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| THE CRYING JAMES by Enola James was hurting her deeply and she didn't know why. She didn't manage to understand why he had to be so insensitive and cruel with her, but he couldn't know she was suffering so much. She was aware she had made a big mistake when she had chosen him as her new flatmate, but the girl she used to share the flat with had gone away suddenly, so she desperately needed someone to share all the expenses with. She didn't care who she/he was and James had been the 1st who had answered to that advert she had put in the local paper. They had been living together for 3 months, but they hardly spoke to each other, or rather he always tried to start a conversation, but she ignored him because she didn't want to have any kind of relationship with him. Things had started to get worse when he had realized she spent a lot of time writing and he had got more and more curious to know what she wrote. When he had asked her about that she had replied that the things she did were none of his business, so he enjoyed to provoke her saying he'd find out that sooner or later. The whole situation had got out of control the day she had found him in her bedroom while he was reading her notebook. She got furious, "What the fuck are you doing in here?" she screamed at him. He sniggered at her, "What's this rubbish?" She hurled her over him to try to snatch her notebook from his hand, but he raised his arm and left the room laughing scornfully. She followed him screaming to give her back her notebook at once, so he stopped in the middle of the sitting room and turned over, "I can't believe you write these soppy love stories, they're so pathetic!...hang on...they aren't just pathetic...they are utterly ridiculous!", so he threw the notebook over an armchair and added she'd better to go out and look for someone to shag with instead of wasting her time writing that bullshit! He got harsher and harsher day after day and he didn't miss any opportunity to laugh at her. She endured and didn't react because she didn't have the strength to do that. She got more and more depressed, so she gave up writing. She started eating less and less till she couldn't keep anything inside her. She couldn't believe it was happening again after almost 3 years. She had always been slim, then suddenly she had gained weight because of the pill. Despite the fact she gave up taking it, she hadn't managed to lost weight and as either diets hadn't worked, she ate less and less. Consequently, her family had got more and more worried because everyone knew what could happen to her if she had continued with it, but she had tried to calm them down saying she was fine and nothing bad wouldn't have happen to her. But, unfortunately, when she lost the weight she had got, she had already lost control of the whole situation. She decided to eat again, but each time she ate something afterwards she vomited up it. She had got anorexic. At that point she had done the only think she could do, she had made herself treat in a clinic for several months. It hadn't been easy at all for her, but she had had the support of her family and of her boyfriend and in the end she had managed to heal. She was so happy to go back home and at the beginning everything had been alright, but in a few time she had realized there was something strange in her sister's and boyfriend's behaviours. Little by little she understood that something had happened between them while she had been away. They tried to deny her suppositions, but finally they admitted they had fallen in love. They were aware about the consequences and for that reason they had decided to break off their relationship. She got shocked and she realized she couldn't forgive them, so she thought that the best thing to do was to leave immediately and move as far as possible from them because she didn't want to see them anymore. One night as she didn't manage to sleep she got up and took her notebook. In that moment she realized James was right, all those things she had written were really silly and she felt deeply stupid. She left her room and entered the kitchen bringing her notebook with her. She found a lighter so she tore the sheets off and burnt them one by one in the sink. At that very moment James came in, "What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled and hurled him over her, he grasped her wrists and snatched the lighter from her hand, "Do you want to set fire to the flat, ah?" She shuddered at the sound of his harsh voice and keeping her head down she left the room slowly then she opened the door and went out. She was wearing only her pyjamas and despite the fact it was a frozen night, she didn't care about that at all. She kept on walking without realizing where she was going. She was tired, tired of everything and everyone. She knew she couldn't face anorexia once again, she was completely alone and she didn't have the strength to do that, but the truth was she didn't feel like doing that. She just wanted a little peace and she wanted it at once. Not far from their flat there was a river and a bridge over it. She got there and she stayed there still for a couple of minutes staring at the moon reflected in the water. She raised her leg and climbed over the rusty grating of the bridge and looked down at the water below her. She couldn't swim. "Finally everything will end" she thought, then she suddenly heard someone screaming her name, it was James. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the river. She felt confused and lost when she re-opened her eyes. She didn't remember anything at first. James was there close to her and was holding her hand. Little by little she started to remember something. She remembered he had teased her about those stories she wrote, she remembered that he found extremely pleasant doing that. She burst into tears and raged at him, "What do you want from me? Why the hell don't you leave in peace once and for all? LEAVE! I hate you! Leave me alone!" After a little while a nurse entered the room and she ordered James to leave immediately, then she tried to calm her down, but she kept on crying and screaming, "You're a bastard! You had to let me die! I hate you!" The day after the same nurse went to her bringing her lunch, but she didn't eat it. The nurse tried to persuade her to eat something as she was very weak, but she didn't want to eat anything. Afterwards the nurse told her she had to be grateful to James because he had saved her and she added he was shocked when she got to the hospital. For 3 days he had stayed there sat in that chair close to her night and day. He did nothing but crying and apologize to her. She also said she had never seen a man crying so hard. She finally said her sister had been there as well, then she left her alone. James had cried and had apologized to her. He had probably talked with her sister and she had surely told him everything about her past. In few days she felt better as she had started to eat again, so she was ready to leave the hospital, but she didn't have any clothes and she didn't know where to go. Despite the fact she knew James was sorry for the things he had done, she didn't feel ready to see him yet. That nurse was really kind with her as she told her she