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| HOME SWEET HOME by Enola Finally your family has managed to convince you to go back home in the 2nd middle of August during your summer holidays. When the plane lands at Heathrow, you feel an unpleasant sensation inside you, the same you had the day you left 6 and a half years ago. But, luckily, you feel really better when you see your younger brother waving at you. You run toward him and hold him tight. You haven't seen each other for a couple of years, so you both are very happy. He went to visit you in Canada after his degree and you spent 3 months together over there. You told him not to come to pick you up at Heathrow because you'd catch a train for Cardiff, but he replied he couldn't allow you to get there by train after such a long flight. In a couple of hours you get home, you get at Blackwood. While your car goes through the town, you notice that nothing has changed, everything is like the last time you saw it. Your parents welcome you with a long moving hug and nobody manages to hold back the tears. Afterwards you run upstairs to see your bedroom because on phone your mum told you that she had left everything in its place…and she was right! Your dolls and teddies lean over your bed, your bottles of perfume and your cosmetics on the chest of drawers and finally, your desk with your books. You move the chair and sit down running your fingers over the smooth surface of your desk that reminds you of all the time you used to spend sat there doing your homework and reading and you can't help smiling. But that smile suddenly disappears when you open the drawer and see that silver frame you always kept on your desk and that you hid inside that drawer one night of that bloody February of '95. You look at the picture of you and Richey that Nicky took in the early 90s before one of their gigs. The 2 of you were sitting in a couch in their dressing room and suddenly Nicky appeared with a camera and grinning said jokingly, 'One of your best smiles for the press, please!', so Richey put his arm round your neck pulling you gently toward him so that your cheek leant against his. Some days later Nicky gave you that photo, so Richey took a marker and wrote on it 'To my lovely friend Eve. I'll always love you. Richey X'. Your old memories are interrupt by your mum's voice, "Oh Eve babe!" says her entering your room, "I'm so sorry, I'd have thrown it away" she goes on stroking your hair. You put your hand over her and hold it tight, "Don't worry mom, that's alright." The next morning your best friend Cassie comes to visit you and you talk for ages as you used to do when you still lived there. "Me and Tony met Nicky a couple of weeks ago, they're going to play a gig in Cardiff in a week, want you come?" she asks, you shake your head mumbling a determined 'NO'. "C'mon Eve, Nicky would be happy to see you and so Sean and Martin as well," she adds trying to persuade you with that excuse, "Yeah, I know, but you forget someone…I don't want to see him. Then you know really well that it wouldn't be the same for me without…" you pause for a while taking a deep breath before going on, "…without Richey!" It's Tuesday morning and Cassie has just phoned you. She was so excited you hardly understood her words. She said she talked with one of her friends who went to Llandudno and she told her the gig was amazing, they also played 'Archives of pain' and 'Little baby nothing'…so Cassie begged you to go to Cardiff with her and Tony on Thursday or to think over that at least, saying it'll be great. You think over that and you take your decision eventually. You decide to go to the gig. Cassie and (her eternal boyfriend) Tony pick you up and you get at the CIA 20 minutes before the gig. Some people of Manics' entourage recognize Cassie and Tony, so they let you enter. You walk along a wide corridor and you look for some familiar faces and you see Martin talking with other 2 guys you've never seen before. As Martin sees Cassie and Tony waves at them, you are just behind them so he hasn't seen you yet, but when he sees you he frowns in amazement and greets you with a kind smile shaking your hand and kissing your cheek, so you talk for a while. He says the guys are in their dressing room, so you can go to see them before the gig, but Tony replies you don't want to bother them, you'll meet them later so you'll have much time to talk with them. Meantime, you notice a tall person in a camouflaged cap, camouflaged sleeveless jacket and skirt leaving the dressing room, so you smile in anticipation because you perfectly know who he is!! He's talking to someone so you walk towards them, but he can't see you as he's facing the other person, "Hi beautiful blue eyes!" you say as you used to call him, so he turns over you immediately, so you smile at him, his blue eyes light up when he sees you, "Eve?" he says in amazement, "Yeah, that's just me!" you grin, so he comes towards you and hugs you tight lifting you up for a while, then he goes away from you and looks at you from head to foot, "I can't believe you're in here! You always are beautiful!" he grins shaking his head. "Thanks!" you reply a bit embarrassed, "Well, you are as gorgeous as 7 years ago…mmm…what a nice suit, you look great!" you go on admiring his