Cilla and Mirth

Cilla collapsed onto her bed, closer to tears than she would like to admit. Normally the strong girl was more than willing to fight her way out of a problem, to struggle through and finally prevail, if not through skill at least through determination, but this was just too much. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, quickly wiping her eyes and clenching her jaw. She felt herself getting slightly hysterical and that made her mad. As she tried to keep her temper she kept thinking about her dilemma, trying to reason it out.. She couldn't find a solution and it was making her despair. In her despair she was becoming hysterical. That made her angry and the whole thing started all over again. Realising she was caught in a downward spiral of emotions, Cilla decided to go with the emotion she knew the most about. "Damn!" She threw the object of her scorn with great force against the wall, wishing all the curses she knew, and several she didn't, upon it.

Do you really think that will help? Mirth couldn't help finding this whole thing just a little amusing. She'd never known her rider to be so melodramatic before.

"I can't do this." She sank to the floor in despair.

Yes you can. If the rest of your class can, so can you. The black Sr. Weyrling nudged her rider with her nose.

"No I can't. There's something wrong with me. There is something fundamentally wrong with me." Cilla didn't move at her dragon's nudging, lost in a world of her own desolation.

There's nothing wrong with you. This just isn't your thing. You've got a ton of other things you're good at. The Sr. Weyrling was at a loss of what to say.

Cilla sighed and walked over to the impossible item. She stared down at the brand new leather straps that were all knotted together like a bird's nest. She picked up the mess she'd created and sighed again. "I can't weave these damn reins."

I'm sure other people in your class are having the same problem. Why don't you ask for help? Mirth cringed, knowing her stubborn rider well enough to know what was going to come next.

Cilla's eyes sparked. "I don't need help!! I can do this on my own!"

Mirth sighed to herself and wondered if she was the only one who could see the irony of her rider's situation.

After a few more moment of glaring at the disobedient leather strips, Cilla moaned. "I'm a girl."

Yes. The Sr. Weyrling had absolutely no idea what that had to do with anything.

Cilla glared, slightly annoyed at her dragon's ignorance. "I'm supposed to be good at stuff like this."

Mirth would have raised an eyebrow, had she had one. As it was, she could only cock her head and try not to laugh. Because you fit into the other female stereotypes so well? Hey! The dragon had not had time to duck before the knotted leather came flying at her.

"I don't see why I have to do this anyways. Aren't there leather working journey people kicking around the Weyr somewhere?" Cilla flung herself on her bed again. The covers were getting rather messed up. Jevyan had escaped to the safety of outside after he'd discovered that tugging at the ends of the straps while Cilla was working was probably not conductive to a long life. "I mean it's not like they make me make my flying leathers or your saddle or anything. So why do I have to make these damn reins?"

Maybe they're trying to teach you patience. Mirth moodily stomped off to her dragon bed. Cilla was over-reacting and she had no right to take it out on her.

Cilla sat up to look at Mirth. She pouted. "If I wanted patience, I'd have asked for it." With a deep, heartfelt, gut-wrenching sigh, Cilla picked up the pieces of leather, unknotted them and started over again.

* * *

"Hey!" Cilla swatted at Jevyan as he attempted for the umpteenth time that day to unravel her night's work. With one swift motion she swept up the kitten and threw him onto her bed. Unfazed and completely oblivious, Jevyan leapt from the bed and returned to batting at the ends of the soon-to-be reins. Cilla, reminding herself that she loved the cat and that she really didn't want to throw him out the window, picked him up again and put him on the bed with considerably more force than before. Before he could move, she pulled the blankets over him. For a second there was no movement from the lump that was Jevyan. Then it began to shudder. Then it began to run in circles. Cilla smiled, her first smile in several days. "That should keep him for a while."

Mirth, still slightly peeved that her rider hadn't apologized for the leather-throwing incident, fluttered her wings and began moving to the door. What's keeping you? We've got training in five minutes. The black dragon's anger was satisfied by the astonished noise that escaped her rider's lips and the frantic search for her riding leathers. The dragon finally, after she was throughly amused, told her rider where she hid them.

