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Sipton Groat's birth took place at 3:33 in the morning on
the third day of the third month; He had a triple crown in
his hair and in numerology his life path number is 9 (3 threes).
French critic and novelist Alphonse Karr wrote, 'every man
has three characters: that which he shows, that which he has,
and that which he thinks he has.' In On the Heavens,
Aristotle pointed out 'as the Pythagoreans say, the world
and all that is in it is determined by the number three, since
beginning and middle and end give the number of an "all",
and the number they give is the triad.' Since Sipton Groat
first read these statements he had been plagued by passerine
thoughts especially on his birthday, sometimes as evening
set in the colour of these thoughts deepened with the sky's
tone and could better be described as corvoid. Sipton Groat
understood the significance, the magnitude, of the number
3, and he knew someone else who, likewise comprehended. Sipton
Groat instituted his investigation into himself to find a
connection with one Tulse Luper.
While in the United States on a birding trip in the north
of California, Sipton Groat purchased a booklet listing the
target birds of the area. Looking through all the maps included
in the booklet he found that 92
birds were generally not seen on the east coast. He sent
the list to Tulse Luper. [once the 92 birds are viewed hit
the back button]
Sipton Groat wished he could vanish from the rooms he inhabited.
He so disliked company that even his own physical presence
disrupted his experience of life and left him wishing he could
exist within the empty rooms of Hammershøi's paintings.
He was aware this made him poor company for Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat was aware of the 92 known cases of nuclear bombs
lost at sea. He was uncertain if the same could be said for
Tulse Luper.
When Einstein died in 1955;
his brain was removed and preserved for scientific research.
Scientists compared it with a group of people whose brains
were of normal intelligence. They found that Einstein's brain
was similar to the other brains except in one area called
the inferior parietal lobe, which was 15% wider than
the others. This lobe is used for visual cognition and mathematical
thought, and is almost non-existent in Sipton Groat and Tulse
Luper.
Sipton Groat tried to find himself and found no record at
all of his existence; he wondered if this had something to
do with Tulse Luper.
"The results of even a cursory examination exceeded all
the tales of eyewitnesses and my wildest expectations,"
wrote Leonid A. Kulik, remembering his first glimpse of the
Tunguska destruction. It had taken him to the end of March
to reach the tiny village of Vanavara located on the Stony
Tunguska River in 1927; he hired a guide named Ilya Potapovich
and began interviewing locals about what they remembered about
the blast. No one wanted to discuss the event. They believed
that the fire from the sky was a visitation of the god Ogdy.
Ogdy had cursed the area by smashing trees and killing the
animals. No man now approached the site for fear of being
cursed by the god. His attempts to solve the mystery of the
fire from the sky continued until World War II, when he was
captured by the Nazis and died in 1942 in the Spas-Demensk
prison camp. Based on these historical facts Sipton Groat
never questioned the wise roofing practices of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat had never been to Manhattan although he dreamt
he had visited regularly and always stayed in the same building
where he acted as the monkey-suited bellboy carrying the same
locked suitcase up and down the stairs for Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat believed traffic regulations to be a 'language
of interactions.' He spent many years trying to decipher the
choreography of movement those regulations inspired and to
translate the orchestrations of the overtones of form. Sipton
Groat's research has never been completed as his findings
were all destroyed in a fire caused by a car accident brought
about avoiding a jay-walking Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat lost his virginity as a reader before he lost
his virginity. This he concluded as he read section 3.33 of
Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, "In
logical syntax the meaning of a sign ought never to play a
role; it must admit of being established without mention being
thereby made of the meaning of a sign; it ought to
presuppose only the description of the expressions,"
the idea that things can be described but not named caused
him to doubt the use of words and he ceased speaking for three
years until he performed the 92 futile gestures assigned to
him in a letter from Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat subscribed thoroughly to Fletcherist doctrine
even when eating broth, this practice was whole-heartedly
supported by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat's parents had no children, compare that to the
too many children had by the parents of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat spent three
years producing a painting the subject of which was an allegorical
female figure with animal attributes and motifs intended to
represent the Seven Deadly Sins. The idea of the work was
based on schema recorded among paintings dated after 1496
in the Chapel of the Guild of the Holy Cross in Stratford
upon Avon. He believed he was portraying the Whore of Babylon
but was later informed that the subject was instead Frau Welt
who seems to have been developed in Central Europe in the
mid fourteenth century. He would never have known this if
it weren't for Tulse Luper.
