Setting: ANIMAL JUNCTION. MARTIN KRATT and CHRIS KRATT are rolling around on the floor with various PUPPIES and that weird little lemur, ZOBOOMAFOO.
Martin Kratt: "Hey, Zoboo, what happened to the other puppy?"
Zoboomafoo: "Mongatsika! He's gone!"
Chris Kratt: "Well, there's only one thing left to do... TO THE CLOSET!"
Zoboo.: "They're goin' to the closet, they're goin' on a trip! They're goin' to the closet, to grab their stuff and split!"
Cut to: THE CLOSET. MARTIN and CHRIS open it up, and a huge pile of junk falls out on them, as always.
Zoboo.: "They're goin' on a cool adventure, and they don't know what's in store. They're comin' from the closet, and they're headin' out the door!"
Cut to: A street in the middle of somewhere. THE WHO are standing about their MAGIC BUS, which has broken down.
Roger Daltrey: "Well, I guess it's not so magic, after all. Bloody driver, makin' me pay 100 English pounds to get this stupid thing..."
Keith Moon: "Cheer up! Besides that, now we can EXPLORE!"
Pete Townshend: (to Roger) "You spent 100 bloody quid on this blasted bus?! Crikey! No wonder we're out of money!"
John Entwistle: (adding fuel to Pete's fire) "Yeah, and all for nothin'. It broke down right good."
Roger: "It was a bargain! Not the best I'd evah 'ad, but a bargain none the less!"
Keith: (from a distance) " 'Ey, fellas! Look wot I've found 'ere! 'S a 'ouse!"
John: "Out 'ere in the middle of somewhere? My, tha's interestin'."
Pete: (grumbling) "Well, maybe they'll be kind enough to let us use their phone, seeing as we don' 'ave enough money for a PAY phone call."
David Arquette: (jumping into the scene) "No problem, dudes! Use 1-800-CALL-ATT! It's the guaranteed CHEAP way to make a collect call! C-A-L-L-A-T-T! C-A-L-L-A-T-T!"
Keith: "Whoa, wha's he on... an' where can I get some?"
Roger: (punching David) "Shaddup, ya wankah! I 'ate tha' sodding commercial."
John: "Well, are we gonna go inside, or what?"
Keith: "I'll take the 'or what'."
Pete: "Listen to all tha' screamin' an' yellin' in there! Sounds like a partaiy is goin' on!"
Keith: "A partaiy! Woo-woo! Le's go in! 'Urry up, 'urry up!"
KEITH practically pushes everybody inside, and they see ZOBOOMAFOO with all the puppies, having a grand old time.
Zoboo.: "Martin? Chris? Man, what happened to you guys? You look different... and who are your friends?"
Pete: " 'Oo the bloody 'ell are 'Martin' an' 'Chris'?"
Zoboo.: "You mean you're not Martin or Chris or their friends? Well, never mind. EVERYONE is welcome here!"
Roger: "We're welcome? This is different."
Keith: "Ooh! PUPPIES!"
KEITH starts rolling around on the ground with the puppies, picking one up into the air and tossing it around, catching it just before it hits the ground. JOHN is fascinated by a TARANTULA crawling up a wall. ROGER looks around to see if any girls are there. PETE stands, looking scared of it all.
Pete: "I'm not touchin' anythin'. This place 's all dirty. Bletch."
John: (to ZOBOO.) " 'Ey, wha's the name o' this 'ere spider?"
Zoboo.: "Creepy Legs."
John: "Tha's no name for a spider... 'm renamin' 'im Boris."
Zoboo.: "Hey, hey... You guys shoulda been here when I was playing with the chicks!"
Roger: "Chicks? Where?"
Zoboo.: "Well, I was leap-leap-leaping along... Leap, leap, leap..."
Pete: "Shaddup, I don' care. Besides, Rog, 'e meant baby chickens, ya pillock. 'Ey, can we use your phone?"
Zoboo.: " 'Phone'? What's a 'phone'?"
Pete: "Crikey God... 'ave mercy on all o' us..."
Suddenly, MARTIN and CHRIS burst through the door, along with another PUPPY and its MOTHER.
Martin: "Zoboo! Look who we found! Hey... sounds like you found someone, too!"
Roger: "Damn it, I was 'opin' they'd be chicks!!"
John: "You 'ope that one day the 'ole planet will turn into chicks 'cept for you."
Roger: " 'Ey, I can dream, can't I?"
