enola_ray-of-sunshine-3

A RAY OF SUNSHINE by Enola <<< Part 2

PART 3

After his wife’s death James had spent many sleepless nights worrying about what he should have done now that she had left him alone with their little girl to raise. The first months had been awful, he did nothing but wonder why it had happen to them and, despite all his efforts, he couldn’t find any sensible explanations. Amber’s death had left a painful void in his and Erica’s lives, a void just partially filled by his father, Ruth and Don’s support and that of all his closest friends. With their help James had found the strength to look ahead, but now, after many months, he felt lonely and disheartened again.

“Thanks for coming Martin,” he said hugging his friend and manager, “I really need to talk to someone or I think I might explode at any moment.”
“You sounded devastated on phone and, from what I can see, I’d say you didn’t sleep a wink last night.”
The two men walked in the kitchen and James put on some water for tea.
“Oh Martin last evening was horrible,” said James covering his face with his hands. “Erica kept on asking about Stacey. She said she wanted to call her and apologise for going away from her. At that point I got even angrier, I took her diary and tore out the page with Stacey’s phone number and told her she wouldn’t see her again. Erica burst out crying and, what’s worst, she screamed that she hates me.” He paused for a while fighting back his tears. “Martin my little girl said that she hates me and that I should’ve died instead of her mum.”
His manager had listened to him in disbelief; he couldn’t believe that Erica had said those horrible things to her father. He got up and patted James on the shoulder. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it James. She was just angry with you. Where’s she now?”
“She didn’t even want to get out of bed this morning and screamed every time I tried to touch her. I called Ruth and she took her at her place.”

Once the water had boiled, James filled two mugs and sat down looking at nothing. “I don’t know what to do Martin. Please, tell me what you would do in my place.”
His friend didn’t know what to reply. “I fear I don’t have an answer. I could say that you were too hard on Stacey yesterday, or that you made a terrible mistake when you tore out her number of Erica’s diary. But, honestly, I don’t know how I’d react in your place.”
“So you think I was too hard on Stacey,” remarked James bitterly playing with his mug of tea. “Fuck! What should I have done?” he asked raising his voice, “I lost my wife nine months ago. Erica’s everything to me now.”
“I know this,” said Martin grabbing his friend’s hand, “but Stacey was shattered. She was aware that she had done something wrong. She loves Erica and I’m sure she’d rather die than let that anything bad happen to her.”
James took his tea and got up quickly. “I can’t forgive her,” he said firmly placing the mug in the sink.
Martin kept silent. He knew that nothing now could change James’s mind.

Ruth looked out of the window with a hint of a smile on her face. Her children and little niece were playing in the garden and Erica looked like she was having fun with her little cousins. The door bell rang.
“Where is Erica?” cried Ruth’s mother authoritatively pushing her daughter aside and making her way through the house. “She must be still frightened poor child.”
“Mum, she’s fine,” said Ruth aloud following her, “she’s playing with Brian and Robbie.”
“I knew it. He cannot say I didn’t warn him. I knew that that girl would cause just trouble.”
The way her mother was boasting triumphantly that she had been right made Ruth sick. “That’s what matters. That’s what has always mattered to you. That you were right. You don’t care at all about how Erica feels now,” snarled Ruth at her mother.
“How dare you talk to me, your mother, like this? How dare you accuse me of not caring about my beloved granddaughter? It’s only me the one who really cares about her, the one who would never leave her with a stranger who’s completely unable to look after a child.”
“You don’t give a damn if Erica has grown fond of that stranger in so little time, and you don’t give a damn that that stranger has managed to make her smile again. You should be grateful to her. But what has always counted is just what you think it’s right.”
Her mother stared at her with furious eyes and slapped her hard across the face.
“Out of my house,” snarled Ruth, “no one needs you in here.”

