to validate his 60 cent parking ticket but the teller refused. The man asked to speak with the bank manager, but the bank manager also refused his request for validation of his parking ticket. The shabbily dressed man, John Barrier later said, "If you have $1 in a bank or $1 million, I think they owe you the courtesy of stamping your parking ticket." Mr Barrier withdrew all of his money from the US Bank of Washington and took it down the road to the Seafirst Bank and opened an account there. The shabbily dressed John Barrier had withdrawn the $1million he'd had on deposit.
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In Goettingen in Germany in 2002, police spotted a young man driving erratically. They immediately suspected he had been drink-driving and quickly caught up with the vehicle and asked the driver to pull over. The man had not been drinking at all, but was having a spot of bother with his 1.5m pet snake. The adder had escaped from its cage which the young man had placed in his car so that he could take it to the vets. Unfortunately, when the snake escaped, it began to crawl up inside the man's pant legs and for a few seconds, the driver had lost control. The good police officers assisted the man and eventually, the non-venomous snake was removed from his trousers, and they let him go without charge. Lucky for the guy that he didn't go in for poisonous snakes or scorpions.
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The Olympic Games in Paris in 1900 were very badly organised, and many of the participants in the games, were completely unaware that they had taken part in an Olympic Games event. This came about because the Games were run over a period of six months, and several other sporting events were run at the same time. A good example of this was Margaret Abbott, an American art student who entered an International Ladies Golf Tournament just for a bit of fun, and won it! There was nothing anywhere to indicate it was a part of the Olympic Games, and Ms Abbott remained completely oblivious to her Olympic gold medal win. Historians finally discovered, twenty years after her death, that Margaret Abbott was the first ever female American Olympic gold medallist.
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Frivolous lawsuits have become such a problem in the USA that a group in Michigan have set themselves up as the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. They regularly run a "Wacky Warning Label" contest to show just how silly lawsuits have become when it comes to using common-sense. Some of their past awards included a label on sleeping tablets which counseled that they "may cause drowsiness", and a baby stroller which warned the user to remove the child before folding it up. In 2002 some of their awards included: a warning on a box of birthday candles which read "Do not use soft wax as ear plugs". Another award when to a fireplace log which had the warning "Caution - risk of fire". And first place when to the label on a CD player which said, "Do not use the CD player as a projectile in a catapult."
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The results from a study in Oslo in May 2003 found that people feel that attractive criminals should get shorter sentences than ordinary or unattractive looking criminals. What was strange was that the people surveyed were not even shown pictures of the offenders - they merely READ that they were handsome or pretty. Previous studies have proven that people are more lenient towards attractive criminals, but to be biased in someone's favour because of a word like handsome or pretty is incredible! I think this just goes to show how obsessed our culture has become about outward appearances, don't you?
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If you had created a gigantic rubber ball weighing almost 1,180kg, made up of six million elastic bands, and measuring almost 4.5m in diameter, where and how would you bounce it? A US television company spent about $4 million filming just that in March 2003. The ball was created by Tony Evans and the event was to be aired on Ripley's Believe it or Not show. They picked up the ball in a plane, and dropped it onto the Mojave Desert in Arizona from the height of 1.6km. It fell from the plane at 645km per hour, but instead of bouncing, it just smacked into the dry desert earth and created an enormous crater. Whoops! Was that considered a hole in one?
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A British psychologist in March 2003, claimed that the children's television show "Thomas the Tank Engine" showed too many collisions and might make children frightened about travelling on trains. Although the show has been a hit in Britain for over 20 years and has been shown in more than 130 countries, the psychology lecturer Brian Young, at Britain's Exeter University said that the number of crashes in the programs could be viewed negatively by children. "Thomas the Tank Engine is aimed at a pre-school audience who tend to be more likely to see the program as a reality," said Young. He claimed that there is evidence that children who watched the program and saw train crashes on a regular basis, believed there was more danger than there is in actuality. This could then have resulted in children becoming so terrified they might never want to ever travel on a train.
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When we see people begging on the streets, whether in our own country or another, we automatically assume that they are in some financial difficulty. In August 2003 in a mosque in Yemen, a man sat begging when all of a sudden his mobile phone began to ring. Considering there is only about one telephone for every twenty people in Yemen, one of the poorest Arab countries, it was obvious that this beggar was much better off then he was pretending to be. He was so embarrassed when his mobile began to ring, that he quickly jumped up and ran away.
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If you're a bit of a poetry buff and love dogs, then you'll be pleased to hear that an appropriate poetry book was published in New York September 2003. Featuring the works of such famous authors as Lord Byron, Dylan Thomas and William Wordsworth, the collection of poetry was called "Doggeral: Poems about Dogs", and was put together by Alfred A Knopf. Some of the categories included "Have Leash Will Walk", "Most Loyal and Noble Companion," "Puppy Love," and "The Thrill of the Hunt". There were also special poems celebrating particular breeds. But if you think that's a bit strange, consider the fact that there are many popular books already published including ones on yoga for dogs.
