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| SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SOON WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU by Enola PART 14 To read it or not to read it? You are sitting cross-legged on your bed staring at James’s letter in front of you. You glance at your watch, it’s almost midnight and you feel quite tired. You pick the letter up and close it into the drawer of your bedside table, so you switch the lamp off, turn over and try to sleep. Soon you realise that’s something impossible. You can’t help thinking of his letter in that drawer. You know Shane is right, you must read it once and for all. It’s been tormenting you too much time and you can’t go on. You turn the lamp on and open the drawer, so you take the letter. There’s nothing inside the drawer which can use to open the envelope, so you get up to search for something in your desk. A nail file is the only thing which can help you. You cut the envelope carefully very slowly, so you sit on your bed again. You unfold the letter written in three small lined white sheets, breathe deeply and starts reading. Dear Monica, you don’t know how hard is writing this letter. I think I told you more than once that I’m not very good at writing. But this is the only way I have for trying to explain what’s happened, not only to you, but also to me. I know you probably won’t understand, but I must do it anyway. Everything started the day of my birthday when I tried to kiss you. Just when you told me not to do it I realised it would be a big mistake. If I had done it it’d have been the end of our friendship. I knew I would hurt you and I couldn’t accept that. I had to go away from you for a bit and I used Valerie for that. I was sure it wouldn’t last for a long time between us. Unfortunately, things went differently. Valerie did manage to mislead me with her tricks and when I realised what kind of person she really was, it was too late. That night I went at Ian’s ‘cos I wanted to apologise to you ‘cos I mistook everything. I was so upset about the way I treated you the day you came to my flat. But when Ian told me you didn’t want to listen to me I lost my head. I still don’t believe I said those things and in a such rough way. I’ve never behaved like that before. But, please believe me, I have never thought them. I do know you weren’t jealous of her ‘cos you had no reasons for. The truth is that SHE was jealous of you. She was jealous of you ‘cos everyone loved you, Olivia, George, Shane and the kids. But, above all she was jealous of our friendship. She wanted to have all that you had. She wanted to be all that you were, but she couldn’t be like you. After you left I kept drinking, dunno how much I drank. I was devastated. I went to The House ‘cos I wanted Valerie to know that I felt nothing but hatred for her for destroying your life and mine too. But she didn’t give a shit about the things I thought about her. She just wanted me once again. Nothing else mattered to her. We drank again and again. Then you know what came after. She did managed to dupe me once again. I feel so deeply ashamed of myself. I didn’t want all this. I just wanted to stay away from you for a bit ‘cos our friendship was too important to me and I didn’t want to lose it. Never ever meant to harm you. Everything I told you before the day you came to my flat was the truth. You are one of the most beautiful and genuine people I’ve ever met, so please, stay natural forever. Hope you like my birthday gift. Please, take care of her ‘cos I’m sure she’ll take care of you. She’ll always be by your side. She’ll be all that I was, all that I wanted to be, all that I won’t be able to be anymore: a faithful friend. I’m not writing you this letter ‘cos I want you to forgive me. I know you can’t do it. I can’t either. I hate myself too much. I don’t deserve being forgiven. The only reason I’m writing you this letter is ‘cos I want to say goodbye to you. I wish you all the best. I wish you to be happy. No one more than you deserves that. Goodbye my sweet little friend, James x Having read the letter you realise your cheeks are wet, so you wipe them with your palms. You want to read it again, but this time you read it more carefully stopping for a while on every sentence. You read some twice, even three times. You keep reading it until you fall asleep. When you enter the kitchen on morning, Shane is having his breakfast reading the newspaper. He says good morning kindly so you greet him back. You find the kettle on the cooker, so you take a cup and a tea bag and pour some hot water into it, then you sit at the table. Although you aren’t looking at him you know that Shane has been looking at you since you came in. “Stop it!” you say without looking at him, “What?” he asks perplexed, “Stop staring at me!” “OK. Sorry!” You turn to look at him and even though he’s watching the newspaper you know he’s not reading it. “You want to know if I read his letter, don’t you? Well, I read it.” “Fine!” he breathes, so he takes his coffee and sips it. “Did he let you read it?” you inquire curious a while later, “Nope. Why should he have to?” “Dunno” you reply shrugging your shoulders, “I know what he wrote tho’. More or less. He apologised and said goodbye.” “You know, I think that’s the best solution for both” “Are you really convinced of that?” “Nope. Not completely” you reply