could stay at her house till she hadn't found another place. She spent a week there, then she decided to go back to her flat to pick her stuff up. She knocked at door but James didn't open, so she thought he was out and decided to phone the owner of the flat to ask him for another key. When she opened the door and entered she got shocked. The flat was upside down, lots of empty whiskey bottles and beer tins were strewn across the floor. She looked for him in his bedroom, in the kitchen and in the bathroom but he wasn't there. So she went to her bedroom to pick her stuff up and...he was there asleep in her bed! There were other empty tins and bottles in the room and an empty whiskey bottle close to him. He was holding Billy, her teddy. She couldn't believe her eyes and stayed there staring at him for some minutes. He had to be shattered and seriously repented of the way he had treated her and she felt a bit guilty. She left the room and for a couple of hours she kept on walking backwards and forwards thinking about what she had to do. Suddenly she heard a noise coming from her bedroom and understood James had woken up. She quickly hid her behind the door of his bedroom and a while later she saw him leaving her room and staggering he entered the bathroom, then she heard the noise of the shower. About 10 minutes later he turned the tap off. She left his bedroom and walked toward the bathroom and stopped on the threshold. He had a towel round his waist and was searching for something in the medicine chest. "Are you looking for these?" she asked him. He suddenly turned over and got pale when he saw her, he stood still and silent because of shock since he didn't surely expect to see her. She showed him the phial of aspirin she had in her hand and he stared in astonishment at her. "I came to pick my stuff up" she said quietly handing him the aspirin, so he took them and said softly glancing at her, "Take it easy, I won't bother you" then he left the bedroom and went to his bedroom closing the door behind him. She entered her bedroom to pack her suitcases and she put the other stuff into a big bag, then she took her luggage close to the door. She went to James's room and knocked at the door, she opened it and saw him sat on a chair by the window, his head leant against the window, that sad look in his eyes... "I'm going" she said, but he didn't react. "Are you ok?" she asked him softly a while later, but he didn't either move or reply, so she asked him that once again. He slowly turned to face her and said, "I'm not fine at all, but that's not enough. I just hope to feel worse and worse till I'll die!" She was struck by those words so hard, by his voice so soft, by his sad eyes bright with tears. "Please, go away!" he said a while later in a trembling soft voice. She left the room immediately, reached the door and opened it. At that point she heard him whimpering and she realized she couldn't go away. She closed the door and went back to his bedroom. He was wailing and she felt miserable. She entered the room and went close to him and put her hands on his head and stroked his wet hair gently, then she grasped his head and pulled him gently toward her, so she held him keeping on stroking his hair. He kept on crying despite the fact she begged him to stop, then he sobbed out his apologies, "I'm...so...so...rry...I...ha...te...my ...self...for...what...I...did...and said I di...dn't...mean to... hurt...you...I... didn't...know...you... we...re bad...your sis...ter... told me...ever...ything...That... night... when you...went out I...went... out...to...look...for... you ...'cos...I wan...ted to...tell you...I was ki...dding... When I...saw...you...on the...bri...dge... I... was...so...sc...ared ...I... plu...nged... into...the... ri... ver... but ...it...was so...da...rk un...derwa...ter I...di...dn't man... age...to...see... any...thing... You...cou...ld have ...died...bec.. .ause ...of me...I...swear...to... you...I...did...n't...mean to...hurt you...but I...did... and... I...just...I just...des...erve...to ...su...ffer...for...that." She had never stopped to stroke his hair while he spoke and then she pushed him away gently a bit and she cupped his face in her hands and wiped his face, then looking at him she whispered, "I'm sorry too. I had to tell you everything...I had to talk with you...I did nothing but ignore you when you probably just wanted to be my friend. Nothing would have happen if I had talked to you. But it's over now, I'm fine, so please, give up crying!" "I can't!" he sobbed out, so she bent and kissed gently his trembling lips repeatedly, "Please don't cry! From now on everything will be alright. I need you James, so please, hold me!" He leant his head against her shoulder and held tight and started whimpering again, so she sat on his knees and holding him tight she rocked him gently to let him calm down. She pushed him away gently and kissed him again sweetly and this time he kissed her back in the same way. Suddenly she got up and lifted her skirt up a bit and removed her knickers, then she sat over him with her legs wide open and kissed him again while her hand grasped the towel he still had round his waist but he stopped her, "I can't" he sobbed out shaking his head, so she shushed him and brushing his face she whispered, "Let yourself go, we both need that." They looked at each other for a while then she kissed him once again and she finally unwrapped his waist and took his penis in her hand. He arched his neck and moaned low as she moved her hand gently up and down its shaft, then her fingers circled its crown. After a little while she guided him inside her letting him enter slowly till he filled her completely. They both moaned low and held each other tighter and tighter while he moved his pelvis up and down rhythmically and she wrapped her legs on the chair legs to allow him to go deeper and deeper inside her and as he went deeper and deeper inside her, they both moaned louder and louder till they both came and after that they kept on cuddling up together. Some minutes later they both lay over the bed and James held her leaning his head over her breast while she ran her fingers through his hair and they both kept silent for about a quarter then he suddenly started speaking, "Your stories are beautiful!" She laughed and replied, "Thanks...anyway, they were beautiful before I burnt them!" He raised his head and looking at her he said, "They are!!" then he opened a drawer of his bedside table and took out a folder, so she opened it and when she took out some sheets from it, she realized they were the photocopies of her stories. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed, so he said sorry, "I know they aren't the originals but..." he couldn't go on because she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, "Do you really find them beautiful?" she asked smiling at him and he nodded stroking her hair. "Did you read all of them?" she went on, "Yes, I did. I did nothing but read them in the past 2 weeks...well, I drank a lot as well actually... but they are really beautiful!" he replied staring at her, "So do you think I should go on with them?" she asked, "Just if you'll let me read them!!" he replied, "Mmm...ok, I will! Promise!" she finally smiled at him. <<< Enola's stories |