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On September 12 in 2003, Mark McGowan of London arrived at the Prime Minister's office at 10 Downing Street where he told waiting reporters "I've got a sore nose". Then an official handed him a cup of tea. A performance artist, McGowan had undertaken a gruelling quest to bring attention to rising student debt. Mr McGowan said "I'm trying to show the Prime Minister that he needs to bring back grants to people who need them. I've got 15,000 pounds worth of debts." The gruelling quest that Mark McGowan had undertaken to show his concern for student debt, was to push a peanut along the streets with his NOSE for eleven days. When you consider how close Mr McGowan's face and mouth was to the street, imagine how much dirt and muck he must have found. When asked what he was going to do for a victory celebration, not surprising he responded, "I'm just going to have a bath."
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I can understand people getting fined when they talk on the mobile phone while driving, but a Berlin driver in 2003 was distracted by something else entirely. German police spotted the driver travelling at 128km per hour on a busy highway while leaning back in his chair and steering the vehicle with his feet and knees. The police were astounded to see the driver playing the flute with both hands! The 52 year old was understandably fined for his idiocy.
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How would you feel if you were a locksmith and locked your carkeys in your own locksmith van? That would be pretty embarrassing wouldn't it? Well, let's just take that a step further. How would you feel if you did that and then you couldn't get inside your own vehicle? Let's take it another step. How do you think you would feel if there were three of you and not one of you could get inside the van? Then how do you think you would react if passersby began laughing at your antics because the name of your company was plastered on the side of the van, and the car alarm kept going off when you attempted to break in. Apparently it seems it took the three locksmiths, an entire hour to break into the van. I wonder if they took up another profession after that - something a little easier, like lion taming perhaps?
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Have you ever read the newspaper headlines or statements and had to reread it to make sure you've understood it? How about headlines that are just badly written? Following are some atrocious newspaper headlines from 2003 that somebody obviously should have checked: Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (is that fried or baked?); Lawmen From Mexico Barbeque Guests (I think I'll avoid any invitations from Mexicans for lunch); Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (that sounds a bit permanent); Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon (and for an encore, they'll listen to tyre tracks); Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (it wasn't me, it was ET); Include Your Children When Baking Cookies (tasty); Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies (aw the poor wittle boat kicked the bucket); Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge (maybe they need some blue tape as well); Iraqi Head Seeks Arms (surely it needs feet first so it can go looking for the arms?); Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (gee they must have searched a long time to get doctors that tall); AND lastly Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped (ouch!).
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The trend of giving their offspring weird names, does not seem to be abating in the USA. In fact, American parents seem to be naming their children after products and brands. In the year 2000, there were 49 children called Canon (like the copier), 11 Bentleys, 6 Timberlands (which is a shoe brand), 5 Jaguars and even a Xerox. Some poor child was saddled with the name Gouda, like the cheese, and another was called Bologna, just like the sausage. It all sounds like a load of bologna to me!
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Luebeck in Germany there has been a very popular television program on the Super RTL television network. The program, called “Burning Logs” runs from 3am until 6am in the morning and is just exactly what it says it is. It is a video of burning logs in a fireplace, and it’s very popular with the local townsfolk, who find it quite soothing to watch. Unfortunately, it has caused some problems on occasion. One resident woke up on the lounge where she had fallen asleep. Seeing her television burning away, she panicked, called the fire-brigade, and then alerted the neighbours that there was a fire. When the firemen rushed in to extinguish the fire, one of them quickly picked up the remote control and switched off the television. The incident was a bit of an embarrassment for the resident, but according to the television network, the video has also managed to fool other viewers on occasion.
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Science has been able to provide us with invaluable inventions, breakthroughs and information over the centuries. In 2003, there was a scientific finding designed to make life easier for mankind. Dr Len Fisher was commissioned by the British Cheese Board and Dr Fisher set up several studies to determine the results. The Bristol University Doctor created and tested a variety of sandwiches, all with cheese in them. His purpose was to determine the perfect cheese slice thickness in a sandwich! The results of the test indicated that a bite-sized sandwich using average-sized, lightly buttered, white bread should have a slice of cheddar cheese around 2.8mm in thickness. This is the perfect thickness of cheese in a sandwich. Beyond this size, cheese does not provide any more of a cheese impact in a sandwich. Further studies indicated that tomato can enhance the cheesiness of a sandwich, while pickles do not. So there you have it – one of the most important discoveries of the new century is that the optimal thickness for a slice of cheese in your sandwich to make it as cheesy as it possibly can be, is to cut it to a thickness of 2.8mm.
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Please mums and dads, teach your kids how to wash their clothes properly, otherwise they might end up like the Russian man who didn’t know how to clean a paint stain from his dirty trousers. In October 2003, he placed the offending garment in his washing machine, and came up with the brilliant idea of adding a litre of petrol to the wash. Nobody is quite sure how he did it, but the Moscow resident then somehow managed to blow up his washing machine, wreck his kitchen and destroy two walls in his apartment.
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