In real life Sipton Groat had never met Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat felt sunsets to be the work of amateurs; poorly
presented, obvious colour-palette, short of inspiration, and
overly-long in duration. He often wondered how it would look
done by someone who knew what they were doing, say Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat would spend hours nicking the edges of all his
coins; he was never comfortable with the indistinguishability
of currency. This practice was not condoned by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat was careful to produce well written death threats
(in longhand) as, he believed, would Tulse Luper.
During Sipton Groat's stay in Florence he fell into an argument
with another at a bar. This drunkard claimed that the scheme
of Scheherazade and her sister Dinarzade was so base and unfair
to the emotionally fragile Sultan Schahriar that it proved
women were indeed untrustworthy and his actions were completely
justified. Sipton Groat argued that the Sultan's view was
skewed from the discovery of his first wife's treachery and
the punishment should not have been carried over to all women
across the land. Together they decided it would be better
for the entire story be rewritten by someone who was sane
and curious about the world. Too drunk, Sipton Groat took
his leave and staggered through the rain for many hours before
finding himself in front of the Santa Maria Novella he climbed
the fence and went to see Massacio's trompe-l'oeil Trinity;
he found the mathematically generated perspective so rigid
he became disoriented and passed out. Sipton Groat awoke the
next morning on the tomb of Jacopo Peri and came to the conclusion
that the 1001 tales of Scheherazade could have been redone
by Peri, but as he has long passed it would be up to Tulse
Luper.
Although Sipton Groat rarely left the ten mile radius surrounding
the city where he was born, he touched people from all around
the world. Not unlike Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat's skill at producing death threats of consequence
allowed him for a time to expand his operation to include
writing suicide notes. This service was intended for those
that he considered to be felo-de-se.
Sipton Groat always bemoaned the Code of Hammurabi's missing
law 92. Whatever the offence, the penalty was death, or so
claimed Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat would speak at community meetings where he alternately
scolded those present for not leading a moral life and exposing
his genitals during his presentation; he was under the assumption
that this would be understood by the likes of Tulse Luper.
With the help of an undisclosed member of the Fetterling family
of Lausanne, Sipton Groat learned the techniques of writing
death threats and suicide notes, his techniques of self-pleasure
were acquired through the studies of the letters of Tulse
Luper.
Sipton Groat hand-mixed his tempera paint when preparing to
illuminate the more ornate of his death threats, he used the
medieval technique of mixing ear wax with the white of an
egg to keep the frothing down so it will more quickly become
glair. The origin of this discovery is lost in the
labyrinthine corridors of the past. He learned this technique
from Tulse Luper.
Although Sipton Groat believed he resembled Blake's Ghost
of a Flea, when writing death threats by candle light
he had been told by his wife that his skin took on the waxy
pallor of a Georges de la Tour painting, he was under the
impression that this made him a more attractive subject to
Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat planned to document the roughly 10,000 man-made
objects larger than the size of a softball orbiting the Earth.
Each entry would include speed, weight, size, and origin (country
and mission). Due to the amount of work involved the projected
publishing date will be in nine years and will fill 92 volumes.
The preface would be written by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat's mother breast-fed him until he was married
at the age 33; his wife then continued the practice as it
calmed him and afforded him a fitful night sleep free of elaborate
dreams concerning age, death, and Tulse Luper.
Even when invited, Sipton Groat would not visit the homes
of his acquaintances. He feared the personal mythology he
created around each of these individuals would not stand up
to contradiction and his tremulous grasp on interrelationships
would fail completely. Sipton Groat's fears could be attested
to with good faith to by one Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat wondered if his identity was known to Tulse Luper
"How about this for a feat, dogs can smell the presence
of autism in children," wrote Sipton Groat. "65%
of those suffering autism are left handed, can the dogs detect
that? Anyway, microbial life can survive on the cooling rods
of a nuclear reactor," responded Tulse Luper.
Like Isidore Ducasse, Sipton Groat knew that after his death
his annihilation would be complete as he would leave no memoirs,
only the contents of a laid paper envelope addressed to and
awaiting the knife of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat never knew how his talent had become recognized
but he suspected Tulse Luper.
When Sipton Groat was a child he was taught that black holes
were created when God divided by zero, he doubted the validity
of this statement as math is a man-made language and for something
supposedly as powerful as God to use it would be like slumming.
