boag_patience-9

PATIENCE by Boag <<< part 8

PART 9

The months that trailing Richey’s return to the band were consumed with the latest tour and publicity schedule closely followed by the recording of another album and another tour. His return had been greeted with little response from the other members so as to prevent anyone other than those who already knew from noticing. It wasn’t so much of an act but more of a plead to one another for an end to the war and a period of calm.

It took James a very short period of time to realise the scale of disruption the impossible promises he’d made to Richey was going to cause. He didn’t regret the decision he’d made, if he were to replay his actions then Richey would win again and Emma would be left to drift, but he hadn’t fully appreciated just what a void Richey had forced into his existence. James felt that this was Richey’s way of making him understand just how empty Richey felt his life was without James. Now he understood but rather than sympathising with Richey or admitting to his feelings and becoming Richey’s lover James felt as though Richey had ruined his life. Before he never would have regretted the first day they spent together, now he wished he could erase it out of being and the change the course of both their lives. Resentment was growing in him but he despite this he still wouldn’t risk losing Richey or the band again so he kept his feelings silent letting them gnaw away at his core until he felt virtually nothing. Gradually Richey felt less and less, he had invested so much in James and had got so little back from him except confusion, pain, self-loathing and suffering. The short moments of calm had been genuinely blissful.

Unknown to them both Richey was mirroring James in his emotions. He hated how James had forced his hand, he had been ready to leave and let go, a different life had been waiting all prepared and ready for him to jump in, and again James had come and turned his world upside down and as usual the only reward was purgatory. He thought it would be easier to be around James now that Emma was out of the picture but it hadn’t instead he was forced to circle his love but never allowed to touch like forcing a starving man to watch a banquet. The only way he found he could cope had been by shutting down his emotions almost entirely, he stopped caring about the band, about himself and almost about James but not quite. There had been a burning resentment in him but he smothered it pushing it down further and further until it was like the point where the sea and the sky meet on the horizon unfathomably distant but ever present.

So they continued trailing along a path with no particular direction in mind, their only thoughts about the path they were following was the desire to walk not too far from the other, not exactly together but not apart. They had put so much into each other, neither could exist without the other, there just wasn’t enough of them left.
They could both feel that a day was fast approaching where final decisions would have to be made, they would not be able to avoid it for much longer but after so much emotional turmoil neither could muster the strength for this final confrontation. They approached the end in absolute stillness of heart and mind. James, although certain of the days approach was unsure of what it would entail whereas Richey, who had prophesised this day from the very beginning, felt quite strongly that it was as he had predicted, he would be crushed by his lover.

They walked back from the bar yet another night of drinking and attempting to pull: a strange affair considering their past. The streets were deserted and they felt as though they were the only living creatures in a world lit by ghosts. Richey’s steps slowed to a crawl and then he stopped entirely, tears falling from his dark eyes. His arms hung lifeless at his sides and his fingers pointed towards the ground with only the force of gravity in them. He fell to his knees and sobbed on the pavement. James stood over him looking into Richey’s face, his skin was devoid of life’s colour except his lips which turned the colour of an opaque ruby absorbing rather than reflecting light as he cried and bit them. The black holes that formed his eyes and slack mouth spilled out into the nights damp atmosphere, James felt the darkness from within chasing him and pulling him in. James crouched down next to Richey.

“I can’t do this anymore James I feel more dead than alive”
Emotion overcame James and he sobbed with Richey on the empty street.
“We have a choice now don’t we?”
“Yes, either we separate now forever and end this or……”
“Or we do the unthinkable and stay together forever” James finished Richey’s sentence for him.
“You know what it is that I want…this decision is yours to make”
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say”

Richey braced himself for what James was about to tell him and prepared to look into his lovers eyes one final time.
“I’ve been denying this for so long that I don’t know how to say it….I don’t know how to do this!”
Like the gentle gust of breath relighting the ashes of a fire the embers started to glow deep inside Richey, a tiny spark of hope roused him.
“Just say it!”
“I can’t”

But before the ember of hope died for eternity Richey felt James lips push lightly against his. He tasted salty and his face was wet but his eyes sparkled.
“I’m finally ready…I love you…I want to be with you….stay with me”
They put their arms around each other and found themselves again waiting where they had always been patiently waiting; back in Wales on their first day.
“You can’t change your mind now…there’s no going back after this…if you promise yourself to me then we are bound forever”

James lifted his hand and pressed it against Richey’s; they curled their fingers into each others skin and squeezed holding that state until they had broken the skin.
James stood and pulled Richey up to him and they held each other as they walked slowly back to their hotel and up to their rooms. At the top of the staircase they held hands and walked away dragging across each other’s fingertips as they went to their separate rooms for the last time.

They both slept that night peacefully, exhausted and in love, excited and scared for the next day and days ahead.

