Roger Daltrey, The Who’s lead singer, read over Pete Townshend’s new song, Substitute. He grinned happily.
“EH, I laik ‘is lain, Pait!” he commended the songwriter/lead guitarist, “’I look pretty taw bat me ‘eels are ‘igh!’ It’s aw abaht me, innit?!” he asked, hopefully.
“Not wiv ‘is lain in it, it ain’t, Daltrey,” piped up Keith Moon, the verging-on-becoming-insane drummer, who was reading the song over Roger’s shoulder. “Lissun, ‘sabstitute me cowk for gin!’ Naw, ‘at’s abaht me!” Pete shook his head in despair.
“Nah, it jast caim ap frum nowhere!” he admitted, “Awthow when I was wraitin’ them lains I fort o’ you two, I mast saiy.” Keith nodded in satisfaction.
“See, I knew it! I’m in a song! Fainally, I’w be proply faimus one a these daiys, you mark my words!” he prophesied, grinning from ear to ear. He looked at the glass he was holding.
“And on ‘at note, I fink I wiw gow an’ sabstitute me cowk for gin!” he declared, and sauntered off to the kitchen. Roger and Pete’s eyes followed him. They smiled gently and sighed. John Entwistle, the band’s bass player, walked into the living room from his bedroom, frowning.
“Can’t ya keep the noise dahn?” he asked, almost thinking about possibly losing his temper, “Sam of as is traiyin’ ta brood quietly. Ennywaiy, wot’s ya song? Can I ‘ave a look?” he inquired, taking the sheet of paper off Pete anyway, whether he granted or refused his request. He slowly read through it and laughed at the lines about Keith and Roger, but couldn’t see anything he could identify himself with.
“Why ain’t I in ‘is song?” he demanded. Pete shrugged.
“Nan of as is in the song, mait! It’s jast when ya read ‘em two lains ya fink of Moonie an’ Daltrey, bat it’s not really abaht them!” he tried to explain, but John was having none of it.
“There not evun ennyfink in ‘ere abaht Boris!” he declared, definitely thinking about losing his temper.
“Wew, ya cahn’t really wrait songs abaht spidahs!” he protested, scared of the blood-thirsty look he saw in John’s eyes.
“Cowse ya can wrait songs abaht spidahs!” he roared, starting to lose his temper. This was a phenomenon which had, well, never EVER happened before! Keith ran in from the kitchen, almost spilling a drop of gin (ahhhh, TRAGEDY!) in order to see what was going on. When he saw that it was John getting angry he was shocked.
“Is it jast me bein’ drank, Daltrey, or is my Johnny angry?” he asked in wonder. Rog was dazed, he couldn’t quite believe it himself!
“Er, yeah, it is!” he shakily replied. Keith’s mouth fell open.
“Johnny!” he shrieked, panicking. “Down’t apset youwsewf wiv Pete! ‘E’s only wrai’in’ songs! Johnny! Cahm dahn!” Unfortunately, Moonie’s protests fell upon deaf ears, as John was by now too angry to hear anything but him growling. He took a swipe at Pete and knocked him out. Keith yelped in shock, and Roger fainted.
“Wot ‘ave you dan, li’l Johnny?!” gasped Keith, hardly daring to make a sound. John turned on him and knocked him out too! Then he went back into his room and continued brooding.
“Peace at lahst, eh, Boz?” he sighed, patting Boris on the head.