enola_ray-of-sunshine-4

A RAY OF SUNSHINE by Enola <<< Part 3

PART 4

Stacey kept on shivering and sobbing during the whole journey in ambulance to the hospital, although James didn’t let her hand go not even for a moment trying to reassure her that everything was fine. Once in hospital he asked the doctor who had to take care of her to stay beside her, but he wasn’t allowed to since he wasn’t a relative of Stacey’s. He sat in the waiting room, so called Martin and inform him he wouldn’t come to ‘Hall or Nothing’ offices as they had previously arranged.

About a quarter later the doctor came out of the examining room and told James that, apart from the fracture of her left wrist and the grazes on her face, Stacey was alright. A nurse would take her to the plaster room in a few minutes, so in the meantime, he could go and keep her company. Before entering the room, he knocked at the door, then opened it asking permission to come in. Stacey was sitting in bed wearing a lavender hospital gown, her eyes were looking at her lap where rested her injured wrist. She replied to James’s question with a simple nod of the head without raising her look. He stepped in closing the door, and for a while he stayed still not knowing either what to say or what to do. In the end, he walked forward and asked how she was.

“I don’t know,” she whispered shrugging her shoulders.
He looked down at her swollen wrist and asked, “Does it hurt a lot?”
“It’s bearable,” she replied keeping her eyes on her lap. After some moments of silence she went on, her voice sounding extremely sad. “I’m so sorry James. I know my apologises mean nothing to you. I made a terrible mistake and there’s nothing I can say to justify myself. You’ve got every right to hate me.”
He was going to stroke her hair when a nurse entered the room with a wheelchair, so he helped her to get up wrapping an arm around her waist and let her sit on the wheelchair. “I don’t hate you,” he whispered in her ear before the nurse took her away.

James was having a cigarette outside when Stacey left hospital half an hour later with her arm in a sling. He looked at her but she didn’t manage to look him back yet.
“What did the doctor say about your arm?”
“I’ve got to return in four weeks’ time to get the plaster removed,” she said quietly, then hardly managed to stammer a thank you for everything he had done.
“Do you have a place where go to?”
“I’ll manage,” she said, then turned over and walked away.
“Stacey wait!” he called out. She stopped but didn’t turn. “Come home with me,” he added.
She couldn’t believe her ears; he couldn’t be serious. “Why are you so kind to me?”
“’Cos…’cos…I’ve been too hard on you. I know you love Erica and you did it just to make her happy. She explained that you told her to stay on the swings but she disobeyed. Now I want to help you, that’s the least I can do. She misses you a lot. She’d be in seventh heaven if you stayed with us for a while…well, for all the time you’ll want to. I can’t help feeling responsible for it and want to make up.”

They didn’t talk much during the journey home in a taxi. It had been a hard morning for Stacey, so he didn’t want to bother her. He only told her that she could have had a bath and a rest before Erica was at home.
“I forgot something,” said James before opening the door, “do you like dogs?”
“Dogs? Yes, why?”
He gave a little smile. “We’ve got one. He always runs to the door when he hears me opening it.” Just as he had said, his black and white dog was wagging his tail happily when they entered. “Hey boy, here I am,” smile James stroking his pet on the head and back. “This is Stacey. She’s going to stay with us for a while, so keep away from her shoes!” Then he said to her, “He always steals our shoes and chews on them, so be careful.”
A soft smile appeared on Stacey’s face. She knelt down and stroked the dog. “What’s his name?”
“Oh, I still haven’t told you, have I? Well, this is erm, Taylor. Erica chose it.”
Stacey’s smile got wider. “He’s so cute.”

Afterwards James led her upstairs and showed her the spare room where the bed was always ready when needed. “Now you can have that bath if you like,” he said, “but first of all we have to do something for your arm. A plastic bag and some sellotape should be okay.”
While he went downstairs to fetch them, Stacey removed the sling and leant it on the bed. She still found hard to believe that James had been so kind and caring to her so far. Just the fact he had gone with her to the hospital had left her amazed. Now she was at his place, in his spare room and he was going to help her to protect her plaster with a plastic bag and sellotape! That was the true James, the kind friendly man she had met some months back, not that furious guy who had assailed and snarled at her in the park.