When Sipton Groat asked his teacher if perhaps the Bible was
a book about a super hero he was punished, it was then that
his concepts of religion more aligned with Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat always said that if he went mad; he would want
to be the blitheringly happy sort of mad, much to the relief
of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat built an immunity to poisons by drinking gradually
increasing doses, called mithridatism. This was not to protect
himself from an assassin's attack but to feed his hunger for
said poisons. He discovered the practice mentioned in a book
found in a small café in Marken in May while buying
souvenirs. The book contained an inscription listing the twelve
tribes of Judea and an indecipherable signature. The book
has since been packed in a suitcase and sent to Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat's unfaithfulness was witnessed by his wife and
although she was not happy with it she became unfaithful with
the same partner, or so claimed Tulse Luper.
When mailing death threats, Sipton Groat would write a fictitious
address on the front of the envelope and then write the destinations
address in the return address area. He would then mail it
without a stamp. The death threats always arrived at the correct
location as the postal service marks letters with insufficient
postage "return to sender." Sipton Groat learned
this from Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat often mentioned that axe murderer William Kemler
was the first person ever to be executed by electrocution.
It was performed in front of 25 witnesses. One minute after
the switch was thrown Kemler's breathing stopped, but not
his heart. Power was restored and the switch was thrown again
and eventually he was pronounced dead. An autopsy showed that
his internal organs had carbonized; using modern technology
Kemler's internal organs could now be turned into diamonds.
The possibilities of current technologies are known by Tulse
Luper.
August 4th found Sipton Groat in Fall River, Massachusetts
on assignment. During a morning off he decided to visit 92
Second Street, the home of the Borden family. Little had changed
about the house since the murders of Andrew and Abby, the
large tree in front of the house was gone. The house stood
nakedly exposed to visitors, the interior complete and fixed
up to look as if the murders had yet to happen. In the sitting
room Sipton Groat stretched out on the couch with his head
on the doilied armrest as they found Lizzie's father, upstairs
in the guest room he lay face down beside the bed where Lizzie's
mother was found, separated from her ponytail after being
dropped by axe strike. It was somewhere between 9:00 and 11:15
a.m. and in each location Sipton Groat cocked his head around
to see what would have been the victims' last views. They
had been murdered on this day, at this time, 111 years ago.
He lay drenched in sweat and tears wondering if this revelation
would be understood by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat experimented with his body by subjecting it to
alternating series of self-induced starvation and binging
and documenting the results. Over a number of months he had
variously raised and dropped hundreds of pounds in weight
and sent the results to Tulse Luper.
After a serious car accident Sipton Groat never drove again,
this was understood by Tulse Luper.
As a youth Sipton Groat became sexually involved with a family
friend; the affair went on for a couple of years before his
curiosity transferred to the friend's brother-in-law. It was
another couple of years before his curiosity again swung back
to the original lover. The circumstances of this transference
would be understood by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat did not read while on the toilet, instead he
documented the physical sensations he experienced on one of
two erasable white boards. Afterward he compared his documentation
of the relative ease or difficulty of the movement with notes
taken during his experiences of classical compositions. One
morning rated equal to Alexandr Skriabin's 1910 symphonic
poem Opus 60, Symphony No. 5 in F sharp major for piano,
organ, chorus, & orchestra (Promethee, "Le Poème
du Feu"). Opus 54, Le Poème de L'extase
is as close to that morning's constitutional as others had
come; "a bath of cocaine, ice, and rainbows" quoted
Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat knew that the expansion of water when frozen
was 9% which explained why ice floats. He believed this to
be important and filed it away for inspection by Tulse Luper.
Although he had never been to prison Sipton Groat was fascinated
by the concept of incarceration. He designed a ten foot square
room in his basement that contained a single chair and a rickety
metal bed frame and mattress. He would close the door to the
room and spend entire weekends pacing the floor, doing push-ups,
screaming for justice and filing a metal slat from the bed
into a shiv. This is how you survive, he was told by Tulse
Luper.