Cilla glared, but didn't have time to chew her lifemate out thoroughly. "Thanks." She dashed towards the door, but caught herself in the doorway. She looked back to the tangled straps that were supposed to be reins by tomorrow. With a sigh, she left them.

Shouldn't you be bringing those? Mirth hadn't forgiven Cilla, the black dragon just didn't want to get in trouble herself.

"No." Cilla began jogging towards the training grounds. She was going to be late, but the weyrlings were getting to the age where they began to feel more strongly about most things, and the Weyrling Master was normally detained with some proddy green having a mental break down so class was delayed anyways.

But the Weyrling Master wanted to see everyone's progress. Mirth stopped dead. She didn't care how late they were, she wasn't going to show up just to get in trouble.

"I'm doing fine." Cilla ran a little farther, realised her lifemate wasn't with her, and spun around, hands on her hips. "Sometime today?"

Mirth sighed, forgetting that she was mad at Cilla. Cilla. Don't be pig-headed.

"I'm not being pig-headed." Cilla stomped her foot for emphasis. "I'm being independent."

Well then, stop being so shardin' independent that you can't accept help when you need it.

"I don't need help!"

You can't do this by yourself.

"I CAN TOO!"

Don't loose your temper!

"I'M NOT!" Cilla realised she was yelling, and had the dignity to look slightly embarrassed. "I'm not angry. I'm just late. I hate being late."

Mirth's eyes whirled. She was pleased she'd finally found a personality trait of Cilla's that she could exploit. You hate not being able to do something.

The smug tone in the dragon's voice did nothing to help soothe Cilla's raging feelings. Realising she was already late, the young rider decided that although the Weyrbowl probably wasn't the best place for a heart to heart with her lifemate, it was the only way she'd ever get to class. "Yes."

The dragon was stunned speechless. Her rider had never admitted a weakness before now. Really?

Cilla smirked. "Really. I have this control thing."

What control thing? The dragon moved closer and sat beside her rider.

"I like it."

The dragon's eyes whirled. Oh.

"Look." Cilla looked at the ground and fiddled with her hair. "I just want to be really good at this. Scratch that. I just -need- to be really good at this. You're black, in case you haven't noticed Mirth. Do you know how rare black dragons are? I mean to impress you, I've got to be something special. If I can't even get out of weyrling classes without someone holding my hand, how am I going to be anything impressive. Anything worth your time? I've just got to be good at this. Otherwise..." Cilla paused briefly, suddenly wishing she wasn't in the middle of the Weyrbowl. Otherwise, I don't really deserve you.

Rider-mine. Mirth nuzzled her. Does my colour really matter to you that much? Would you find me less work if I were a different hue?

Cilla felt extremely stupid. You asked, remember?

We're going to be late for class. The black dragon began galloping towards were the rest of the class was gathering.

Cilla sighed. "Now she cares about that."

* * *

After profuse apologies to Jevyan, who although free of the blankets, had finally realised that he was being ignored, Cilla returned to her work. "Okay. I can do this."

Here. Mirth dropped something on Cilla's lap.

Picking the gift up, the young rider examined it. "Hey...this looks like..."

The Weyrling Master's reins. Mirth's eyes whirled a rather mischievous shade of blue.

Cilla's eyebrows went up and her mouth opened slightly. "Mirth. We could get in a lot of trouble for this. What were you thinking?"

I was thinking you could undo the knot then unweave hers. The black dragon was impressed with herself for some reason beyond Cilla's fathoming.

"I didn't know you were into practical jokes." Cilla turned the reins over in her hand. They were well-worn and well-woven.

Not practical jokes! The dragon knocked her rider's arm. Help. See how she did it. Follow what she did and you can't go wrong.

Cilla's slowly began to smile. "Y'know. That just might work."

Mirth's eyes whirled blue. Thank you. Thank you.

Cilla smiled, then blushed. "About that colour stuff..."

