"Ooh! 'Oliday taim!" Keith shouted excitedly, banging a drumstuck on Roger's head.
"Wotch it, Moonie!" Rog yelped, looking quite angry. He looked over at Pete, and instantly mellowed.
"Wot?" Pete asked innocently. He had no idea that a spider was crawling on his nose.
"Umm... erm..." Roger mumbled nervously, and then started to laugh. Loudly.
"I'll get rid of it, don't worry, fair maiden!" Keith screamed, valiantly using his drumstick to kill the offending arachnid.
Pete fainted from the maniacal look on Keith's face. Roger continued to laugh so loudly that his face turned purple. John sulked out of his room and into the hysterical scene. Suddenly he shrieked,
"YOU KILLED BORIS!!!" With that, John fainted, next to Pete.
Roger's face turned from purple to red. "You killed Boris?! 'Ow COULD you?! Oh, my..." Rog fainted.
Keith shrugged, and then realized the true horror of his awful deed. He fainted.
About five hours later, John woke up. "Eh?? Where am I? 'Ey, look, it wa'n't Boris aftah oll! 'E's in 'is cage! Oh, Boris!" He rushed over to the cage the black spider was kept in.
Roger sat up and started fumbling around.
"Wot're yah doin', Rog?" John asked, hugging Boris.
Roger paid him no attention and continued to feel his way around to in front of a mirror.
"Oh, okay, yah're normal then," John mumbled, turning his attention back to his pet.
Keith rolled over groggily, and then stood up. "Jun! Fahgive me! Plaise! I di'n't mean ta do it! Oh, Junny, fahgive me! Wait, wot's that? BORIS?! YAY!!"
"Yeah, you di'n't 'urt 'im this time, yah murderer, but Boris 's sad you 'urt one of 'is friends! But I'll 'ave ta fahgive yah, seeing it wasn't intentional. But don't bladdy do it again!" John lectured while Moonie kissed his feet. "Off, you!"
"Ow!" Keith protested. "Don' kick!"
"Surry. Nervous twitch."
Pete stood up as if nothing had happened. "So, lads, where're we goin' on 'oliday? An' why does me nose 'urt?"
"Um... naffink! But, uh, le's go to... Yew Nork!" Keith energetically babbled.
"Yew Nork? Wot the bladdy 'ell is Yew Nork?" Pete asked, angry that he didn't know the location of this strange place.
"New York, prat," John mumbled, cuddling Boris, who purred (or, at least, attempted to purr).
"Well, wot's in New York?" Pete asked skeptically.
"Yahr family reunion for one fring," Keith remarked.
" 'Ave you been goin' frew me mail agin Moonie? An' wot would me family be doin' in Yew Nork... er, New York? We're English!" Pete scowled at him.
" 'Ow should I know? 'S yahr bladdy family."
"Well, we bettah go then, eh?" John asked, to which Pete and Keith nodded. "Rog?"
Roger stared into the mirror, rubbing his left arm every now and again.
"I fink that's a yes."
Soon the boys were all packed, ready and raring to go to Yew Nork... er, New York.
"Wait! Wot 'bout Rog?" Pete asked, concerned.
"Ah, 'e'll be fine," Keith brushed it off, affixing a leash and collar around Roger's neck. "Now we won't lose 'im!"
Pete shrugged. " 'Kay..."
John raced over to Roger, and unhooked the collar and leash. " 'Ey! I don't want ROGER GERMS all ovah Boris's collar! 'S not right! An' 's bad for Boris!"
Roger merely loped over to the mirror and started to rub his left arm again as John dropped the collar next to Boris's cage and bid his pet a fond farewell. "Okay," he started, "now we can leave."
"But wot 'bout Rog then?" Pete asked impatiently.
"I KNOW!" Keith exclaimed. He pulled out a mirror from behind his back. "C'mere, Rogie, Rogie, Roger, c'mere!" he beckoned, waving the mirror in front of Roger. Roger fumbled around, following the mirror's every move.
"C'mun lads, we can go now!" Keith led everyone out the door.
"Goody. The airport. Joy of joys," John's voice oozed sarcasm.
"Keep ya bladdy sarcasm in ya own bladdy mouf, mait!" Pete yelled, stepping out of the puddle of said substance.
"Surry. Nervous twitch."
Keith leapt around happily. "C'mun, le's get on tha plane!" As he waved his arms around, Roger's head bobbed in synchronicity.
Pete led the other three over to the ticket counter. "Free for Yew Nork, plaise."
The person behind the booth gave him a funny look. "Um, you have to pay something."
"Not free. Free!" Pete shouted, exasperated already.
"Eh?"
"Free bladdy tickets! One, two, FREE! 'Ow thick are you?!"
"Oh, THREE! Sure, but what about the fourth guy?" the man asked, pointing to Roger.