September 1964 after only being in San Francisco for two weeks,
Gloria Sykes, a devout Lutheran from Dearborn Heights, MI,
was involved in a cable car accident. The Hyde Street cable
car lost its grip and plunged backwards, throwing Sykes face-first
against a pole. She suffered two black eyes and several bruises,
and was transformed into a nymphomaniac. She became insatiable
after the accident and once engaged in intercourse 50 times
in five days. This inconvenience caused her to sue the Municipal
Railway for physical and emotional injuries. The jury of eight
women and four men was basically sympathetic and intrigued,
and awarded Sykes a judgement for $50,000. Sipton Groat would
like to have known her back then; she was known to be affectionate
with Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat's bathroom mirror is framed with old scraps of
memory. These scraps in their entirety are as follows (clockwise
from bottom left):
 •
one crumpled photograph of an albino African elephant
• one old chapbook entitled The Theory of The
Responsibility of Birds
• one small scrap of blue paper with the inscription:
"(Casuarius casuarius) a large flightless
bird belonging to the 'Ratite' family. The family name
is derived from the Latin 'Ratis' meaning 'Raft'
which describes the flat breastbone or sternum which lacks
the keel that acts as a extra anchorage for the large
flight muscles of flying birds. The name Cassowary is
from a Malay name for the birds (kesuari). There
are 3 species of which the 'Southern Cassowary' is found
in North Queensland Australia. Normally Cassowaries are
very shy but when cornered can lash out dangerously with
their claws"
• one elaborately written suicide note translated
from the Siberian original:
I am leaving this
place forever
without thoughts,
without hope,
without work,
alone in the dark of night.
The snow will cover my footsteps. |
•
one 3 x 5 subscription card for the official monthly magazine
of the World Society for the Protection of Birds
stapled to a hand written invitation to a Society For
Ornithological Extermination fundraiser
• one small scrap of yellow paper with the inscription:
'15 Aeschelstraat'
• one small scrap of yellow paper with the inscription:
'MP - 29205'
1
lb. spaghetti
8 strips bacon, cut crosswise into 1/4 inch slices
3/4 tsp. dried red pepper flakes (optional)
1/4 c. 10% crème
4 eggs, beaten
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese
2 tbsp. soft butter
2 tbsp. chopped parsley
Cracked black pepper
Extra Parmesan cheese
Cook
spaghetti according to directions. Meanwhile, fry
bacon over moderate heat until crisp, drain all
but 1 tablespoon fat and the red pepper if used
and the half and half. Keep warm in skillet.
Beat eggs with the cheese in a separate bowl. When
pasta is al dente, drain well. Transfer to a warm
serving bowl and mix with the butter. Toss with
the bacon mixture followed by the egg mixture. Sprinkle
with parsley, black pepper to taste and Parmesan
cheese.
|
•
one photograph of a gentleman sitting in a café
inscribed: 'Paris 1945, Tulse Luper.' |
Sipton Groat couldn't verify his
own existence in reality any more than could Tulse Luper.
On nine separate occasions although without being aware of
it, Sipton Groat passed within two metres of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat knew that at the time that the composer Anton
von Webern was accidentally shot and killed he had left a
total acknowledged output of three hours' duration, the identity
of the American soldier who shot him may be known by Tulse
Luper.
Sipton Groat was never bothered by the smell of dogs' breath;
it reminded him of damp old rugs, like the Persians he played
on as a youth in his grandparent's basement far away, he believed,
from the spying eyes of Tulse Luper.
Each one of Sipton Groat's elaborate suicide notes ended with
NORWICH (No One Really Was Involved Completely, Homer), the
meaning of this would probably only be understood by Tulse
Luper.
Situations projected themselves on the objects in Sipton Groat's
life, once when an argument started concerning a couple of
novels in his possession, he knew instinctively he would never
read them. This concept of situation/object projection was
discovered by Tulse Luper.
As far as Sipton Groat knew, no one had committed suicide
directly on account of his actions. Could the same be said
of Tulse Luper?
In the year 2000, Sipton Groat was part of a panel of technicians
that studied what substances are gathered on the money in
circulation in the United Kingdom; traces of cocaine were
found in 99% of bank notes, the other one percent contained
DNA matching that of Tulse Luper.
In photographs Sipton Groat was said to resemble an older
Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat knew that the chances of the Earth striking an
asteroid large enough to cause worldwide devastation in his
lifetime was roughly the same as the average person being
killed in an air crash, or about 1 in 10,000. Not bad odds
is that, claimed Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat once visited Detroit's Belle Isle Aquarium to
see the three "virgin birth" sharks that were born
over a six year period. Never having had a male partner had
not stopped the female from producing her messianic youth.
There had also been a "virgin shark birth" at Henry
Doorly Zoo in Omaha. More examples of shark parthenogenesis
were known to Tulse Luper.
Over many years Sipton Groat's sex life had been reduced to
repeated invitations to the act but not the act itself and
he'd found of late that his internal wiring related to the
act was slowly being reconfigured, his interest was being
taken up by ornithology and Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat kept a faux-diary full of profound thoughts and
incredible (but un-disprovable) deeds of goodness in case
he died unexpectedly. If he was to be remembered at all he
wished it to be as someone else, someone like Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat considered his local newspaper as the sine
qua non of the preconceived notion, as did Tulse Luper.
