2 - Welcome discussion with your family member whenever he or she wishes to talk about gender identity issues.
3 - Allow yourself to become convinced as rapidly as you can that you should and will unconditionally accept your loved one's decision about his or her gender identity and give them your support; do this in days, ideally, in weeks if possible, rather than months.
4 - It will then be best for you and for your loved one if you:
a - accept that living in the correct gender identity is now absolutely essential for him or her.
b - are realistic rather than pessimistic about the many problems that you both will have to face.
c - respect the fundamental right of your family member to be true to him or herself.
d - take positive action so that you influence events rather than allow them to drive you.
i - resist the notion that you are to blame or in any way responsible for your loved one's
decision.
ii - share the news with at least one other person whom you can rely on to respect the need for
confidentiality, until you and your family member are ready to share it more widely.
iii - contact a support group.
iv - if you still find the stress too much to handle, obtain professional help, perhaps via your GP
v - provide a safe haven where your loved one will feel protected from an often hostile outside
world.
vi - use the name and also the pronouns that your loved one prefers: "she", "he", "her", "him",
"hers", "his"; both of you must expect that you will, initially, often get this wrong.
vii - offer advice tactfully, eg on clothes, make-up, etc.
viii - learn about gender identity development from GIRES' literature, articles, books and, if you
can, internet sites set up by reputable organisations
ix - learn the language used in your loved one's new world: e.g. "gender identity", "sex",
"male", "female", "masculine", "feminine", trans man, trans woman, gender dysphoria.
x - appreciate that your loved one is having to explore a new world of trans people
and those that serve their needs.
xi - gradually inform others who need to know, especially family members.
xi - become confident and knowledgeable enough to challenge ignorance and intolerance in
others.
xii - look for ways to help others in a similar position.
5 - What will be unhelpful is to:
a - continue refusing to believe what your loved one is telling you.
b - try to make things like they previously were.
c - keep the news a complete secret from everyone.
d - become antagonistic towards the professionals who are trying to help your loved one.
e - allow yourself to believe that there is nothing positive you can do.
f - expect only bad consequences from your loved one's decision to have treatment for his or her gender dysphoria