fantastic figure. "Really? Well, I know that, thanks!" he replies playfully. "How is Rachel? Is she in here?" you ask. "She's very fine. She's stayed at home" he replies, "Oh what a pity! I'd have loved to see her" you say very disappointed, "She'd have loved to as well." replies Nicky a bit sorry. "By the way, have you got any children?" you ask very curious, "Yes one, Molly…" says Nicky proudly, so you smile because you're happy about that, but then he goes, "a lovely black Labrador!" he grins, "A dog?" you exclaimed, "Yeah, but she's like a daughter to me and Rachel!!" then you both laugh for a while and he holds you again saying, "We missed you a lot" "I missed you too!" you reply. Afterwards, Cassie and Tony come towards you to greet Nicky and Tony says it's time for you to reach your place, "Hey Eve, don't disappear after the gig, I want to talk to you again!" says Nicky kissing your cheek, so you, Tony and Cassie go away. You reach your destination at the right of the stage in front of Nicky's feather-boa-microphone more or less and you feel a strange sensation as you used to see their gigs in the opposite side just in front of Richey, but as he's not there anymore you prefer to stay close to Nicky, but not in the first row…that you kindly leave to the younger fans! Few minutes later in a huge video screen appears somebody writing who says, "My name's Karl Marx and I'm pleased to introduce the greatest rock band in the world: the Manic Street Preachers." At this point the crowd go mad and your lower jaw drops and laughing you shake your head in disbelief. Afterwards the Manics get onstage and reach their position. Nicky smiles and winks at you, so you smile back at him, Sean is wearing his 'Holy Bible Tour' beret, then James. You have to admit that among the three of them he's the one who has changed a bit, he's sturdier, his cheeks are chubby and his hair really short. He's very different compared to the person you last saw 6 and a half years ago. The gig starts with 'You love us' and you notice that his voice has changed as well, it's more powerful, but he always sings with the same rage. The gig goes on and you can't help looking at that empty space onstage and you hardly manage to avoid crying, but you can't hold back your tears any longer when James dedicates 'Small black flowers that grow in the sky' to Richey, a song you've never heard before, but Richey wrote the lyrics and let you read them. It's a very beautiful song made even more beautiful by a sweet melody and by James's warm voice. As the gig ends people start going away, so you and your friends go to meet the boys. You spend a few time chatting with Martin and after a while Sean gets. He also is very happy to see you again after such a long time, so you talk to him and you don't miss to tell him, "I knew you and Rhian got married last year and, honestly, I don't manage to understand why it took you so long to do that!" Meantime also Nicky gets wearing different clothes and without make-up and you compliment him on the new songs, so he kindly thanks you. Afterwards you see James talking to his dad and the only thing you'd like to do is to run away! He's smiling and looks very happy, but the joyous expression on his face suddenly changes when his eyes meet yours for a little while. You turn immediately and ask Tony to give you his car keys saying you have a bad headache and you need to stay in a tranquil place, so you quickly say goodbye to Nicky, Sean and Martin and go away. But before you reach the door you hear a very familiar voice saying behind you, "You leave without even say hello?" You stop and turn trying to keep calm and reply apathetically, "Hi James, goodbye James", then you turn to leave, but he puts his hand on your shoulder and begs you to wait, but you go away from him, so he says aloud, "I am sorry!" You immediately stop and walk back to him and looking angrily at him you reply harshly, "You are sorry James? After 6 and a half fucking years you are sorry? Don't you think it's pretty late to apologize?" He looks at you with a miserable expression in his eyes and he opens his mouth to say something, but he changes his mind in the end, so you go on in the same tune, "I've always known you didn't like me, but I could've never thought you'd ended up accusing me of Richey's disappearance." You look at each other for a while, then he says, "I was shattered. I just needed someone to blame, but I chose the wrong person! Now I know I was mistaken!" You shake your head and go away from him, then you turn again and say, "What do you expect me to say? Something like 'Don't worry James, let's forget everything! Or let's pretend nothing has ever happened' FUCK! 