Nineteenth century French composer Hector Berlioz once referred
to Georg Friederich Händel as a tub of pork and beer,
Sipton Groat found this hilarious but apt. It was found apt
but hilarious by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat possessed a calm demeanour behind which lurked
multifaceted murderous desires held lackadaisically moored
in sanity by his trust in the philosophical concepts of Wittgenstein
or so believed Tulse Luper.
As a youth Sipton Groat believed that terrorist acts were
justifiable only if they resulted in changes that benefited
the common good and he possessed a pronounced hatred and distrust
of the government. When older he no longer supported terrorist
acts of any kind no matter what changes they cause. This was
discussed in detail in the last letter he wrote to Tulse Luper.
A study was conducted by various interested parties including
Sipton Groat into who the most unoriginal artist in the world
was. After much inquiry, debate and deliberation the obvious
candidate was unanimously agreed upon. The diadem went to
one A.K. who successfully bypassed all inspired creation by
leaching off surrounding artists' works and mass-producing
poorly manufactured copies for monetary benefit. If "every
production must resemble its author" then absolutely
none of her works look like her, says Tulse Luper.
In photographs Sipton Groat always looked as if he were three
sniffs short of a sneeze claimed Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat once considered writing monolithic poems of Homeric
heroism but thought best to leave that to the likes of Nick
Tosches and Tulse Luper.
When dealing with the many 50/50 chances that life presented
Sipton Groat wondered how many times he had come out on the
losing side. He'd lay money on the fact that it was a lot
less than Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat received a letter that contained the following
note; beati illi qui in circulum circumeunt, fient enim
magnae rotae. Translated, it read "blessed are those
who go around in circles, for they shall become big wheels,"
the sender wished to remain anonymous as the note was unsigned
but the handwriting looked to be that of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat built elaborate sculptures based on enlightenment
using various strategies of molecular mechanics, molecular
dynamics simulations as well as various procedures for structural
analysis. His ideas were based on the theories of the "patron
saint" of molecular modeling, André Kekulé
who, on the grounds of the properties and composition of benzene,
correctly determined its structure which, according to legend,
he did imagining a model of six monkeys holding their hands
and feet and forming a ring. With non-standard structural
elements as well as cluster analysis applied for evaluating
the internal conformational similarity within the psychic
trajectories Sipton Groat hopes to successfully describe the
curve of the outer armature of Seongch'eol's theory of Sudden-enlightenment/Sudden-cultivation.
The possibility of this outlandish contraption being finished
was doubted by Tulse Luper
As a pet Sipton Groat once kept a headless cockroach, it lived
for nine days before finally dying of starvation. It was suggested
he simmer the cockroach in vinegar, then to boil it with butter,
farina flour, pepper and salt to make a paste. Then to spread
on buttered bread, it was quite good claimed Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat had lived alone for most of his life and when
he got lonely he opened a window and berated passers-by. He
got this idea from a little known short story by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat believed the story first related by Xenophanes
that Pythagoras once asked someone to stop striking a young
dog as he claimed he heard a dead friend's voice in its yelps.
Sipton Groat held the same belief and would strike puppies
regularly in the hope of hearing some of his own long-lost
friends. It never worked says Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat did not believe that the ability to fly negated
any innate fear of heights. Which birds, that possess the
ability of flight, have that fear asked Tulse Luper?
Sipton Groat was under the assumption that in order to become
an author one of the first things aspiring writers need in
their possession is a copy of the Beatles' Paperback Writer.
The copy in his collection was borrowed from the collection
of Tulse Luper.
In his writings Sipton Groat had mentioned the fact that artist
and writer Bruno Schulz was on his way home with a loaf of
bread under his arm when he was gunned down in the street
by a Gestapo officer who had a grudge against another Nazi,
Schulz's temporary "protector" who liked his paintings.
Schulz was a foot fetishist, as was Victor Hugo, as was F.
Scott Fitzgerald, as was Fyodor Dostoevsky says Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat thought one should have the option to save up
one's orgasms, and perhaps once a month at one's whim, experience
a 5 minute climax. Although a pig's orgasm lasts thirty minutes,
humans would probably not survive beyond ten minutes of pleasure
wrote Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat worked for a short time as a diet technician
helping overweight and obese customers reach their goal of
a doctor proscribed healthy weight. He began picking arbitrary
numbers between the weight the customer was at and their goal
weight, writing this number on the customer's personal paperwork
in bold red marker and beside it carefully writing "slaughter
size." Each week he would point out how close each person
was getting to their "slaughter size" until he was
quietly let go. This prank was loved immensely by Tulse Luper.