“What’s up darling? You don’t fill like playing in the garden any longer?” said Ruth seeing her niece on the kitchen threshold.
“Auntie can I ask you a favour? You have Stacey’s number –”
Ruth interrupted the child before she could finish speaking. “I’m sorry honey, I can’t do it.” She went close to her niece and stroked her hair.
“Please, daddy won’t know,” begged Erica wrapping her arms around her aunt’s waist.
Ruth moved a chair and sat down, then she let her niece sat on her lap. “Listen honey. I know you miss Stacey but your dad asked me not to call her and I don’t want to argue with him.”
James had been clear on morning when she decided to take Erica to her house; he didn’t wanted his little girl to speak to Stacey. He was sure that she would ask her aunt to call her and, although Ruth really felt like hearing from Stacey, she had no intention to go against her brother-in-law’s will.
“Why he is angry at her? It wasn’t her fault,” whimpered Erica resting her head over her aunt’s shoulder and began to weep.
“I know honey,” said Ruth kissing her hair whilst rocking her, “but your dad was so scared yesterday when he knew you had disappeared. He loves you honey, more than anything else in this world. Give him time and I’m sure everything will be okay. Just be patient.”

“Did you get the dog?” asked Martin on phone on Saturday afternoon a week later.
Erica had always wanted a dog but, since Amber was allergic to their fur, they could never get one. James now thought that having one would made his little girl happier, but when he had told her about it she hadn’t been enthusiastic as he had expected. On morning Ruth had drove them to the kennels since Erica wanted ‘one of those doggies with no owner’. It had taken her over than one hour to choose for one. She had observed every single one a couple of times before she took her decision. She had noticed that all of the dogs but one barked and wagged their tails happily when they all walked past their kennels. There was a black and white mongrel curled up in a ball at the bottom of kennel; that was the one she wanted. When James had asked her why she had chosen it she’d replied that that one was the saddest. The kennels owner told her that that was Buddy but she was free to change his name if she didn’t like it.
“She’s called him Taylor,” said James, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Don’t you like it? It’s a nice name.”
“It’s Stacey’s surname.”
“Ah!”

James couldn’t believe his ears when he got a call from Erica’s teacher saying that his little had hit one of her schoolmates during the lunch break. The teacher also said she urgently needed to talk to him about his little daughter’s behaviour during the past four weeks. The head teacher, Erica’s teacher and the psychologist of the school were all in the head teacher’s office waiting for him. As soon as he got they thanked him for coming immediately. His daughter’s teacher was the first one who spoke. She said that they all were seriously worried for Erica since, after several weeks during which she became again the cheerful child she had been once, her mood was getting worse and worse.
“Mr Bradfield,” began Dr Perkins, “I had a chat with Erica earlier and I taped it. I want you to listen to it.” The psychologist took a tiny tape recorder out of her handbag and switched it on.

“Erica, can you please tell me what’s wrong?”
After some seconds the child replied. “Daddy is angry with Stacey but it wasn’t her fault.” Her voice sounded extremely sad.
“Stacey’s your babysitter, right? Why your dad is angry with her?”
“Some time ago I asked her to take me to the park but she didn’t want to do it without telling daddy. His phone was off so she called aunt Ruth and she told her she could do it. We went to the park and I played on the swings then I asked her to buy me an ice cream. I saw a doggy and I ran after him and I got lost.”
“So now your dad is angry at her because of it.”
“But it was my fault!” Now Erica was sobbing. “Stacey told me to stay there and I promised but I didn’t. Now daddy doesn’t want her for babysit me anymore.”
“I understand darling. You miss her a lot, don’t you?”
“Yes, but daddy doesn’t care. We have a doggy now and I’m sure daddy wanted him only because he thought to make me happy. I like Taylor, he is cute, I like playing with him but he can’t talk to me, he can’t play with my dolls as Stacey and he can’t hold me when I’m sad and I cry. Why daddy doesn’t understand it?”

“That’s all,” said Dr Perkins switching the tape recorder off. “What do you think about it?”
James shook his head several times, his eyes were filled with tears. “I don’t know what to say and I don’t know what to do,” he said in frustration. “The day after she got lost in the park she said she hated me and that I should have died instead of her mother. She said something true when she talked to you; I thought I could solve everything getting a dog, but I was wrong.”

“Darling, do you feel like watching ‘The Lord of the Rings’ together?” asked James as soon as they got home whilst helping his child to remove her coat.
“No. I want to play with Taylor a bit.”
“Ok. Do you want anything to eat?”
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“Not even a hot chocolate?”
“Maybe later.”

James looked at his little girl in consternation as she went up the stairs with her dog. ‘How can’t she be hungry?’ he wondered since she had had almost nothing for breakfast and her teacher said that she had had nothing at all for lunch. He really needed to talk to his father now.