Instead of a bath, Stacey preferred to have a quick shower. In the meantime, James offered to prepare something to eat and she told him that a sandwich would be enough since she wasn’t much hungry. Since she didn’t have any clothes to change with herself, James made her find in her bed one of his black t-shirts and a pair of comfortable tracksuit bottoms. Having got dressed, she joined him in the kitchen. Her sandwich was in a dish over the table, so James invited her to sit down and asked what she wanted to drink. She said a coke would be fine, so James took a tin out of the fridge and placed it over the table next to her sandwich.

“Ruth told me she saw you last week in Oxford Street but you rushed away,” said James once he had sat opposite. “She found out she had lost your job and could no longer afford your old place. What’s happened?”
“After the incident in the park I couldn’t sleep well so at work I always felt knackered. One day I ruined a dress, it cost 180 pounds, so they took that sum off my pay, 250 pounds a week and rent was 190. I searched for a new job but didn’t find any.”
“Not even babysitting?”
“I couldn’t look after any kids after what had happened. I was too afraid to.”
“What about your mother? Maybe she could give you a – ”
“My mother yeah,” she said softly lowering her head, “I don’t even know where she lives, but she wouldn’t do anything anyway. She’s never cared about me.”
James saw a tear rolling down her cheek. She excused herself and rushed upstairs before he could speak a word.

A couple of hours had gone by when Stacey woke up. The first thing her eyes saw was the sandwich James had made her earlier and the tin of coke over the bedside table. Only one moment later she realised that there was a blanket over her. A hint of a smile appeared on her face at the thought that James had brought her the sandwich and, seeing that she had fallen asleep, he covered her with the blanket. She felt a little hungrier now, so she sat on bed and ate. When she returned downstairs carrying the dish and her coke she saw James in the lounge watching telly. She first went to the kitchen and left the dish on the sink. Taylor had followed her and was now wagging his tail and looking at her, so she couldn’t help but going down on her knees and stroke him a bit.

James turned over and said hi smiling when she entered the lounge, Taylor behind her. “Did you sleep well?”
“Erm, yes,” she said walking over, then she sat on an armchair. “I fell asleep at once.”
“I’m sorry Stacey,” he said embarrassed looking at her, “I shouldn’t have mentioned your mother. It’s obvious that the subject upsets you, so it’ll never happen again.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it. Erm, thanks for the sandwich too.”
“You’re welcome. If you want another or something else just ask.”
“I’m no longer hungry at the moment, but thank you all the same,” she smiled timidly. “I won’t let you down again,” she added moments later, “I really care about Erica.”
“I know,” replied James with a smile, “I’ve never doubted it. I got mad at you because she’s my life.” He had a glance at his watch, “I’d better go and fetch her from school now. I won’t tell her anything about you, she usually goes straight to her room so you should wait for her there.”
“Ok, that’s a lovely idea.”
James switched telly off and got up, “By the way, don’t feel ashamed for busking in the street. I also did it when I was young and there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Where is Taylor?” asked Erica as soon as she and her dad got home, “he always comes to the door.”
“Erm, I don’t know honey. Maybe he’s sleeping.” His daughter went and looked for the dog in the kitchen and in the lounge but didn’t find him. “Or maybe he’s in your room,” he said vaguely, “why don’t you go and have a look?”
Erica went up the stairs calling her dog and Taylor appeared some seconds later. The child called him again and he followed her downstairs and together the entered the lounge. The little girl took the remote and switched TV on. James was in the kitchen and he went to the lounge when he heard the telly on.
“What…what are you doing in here?” he asked perplexed,
“Watching telly, can I?”
“And you want to do it just now?”
“Yes.”
“Damn it!” he murmured under his breath, then he snorted and said, “there’s a surprise for you in your room.”
“A surprise? What surprise?” inquired his little daughter all excited,
James giggled going closer. “A surprise is a surprise honey. If I told you what it is, would it still be a surprise?” Erica shook her head. “Go and look yourself darling, but don’t run on the stairs.” He kissed his little girl on the forehead and let her go.

