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| SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SOON WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU by Enola PART 5 One of the things Shane told you the day you got at ‘The House’ was that you were free to do what you liked in your bedroom. At the beginning you decided not to do any changes as you had to think of some other more important things. Making friends with the kids was your first priority, everything else had to and could wait. But now each child loves you, so it’s time to do something: paint the walls for instance. One morning after having tidy up children’s rooms, you start painting them. You spent several days thinking of a nice colour for them asking everyone in ‘The House’ a piece of advice. Finally, you chose salmon pink even though you still have some doubts about it, but if you won’t like it you can always paint them again! Shane and Mrs Lewis have gone to the supermarket while Mr Lewis offered to give you a hand. Fortunately, your room is not that big, so it doesn’t take you long to paint it. When you finish you feel pretty satisfied with it, so you have a hot shower. While you still are in the shower Mr Lewis knocks at the door and tells you he’s going out and he’ll be back in half an hour. Having turned the taps off, you realise that your bathrobe is hung up to dry. “Oh shit!” you mutter. The only thing you can use to wrap yourself in, is a small towel that hardly manages to cover you’re your body from your armpits to your bottom! But as you are alone that means nobody can see you. When you open the door you hear some voices and you think that Shane and Mrs Lewis are back. You go downstairs and you realise those voices aren’t Shane’s and Mrs Lewis’s, but they come from telly, but as Mr Lewis said he would be back in half an hour, just Shane or Mrs Lewis switched it on. “Shane, did you buy my moisturizing cream?” you say aloud entering the lounge totally sure to find him in there. But the person who’s sat on the sofa is not Shane, is James! As soon as you see each other there’s a kind of awkward silence in the room. You see his eyes light up while he looks at you from head to foot, his mouth half open as if was about to speak. You grasp instinctively the hem of the towel and try to low it to hide your naked thighs, but you are aware that you can’t do it or something else will remain uncovered!! You think that’s the most embarrassing moment you have ever had and you don’t know what to do or say. “Ehm…I didn’t know…” he starts speaking pausing for a while slightly embarrassed himself, “Ehm…I didn’t know you wear…ehm…glasses!” he smiles a bit shyly, “Ehm…yeah…well…you know…I usually wear contacts!” you reply tittering a bit, “Ehm, I think I’d better get dressed now!” you add taking short steps backwards as you think it’s better not to turn. As you leave the lounge you run upstairs to you room and close the door, then you go close to the mirror and when you see that your face is redder than a tomato you burst out laughing, “Oh God! I need another shower! Cold this time!” you say. After having got dressed and calm down you go back downstairs. James is still sat on the sofa, telly is still on, but you realise that he’s not watching it. “Fancy some coke?” you ask, “Uh? Oh, yes. Thanks!” he smiles, “Ice?” “Yeah!” You go to the kitchen and pour coke after having put some ice cubs into the glasses, 5 or 6 in yours, 3 in his. Afterwards you back to the lounge and hand James his glass. “That’s not coke with ice, it’s *ice with coke*!!” he laughs, “Ehm, I like it frozen!” you reply “Oh, I see! Be careful, you might fall sick!” he says in a caring way. You sit in an armchair in front of him, the both of you drink your cokes and don’t speak a single word to each other for some minutes, then you think that it’s better to say something to break the silence because you still feel a bit embarrassed and maybe talking might help you. “Why on earth are you in these parts?” “I came to bring some books for Shane,” he begins, “when I got Mr Lewis was going out, but as you were in, he told me I can enter.” “Oh! Ehm, I think that he won’t be back before an hour or so” “I don’t mind waiting, if that’s alright for you, of course” At this point you start laughing and after having leant your glass over the table you giggle, “What the hell are we doing? We’re talking to each other as we have never met before!!” “Yeah, that’s pretty silly, don’t you think?” he chuckles for a while looking at you, then he stops and lowers his eyes to his hands round his glass, he looks thoughtful and this rouses your curiosity, “Are you ok?” “Yeah!” he replies rising his head for a while, “Mmm, dunno…” you frown with suspect, “it’s as if you wanted to ask me