enola_not-as-it-seems

NOT AS IT SEEMS by Enola

“Oh Ashley here you are! Come in and shut the door please.” Terri got up from her swivel chair and filled her mug with hot water. “A cup of tea?” she inquired spinning her head.
“It would be nice, thanks. So, you wanna tell me why I am in here?”
Terri handed the steaming hot tea to her and sat back on her chair. “I’ve just spoken with Martin.”
“Oh! How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine but complaints like a kid. He’s annoyed because he can’t go with the Manics on tour, you know, he’s always done it.”
“Yep, I understand. But this is a good excuse to have some rest. I think he works too much.”

“We talked about you.”
Ashley raised her look in amazement and saw a weird glint in Terri’s eyes. “Really? How come?”
“Don’t you really get it?”
“Erm, no! Should I?” Ashley took her tea to her mouth and had a sip of it. “Hang on a sec…NO! Terri NO!”
“Ash, you know that he trusts you more than anyone else apart from me…”
“Terri no! Why don’t YOU take his place?”
“You know very well that I can’t. I’ve got to stay in here and I agree with Martin. You’re the best person for this task.”
Ashley covered her face with her hand and shook her head in disbelief. “Do the guys know?”
“Not yet, but Martin will call and inform all of them about the great news within today.”
“Oh dear!”
“Come on darling, it won’t be that bad!”

“Have you already called James and Sean?” said Nicky opening the fridge in his hotel room and taking out a bottle of mineral water.
“I tried to call James but his mobile’s off,” replied Martin from his hospital room.
“Don’t expect him to be beside himself with joy when he’ll know!” Nicky sniggered then drank a bit of water.
“Nick, you know that Ashley’s the most suitable person to go on tour with the band since she’s done it for a long time before she came to ‘Hall or Nothing’. She knows everything about the job and…and let me add that I’m sick tired of James’s ridiculous behaviour towards her. I do know I can force him to like her but he’ll have to get used to it, that he likes it or not.”

Ashley stopped her car in front of her house in Fulham but didn’t get out at once. Last night Martin had had a sudden and violent appendicitis attack and an emergency operation had been performed. All of this a couple of days before the Manics tour began from Brighton. Everything was settled – Nicky and Sean were already there while Martin and James had been supposed to join them tomorrow in the morning.

Finally, Ashley got out her car and rushed upstairs to her bedroom to pack her suitcases. She had enjoyed going on tour with singers and bands for a while, then she had realised that hated everything of it. She hated staying away for weeks, hated travelling on a bus for hours and hours almost every day, and more than anything else, she hated to death sleeping in a different bed every night where hundreds of people had slept in them before her. No matter if the room was stark clean and the sheets fresh and nice; she could hardly get any sleep away from her bed. Three weeks seemed like an eternity.

She was ready to go to sleep when her mobile rang and ‘Nicky’s cell’ appeared in the screen.
“’allo blue eyes. How you doin’?”
“Hello to you Ash! I’m not too bad, thanks. What about YOU?” An evil chuckle escaped from his mouth. “Ready for touring with us?”
“I’m so looking forward to it,” replied Ashley ironically lying down on her bed, “you can’t imagine how much I’m longing for these three weeks up and down the country in a tour-bus.”
“I so know what you mean, I really hate being away from my home and my girls. But you don’t have this problem, do you? Your hubby’s away too.”
Ashley’s look dropped to her shining wedding ring on her bedside table. “Yeah, he’s away too,” she whispered sadly on the phone.
“We’ll have to cheer each other up then. See you tomorrow Ash. Sleep well.”
“Night Nick!”

The first two weeks went by quickly relieving Ashley from a deep sense of uneasiness added to a constant fear to fuck up things letting down all those people who trusted her, Martin first. Everyone was extremely nice and supportive to her, everyone had always the most right words to cheer her up, everyone but James. There had been no dialogue between the two of them since the very beginning a couple of years ago and she had never come to a sensible reason for it. Neither his friends could explain that.

On the contrary, the third week was ruined by a series of nasty incidents. First of all, during the gig in Birmingham, the band was obliged to stop playing after eight songs because of some annoying problems concerning the amplification. Saying that James was furious was an understatement. Not even his band-mates managed to calm him down. Once he had started to insult almost everyone of their crew calling them ‘incompetent sods’ it was impossible for him to stop. Nobody ever remembered of him behaving in such a rough way. In those moments the only thing Ashley wanted to do was running away, gathering her stuff and going back home. He had scared the shit out of her.