Stacey was sitting on Erica’s bed when the child entered her room. “STACEY!!” screamed the little girl running to the young woman. Stacey opened her arms and wrapped them around the child who tightened hers around her babysitter’s neck. They held each other for several moments, then when the little girl pulled back Stacey saw her sweet brown eyes filling with tears. “Oh Stacey, I’m so sorry. Forgive me,” she whimpered.
Stacey pulled the child towards her again and hugged her tightly kissing her hair. “It’s okay honey, don’t cry.”
Erica pulled back again and asked worried, “What happened to your face and arm?”
“It’s nothing sweetie, don’t worry,” smiled Stacey, “I fell over but I’ll get well soon.”
“But why you are here? I don’t understand. Daddy was angry at you.”
“Yeah, I know. But he’s not anymore now. He said I can stay here with the two of you for a while.”
“What? You mean that you sleep here and eat with us?”
Stacey nodded her head smiling widely. “Are you happy?”
The little girl threw her arms around Stacey’s neck and said, “How nice!”
“I think you should thank your dad for this honey,”
“You’re right. Be back in a moment.”

Erica left her room running and screaming ‘daddy daddy’ like a mad. James was in the lounge and when he heard his little daughter calling him he went immediately up the stairs to meet her.
“Erica!!” he said aloud with a stern expression in his face, “How many times I’ve told you not to run on the stairs? You might fall and hurt yourself.”
His little girl stopped immediately and apologised. He couldn’t smile but smile at her. He picked her up and she hugged him. “Thank you for the surprise daddy. I promise I won’t make you angry again. I’m sorry for the bad things I said. I love you so much because you are the best dad of the universe.” She then planted a big kiss on his cheek.
James was pleased to see her cheerful again. “Did you apologised to Stacey?”
She nodded her head, so he kissed her and put her down saying to go back to Stacey. He would call them when dinner would be ready.

Having eaten, Stacey watched some telly in the lounge with Erica since James hadn’t allowed her to help him in the kitchen. Around 8 o’clock they went upstairs and Stacey helped the child to get ready to go to bed. Erica had been allowed to stay up until 9pm and couldn’t stop talking. She was thrilled at the thought that Stacey was staying with them for some time. She would be here on morning when she got up, in the noon when she got back from school and at night before falling asleep. Stacey was happy as well, but, at the same time, the thought of letting James down again frightened her.

It was ten past nine when James went upstairs to his child’s bedroom to make sure that she was sleeping. When at the top of the stairs he saw that the light was still on but he couldn’t hear any voices. Entering the room he stopped abruptly on the threshold and gazed at his little daughter asleep in Stacey’s arms. He felt a sudden sharp pain in the chest, an urgent need to cry and smash something to give vent to his sorrow. For a moment the picture of his beloved wife sleeping next to their little girl was before his eyes. But she was dead and now, for the first time since her death, he realised that Erica needed a mother. He knew that Ruth was right; his little daughter was so fond of Stacey and so full of life when she was around. Probably his sister-in-law was right about him as well. He really thought that Stacey was lovely but he couldn’t manage to love her, not in the way he would want to. He lifted his left hand and stared at his shining wedding ring. He still considered himself as a married man who had to be faithful to his wife.

The next morning Stacey went to the hostel she had been staying during the past couple of weeks and collect her stuff. When she got back to James’s house in St John’s Wood he was in the kitchen empting some shopping bags. She thanked him again for his kindness and promised she would search for a part-time job at once so that she could afford her own place soon. James said he didn’t mind her to stay here with them, so she didn’t have to worry about it.
“It’s like a sort of au pair accommodation,” he said putting a couple of cornflakes boxes into the cupboard, “you live here, eat with us and you look after Erica in exchange. It sounds quite fair to me, what do you think?”
“I think I’m speechless,” tittered Stacey sitting on a chair, “are you speaking seriously?” She just couldn’t believe it.
“Of course I am,” smiled James stopping to look at her, “if you searched for a new place you’d just throw your money away. I don’t think you need it, I mean, you’ve got your own room in here and I think that’d be great for Erica.”