About half an hour later he made the hot chocolate, placed it over a tray with some biscuits and took it upstairs. His little daughter was on the floor combing one of her dolls; Taylor lay next to her chewing on his rubber bone.
“Here’s your hot chocolate and some biscuits for you and Taylor,” he said entering her bedroom. He placed the tray on the desk and went on, “Hon go and wash your hands before eating.”
The little girl obeyed and when she returned to her room had a sip of her hot chocolate.
“By the way, be careful not to mistake Taylor’s biscuits for yours. Remember that yours are those round.”
“They must be good. He likes them.”
“He does like them ‘cos they are biscuits only for doggies. I’m sure you wouldn’t like them.”
“But why he likes mine?”
“’Cos yours are a lot better, but remember not to give them to him.”
“I won’t.”

James grabbed his little daughter by the waist and made her sit on his lap. “You know hon, I was thinking that we might go and visit grandpa Monty next weekend. What do you think? I talked to him earlier and he said he’s dying to see you again.”
“Ok, I’m dying to see him again too. Taylor comes with us?”
“We could but we should put him into a cage during the journey. I think we’d better ask aunt Ruth to look after him while we’re away.”
“Yeah you right. I don’t want to put him in a cage and he can play with Brian and Robbie all the time if he stays with them.”
“Right, he’ll have fun with your little cousins,” said he stroking and kissing her brown hair.

On Friday, at lunch time, Ruth went to James’s to pick up Taylor before her brother-in-law and niece left in the afternoon. James offered her a cup of tea, so the two of them went to the kitchen.
“Thanks again for keeping Taylor with you,” said James filling the kettle with more water.
“It’ll be a pleasure. The kids are looking forward to having him at home,” smiled Ruth stroking the pet.
“Why don’t you get one too?”
“You know we can’t. Don and I both work and are never at home on mornings.”
“True, but you have a nice garden and remember that dogs aren’t like children, you can leave them alone for a few hours a day.”
“By the way, sure you don’t need a lift to the station later?”
“Sure,” replied James taking two mugs out of the cupboard. “I’m carrying our luggage with me when I go and fetch Erica from school, then we’re going straight away to the station.” He poured the hot water into the mugs and handed one to his sister-in-law.
“Thanks. What’s that plastic bag over that chair?”
“Taylor’s food and toys,” said James showing her one of those rubber balls that emit a weird sound when squeezed.
“Oh god,” she sniggered, “Brian and Rob had several of those when they were younger. I didn’t know you also had a son now!”
“Ah ah, stop teasing!”

“I saw Stacey yesterday,” said Ruth playing with her tea bag.
“I don’t want to know anything about her,” said James quietly.
“I think you should know what I’ve found out,”
“I don’t care,” he cut her off standing up.
“James please, listen to me. She’s lost everything, her job and her room. Her phone was always off so I went to Kensington to the shop she worked in some days ago. One of her colleagues told me she was dismissed three weeks ago, so she gave me her address. Unfortunately, she doesn’t live there anymore. Her flatmate said she couldn’t afford it. Yesterday in the noon I saw her busking with her violin in Oxford Street. She ran away when I called her name.”
James kept still and silent, his arms folded against his chest, an enigmatic expression in his face.

“You’re nothing but a fool James. Why don’t you understand? She was perfect damn it!” cried Ruth in exasperation standing up.
“Perfect?”
“Yes, perfect. For Erica and for you too. She’s nice, sweet and sensitive. She adores Erica and your daughter is mad about her. Damn it James, you’re a young attractive man who has every right to begin a new life with another woman. You know that that’s what Amber would want because she loved you and would want you happy.”
“How can you say this?” inquired James softly with tears in his eyes,
“We talked about it once. James, I know that the two of you talked about it as well.”
“She said ‘if something bad will ever happen to me, I want you to marry again’. You know what I replied?”
Ruth nodded her head several times. “But one can change its mind. James, Amber is dead. Now you have to think of your and Erica’s future.”

“The journey knackered her. She fell asleep at once,” said James’s dad joining his son in the lounge of his house in Blackwood. “She loves sleeping in your old bedroom.”
In the meantime, James stood up and poured some whiskey out for his dad.
“I’m so happy you came James, your phone call upset me a lot.”
He handed his dad his drink; Monty noticed an absent look in his son’s eyes. “What are you thinking about son?”
“I’m thinking about my childhood, you know when Sean came to live here with us,” he replied sitting down in an armchair opposite.