Things got even worse the next morning since James fell sick because a food intoxication, and being nothing but a ‘stubborn mule’, as Nicky complained, he refused to go to hospital, no matters if the intoxication caused him violent vomiting, headache and cramps. A doctor was called and suggested oral rehydration to compensate the great loss of liquids. Fortunately, that night the band didn’t have to play so James could take some rest. Sean and Nicky stayed with him in turns the whole day in case he had felt worse and needed help.

Ashley called Martin as soon as the doctor left to keep him informed and because she needed a piece of advice.
“Ash, I’m sure you’re totally able to find a solution to the problem without my help and I know you already know what to do.”
“Yes, I’ve got something in mind, but…”
“No buts Ashley, just do it. I’m sure it’ll the right choice. Bye!”

James lay in his bed half asleep when Nicky entered the room and sat down by the window next to Sean who was reading the newspaper and the two of them talked about Ashley’s intention to cancel the gig in case James hadn’t felt better tomorrow.
“I’m sure I’ll be alright,” said James firmly all of a sudden.
“I thought you were sleeping,” exclaimed Sean surprised,
“Obviously I’m not or I wouldn’t speak to you now.”
“Well, we agree with Ashley,” said Nicky. “If you don’t feel better , we’ll cancel the gig. We don’t want you to run off stage in the middle of a song ‘cos you are sick. Or, even worse, you could run the risk of puking on stage. Think over it. It wouldn’t be any nice.”
“Yeah…”

Ashley didn’t feel like eating that evening, so she offered to stay with James – since he was deeply asleep – while Nicky and Sean had dinner with all the others. She sat at the table and worked a bit on her laptop. Now and then she looked up and watched James for a few moments. At last he looked peaceful. Before she could realise it, she found herself speaking aloud to no one.

“Why James? I’d really like to know why you’ve always been cold to me. Anyone else finds me nice, and let me know that they’re right ‘cos I’m a very nice person. I like to be nice to people and I’m pleased that people like me. I’ve always been nice to you too even though you’ve never been to me, ‘cos I can’t really help it. You know what’s the most incredible thing? You are nice too. I’ve seen how you are to your fans; you enjoy chatting with them after a gig, you sign their stuff and also let them having a pic taken with you. They even embarrass you when they pay you a compliment, I swear I’ve seen you blushing more than once. You always are friendly with them and they love you for this. And you are friendly with everyone of the crew, apart from the little incident last night, I know that you respect all of them. I’ve seen you talking and joking with them and I keep wondering why the hell you can’t do the same with me as well. I’d like to chat to you because I consider you one of the brightest person I’ve ever met even though I’ve heard you saying more than one that you’re thick. We could have nice chats if only you wanted to. But it’s obvious that you don’t want to do it, so…”

Ashley stared for a moment at her pc screen and read again what she had previously written.
“I’m just going to email Terri my letter of resignation. You know James, in these past three weeks I’ve realised that I’m not definitely cut out for this kind of job, too many troubles, too many responsibilities…All I want is a quiet boring job in a small place. I think you’ll be relieved when you won’t see of me anymore at ‘Hall or Nothing’.

Five minutes later James turned over in bed and awoke. “What you doin’ here?” he said annoyed when he saw Ashley.
“Sean and Nick have gone to eat.”
“You can go too. I don’t need anybody.”
Ashley got up and shut her laptop. “Do you need anything?”
“No. Just go and leave me alone the all of you.”
Ashley left the room in silence and, snorting, she went to hers.

The next morning James joined the others at breakfast and everyone was pleased to see that he looked and felt better, so they could set off to London where they were going to play the final gig of the tour. As the band started to play Ashley thanked everyone in the crew and said goodbye. She waited backstage for Nicky and Sean to leave James alone on stage for the acoustic set and told them. The two men looked at each other for a moment hoping they had misheard. Fighting back the tears, she said that they had been two amazing years because she had had the chance to work with fantastic people and that Martin and Terri had been the best of the bosses. She was going to miss everything and everybody like mad, but it was time for a change. The news had shocked both of them and, contrary to his habit to change during the acoustic set, Nicky went back on stage wearing the same clothes leaving James puzzled.

“How come you didn’t change tonight?” asked James as they leave the stage.
“Didn’t feel like it,” spat Nicky drying his face with a towel.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you now?”
His band-mate didn’t reply.
“Ashley’s left,” said then Sean sounding rather annoyed.
“She’s resigned,” yelled Nicky, “and it’s your fault.”
“My fault?” yelled back James.
“Yes it’s your fault ‘cos in two years you’ve never given that poor soul a chance. For two years you’ve done nothing but ignore her. Guess you feel better now that you’ve got rid of her once and for all.” As he finished to speak he threw the towel away and rushed to the dressing room slamming the door behind him.
Sean gave his cousin a scowl and left him alone.