I know. Mirth walked back to her dragonbed. I feel pressured sometimes too. But we're already stuck with each other, so we'll have to deal with it. If anyone want to raise the colour issue... The dragon's eyes whirled red. I'll show them what a black can do.

Cilla laughed softly. "What can a black do?"

Mirth was rather pleased with the way she handled this situation. Kick ass. She nabbed the kitten and curled up beside him. Now get weaving.

Cilla shook her head, smiling to herself and working at the knot in the Weyrlingmaster's reins. "Stuck together?"

That's what bonded means.

* * *

Cilla handed her work over to the Weyrling Master to be examined, wishing the rest of the class wasn't staring at her. If she says anything other than fine, I'll....

Burst into tears like you did the other night? Mirth, well rested and well fed, was in a good mood.

Cilla, who was neither well rested nor well fed, was in a rather touchy mood. She narrowed her eyes. Keep pushing dragon.

You can't kill me. I'm your lifemate. Mirth twitched her tail back and forth.

If possible, Cilla narrowed her eyes further. Keep pushing dragon.

Come on! Mirth was growing impatient as the Weyrling Master examined Cilla's handiwork.

Cilla couldn't help smiling. Whatever happened to patience?

I'm not impatient. I'm nervous. Mirth flicked Cilla with her tail. There's a subtle yet significant difference.

What are you nervous for? It's me she'll chew out if they're wrong. Cilla rested her hand on her lifemate's side and tried not to stare at the Weyrling Master.

Mirth fidgeted uneasily. That she'll say we obviously don't work well together and separate us.

Cilla was silent for a moment, trying to figure out if Mirth was kidding or serious. Stuck together remember? The lecture you gave me last night? That whole impression thing?

Mirth continued to fidget. Maybe I understood what you were feeling more than I let on.

Maybe? Cilla wasn't sure if she was glad to discover that Mirth wasn't as over-confident as she pretended to be, or worried that her dragon was having doubts about them too.

Mirth was silent.

What made you choose me anyways? Cilla gave her dragon her full attention.

I don't know. Mirth's eyes whirled slightly faster for a second. I guess you impressed me.

Cilla rolled her eyes. Punning at a time like this?

What else do you want me to say? Mirth was becoming agitated. You stood out. You were the only one I could see. I wanted you for myself, so I took you. You...you...shone.

And I don't anymore?

"This is really excellent work Cilla. I'm extremely surprised." The Weyrling Master handed the reins back to her with a big smile. "Not that you haven't performed all of your other tasks with anything less than this high standard. It's just..." The Weyrling Master was really flabbergasted. "You didn't even need to come in for extra help like the rest of the class did. I thought you were just being stubborn, but now I see it was just because you knew what you were doing."

Cilla started to thank her teacher, started to take back the reins and assume her position at head of the class. She looked to Mirth and sighed. "I had help. Mirth snagged your reins and I copied the pattern."

The Weyrling Master was taken aback for a moment. "Oh...well..."

"And that's not all. I think I'm having some serious problems with Mirth. We aren't getting along as well as we did at first, and she seems to be having her doubts about me and I'm having my doubts about me and it's not that I don't have all the answers, it's that I don't seem to have any of the answers and I'm not sure what to do with Mirth when she starts talking like this and...and....and....." Cilla realised the entire class was staring at her, but she couldn't very well stop now. "And I think I need help."

The Weyrling Master smiled. "I'm sure you do. Everybody does. That's why I'm here."

Mirth was only slightly less stunned then the teacher. Whatever happened to nothing but proddy greens with mental breakdowns?

Apparently stupid humans can have them too.

I thought you hated asking for help.

I do.

Then why?

Because I love you and need to keep you.

Mirth nuzzled her rider. Cilla. I'm impressed.

* * *
Read Cilla's candidate story!
Read Cilla's hatchling story!
Cilla impressed Mirth at Draco’s Inferno Weyr.
Jevyan’s picture from Sapphire Weyr.
Background from Myrror Images.
Cilla’s picture from The Woman Says.