something, but you don’t know whether do it or not…am I right or am I just telling nonsense?” “Well, yes…” he starts rising his head again, “there’s something I’d like to ask you, but…” he pauses for some seconds, “But…what?” “I think it’s none of my business!” “Ooh…I think I know what you want to ask me!” you smile, “I was sure you’d ask me that sooner or later!” “There’s no need to tell me anything, if you don’t feel like talking about that you…” “C’mon, stop it now!” you protest jokingly, “I have no secrets!” you grin. “I’ll tell you everything, that’s not a problem at all, but I have to ask you a favour, let me speak, if you want to know something just ask later.” “Ok, I won’t interrupt you, promise!” he smile. Good! You are ready to start speaking, but you don’t know from where to start. After having thought about that some seconds you are aware that you should probably tell him about your childhood before. You were a happy and healthy child like many others, or at least that was what everyone, your parents above all, thought. But, when you were about 3 your mum realised that there was something wrong in you. When she stopped putting you nappies, she realised that you had an unceasing and inexplicable loss of wee. She got worried, so she brought you at the doctor’s, but as he couldn’t understand which was the reason, he prescribed you a series of examinations that showed there wasn’t anything wrong in you. At that point, your parents didn’t know what to do, you saw lots and lots of doctors, but you got just the same answer, they didn’t find out anything. You were ‘normal’ for them, but you always felt different, because you WERE. The only solution was that you were always obliged to wear a sanitary towel and that meant you had to go to the toilet frequently. At the beginning, as you still were too young to understand what happened to you, your mum couldn’t leave you alone for a long time because you run the risk wetting your clothes. Before starting school, you spent a long time in hospital where doctors repeated every kind of test possible. But doctors diagnosis was always the same. Going to school was pretty traumatic. You still remembered your first day: your mum left and you close to the window, watching at her walking home, with tears that rolled down your face. You just wanted to scream out as louder as possible, “Please, don’t leave me alone!” You were alone, you had to do everything alone. You were just 6. Your mum talked to your teacher, she told her you needed to go to the toilet quite often and if you forgot to, it was her that had to remind you to. But that wasn’t enough sometimes. You wet your clothes lots of times. You still remember the other children laughing at you, teasing you because they think you wet yourself. Their laughs hurt you so deeply, but you didn’t ever cry, you couldn’t. You had to be strong, you just ignore them and got stronger and stronger day after day. Your strength saved you. You can’t remember all the times you wished to die, you were tired of everything, you were tired of being different. You keep on asking yourself why you couldn’t be like the other children. You were tired of spending every summer in hospital. You were tired of your parents rebuking you because sometimes, especially when you were playing, you totally forgot to change, and you punctually wet your clothes. Lots of times they made you feel as if it was your fault if you weren’t a ‘normal’ child. But you knew it wasn’t your fault. But they weren’t insensitive. They just wanted to teach you to be responsible, they just wanted you to manage with that situation, and you’ll always be grateful to them for that. Other parents maybe could have spoilt you giving everything you asked them, so that you’d probably end up being a naughty child. You’ve always loved your parents, even when you were a bit older and sometimes you still behaved in a childish way, they used to rebuke you because they said you weren’t a child anymore and it was time for you to grow up. This made you get furious because you were aware of the fact you have never been a child. There were in which you’d like to scream all your sorrow out to them, you just wanted to know if they have ever realised what you were going through. But you never said that. You never said you felt miserable. Then, when you were 13, after another summer spent in hospital, doctors finally found out the cause of your trouble and they operated on you leaving, as ‘memory’, a big scare 40 centimetres long, about 1 ft 4 in. Now, at last, you were normal. But your life didn’t change much. You don’t know how it does feel being a happy and carefree child, you grew up too quickly, for this reason you’re there. You need to stay with those children because you need to free the