shaking your head. “OK…let’s talk about something else…you know what happens next week, don’t you?” he smiles, “Next week?” you ask perplexed, “Ehm…” The expression in his face changes at once, “Don’t tell me you have forgotten ab…” “Your birthday!” you cut him off, so a smile appears in his face again. “How could I forget about your birthday?” you grin, “It’s exactly a fortnight after mine!” “I’m glad to know you remember it! Anyway, I’m having a party at Ian’s, nothing big tho’…I’ve just invited some friends to drink something, so I want you to come of course” “Ehm…dunno…” “He won’t be there if that’s what worries you” “I’m sorry. He’s one of your friends too” “Don’t worry. I invited him last year and 2 years ago as well after all!” he smiles. You decide to accept his invitation because you need a distraction and Shane’s birthday party is a perfect opportunity to have some fun. On his birthday, having eaten at ‘The House’, you and Shane are waiting for Chris who’s at work. While you are changing, Shane comes to your bedroom and tells you Chris has just phoned him saying she’ll be a bit late because of an emergency in hospital. You tell Shane he’d better go ahead while you’ll wait for Chris, then you’ll join him later. Chris gets about one hour later, so you immediately to go Ian’s pub. When you arrive there the pub is already crowded. You wonder whether all those people are Shane’s friends. You and Chris greet Ian and join Shane who’s talking to some guys in a corner. You both sit at the table and order a pint. Shane looks at you in a strange way, let’s say he seems a bit worried. When a waitress gets with the pints you tell him he doesn’t have to worry because you don’t have any intention to get drunk again, once was definitely enough. Some minutes later Shane and the other guys get up leaving you and Chris alone. You ask her about that emergency in hospital and she tells you that someone found a newborn baby girl abandoned at Victoria Station. Fortunately, the baby girl was fine, she was just hungry, so Chris fed her with a feeding bottle personally. She and all the nurses fell in love with her at once. They thought they had to give the baby girl a name, so the nurses suggested calling her Christina Victoria after her, so Chris is very happy about that. You love to talk to her about her job because is quite obvious that she’s completely devoted to it. Since the both of you have finished your pints you get up and go to the bar to ask Ian for other two and you promise yourself this will be the last. You find very hard reaching the bar because of all the people who are there, but in the end you push your way through the crowd. You take the glasses in your hands and when you turn you bump into someone, “Whoops! Sorry!” you say instinctively. But when you see the face of the person you bumped into you say yourself, “Fuck me!” You are utterly astonished as soon as you become aware that you are facing James! He looks quite surprised as well, probably he is even more than you. You look at each other for a little while. You don’t say anything since you wouldn’t know what to say, but he mumbles something taking quick glances at you, “Erm…Sh…Shane told me you wouldn’t come…erm…I leave at once!” He turns and goes away quickly, but you follow him and call his name. He stops, but he only turns his head a bit, “You don’t have to go” you say quietly, “I’d better go…don’t want you to leave” he says softly, “I won’t, don’t worry!” Afterwards he moves and you look at him for a while, then you go back to your table. Before you join Chris again you notice that Shane is looking at you and from that worried expression in his face you understand he saw you talking to James. You go closer to him, “You hate me, don’t you?” he asks, “No, I don’t” “Sorry if I lied to you, but that was the only way to make the 2 of you meet” “I understand, don’t worry!” You make your way to your table and apologise to Chris for keeping her waiting so long. The two of you talk again and she asks you if you’re looking for someone as she has noticed that you’ve been looking around since you sat. You reply affirmatively, make your apologises and get up. You walk through the crowd looking around, but you don’t see him anywhere. When you are next to the bar you see him going out. After a while you decide to follow him. When you go out you realise it’s drizzling, but that doesn’t stop you. Ian’s pub is on the south bank of the Thames. All along the bank there’s a wall almost four feet high. There’s someone leaned against that wall, but you are too far away from it, so you don’t know if that person is James. You walk towards it anyway. Just when you are sure it’s James you stop for a moment. He has a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. You keep walking until he realise your presence, but he doesn’t speak a word. He raises his bottle and drinks, but you can’t stand it, so you start speaking, “Please give up!” He ignores you, so you go closer and closer to him. He keeps totally still, so you hold his hand gently and take the bottle away from him. He doesn’t protests. “James…I want my friend back!” you whisper. A moment later he turns and you hold him. He doesn’t do anything for a while, then you feel his arms round you. He leans his cheek against yours. It’s wet with tears. “I’m so sorry!” he whispers in your ear… PART 15 >>> <<< Enola's stories |