(Thursday March 30^th)

I got a really weird cramping feeling that hurt and I was almost holding my breath for fear of moving and making it worse. Luckily I was sitting at a stop light at the time since it really caught me off guard. MIL looked at me and asked if I was ok. I told her I think I was having a contraction or something…some kind of really weird cramp I’d never felt before. It was kind of a burning menstrual cramp or something. It started to ease off as the light changed and I was able to slowly move my foot from the brake to the gas and finish going home.

After getting home I had that same crampy feeling a couple of times. I told DH, “Maybe we should be timing these cramps…it seems like they keep coming.” So, we timed a few of them to be 6-10 minutes apart. When I realized that there was in fact a pattern to them I was really surprised. This was not what I expected contractions to feel like and I was still a week early! And I KNEW when we conceived.

After a couple of hours and still having the cramps I called my midwife (Joan) and explained what I’d been feeling. She said that it definitely sounded like early labor and to take some calcium and try to get some rest. I asked if she thought they might go away. She said she doubted that it would stop at this point being so close to my due date. I got off the phone with her shaking a little bit at the realization that this was really happening! I didn’t have any calcium but tried to get some rest anyway. I didn’t sleep well. Maybe a total of a couple hours all night. I kept having to pee and it seemed like every time I was almost asleep a contraction would wake me up.

The midwife called around 7:30am (Friday, March 31^st) to see how things were going. She had spent the night nearby with another lady in labor that was having her 5^th baby…but things were moving slow. I told her to take her time as I didn’t think much was happening fast for me. Meanwhile, DH called his boss and told him he wouldn’t be coming in. I let some people from church know what was going on and waited for things to move along. DH took MIL to his brother’s house to stay for a while since she didn’t want to be here for the birth (having heart problems and stuff…probably wouldn’t have been good for her). He also called Mindy-our dd sitter- and let her know that we might need her soon to come help out and to be on standby.

By the time the other lady had her baby and Joan (the midwife) and her apprentice Amy got here it was around 4pm on Friday. Still not much change…slow and steady contractions. So, we decided to let her check and see if I was progressing at all. At that time I was 3 cm and 100% effaced. I hadn’t expected much as the contractions were manageable. I’d actually joked with her when she asked if I wanted checked telling her I was afraid she’d say I was at 2 or something and I’d be so disappointed. She really encouraged me that that was a lot of work to be done already! She then gave me some calcium to take and told me to call when things really started getting going and try to get some rest.

My sister made it here right around 9:30 or 10:00pm from Georgia (a 10 hour drive!). I was so glad she had made it and we gabbed for a little bit and she took some pictures of my pregnant belly before we decided to call it a night and get some rest around midnight. I was restless and concentrating through contractions while trying to drift off. I was right on the verge of sleepland when I had a pretty intense contraction that I sorta came out of dreamland to deal with by reciting “God’s not going to give me anything I can’t handle” over and over. And then suddenly I felt a pop and a warm gush of fluid flow out of me. I shouted, “DH!” Who was snoring peacefully beside me. “My water just broke! Get me a towel!” and started to get up out of the bed when I suddenly realized if I did that, that gravity would make it get on our bed and the floor and everything else. So, DH jumped up and got me a towel and I put it between my legs and waddled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. My clothes had gotten wet, but nothing else. It was 1:11 am Saturday April 1^st. I sat there and had a couple of contractions that DH timed to be about 5 minutes apart, but they were quite a bit more intense. So, I told him to call Joan. She asked if I was ready for her to come and I told him to tell her yeah….I think so.

I went back and laid down on the bed a bit more and started feeling hungry, so DH got me a banana. Everytime I had a contraction I could feel more warm fluid gush out so I made my way back to the toilet thinking I’d just let it go there instead of messing up all the towels. A few minutes later I decided that I really hated laboring on the toilet. That position made it hurt so bad and the contractions started coming 2-3 minutes apart. I told him to call Joan back and tell her they were picking up. She said she was getting her apprentice and was on her way and that now would be a good time to get in the birth tub. That was right around 1:45am.

I asked DH to wake up my sister to come stay with me while he got the tub ready. I laid on my bed on my left side for a while until the tub was filled enough to get in. Some contractions were stronger than others, but they were definitely coming faster.

There was only maybe 6 inches of water in the pool when I got in. But, even that was great. I hadn’t been able to soak in our tiny bathtub ever since we had moved in in January and I had been really looking forward to relaxing in the pool in some nice warm water! It really felt great! But, I made sure he knew I needed a lot more water!

A few minutes later Mindy showed up and started helping out since Sam was still sleeping peacefully upstairs. Her, DH and Sis worked on filling up pots and pans with water and bringing them to boil and adding them to the pool. They also worked hard to keep me hydrated and were great at offering ice water and some orange juice. I tried to relax and listen to Rivertribe and work through the contractions. I thought they were pretty bad, but little did I know what I was about to endure! I also kept asking someone/anyone to get me something to throw up in. The banana from earlier was not sitting well and I kept thinking I was going to hurl. Although I never did.