His father didn’t speak at once; he looked at this son for several moments then said, “You’re thinking to do the same thing with Erica now, aren’t you? You want to ask Ruth and Don to take her with them.”
“Yes,” replied James having a sip of his whiskey. “Tell me one thing dad. What would you and mum have done in uncle Gerard and aunt Jenny’s place if the two of you had split up? You would’ve asked to take me with them?”
“We talked about this a lot then. Yes, I think we would’ve done the same thing, but only if you had agreed. Don’t forget to ask Erica first, don’t take your decision without knowing her opinion. Do you really think that this might be the best solution?”
“It worked with Sean.”

“Yes, it did. But maybe that’s not the only thing possible in your case. I know you’re angry at that girl and you have every reason to, but you have to consider the fact that it might have happened to anyone even to me or Ruth. What would you have done if me or Ruth had been in her place?”
“It would’ve been different,” answered James without hesitation.
“Why? Only because we are relatives and that poor girl isn’t? You know James, I would expect this from Harriet not from you.”
James almost spluttered his drink. “I can’t believe you’re comparing me with her,” he said rather annoyed. “We’re two totally different people.”
“Show it James. Put your anger aside and give that poor girl another chance.”
“I can’t,” he got up and went away carrying his glass.

“Oh for heaven’s sake! Why the hell you can’t?” asked his father raising his voice whilst standing up. “I don’t really understand. Is there anything you haven’t told me James?”
“What else should there be?” James kept on going away from his father. He always did it when he didn’t feel like talking about something, but Monty had no intention to leave his son alone.
“I don’t know James, you tell me. Maybe you like her and this is just an excuse to cut her out of your life.”
“How can you think such a stupid thing?”
“I really hope I’m wrong because otherwise it’d really be too stupid James. No one would ever blame you for falling in love again.”
James emptied his glass quickly and placed it over the coffee table. “I’ve had more than enough of this silly conversation, of Ruth and Martin,” he began angry. “You do nothing but tell me what I have to do and how I have to live my life. I’m fucking tired of it. I’d just want everyone left me the fuck alone once and for all.” He gasped his coat and went out slamming the door.
“Well done son, run away!” said Monty aloud shaking his head.

James wandered aimlessly around the town under a gentle rain before he stopped at the ‘Red Lion’. The pub was crowded as every Friday evening. He sat at the bar and shook hands with Glenn, the pub owner, an old friend of his.
“It’s good to see you again James,” said Glenn with a little smile handing a pint to him, “I’m so sorry for…erm, well, you know.”
“Thank you,” said James softly smiling back at him, “I got your telegram condolence, thanks a lot for that.”
“That was the least I could do. How have you been? What about your little girl?”
James took a deep breath and said, “It’s been hard, a lot. It still is, you yourself should know.”
Glenn nodded his head. His wife had died of cancer four years back leaving him with two small kids aged four and two. “Who more than me can understand the way you feel now, uh? A grief impossible to explain with words. A sense of deep emptiness and distress. I didn’t know where to start from. Carol was the one who always took care of everything. Then I met Brenda, my saviour.”

“How much time had passed since Carol’s death?”
“Eight months and six months later we got married. That was the best thing we could do. You know that Brenda was a single mother of one-year-old little boy. Damon needed and father while Kevin and Phoebe a mother. We’ve all been very lucky and now we are a big happy family.” Glenn grinned widely unable to contain his joy.
“Yeah, I’m happy for you Glenn,” smiled James patting his mate on the arm.
“James, accept a piece of advice from a friend,” said Glenn softly looking James straight in the eye, “find yourself a woman, someone who can love your child as hers. The sooner the better. That’s the best thing you can do for you both.”

The first thing James did on morning was apologize to his father. They held each other for a long while and James thanked his dad for everything he and his mother had done for him and Sean. They had been the best parents he could desire and he really wanted to be the best of the fathers for Erica. She was the most important thing to him, her good came before anything else. Just for this reason he needed time to think over what was the best for her. Later he phoned Ruth and talked to her about his intention to ask Erica to go and live with them. Ruth said that she and Don loved Erica like a daughter, so they would have been happy to have her with them if she had agreed.