Chris: "Who are you guys, anyway? I'm Chris Kratt, and this is my brother, Martin."
Pete: "We're the 'Oo."
Keith: "WheeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
KEITH has gotten ahold of one of the many vines, and is swinging about. Suddenly, he loses his grip, and falls into a pool of mud.
Keith: "That was fun! Can I do it again?"
Pete: "Crikey, you berk. Get outta the mud there!"
PETE goes to help KEITH out, in a rare act of kindness. KEITH extends his hand, and then pulls PETE down into the mud with him.
Keith: "Now wasn't that fun?!"
Pete: "YUCK! Eew, someone clean me up! I can't stay like this!"
MARTIN comes to the rescue, throwing PETE a towel. It was one of those magic towels, which work by you drying yourself off, and then 2 seconds later, you're perfectly clean.
Pete: "Hmm..."
Mike Nesmith: (voice coming out of nowhere) "Man, Micky, I thought ya knew the way to get to the gig! Jeez."
Micky Dolenz: "Hey man, I thought I did, too."
Davy Jones: "I guess you didn't, huh babe."
Peter Tork: "Well, at least we found this nice house!"
Zoboo.: "Ooh, goody, more guests! I can't believe my mind!"
Roger: "Ah man! When are we gonna get some babes in 'ere?"
Chris: "Hey, hey, it's The Monkees!"
Micky: "Wow, someone knows who we are!"
Pete: "Crikey. First a lemur, then puppies, then a tarantula, and now Monkees! What the 'ell is this place?"
Chris, Martin, and Zoboo.: "ANIMAL JUNCTION!"
John: " 'Ey... where did Boris go?"
Mike: "Who is this, Boris?"
John: (calmly) "Oh, nuffin'. Just a tarantula."
THE MONKEES do a TYPICAL MONKEES SCARE.
The Monkees: "A TARANTULA?!"
ROGER looks around to see if there is a girl hidden anywhere. He hears breathing from somewhere above him, and looks up.
Roger: " 'Ey, you up there! Are you a gahl in need of some assistance?"
Keith: "Not in this lifetime!"
Roger: "Damn it, 's only Keef wit' a spidah."
KEITH is sitting up on one of the many beams attached to the ceiling in Animal Junction. BORIS THE SPIDER is next to him.
John: "There 'e is! C'mere, Boris."
Somehow, the spider manages to jump down into JOHN's hand on command.
Peter: "How did you... how did you? How'd you teach the spider to do that?"
John: " 'S a smart spidah."
Roger: "Yeah, just as smart as brick."
Peter: "That's not a very nice thing to say about any creature."
Roger: "Wotevah..."
Davy: " 'Ey, aren't there any babes 'round 'ere?"
Roger: "Tha's precisely wot I was lookin' for!"
Davy: "Well, le's look togethah. Two 'eads are bettah than one!"
Keith: " 'Cept when they're on the same body!"
Martin: "So, do you guys want to do anything? We've got puppies here now, the Eye Spies are around somewhere, or we could go on another Animal Adventure!"
Zoboo.: "Mongatsika! I can't believe my mind!"
Mike: "That little lemur thing over thar is scarin' me..."
Chris: "Okay! We'll go on an Animal Adventure!"
Keith: "WOW! 'Ey, man, try these things out 'ere!"
KEITH has found the Eye Spies, and is fooling around with them. He hands one to MICKY, who puts it on.
Micky: "Whoa... groovy, dude!"
Keith: " 'S bettah than anythin' I've evah taken! Wow!"
Martin: "Oh, hey, you guys found the Eye Spies! C'mon, we can use them on our Animal Adventure!"
Zoboo.: "They're goin' to the closet, they're goin' on a trip--"
Roger: "BLOODY SHUT UP!"
ROGER whacks ZOBOOMAFOO down, stunning the little thing. It's not dead, but out cold.
Chris: "Man, I've been wanting to do that for a WHILE."
Martin: "Good job, what did you say your name was...?"
Roger: " 'M Rogah."
EVERYONE, in turn, introduces themselves.
Martin: "Well, thank you, Roger."
Chris: "So, we're all packed and everything. What do you say we all go camping?"
Pete: "Sounds bloody awful to me. Let's go."
Keith: "Awesome! Maybe we'll find some mushrooms..."
MICKY and KEITH grin slyly.
All 10 guys walk out the door, leaving ZOBOOMAFOO in the dust.