Joan (MW) and her apprentice Trish showed up right around 4am. She asked if I wanted her to check me and to my surprise, I did. My birth plan had said no internal exams unless absolutely necessary, but I really wanted to know how much longer this was possibly going to go on. I was even more shocked when she announced I was at 7cm! That number actually put a bit of fear into me. I realized that I was about to hit transition and I was scared. Everything I had read said that transition was the hardest and most intense part of labor and I was truly scared of the thought of it getting harder. I was struggling to stay on top of the contractions already and was really working hard to stay as relaxed as possible through them.

I lost track of time for a while. I remember almost screaming during a contraction as I was on my knees and leaning on the pool while Sis put washcloths on the back of my neck. Joan reminded me to make low noises. So, that’s what I concentrated on doing. It gave me something to focus on other than the pain since I was almost lost to being able to relax through contractions at this point. It felt like my pelvic bone was on fire and literally coming apart with each contraction.

At some point Joan asked to check me again and I let her. She determined I was at a stretchy 9 almost 10cm with a little bit of a lip in the front. So, I labored some more a bit disappointed that it wasn’t over yet. A while later she asked to check again and I let her and she said I was almost 10 with a lip and I kinda got mad at her. I told her that’s what she had told me hours ago. She said, “I haven’t even been here for hours yet.” I looked at the clock and realized it was only 6ish. She had in fact only been there for about 2 hours. She said that if I wanted her to she could try to hold back the lip during my next contraction and see if the head would descend. I was willing to try anything to speed this up. So, I let her. It hurt SO bad! I made her stop and just dealt with the contraction. She offered to pray for me and I let her.

I’m not sure how long, but later I remembered I had to pee and tried to pee in the pool. But I just couldn’t. So I got out and went to the bathroom. I sat backwards on the toilet and started shivering. Sis came up behind me and put a towel over my shoulders and held me while a massive course of the shakes went through my body. I’m not sure if I would have gotten the shakes if I would have stayed in the pool. I don’t know if they were from being wet and it made me cold, or if it was a pain response from labor. I had a couple of contractions while sitting there too, then I went and got back in the pool.

I got out and went to the bathroom again. This time I was so frustrated thinking that I should have hit pushing by now and why on earth was I still having these hard contractions and getting no where? DH came in and prayed for me. At this point I was really worn down. I told him I didn’t think I could do this. He told me I could.

Joan had told me earlier to try grunting a little at the end of each contraction and see if that would help move the baby with a tiny push to get past that lip. I had been feeling a tad pushy at the end of the contractions, but was so discouraged that nothing new was happening even though I was trying to push a little bit. I was expecting a big change in how the contractions felt and was ready to move on to the next stage and get this over with.

I knelt on all fours in the hallway between the couch and the wall in front of the bathroom door and started crying. I said “I can’t do this! I want to be done.” Joan again offered to hold back the lip to see if I could push the baby past it during a contraction. I gladly said yes. I was eager for anything that would get me to the next stage. So, that’s what Joan did as I sat there on all fours during the next contraction. She coached me when to push a little and I did. She said that it worked and that I needed to get where ever I was going to give birth because it was time to start pushing now. She asked if I wanted to get back in the pool and I didn’t.

I decided I wanted to be in the living room and lean over the couch laying my head on the cushions. It seemed like a good idea. I thought I’d be able to rest that way. Everybody jumped to set up in the living room and started laying out chucks pads and repositioning the camera as I crawled on hands and knees to the couch. I didn’t even make it the whole way before a contraction hit. Joan got on one side of me and DH on the other to help hold me up as I moved into a squatting position to try to push. Trish (I think) put a chucks pad under me. Unfortunately all that happened was that I pooped. I was so embarrassed. The last thing I wanted to do was poop in front of everyone. I apologized and Joan and DH both assured me that it was a good thing. That it meant the baby was moving down. I then leaned over the couch like I had planned on doing and someone (Sis, I think) got some toilet paper and DH wiped me up. On the next contraction the same thing happened and I even peed too I think. Joan just calmly changed out chucks pads when I was done and DH wiped me up. I kept apologizing and they again assured me it was a good thing.

I was so tired I just wanted to sleep. I decided that leaning over the couch was taking too much energy so I tried to lay down on my left side. That too was uncomfortable so I got back up. I didn’t know what to do. I was just so tired. DH then set up a makeshift rest place in the corner of the sectional part with pillows and it was very inviting. I leaned against it and was able to almost drift off between contractions.

Joan suggested I try to squat and see if that was more effective. Boy was it ever! The contractions I had in that position literally took control over my body. I couldn’t have stopped pushing if I had wanted to. These pushing contractions wracked my body over and over and over and was nonstop for what seemed like forever at a time. Then, it would stop and I’d lay back on the makeshift resting spot until the next one would come and then I’d get back up into the squatting position.