After breakfast James took his little girl out for a walk around his old school. He sat down in a bench and let Erica sat on his lap. “Darling, you know that uncle Sean came to live with me, grandpa Monty and granny Sue when his parents split up.” His little daughter nodded her head. “I know that you love aunt Ruth, uncle Don, Brian and Robbie and also them, all of them love you like mad, so I was thinking…ahem, would you like go and live with them?”
The little girl said nothing for a while whilst staring at her dad, then, suddenly her big brown eyes filled with tears. “Why?” she whimpered, “You don’t love me anymore?”
“No sweetheart,” breathed James holding her close to his chest, “I love you more than anything else in this world. How can you think such a silly thing. I could never give up loving you honey.”
“So why you want me to live with them? Daddy I want to stay with you, please don’t send me to aunt’s. I promise I’ll be good. Please.” His little girl sobbed out and clang on to him. He himself could no longer hold back his tears.
“Okay honey, forget everything I said. We’ll stay together forever.” He kissed his child’s hair several times reassuring her about his love for her and rocked her in his arms till she gave up weeping.

“Hallo Ni…”
“Why the hell didn’t you call when you were at your father’s?” said his mate on phone sounding quite pissed off.
“Good morning to you too Nick. I’m happy to hear from you too. Now to reply to your question, I didn’t call you ‘cos Erica and I needed some peace and some time on our own. I promise we’ll come and visit you next time.”
“Ok, fine…where the fuck are you? What’s those sirens?”
“Um, nothing. An ambulance and a police car have just passed in front of the coffee shop where I’m having a cappuccino whilst reading the paper.”
“Oh, okay. How’s Erica? Martin told me what happened last week at school.”
“Yeah…”

While James and Nicky talked on the phone, an elderly man entered the coffee shop and went close to the bar. “Fred, gimme something strong please.”
“What’s up Harry? You’re white as a sheet?” inquired the barman worried,
“Oh Fred, it gave me such a fright, poor girl! I was listening to that girl, you know that one who’s been busking with her violin around here lately when all of a sudden two roughs attacked and robbed her.”
The elderly man was talking so aloud that almost everyone in the coffee shop heard what he was saying. James told Nicky he would call him later, so got up and went close to the elderly man.
“Excuse me sir, you’ve just said that a girl who busks with a violin has been attacked?”
“Yes, that’s just what I said.”
“A curly dark-haired girl by chance?”
“Well, her hair’s dark but I can’t say if it’s curly,” replied the elderly man.
“Oh yes it is, I’m sure,” intervened the barman.
“Did she get hurt?”
“I can only tell you that her face was covered with blood.”

James rushed out of the coffee shop and ran along the road towards a crowd of people all around an ambulance parked beside the pavement. A policeman was keeping the people away inviting them to walk away.
“Stacey?” called James aloud making his way through the crowd as soon as he realized that the girl sat on the cot was just her. He ran closer and saw that a blanket was wrapped around her, she was shivering and sobbing, several cuts and grazes were over her forehead and chin. “Stacey,” he whispered brushing her dark curls. She didn’t either speak or move, her eyes looking down at nothing.

“Do you know her?” asked another policeman, “Could you please tell me her name?”
“Stacey Taylor.”
“Do you know where she lives?”
“No, I don’t.”
“How is she?” asked James to the paramedic who was cleaning her cuts.
“She’s in a state of shock and her left wrist’s broken. People said that one of the attackers snatched her violin from her hands while the other picked up the case with the money. Then while the former smashed the violin to pieces, the latter pushed her to the ground. She probably broke her wrist falling over and also all of these cuts and grazes have been caused by the fall.”

“Why?” she whimpered still trembling looking at the pieces of her musical instrument strewed over the pavement,
“What Stacey?” asked James.
“They got the money, so why did they smash my violin?”
“I don’t know,” replied James softly brushing her cheek with his fingertips.
“Now Stacey we’ve got to take you to the hospital,” said the paramedic, “you might have more injuries we cannot see.”
Stacey nodded her head, so the paramedic helped her to lie down on the cot.
“May I come with you?” inquired James.
“Yes, of course. Hold her hand and speak to her. She needs to be reassured.”
“I will,” said James taking and holding Stacey’s hand in his.

Part 4 >>>

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