Cut to: A dark forest. MARTIN has just made some more new Eye Spies, so everyone has their own pair.
Roger: "Now 'ow 'm I supposed to get chicks wearin' these things?"
John: "Oh yeah, 'm sure that there are loads of chicks waitin' out 'ere for you in the forest. Don't you know it."
Roger: "Oh yeah? Watch."
ROGER rips his Eye Spies and his shirt off. Suddenly, hordes of females come flocking to see his chest. DAVY, jealous of all the girls surrounding ROGER, rips off his OWN shirt, and a whole 'nother flock of girls come running.
Peter: "I thought the point of camping was to get away from it all..."
John: "It is. But they don't want to lose their birds for a split second."
Micky: "I, myself, am deeply jealous."
Keith: "Woo-woo! We're gettin' nekkid? WOO-HOO!"
KEITH not only rips off his shirt, but his pants also vanish from his legs.
Martin: "Oh God, guys, put your clothes back on!! I mean, MAN!"
Two of the psycho girls hovering around DAVY and ROGER step forward when DAVY and ROGER put their shirts back on. (All the other girls sigh and walk away.)
PSYCHO GIRL #1: "The KRATT brothers?!"
PSYCHO GIRL #2: "Come, sister, we must have them!"
The TWO PSYCHOS fling themselves at CHRIS and MARTIN. DAVY and ROGER look adorable while pouting.
Chris: "Hey, who are you girls, anyhow?"
P.G.#1: "I'm Jerry Sizzler, and this is my sister..."
P.G.#2: "Jerrie Sizzler!! And you can see that we ARE two FANS, and NOT two CLEARLY INSANE PEOPLE!"
John: "Right... an' Pete's nose is small..."
Jerrie: "What are you talking about... of course it's small!"
PETE sticks his tongue out at JOHN, who scowls.
Jerry: "Besides that, we are two LOUNGE SINGERS! May we join together with your band? *heh, heh, heh, hmm, hmm, heh heh...*
Keith: (quietly) "John, they scare me... John!"
JOHN is nowhere to be seen, neither are the KRATT BROTHERS. Somehow, the SIZZLERS have also managed to disappear.
Everyone Remaining: "They're GONE!"
Keith: "WAAAAAHHHH! I WANT MY JOHNNY!"
Roger: "Oh, shurrup, Keef! Those birds're gone!"
Davy: "Yeah, that totally sucks!"
Peter: "Hey, don't yell at him, he's hurting! There, there, Keith."
Pete: "Damn it, 'ow are we gonner get anothah bassist? *sigh* I s'pose we've got to go find 'em, don't we."
Mike: "Yeah, but I never even saw 'em leave!"
Micky: "Hey, why don't we use the Eye Spies? That way, we can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles!
Mike: "Oh, yeah."
Pete: "I'll have you know that that song is trademarked and copyrighted and that I can sue!"
Davy: "For what? We have no money!"
PETE scowls, and then decides to give up.
Micky: "Groovy, man! I think I see something!"
Cut to: A beach in the Bahamas. JERRY SIZZLER and JERRIE SIZZLER have managed to transport themselves, JOHN, and the KRATT BROTHERS, via a MAGIC RAINBOW IN THE FOREST, to this beach. The SIZZLERS have tied JOHN up to a lone palm tree, and are in the process of fanning MARTIN and CHRIS.
Martin: "You know, this isn't bad, considering, is it, Chris?"
Chris: "I would think not! I mean, we're rid of Zoboo, we're on a beach in the Bahamas, and two LOVELY sisters are fanning us and getting us drinks! I think we're doing alright."
Jerrie: (lovingly) "Would you like anything else, Martin?"
Martin: "No, thanks, I think I'm fine."
Jerry: "Would you like anything more, Chris?"
Chris: "No, thanks, I'm fine too!"
John: "Yargle-shnofle-shnifely-shumble-ya-ah-ag-aggg..."
Jerrie: "SHUT UP, YOU! YOU ARE FORTUNATE WE DID NOT KILL YOU!"
Jerry: "Some people do not register their fortune..."
Martin: "Oh, but we do, Jerry and Jerrie!"
Jerrie: "Yes, we know. Lemonade?"
Jerry: "Lemonade?"
Chris and Martin: "Sure."
The SIZZLERS smile, the KRATTS smile, and poor JOHN chokes to death on his gag. :'-( (POOR JOHN!)