James met Martin and then Ruth later in the afternoon and informed them about the latest news. Both of them were amazed to know that he had offered Stacey to stay at his place, but were also extremely happy about that. Before they could say how great it was that she lived with him and Erica, James made things as clearer as he could. He admitted he had been too hard on her and was sorry things hadn’t been alright for her lately. In a way he felt responsible and was willing to give her a second chance because the only thing that mattered to him was his little girl’s happiness. He asked both his manager and sister-in-law a favour: they no longer had to interfere in his life, they didn’t have to annoy him continually with pieces of advice that they knew he wouldn’t have any intention to follow.

Stacey finally found a job about ten days later; she had to promote a new brand of chocolates at O2 Centre in Finchley Road (just a ten minutes’ walk away from James’s house) for a couple of weeks from 9am till 1pm. It was nothing extraordinary, but a start anyhow. On Monday morning she got up earlier than usual and at 8 o’clock she was ready. She wore a red suit whose skirt was four or maybe five inches up her knees, while the jacket got the name of the chocolates’ factory producer embroidered on the breast pocket. Fortunately, the sleeves weren’t too tight so her arm in plaster wasn’t a problem. Under her suit she was wearing a white blouse and a dark blue scarf around her neck. Since she was going to keep standing for four hours, she put on a pair of black court shoes she usually wore was she worked as a shop assistant whose heels, just one inch high, rendered them very comfortable. Before going downstairs she gave a few retouches to sober make-up: some concealer to hide her scars, black mascara and eyeliner, light pink eyeshadow, some blusher to give her pale cheeks a little colour and some red brownish lipstick.

When she entered the kitchen James and Erica, who were having breakfast, stopped talking and eating and gazed at Stacey. Their silence worried her. Did she look that horrible? She wondered.
“You are beautiful,” said Erica with a huge grin across her sweet face seconds later. “Is it true daddy?”
“Erm…yes.” That was the best he managed to say casting his look at his mug of coffee over the table. He had always seen her in jeans and flat shoes; his reaction seemed justified to him. “Sure you don’t want to eat?” he said glancing at her.
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m too nervous to eat.”
“So you’re nervous…if you hadn’t said that I wouldn’t have ever thought you are!” he couldn’t help but chuckling as his eyes followed Stacey whilst pacing the kitchen backwards and forwards, her arms folded against her chest. “Why don’t you sit and relax? After all you just have to annoy people trying to persuade them to buy those chocolates.” There was a smirk on his face.
“I think I should be going,” she said going closer to Erica. She gave the child a kiss wishing her a nice day at school and Erica did the same whispering in Stacey’s ear that she truly looked very pretty. Stacey thanked her with another kiss and left the room uttering a neutral bye to James.

“Stacey?” called James as she was wearing her long black coat by the front door. She turned around but said nothing waiting for James to go on.
“Please, don’t think I was laughing at you a moment ago ’cos I really wasn’t. I was just trying to dissolve tension, nothing else. I know how important this job is to you, so your anxiety is more than understandable.”
She was aware that he was sincere and appreciated it a lot. “I know that you were joking, don’t worry,” she flashed a timid smile at him as she buttoned up her coat. “And it was nice of you trying to dissolve tension, really.”
“Good. Now that everything’s been cleared up you can go. Remember to keep your arm at rest.”
“I will.”
“You look great.”
“Thanks. See you later.”
“Sure. Have a nice day.”

After the first week spent promoting chocolates, which all in all hadn’t been that bad, Stacey got a job in a sports equipment shop at O2 Centre. The shop owner, Michael, one day went closer to her and bought two boxes of chocolates. They had been talking for several minutes and, before going back to his shop, he suggested having a coffee together at the end of her shift, so Stacey was pleased to accept. Later, whilst chatting, hearing that she used to work as an assistant for a long while he offered her the job since one of his assistants had resigned from work just that morning. Stacey couldn’t believe her luck; that day when she got back home was enthusiastic about it and both James and Erica were very happy for her.