child who is in you. You don’t care if you are 25, you desperately need to feel like a child. Sex is the last of your thoughts, you can’t either consider the idea of having sex if you don’t fill that void inside you before and you don’t care how long it’ll take you to. Silence. James has listened to you carefully without saying a single word, without ever taking his eyes off you. After some moments he starts speaking, “I don’t know what to say, really!” he says shaking his hand slowly, “Shit! I did expect something like ‘y’know, I have never fallen in love’ or ‘I still haven’t met the right one’…” A large smile springs on your face. “First of all, you can say anything, but please, don’t say you’re sorry for me! I did fall in love…just once, but it happened…ages ago though…he was a classmate of mine. And…well, yeah, I do want to do it with someone I love and who loves me, of course!” “Why can’t I say I’m sorry for you?” “Because…you don’t have to. I suffered a lot, that’s true, but…I have to admit I have been lucky. I have a wonderful family, I’m alive and completely healthy now, I have my friends…I’m happy now! I know I can’t forget my past ‘cos it’s a part of me, but I can avoid to think about it. That’s past, it won’t come back anymore. I just want to think of the present!” James stands up and comes closer to you, he goes down on one knee in front of you, takes one of your hands in his, “You’re unbelievable!” he says sweetly, “Oh please, stop it!” you grin “You ARE!!” he smile, “Can you do me a favour?” he adds a while later, then stroking your hair he goes on, “Please, don’t EVER change!” You put the other of your hands over his which are still holding yours and smiling you reply, “I’ve tried to change lots of times…but I gave up at last ‘cos I can’t” He breaths a sigh of relief when he hears your words, “I’d like to ask something else, but it’s something really stupid!” he says, “I’ll run the risk, shoot!” “Ok, you can hit or insult me if you like…Ehm, aren’t you…ehm…curious…y’know, curious to know how is having s…” he giggles, but your laugh cuts him off, “Oh fuck, James! I’m a human being! I think about that a lot…even too much probably…and you can’t understand how hard is it…’cos it could never happen!” “Give up telling nonsense!! Why shouldn’t happen?” “Why?” you ask back, then you pause for a while, “I’ve built a kind of wall around myself, I’ve never allowed anyone to climb up it. I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to trust someone, don’t know if I’ll ever allow someone to climb up that wall. I’m too scared of being hurt.” Having finished speaking you lower your head, but a while later James’ hand reaches your chin and he slowly raises your head, he stares at you tenderly for a while, then he holds you and stroking your hair gently he whispers, “I know what you mean. Believe me, I know that!” His strong arms hold you for a bit, then he grasps your hands again holding them tight in his and looking straight in the eye, he smiles, “Don’t worry baby, I’m sure that someone will fall madly in love with you really soon and he’ll take care of you!” You thank him with a sweet smile. You feel better now, having told him everything is certainly a weight off your mind. Talking to him about your past it wasn’t easy for you, but you are happy you did because now you feel relieved. “You still haven’t told me which brand of shampoo you use!” he smirks, so you can’t help laughing and he joins you at once. In the meantime, Shane comes back. You hear him calling your name, so you get up and see him close to the front door with some carriers in his arms, so you help him. You bring them to the kitchen and a while later also James and Shane enter the room with other carriers. While you are empting them Shane says that the shopkeepers are starting putting Christmas decorations in their shops. You are looking forward to it, you’ve always loved Christmas atmosphere and you feel this year more special because you are going to spend it there. “Tell me Monica, are you spending Christmas with your family?” asks James, “Nope, I’m staying here, you know, don’t like the idea of leaving the children” you reply, then you add, “By the way Shane, any chances of a white Christmas?” “Ehm, don’t think so! It didn’t snow last year” he replies shaking his head, “It snows every year in Wales!” says James pleased, “You can come over if you like!” he smirks, “How nice!” you grin “But…there would be a little problem…” James begins slightly embarrassed, “erm…we should share…erm…my bed…but I’ll be a good boy promise!” he says putting his hand over his chest, “If I were you,” whispers Shane in your ear, “I wouldn’t trust him!” “Shut up you!” says James throwing his packet of cigarettes at him. PART 6 >>> <<< Enola's stories |