James woke; he pulled on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and left his room topless heading down the hallway towards Richey’s and scaring a few of the other guests with his unkempt appearance and near nakedness. He knocked softly and spoke Richey’s name. When Richey opened the door, in a similar state to James, he smiled knowing that James had not come to tell him the night before had been a mistake and let his new boyfriend in. As the door closed they stood close breathing onto each other and then finding each others arms again, James put his round Richey’s shoulders and held his wrists together behind Richey’s neck with his head on Richey’s shoulder. Richey’s arms dropped to James back and he pulled James into him resting his head on James bowed head smelling the smoke in his hair. Slowly they broke the embrace.

“Hey” James whimpered
“Hey”
They leaned into to kiss but were interrupted by a knock on the door. James went to answer forgetting that he was in Richey’s room and not his own. Nicky was standing outside and nearly jumped out of his skin seeing the wrong person open the door.
“Oh have I got you rooms mixed up?”
James threw the door open to expose Richey standing behind him.
“No”
“Oh…erm…yeah we’re going sightseeing in a while, did you still want to come Richey?”
“Oh well….”
“Yeah we’ll come” James answered for both of them and threw a knowing smile at Richey.

“Well you better hurry up, we’re not waiting around all day for you two just because you went out and got hammered last night! Did you not manage to get back to your own room James?”
“Oh I did, I’ve only just got here”
“What you walked through the hotel like that!”
“Like what?!”
“Half-naked reeking of drink and fags!”
“Well I might have given a few women something to remember but…”
“The shame!”

Nicky flounced off thoroughly embarrassed by James behaviour. As James shut the door both he and Richey started to laugh.
“We’re such a disgrace to him!”
“Well we can’t all make our beds with hospital corners can we?!”
“Right I’m going in the shower, you coming?”
“Yeah…but we have to be quick, otherwise he’ll get his knickers in even more of a twist!”
“Heavens forbid!”

They stripped and showered quickly. Richey hand rubbed James back and torso tenderly and then lathered his hair for him. James had returned the favour and lamented the lack of time to pursue these delights further but he could wait. Somehow instinctively they both knew that they needn’t sleep together yet, their emotional relationship needed to be repaired before it would be right and they needed to learn how to be a couple. When the time was right they would go back to bed although it didn’t seem like they had ever slept together before, it was as if they were getting to know each other for the very first time. All the delight and fear of virginity was on them.

Sean and Nicky looked perplexed as James and Richey chased each other around the temple playing hide and seek.
“What the hells got into them today?!” Sean said to Nicky
“I’ve no bloody idea…did I tell you I found James in Richey’s room this morning!”
“And?”
“He was half naked and had walked over from his room…just to see Richey! Doesn’t that strike you as odd?”
“Most things they do strike me as odd Wire…you’re eyes have been closed for a long time…did you ever think that the James/Emma/Richey love triangle was a bit of a convenient excuse to account for so many years of fighting?”

“What are you talking about?”
“Richey was never in love with Emma!”
“Did he tell you this?”
“No he bloody didn’t but I started to think about it when Richey came back once James broke with her”
“I don’t understand”
“You’re right dense sometimes you”
“Just spit it out will you!”
“Richey and James!”

Nicky was confused; Sean found it hilarious and couldn’t continue due to laughing so hard.
“What?...what?....WHAT?!”
“They’re in love with each other you fool!”
Nicky went silent.
“You know it makes sense”
“yes it does…I nearly…the day Richey told me he loved Emma I was just about to tell him I knew that something was going on between him and James…that devious bastard!”
“Unfortunately he’s much cleverer than us isn’t he?!”
“Fucking lying little cunt!”

Nicky was swearing not in anger at Richey but at himself, he couldn’t believe he had been so stupid, usually he could see through Richey’s lies a mile away.
“How could I have believed him”
“Because he wanted you to, they both did, they waned to hide their secret so badly”
“All these years…all this pain! How could they do it to each other…and to us!”
“Love’s a funny thing”
“I wonder when they’ll tell us”
“OPEN YOUR EYES! They are telling us now!”

As they looked back James was insisting he’d found Richey whilst Richey was pretending to be a statue and ignored him. James leapt on him pushed and pulled him and eventually Richey gave in collapsing in giggles and let himself be dragged around by James. Richey looked up in time to catch Nicky and Sean’s stare, Sean smiled a beautiful tender knowing smile and Nicky looked like a prat with his mouth hanging open. Richey whispered gently to James.

“We’re being watched”
James looked up and felt suddenly self conscious of their game. Richey stood up and they wandered back to their friends.
“Finished playing now children?”
“Yeah” Richey giggled as he put his hand into James’.
“I want a cold drink, shall we go to café or summat”
Walking away they looked happier than they had ever been.

part 10 >>> coming soon

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