As the 12 hour nightcap of darkness revolved around the Earth
on Wednesday, December 4, 2002 the world experienced a rare
phenomenon known as a GPDS (Gross Population Dream Sequence)
-- every single person in the world experienced the same dream
as they slept. The dream consisted of two birds, one white
and one black; a red scarf; and 9 pieces of twine. Sipton
Groat had written on the topic for various scientific journals;
going so far as to claim that the first occurrence of GPDS
was 4 or, more probably, 3BC most likely in autumn during
the Feast of Tabernacles (Leviticus 23:34-36). Surprisingly
this was, based on biblical dating, when Jesus Christ was
said to be born. Details of the first dream are still being
deciphered by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat was partial to the colour green but blue was
preferred by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat refused his household any pets as he would not
stand by having occupants in his home that were not responsible
for their own feces, he was not as much of a animal lover
as Tulse Luper.
In his Ockulta Dagboken August Strindberg wrote that
the rain was brought on telepathically by his third wife,
the Norwegian actress Harriet Bosse. Sipton Groat believed
it wasn't hallucination caused by Strindberg's cancer-ridden
stomach but that Ms. Bosse actually dabbled in witchcraft.
She continued her attacks upon him until her attention was
diverted by her marriage to Gunnar Wingård. The idea
that Strindberg was protected by his Intimate Theatre
where "she did not exist" was a concept propagated
by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat hummed in the key of F; a dial tone of a normal
telephone hummed in the key of F; houseflies hummed in the
middle octave, key of F and so did Tulse Luper.
While shopping Sipton Groat had on many occasions come across
rude customers, he believed that his response, a personal
display of concentrated, insane anger and hunger for throat-blood
was the best way to counter their lack of respect. The best
stimulation to success often was anger agreed Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat collected postcards celebrating famous literary
sexual deviants; his favourite was Algernon Charles Swinburne
who had had sexual relations with a monkey dressed as a woman.
When it became jealous of one of his friends, Swinburne had
it grilled and served for lunch. He hoped this didn't reflect
badly on himself and intended to discuss it with Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat carefully wrote various numbers on 92 scraps
of paper and calmly ate each piece, one at a time, with lager.
He believed he had gained the ability to pass numbers in any
order he pleased and to prove it he first passed the Fibonacci
numbers, then the golden section numbers, and finished off
with the golden string. Each string of numbers were carefully
wrapped in acetate and mailed to Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat had fond memories of his youth and glistening
green Glasgow grass and wished to walk again upon it perhaps
in the company of Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat stopped going to church at an early age as had
Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat received a letter that stated Peru had the greatest
bio-diversity and density of birds with 1780 species representing
18.5% of all bird species on Earth, this was written in longhand
on Society for Ornithological Extermination stationary
and the signature closely resembles that of Tulse Luper.
Unlike most people, Sipton Groat hated dolphins as he considered
them more nude than naked and their smell as a rancid mix
of glycerine and sick. He never understood the enjoyment got
out of them by Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat believed that Surrealism was merely the reflection
of the death process; one of the manifestations of a life
becoming extinct or a virus which quickens the inevitable
end. The origin of this view came from either Henry Miller
or Tulse Luper.
Sipton Groat stayed at the Red Stone Inn in Moab, Utah during
a summer flash flood on a trip through the upper Sonora desert.
The amount of visiting Germans trying to experience the "wild
west" intrigued him but Sipton Groat was here for something
other than tourists; he was here for the Moab of Charles Bowden
and Edward Abbey; of red rock cliffs and sagebrush; the Spanish
Valley and La Sals; of uranium and the center of the world.
Moab felt like a uranium town, back in the early 1900s the
uranium in those red cliffs brought workingmen from all over,
in the 1950s Charles Augustus Steen made a million dollar
uranium discovery south of town, again the prospectors descended
on the town with their Geiger counters, trucks and an appetite
for sweat and hard work-at $10869.57 per proton. No use for
uranium now, or potash, Sipton Groat stood among the bullet-ridden
tin cans at Dead Horse Point like an unwanted horse facing
the Colorado 2,000 feet below. Who would write a suicide note
for a confused felo-de-se? Tulse Luper?
©2003 Paul Hunter
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