On Saturday morning Erica asked her dad to take her to see Stacey at work so that they could ask her to have lunch with them. When they got to the shop Stacey and Michael were talking to each other and, from the way they were laughing, it looked like they were having a great time. As soon as she saw James and Erica entering she excused herself and went to say hello to them happy about their visit. James explained that Erica was curious to see the shop where she was working in, then the little girl invited her to have lunch with them. Unfortunately, Stacey had to reject their invitation since she had previously arranged to eat with Michael. Erica couldn’t hide her disappointment. She saddened and Stacey was deeply sorry about it. She promised not to be late so that they could do something together later in the noon.

Erica ran to her dad’s bedroom, turned the light on and jumped on the bed. “Daddy daddy wake!” she cried shaking him until he awoke.
“Honey…what’s up?” mumbled James sleepy covering his eyes with one hand to protect them from the offensive bright light.
“Daddy Stacey hasn’t come home yet,” said his little daughter worried.
James turned over and had a look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. “Darling, it’s 2 in the morning,” protested he in a hoarse voice rubbing his eyes. “Go back to sleep. She’ll be back soon, don’t worry.”
“It’s very late. Please call her to know if she’s fine.”
Snorting he propped himself on one elbow. “Darling, don’t worry. Stacey has gone out with her friends, it’s Saturday night and she deserved some time out once in a while. Now let me sleep sweetheart, will you?” he kissed his child stroking her soft long hair.
“Okay,” she breathed.
He smiled sweetly. “Wanna stay here with me?”
Erica nodded happily, so James lifted the covers and let her lie down next to him. She kissed her dad goodnight and rested her head over his chest, then James wrapped his arms around her and they both fell asleep again.

It was almost 10am when Stacey got up. After having a shower, she got dressed and went downstairs. Erica was in the living room watching the Sunday morning cartoons. Stacey went closer and kissed her on the cheek, the child reaction cold. Afterwards, Stacey went to the kitchen and found James clearing the table. She apologised for getting up late and James replied it was no problem since that was her only morning off.
“I think Erica is angry at me,” she said sorry pouring herself a mug of coffee.
“I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you. She has to understand that you’ve got your own life and can’t spend all of your spare time with her. She’ll be fine soon.”

Later, when James took Taylor out, Stacey sat in the living room next to Erica and they watched telly together.
“Still angry at me ‘cos I didn’t have lunch with you yesterday?” asked Stacey wrapping her arms around the child.
“I’m not angry. Did you go out with Michael last night?”
“Yes, with Michael and some other friends.”
“Do you like him?”
“Erm, well, I don’t know,” giggled Stacey. “He’s nice and kind. I’ve got a good time with him.”
“So you will go out with him again.”
Stacey shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, I think I will if he’d ask.”

A couple of days later Stacey got home from work and, once in, she slammed the door furious. She dropped her bag to the floor and wiped her eyes. James was reading the newspaper in the lounge and when he heard her arriving went to see what was wrong with her. Stacey was hanging her coat by the door and he noticed that her eyes were red.
“Stacey? You’ve been crying, what’s up?” he asked with concern going closer.
“It’s alright don’t worry. It’s been a shitty day, that’s all.” She picked her handbag up and rushed upstairs leaving James puzzled.

Obviously, he didn’t believe a single word she said. There was a lot more behind that and he had no intention to behave as nothing had happened. He followed her to her room and asked to be sincere. Michael had offered to drive her home after her shift, but she’d replied he didn’t need to bother since she lived pretty close. As he’s insisted she’d accepted because thought it’d been very nice of him. He hadn’t driven her home at once since he said he had to do something before. That had been just an excuse because he’d stopped his car in a narrow alley and had come closer putting his hand on her leg. When she’d turned him down he’d got angry and grabbed her wrists saying she had to be nice to him and show how grateful she was for the job he’d offered her. She’d managed to hit him with her knee and had run away.

“What a fucking son of a bitch!” snapped James. He went closer and rubbed her arms gently, sweetness and genuine concern all over his face and eyes. “He didn’t harm you, did he?” He voice was incredibly soft now.
Stacey shook her head. “I’m so angry at myself. He’d always been so kind and nice to me. I thought he cared about me. How stupid, uh?”
“You don’t have to blame yourself. He’s been clever enough to mislead you.” James looked quiet and calm but inside he was boiling with rage. He so wished he could put his hands on Michael and make him regret it bitterly.