" 'S our dummy! Lifelike, innit?" John asked, grinning.
The man merely nodded, and Keith smiled. "Olways knew 'e was a dummy!"
"Here you go, sirs, three for New York," the man said, eager to lose the three psychos and their dummy.
"Yew Nork!" Keith corrected as he was pushed out the door by Pete and John.
"Ooooonnnnnn thaaaaaaa... PLAAAAANE! On tha plane! 'Ere we are, 'ere we are, ON THA... PLAAAAAAAAANE!!!" Keith sang loudly and off-key.
"OI! Keef! You maind? 'M tryin' ta get Rog ta sit down right an' proper!" Pete scolded his drummer.
" 'Ey, as annoyin' as 'e is, 'e's only bein' 'appy! Besides, I know wot we can do wif Rog ennywaiy," John explained. "C'mere, Keef, gimme the mirror."
Keith did as he was told, and shrugged as he handed it to John.
" 'Ey, Rogah, look! 'S you in the mirror! Aren't you pretty now... well, you aren't really, but... 'kay! Yup! Follow the mirror..." John waved the mirror in front of Roger and held it in front of the baggage compartment. He put the mirror into the storage space, and then shoved Roger in there with it. "All done!" he exclaimed proudly.
Pete and Keith shrugged at the new development. "Cahn't 'alf bug us now, can 'e?" Pete smiled, to which Keith and John nodded.
A stewardess strolled down the aisle, greeting the passengers, SEEMINGLY sane... until she gasped at the sight of Keith winking at her.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOONIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" she screamed, almost on her knees.
"Well, wot's 'ER problem?" Pete asked, annoyed.
"Surry. Nervous twitch," she replied.
Keith grinned at the crazy brunette. " 'Ello, love! Wot's ya naim?"
"I'm Heather!" she smiled back.
"Well, 'Eathah, won't you sit in me lap, an' latah wif me, 'ave a nap?" Keith asked cheekily.
Heather nodded eagerly. "Would I LOVE to!" she squealed, doing as he asked.
"This is your pilot speaking," came an altogether-too-American voice over the PA. "We are now leaving London Airport, flight 7A. We will be going to Yew Nork... er, *ahem*, sorry, New York. Fasten your safety belts please, and a-way-way-way we go!"
There was a sudden jolt upward. Keith bounced up and down in his seat happily, the ex-stewardess Heather on his lap. Heather giggled, Keith kissed her, and she fainted.
"Well, that takes care of another problem..." John shrugged.
As the plane came down over Yew Nork (New York... sorry, nervous twitch), Heather the stewardess woke up. "Eh? Oh, Moonie!! It's me!"
"Yes I know it's you dear gahl, an' I'm me!" Keith cheekily replied.
The plane landed. The pilot stood up and came back to wish the passengers farewell. She had long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. Needless to say, John was in love.
"Er... 'ello, 'ow are you?" he asked as he ran up to the pilot, startling her. She, too, was enraptured with the tall, dark, and handsome man.
"Uhhhh... fine," she managed to sputter. "You're JOHN ENTWISTLE!" she suddenly gasped. "I'm Heather Tork, and, I think I love you..."
"I fink I love you too!" John said, and they kissed.
"Well, I'm leaving my job, for I must be with you!" she declared.
"Bat 'oo'll pilot the plane?"
"The assistant pilot. He needs a life."
"Okay!" John said happily. "You wanna come wif us? We're goin' to Pait's family reunion!"
"Yes!"
Keith, Heather (the first one), and Pete (who was carrying Roger after getting him out of the overhead baggage compartment) walked up to them. "Oi, Jun, 'oo's this?" Keith asked.
"Why, I'm Heather Tork, ex-pilot!"
The other Heather gasped. "WOW, I'm Heather Burdon, ex-stewardess!" The two Heathers shook hands.
"Cahn't somebody else carry Rog? 'E's too 'eavy!" Pete whined.
"Wot 'appened to the mirror?" Keith asked.
"I don' bladdy know! JUN 'ad it lahst!"
"JUN!!" Keith and Pete screamed in unison.
"Wotch the ears, maits... the mirror's 'ere." He handed the mirror to Pete, who dropped Roger on the ground. Roger fumbled, looking for a way to stand up. Pete waved the mirror, and soon he was standing again.
"You're holding up the WHOLE PLANE!" some voice behind the group shouted. Angry-sounding supports to this statement followed, so the six of them left.
Once back on solid land, Pete looked around for his relatives, such as his Crazy Cousin Claude. Luckily for him, Crazy Cousin Claude had gone to a New York City airport, instead of Albany International. So, the only person waiting for Pete and gang there was Mike Nesmith.
"Why're YOU the only one waitin' fahr me?" Pete asked, disbelieving.
"Cos the aahthor's got a maahghty baahg cruush ahn maay, an' I'm here tah add a plaaht twist," Mike replied, oh-so-cooly.
