enola_name-of-father-2

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER by Enola <<< Part 1

PART 2

The next day, in the afternoon, James came back and fed Mark’s fish. When Juliet opened the door, he greeted her coldly and he didn’t either speak a work as he poured the fish feed into the aquarium. She offered him a cup of tea she had just made and he kindly accepted it.
“Is it alright?” asked Juliet. “You’re very quiet today.”
He put his cup down and rubbed his beardy chin thoughtfully. “Yep, it’s alright.” His voice wasn’t convincing. The expression in his eyes wasn’t either.
“I know that’s not like you say, so why don’t you just spit it out? Are you angry at me?”
He giggled rubbing his thumb against the forehead. “Don’t know why I should be angry at you.” He then got up saying he had to go. Juliet said nothing. She only watched him putting his jacket on and leaving.

About a quarter later Juliet put her coat on and went out. She saw James walking towards her.
“Hi,” he said, “I was coming to you, to apologize.”
“I’m going to Regent’s Park. Today is such a lovely day, it’d be a shame staying at home.”
“Yeah, it is. Do you mind if I come with you?”
“Not at all.”

He apologized to her for his strange behaviour a while ago and said she was right. He had to spit it out. “As I said earlier, I have no reason for being angry at you, but I am at your brother. He shouldn’t have hidden it. I wouldn’t have made a complete fool of myself if I had know.”
“Don’t worry, it’s no problem,” she smiled.
“It’s just that…I mean, how could I know you were a nun? You’re not wearing your habit, so…”
“I see your point. We should always wear it, but I needed something more comfortable for the journey. Since you couldn’t know, stop apologizing once and for all. I’m fed up with it!” She smiled at him.

“I called him last night and I swore at him! He said he told me nothing ‘cos he can’t accept your choice.”
“I know,” said Juliet with a little smile, “but honestly, I can’t understand why he can’t accept that I became a nun. What’s wrong with it?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it. I mean, that’s been your choice. The point is that he also said you gave up your dreams. In his place I’d do the same. I mean, you’re his only sibling, it’s obvious that he’d want you to get married and have a family.”
“I had my reasons,” she interjected with a forced smile.
“I know. Mark didn’t say anything on the matter, but I came to the conclusion that something bad that happened to you has influenced your choice.
“Yeah,” she breathed looking at her shoes.
“You don’t have to say anything. I understand that you don’t feel like talking about it.”
The two of them walked through the park in silence for several minutes. “It won’t be easy,” she said, “but I might tell you…if you feel like listening to me.”
“I’d be glad to,” said James stopping.
“OK. We’d better go back home then.”

During the last year of school she felt in love with her temporary science teacher, a young charming man from Newcastle who was about fifteen years older. They started to meet up out of school and they ended up having an affair. Nobody knew about it. About four months later, just after she took her A levels, she found out she had become pregnant. She was sure he would be happy about that since he said he loved children. But things didn’t go as she thought. When he knew about the baby, he said cruelly that she couldn’t keep it. She was horrified, but that wasn’t enough. It was devastating learning that he was married and had a two-year-old boy and that he had no intention of leaving his family. He went back to Newcastle and she no more heard from him.

The worst part of the story had to follow. She had now to face her father, an admiral of the British navy, a stern man made even harder by his wife’s death one year earlier. He gave Juliet a slap across the face calling her a slut and chased her out of his house saying he no more had a daughter. Eighteen years old, pregnant and without a home, she was desperate. She went then to the parish who had known her since she was a child. He condemned her father and talked to her about a convent in a close town which sheltered young girls who had every sort of problem.

“What happened next? What about your baby?” asked James as Juliet stopped. He saw her eyes filling with tears all at once. He moved closer, grabbed her hand and held it in his.
“I was expecting a girl I had decided to call Angela after my mum. Ten weeks before she was due I suffered premature separation of placenta. She didn’t survive.” Juliet cupped her face in her hands and burst our crying giving vent to her sorrow. James pulled her towards him gently and hugged her stroking her short blonde hair. He whispered in her ear he was extremely sorry for her. She understood from the sweet quiet sound of his voice that he was sincerely touched.

Once back at the convent, she thought she would go crazy. She looked herself in her room and didn’t eat anything for days. The nuns warned her to knock down the door, but in the end, they didn’t need to. Juliet opened it as soon as she heard Mark’s voice pleading with her to come out of her room. The first months were horrible. She felt empty. One morning the Mother Superior entered her room and grabbing her by the arm, she dragged her out of bed. She said she had got tired of her apathy. It was true that Juliet was going through something terrible as the loss of a baby, but she had to react because she was young and the world out of there was waiting for her.

Her great faith in God had been her salvation. She asked to stay in the convent and, in the meanwhile, she started to study to become a nurse. One year later she became a novice, she was given a new name and called Sister Josephine from then. She was no yet bound by any vows, so she could leave at any moment. As time went by, she grown more and more certain about her future. Life out of the convent frightened her while she felt safe and protected there. Two years later she made temporary vows and got her degree. She dreamt of going to Africa to take care of those people who had never had anything in their lives. It hadn’t been any easy at the beginning; diseases, hunger and poverty of those people scared her. Her friend Dawn and Father Albert, the Irish priest who ran the school, helped her to get over it. She said that the most tough moments were when kids died because of Aids or malnutrition. That made her feel utterly useless because there was nothing she could do.

She took her solemn vows, life-long vows, three years ago, one month after her father’s death. “He didn’t want to see me any more. I wrote him dozens of letters, but he never replied. I think he didn’t even read them. His forgiveness mattered everything to me.” Juliet stopped talking and rested her head on James’s shoulder. He kissed her hair gently wrapping his arm around her. A few moments later, realizing she had fallen asleep, he took her in his arms and carried her upstairs to her room. He laid her down gently on the bed and covered her with a blanket, so he kissed her on the forehead and went away leaving the door half open.