Ashley had left the venue as soon as Sean and Nick had gone back on stage and getting home had been a deliverance. She had poured out a glass of cool red wine and had took it upstairs where she filled the tub for a relaxing hot bath. Finally, she had worn one of her clean pyjamas and had gone to sleep – in her own bed after three weeks – and had fallen asleep at once.

It couldn’t be true! It was 2:40 in the morning and someone was ringing at her bell! Ashley got out of the bed and went downstairs in the dark running the risk of falling over and break her neck. Once at the ground floor she turned the light on forcing her to keep her eyes half shut. They opened wide as soon as she saw James hands in his pockets staying before her looking tired and annoyed, reeking of alcohol.

“Great! Did you come here to let me know how happy you are I got my arse out of ‘Hall or Nothing’?”
James stepped in without speaking a word keeping his eyes down.
“Hey?” screamed Ashley slamming the front door shut. “I don’t think I invited you in!”
For a few moments none of the two spoke.
“You shouldn’t have done it,” said finally James quietly looking around.
“Done what?” asked a bit calmer now, her arms folded against her chest.
“Leaving. Not if you are doing it because of me.”
Ashley looked at him in disbelief. “Why I’m leaving has nothing to do with you,” she said walking to the other side of the lounge.
“Oh yeah, you’ve left ‘cos you want a quiet boring job without troubles and responsibilities.”
Her heart missed a beat. “So you weren’t sleeping.”
“No, I wasn’t.”

“Well, since you heard everything, you can finally answer to my question.”
“I don’t have anything to say.” He turned over and walked to the door.
“For god’s sake James! You can’t leave like this, you owe me an explanation.” She stopped him grabbing him by the arm. “Tell me once and for all what’s the problem between the two of us.”
“You wanna know the problem?” he snarled looking at her straight in the eyes as he had never done before. “Problem is, Ashley, that you’re married. Problem is that I’ve liked you to death since the very first moment. Can you figure out what the past two years have been to me? Can you figure out how I felt every time I saw you with your husband at some party? The way he held you and brushed your bare back when you danced together? Do you have the least idea of what I had to go through in the past three weeks? Travelling with you in the same bus almost every day, eating at the same table, having you around from morning till night for 15-16 hours each day, hearing your voice, your laugh, smelling your scent…”

Ashley stayed open-mouthed in a catatonic trance for several moments until she took a step towards James and threw her arms around his neck. James, astonished by her reaction, took her arms to get free from that hug which was tearing him apart, but he can’t. He can’t since Ashley was holding him so tightly that he could hardly breathe, and he can’t simply because he didn’t want to part from her. For two years he had been waiting for this moment and he could not believe it was happening.

Just when she pulled back and tried to kiss him, he withdrew. “We can’t. It’s not fair. I must go.”
“No James, you don’t have to. I don’t want you to.”
“Ashley please, don’t make things worse than they are already.”
She lifted up her left hand, “Look,” she said forcing him to look at her hand.
“Where’s your wedding ring?”
“Bill and I split up five weeks ago. I wore the ring just at work ‘cos I didn’t want anyone to notice and make annoying questions.”
“You split up for good or there’s a chance that…”
“It’s for good. He’s had someone else for months and a baby’s on its way.”
“So it’s really over?”
“Yes.”

“I…I can’t believe it,” mumbled James in shock.
“And I can’t believe you’ve been in love with me for two years!”
“Well, things aren’t always as they seem, are they?”
They smiled at each other and, eventually, they kissed.

“Would you mind showing me to your room? My poor legs can no longer support me.”
“Oh, poor little thing!” Ashley took his hand and together they went upstairs. James removed his coat and collapsed exhausted on the bed.
“Do you want me to help you with your clothes?”
“Hmm, it’d be lovely. Thanks.”
She started to undress him taking his shoes and socks off, then she undid his trousers and shirt. Afterwards, she lay down next to him and rested her head over his bare huge chest. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her hair softly.

“You’re tired too, aren’t you?” he said in a sleepy voice brushing her arm
She replied with a loud yawn. “What do you think? I’ve been awaken in the dead of the night.”
“But it was worth it, wasn’t it?”
“Oh god, it was VERY worth it!”
“Hope you don’t have any plans for tomorrow ‘cos it’s my intention to keep you in bed the whole day.”
Ashley propped herself up on one elbow and smiled at him widely. “This means that from now on you’re going to be nice to me?”
“Extremely nice! Consider me your slave.”
“I love the thought of it,” murmured Ashley searching for his mouth. “Night James.”
“Night honey.”

The end.

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