Joan offered to massage my legs or straighten them out or something because I kept them bent at the knee the whole time. Even when resting I was still in squat, just leaned against the couch instead of up on my feet. Amazingly I wasn’t losing feeling or feeling tingly or tired in my legs at all. So, I declined the offer. I was in fact, afraid to change positions other than those two because it was working and I wanted an end to it all. And also my butt was starting to hurt and I didn’t want to sit on it. I even wouldn’t let DH move or change his grip or anything. I had found something that worked and I didn’t want any part of it to change. I still said “I can’t do this.” a couple of times. But the words were wrong. What I was thinking and should have said was, “This is really hard work, I’m tired, and I want to be done.”

Sam woke up and was sitting at the top of the stairs asking for me. I felt so bad for her. She sounded scared, but I wasn’t ready to deal with her at this part of the labor. I had wanted her to see her sibling be born, but I honestly didn’t know it was going to be that intense. Mindy went up and entertained her for a while and then put on a video for her.

As pushing got under way more and some progress was obvious as they could see a bit of the baby’s head, Joan asked if I wanted a mirror to see. I didn’t. I’ve never been one to want to do that. She then asked if I wanted to put my hand down and feel. Again I didn’t. I pushed with everything I had. It felt like every single muscle in my body was pushing to get that baby out. I realized that I was gripping DH’s hand pretty hard and made a point to not do that. My hands weren’t going to help me get the baby out and I didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t know if I actually did or not, but I tried to consciously relax my hands during a contraction and focus on pushing where it really counted. I was surprised when Joan made the comment of it burning. Yes, I had pain as the baby’s head was coming out, but the pain in my belly as the contractions took over my body minimized the burning sensation. I didn’t even notice it until Joan said it. She told me the baby’s head was “slipping slipping slipping and it’s really beautiful” She said he was turning and was out to just about his nose and one small push would probably get the rest of his head out. I pushed just enough to get him out to about his lip even though I wasn’t contracting at the moment and then he stayed there until the next contraction when I pushed the rest of him out. He was born at 8:28am on Saturday, April 1^st.

Joan caught him and put him right to my chest and someone covered him with a towel. He started crying right away. DH said, “You did it! All your doubts are gone now.” He had tears and kissed me on the forehead. All I could think about was, “Ah. It’s finally over! I’m so tired.” After a couple of minutes we realized that we didn’t know the sex yet so we peeled back the towel and learned that, “It’s a boy!” Joan said she had wondered with those big hands! Sis brought Sam down to see her new brother. I asked her if she wanted to touch him and she said no. Later on as I’ve talked to her about him she mentions him having blood on his head and mommy having blood on her booby. So, I think she was a little frightened by that.

A few minutes passed while I tried to get him to nurse and then just 8 minutes after Christian was born I birthed the placenta and soon after DH cut the cord. Trish weighed him in at 8 pounds 1 ounce. She then measured his length and DH and I both noticed that his leg wasn’t completely straight when she did it. Regardless, she announced him to be 21 ½ inches long! Which is long enough! LOL! But, I’m uncertain of his true birth length since at 10 days old the Family doctor measured him at 22 ½ inches, and he had gained a full pound by then too. So, we’re unsure.

Joan said she usually did an herb bath now to help with swelling, but we could skip that since I was so tired. I told her I really wanted my butt to not hurt, that it really felt like it was wrong side out down there. She agreed I was quite swollen and had bulged more than most women ever do. Apparently, I didn’t stretch well at all and just bulged as the head came out instead.

DH and Joan practically had to carry me up the stairs since I was so weak and tired to take the bath. I couldn’t believe how shaky my legs were. I probably could have made it up the stairs alone, but more than likely only from shear determination to get up there rather than really feeling strong enough to do it.

I sat in the warm tub and Trish handed me Christian. He laid on my legs while she helped get the blood out of his hair and washed him up then took him to get dressed while Joan helped me out of the tub and to bed. She assessed my tear to see if I needed stitches or not and upon talking it over with DH they decided to let it be and heal on it’s own. I was shocked when she told me that I had a total labor time of 36 hours and 6 minutes. I had pushed for an hour and 28 minutes! Time was weird there. It felt like it was never going to end, yet it seemed like only a few minutes had passed that I was actually pushing. She finished up and then left.

We’d all had a long night so I called a friend from church that had stopped over the night before and asked if she’d watch Sam for a few hours while we rested up. She was delighted to be of service and rushed right over. DH got her dressed and out the door. I was surprised by how strong Christian’s latch was as he took to nursing like a pro. Mindy went home to shower up and take care of a few things and promised to come back in the afternoon and take Sam for a movie. Knowing the plans for the day, DH, myself, and Christian all snuggled in for a nice long nap.

At first I was sorta disappointed that I didn’t have a euphoric feeling from birth, I thought I was going to have such a high feeling and be so in awe of it all and happy, but I think it’s because I was so dog gone tired! I had been up for almost 48 hours and had just been through a really tough time! Now though, 3 weeks later. I’m so proud of the accomplishment that my body has done and what God did for me through it all. I birthed my baby at home, in confidence that God was leading us and looking out for us at every turn!