Whilst leafing through a magazine in the lounge, James thought over Juliet’s last statement. She was not the one who had to ask for forgiveness. What had she done wrong? She had neither stolen anything nor taken drugs. She had just fallen in love with somebody who, apparently, was a good person, but, that only in the end, had showed himself to be a genuine…bastard! In any case, her father hadn’t been any better. Nothing could justify his behaviour. Now he knew why Mark never talked about him. He had always been vague about his parent. He had just said that they had an argument when he was sixteen, so he left home. He would rather live under a bridge. Mark hated his father, and now James didn’t blame him for that.

As James was going to the kitchen to have something cool to drink, he heard Juliet sobbing upstairs. Entering her room, he saw her sitting in the bed holding a pillow in her arms. She was trembling. He sat next to her and, slowly, he grasped the pillow putting it in it’s right place. She wrapped her arms around him still sobbing. “It’s not fair. She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had. I’ve never wanted anything more than my baby. For twelve years I’ve always thought of her every morning as I wake up and she’s my last thought at night before I fall asleep. The nuns told me that with time grief would lessen, but it’s not like that. Year after year, the day of her birthday, I relive everything. When I awoke in hospital, and I saw that my belly had disappeared, I was so happy and so impatient to see my baby girl, to hold her in my arms. And when I was told she had died, I screamed as much as I could. My little baby, my little angel had gone. I would never rock her, I would never hear her speaking her first word, see her move her first steps, see her smile, help her with her homework.”

“If only could I do something to make feel you better,” whispered James rubbing her back with a sinking heart.
“Don’t go away,” she said pulling back, “I don’t want to stay alone.”
James wiped her face with his thumbs and said softly, “I’m not going anywhere.” Instinctively, he put his lips over hers and kissed her sweetly. A few moments later he pulled back. “Please, forgive me. I shouldn’t hav…”
She silenced him placing her fingers over his soft lips, then she traced them with her fingertips. “Please, do it again,” she whispered. James was staring at her not knowing whether doing it or not. He wanted to, but didn’t know whether she really wanted the same thing. “Please!”

He closed his eyes as his lips touched hers again. He kissed her more slowly this time. He expected her to stop him soon, but she didn’t. She wrapped her arms around him and as she lay down on the bed, she dragged him with her. He ran his hand down over her thigh, then up to her breasts. A low moan escaped from her mouth. His hand stopped at once and, breaking the kiss, he apologized again. Looking at him straight in the eye, she pleaded with him to go on.

They made love slowly and sweetly. There were only the two of them, all the rest didn’t matter. James held her in his strong arms keeping on kissing her sweetly. His hand stroked her soft hair and fondled her velvety skin. He whispered he was in love with her, but she said nothing. She snuggled up to him enjoying the gentle touch of his lips and hands.

It was morning when James awoke. Juliet wasn’t in bed next to him. He gathered his boxers and shirt, and having worn them, he left the bedroom calling her name. The bathroom door was half open, he pushed it, but she wasn’t there. He then went downstairs. She wasn’t either in the lounge or outside in the garden. He, finally, entered the kitchen. Nothing. There was a white envelope on the table, as he went nearer he could read his name in it. There was a small sheet of paper folded in half which contained a few words:
‘Please, don’t look for me and don’t tell Mark.
Forget about me.
I hope you understand.
Juliet.’
He moved a chair and collapsed in it. Still holding the sheet, he rested his head on his arms crossed over the table.

At the same moment, travelling to Heathrow airport, Juliet stopped at the Holy Trinity Church in Hammersmith. She entered the church in her black habit carrying her suitcases that she put down when she made the sign of the cross and knelt at the last bench. She bowed her head upon her joined hands and she began praying holding her rosary. Some minutes later she saw a long bearded capuchin walking to the confessional. A few people were waiting for him to come. The first two penitents rose and entered the confessional at either side. She waited until everyone had left.

With her heart in her mouth, she approached the confessional and went down on her knees.
“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost,” said the capuchin and she made the sign of the cross with him. “How long is it since you last confession, sister?”
“Four days, father,” replied Juliet with a trembling voice.
“What happened in those few days?”
“Father,” she began, “I committed a very grave sin.”
“Tell me, sister. Don’t be afraid.”

Words couldn’t come out from her mouth. “Father, yesterday I…I slept with a man.”
The priest didn’t turn his head. “How old are you, sister?”
“Thirty-one, father.”
“And how long have you been a nun?”
“I took my solemn vows three years ago, father.”
“And tell me, sister, have you ever had impure thoughts?”

Juliet shook her head. “No, father. Never.”
“What happened yesterday?”
“A moment of despondency, father. And loneliness.”
“Didn’t you ask God for comfort, sister?”
She shook her head again. In shame this time. “No, I didn’t.”
“Have you repented?”
“Yes, father.”

The capuchin kept silent for a while, then leaning towards the grating, he spoke slowly. His voice sounded severe. “Your sin is very, very grave, sister. You broke your vow of chastity. But you’ve repented at once and that’s good. Pray to God for forgiveness, sister. If you’ll pray to Him, I’m sure He’ll realize you are very sorry and He’ll forgive you even though you betrayed Him.”

Juliet knelt to say her penance in front of the altar. She raised her eyes to the wooden crucifix suspended above her. She held her rosary in her hands tightly but she couldn’t stop them from shaking.

Part 3 >>>

<<< Enola’s stories