"Okay," Pete shrugged. " 'Ey, since you're an All-Knowin'-Texan, d'you 'ave any ideas on 'ow t'cure Rogah?"
"Shuure. Smaash the mirroor."
Pete did as he was told, and... *POOF!* Roger was all better.
"Where in bladdy 'ell am I?!" he asked.
"Yew Nork... fahr Pait's family reunion!" Keith answered.
"Oh...kay..." Roger said. "Then why is Mike Nesmith 'ere?"
"The aufor's got a crush on 'im," John answered simply.
Heather Tork informed everyone, "That was for the benefit of all of you who tuned in late. And now, back to our story."
"Are you going to claim your baggage now?" Heather Burdon asked.
"Sure," Keith replied anxiously. "I got some frings in there..."
"Do you have anything to declare, Pete?" Heather Tork asked.
"I DECLARE MY GENIUS!!" he screamed.
Heather and Heather looked surprised and scared at this.
"Don' worry, 'e's delusional. One too many 'its in the 'ead wif a guitar," John clarified.
"Wehll, c'maun, we've gotta go," Mike said.
The now-seven of them got into Mike's '67 black Corvette (ooooh!) and sped away, towards East Greenbush, Yew Nork.
"Why is your family reunion in East Greenbush, Pete? I've never heard of it," Heather Burdon admitted.
"No bladdy idea," Keith, Roger, Pete, and John all mumbled together.
The All-Knowing-Texan chimed in, "Cos it's wherre the aahthor laives."
Everyone, on cue, sighed, "Ohhhhh..."
FINALLY they got to the reunion place, which was (of course) in a run-down house that looked... well, pretty shabby.
"THIS is where the aufor lives?" Roger asked skeptically.
"No waay, shahtguun," Mike retorted. "She didn't waant to bring yah to herr hause, cos she's faaint."
Crazy Cousin Claude ran out from the shack, and hugged Pete. "PAIT! We were lookin' everywhere, couldn't find yah!" His nose was gigantic.
"Cos we came to ALBANY Airport, prat!" Pete scolded.
"I di'n't fink anyone's nose was biggah'n PAIT'S!" Roger said incredulously.
"Wait'll yah see the others," Mike sighed.
A waitress came waltzing around, looking very pretty in one of those little French-maid-type dresses. "Hello, how is everybody... PETE TOWNSHEND?!" she screamed.
Pete rolled his eyes. "It IS my family reunion..." Then he looked at her, and fell instantly in love.
"Ah knew it," Mike said. "An' thaat's the aahthor."
"My name is Emily Leitch," she said, gazing at Pete lovingly, who gave the same gaze back at her.
"Pleased tah meet yah," Pete sighed.
Roger, in the meantime, was hitting on every female member of the Townshend family he could find. " 'Ello, 'oo are you?" he asked, leering.
"Umm... tha's me aunt Bob-or-Ann..." Pete trailed off.
Roger looked extremely surprised, saying, "BOB-OR-ANN?!"
"Hey, baby," Bob-or-Ann replied.
"Well... 'e can't decide..." Pete said sheepishly.
"Right now I feel like an Ann," Bob-or-Ann said in his deep, dark brown voice.
"Tha's nice..." Roger trailed off and then ran away.
Before he could go too far, Mike caught him. "Yah need to staay herre, yah're abaut tah meet somebody verry speciaahl."
"EMMY! Get back to work!" A woman dressed in a fancy business-type suit scolded. "Sorry for the dis............" She stopped what she was saying because she saw Roger Daltrey.
" 'Ello love!" Roger grinned, seeming Davy Jones-ish. "Wot's yah name?"
The woman could say nothing, so All-Knowing-Texan said, "She's Kaatie."
Roger kissed Katie, bringing her out of her dazed state. "A-HEM. Sorry. I'm the owner of the catering business here, which is serving your family renunion. My sister, Emily, is one of my waitresses, but she writes on the side."
"That's neat!" both Heathers remarked together.
"Ah already knoww," Mike said.
Crazy Cousin Claude proclaimed, "TIME FOR DANCIN'!"
A wildly happy tune started up, and Pete grinned as he grabbed Emily's hand to dance with him. "We do Townshendic Folk Dancing!" Pete exclaimed.
"Cool!" Emily remarked. "C'mon, everybody, let's TOWNSHENDIC FOLK DANCE!"
"How do you do it?" Heather Tork asked, perplexed.
"I'll bet Mike knows," Heather Burdon said.
"Yah bet Ah do. Yah gottaah throww yehr aarms araund an' kick yehr legs a laht, an' thaat's basicahlly eit," he instructed.
Everyone soon got the hang of it and Townshendic Folk Danced the night away. And they all lived in Yew Nork happily ever after (even Mike!).