James’s hand roamed over the empty side of his big bed. Exactly one year ago his wife’s heart gave in. He so missed her lovely smile, she snuggling on him under the covers, making love to her on morning as they woke up in each other’s arms. He’d never felt that lonely in his life.

As soon as Stacey got out of bed she remembered what day was today. She went straight to Erica’s room and found the child in bed weeping whilst holding one of her teddies. Stacey sat in bed and stroked her hair.
“I miss her so much,” whimpered Erica hugging Stacey as tight as she could and tears sprang to her babysitter’s eyes. “But I’m lucky because you are here with me. Please, don’t leave me Stacey. I need you so much.”
Stacey let her tears run freely. She could feel all of her grief.

Stacey had been out the whole afternoon and evening and when she got back home she found James sitting in the lounge, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He didn’t look good at all.
“Where have you been?” He sounded grumpy and drunk.
“Erm, I ate something with some mates, then went to the cinema,” she replied shyly.
“Great!” He got up and went and filled his glass with more whiskey.
“James stop it now. I think you’ve been drinking even too much already. Erica might wake up. I don’t think you want her to see you like this.”

James gulped his drink down and filled his glass again. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he snapped turning around to face her. “What the fuck gives you the right to tell me what I have to do or not to do? You’ve got such a nerve! Do you have the least idea how tough has been today for Erica? Can you imagine the sadness in her eyes when coming back from school she didn’t find you here? She needed you, FUCK! She hoped she would at least come back to put her to bed, but you weren’t here. I let you stay here so that you could be here whenever Erica needed you.”
“I’m sorry,” she stuttered utterly shocked by his violent outburst. “I thought you wanted to spend some time alone with her today. If this morning you’d told me to stay at home I would’ve stayed.” She rushed to her room before he could speak again and cried herself to sleep.

James and Stacey ignored each other on morning; she didn’t even have breakfast because she wanted to stay away from him as much as possible. She had found the bottle of whiskey empty on the coffee table when she’d come downstairs, so she she’d thrown it into the bin. She was sure he had a hangover, so she didn’t have any intention to cause more trouble.

There was a suitcase by the door when James got home later in the morning. She rushed upstairs and found Stacey in her room packing a holdall. “What are you doing?” he asked confused.
“What do you think I’m doing?” replied Stacey coldly without looking up.
“I see that you’re packing, what I can’t understand is why.”
“I’m moving.”
“Pardon? Do you mind giving an explanation?”
“I cannot stay here any longer.”
James shook his head in disbelief. “Stacey, if that’s because of last night, I’m sorry.”
“Fine. I appreciate your apologies but this is not going to change my mind.” She took some of her tops out of one of the drawers and pressed them inside the bag.

James paced the room nervously with his arms akimbo thinking of something to say. “Stacey, please. Erica’s got used to having you here.”
“I’ll talk to her and let her understand that I need to leave. I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have accepted your offer to live here. I had to know that it’d have been wrong. I’ll keep on babysitting Erica if you still want me to.”
“Of course I still want you to. I still don’t get it. Why are you leaving? I know there’s a lot more and I want to know all the truth.”

Stacey fastened the holdall zip and took a deep breath. “Do you want to know the truth?” she remarked raising her voice. “The truth is that I’m tired James. I’m sick tired of taking care of the others. I wish someone took care of me just for once. I’m sick tired of you and your damn moodiness; one day you say Erica can’t expect I spend all my spare time with her, the next day you tell me off ‘cos I leave her alone. But I didn’t leave her alone. You were here with her; it was your wife’s death anniversary and I thought you didn’t want me around. But if you really want me to be completely honest, I’m also sick tired of your mourning for your wife, I know it’s cruel and I hate myself for this, but I can’t really help it. If only you knew how much I care for you dammit! But even if you knew, you wouldn’t give a shit about my feelings for you anyway.”

She grasped her holdall and ran away.

Part 5 >>>

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