'it's NOT so easy AT ALL!' I CAN'T forget anything James. I CAN'T!" you turn once again and go away from him, but he calls your name and grasps you arm gently, at this point you hear Nicky saying sternly, "James, leave her alone!", then he looks at you sweetly and you look back at him smiling to let him understand you're grateful to him for his intervention, so you open the door and leave cursing the moment you decided to come back home. Your parents have gone to Cardiff to shopping so you are at home alone. Luckily Cassie and Tony didn't ask you anything about your argument with James during your drive back home. She also phoned you in the morning to know if you were ok, and she felt guilty because it had been her to beg you to go to the gig, so she apologized to you. You assured her saying that everything would have been fine if you hadn't talked with James. But you don't want to think about that anymore, you are just looking forward to going back to Canada, so you'll be able to begin your new life again away from everything, and above all, from someone. You're making a cake when the bell rings, so you leave the kitchen and open door. It's James and he tells you he needs to talk to you. You say you don't want to listen to him, but he insists, he says he needs to clear up his behaviour. You let him come in and you both stay silent for some minutes and you avoid to look at him. He's next to the fireplace while you are on the opposite side of the room close to a large window looking out, it's cloudy and you're sure it's going to rain in few minutes. James doesn't say anything, he's probably trying to put together a good speech to justify his behaviour. Suddenly, he starts speaking while the first raindrops fall down. "I've thought of what happened a lot during these years and, believe me, I am sorry because I know I was wrong. But you was mistaken as well. Don't get me wrong, I know you loved him and you wanted to help him, but that wasn't the kind of help he needed. He felt suffocated by you." He's extremely calm, totally different from the person who raged at you after Richey's disappearance, but you still are angry with him. You probably are angry with Richey too, but you won't ever admit that. After a while you look at him and reply angrily, "What the hell had I to do? Pretending nothing was happening while he was wasting away day after day? I didn't bear to see him hurting himself. I just wanted to help him. I just wanted him to feel fine because I loved him. I really did. I wasn't like all those little whores who only wanted to shag him. Spending some time with him, talking to him was enough for me. I don't deny I'd have liked to sleep with him, but just because I really cared for him. I'd have liked him to be the 1st one, I'd have liked him to be the only one!" James walks towards you but he doesn't come too close to you and looking at you he says, "I know you wanted to help him. We all wanted to. He really cared for you as well and he knew you were suffering because of him and he blamed him for that." Afterwards he walks towards the door and after some steps he stops and turns to you, "It's not true I didn't like you. If you want me to be honest, I liked you more than you can realize!" Then he reaches the door, but before he leaves you finally snap, "That's not the truth, James!" so he turns to you, "I'm sure you just wanted to shag me like anyone else girl who crossed your way!" He stares at you for a little while and you have the impression he's ready to reply, but he turns again, opens the door and goes away. One week has passed and your brother is driving you to London because your plane leaves early tomorrow. You get at the hotel you have booked for the night and have a drink with your brother. Afterwards you say goodbye to each and he leaves. You take the lift and go to your room, so you lie in bed and turn the television on and keep on switching over to find a decent programme just to keep your mind busy. You stop on MTV just to see what kind of music and new bands are in fashion in the UK at the moment. Geri Halliwell's video 'Scream if you wanna go faster' is on right now and you snort in disgust "Yuck! How trashy!" You don't switch it over just because you want to see if it's possible to hear some really good songs and what next? 'All the way to Reno (you're gonna be a star)' by REM…"Woo-hoo!! I have to call Nicky now!" you grin! Well, you think it's not that bad after all…You're so pleased when you notice that 'Drops of Jupiter' by Train is the next clip. "Mmm, that's better!" Train have been quite famous in North America lately and you really like this song, so you close your eyes and sing it. You keep on humming it even during the adverts keeping your eyes still closed and in the meantime, a new video is on…you think you know this song…and all your doubts disappear when you hear James's voice singing, "It's easy to see, it's easy to see…" you open your eyes wide and stare at the TV screen totally absorbed in his voice listening to the lyrics carefully, "Oh oh, please stay awake…" Cassie told you 'he wrote those lyrics for his mum, she used to drink some Ocean Spray in hospital…' "It's easy to laugh, it's easy to cry, to cry so so hard that it can't be denied" 'he went through a sticky patch, it wasn't easy for him to get over it'. When the video ends you realize your cheeks are wet, so you dry them with your hands, then you take your cellphone, "Hi Cassie! Can you give me James's address in London? Please, don't ask!" It's almost 10 pm and you're in front of James's door. "What the hell am I doing here?" you think, "Probably he is out…or he could be in, but with someone!" You take to your heels, but you stop after few steps and you think over that for a while, at last you decide to try as you are there, so you walk back and ring the bell. Your heartbeat is getting faster and faster and it goes even faster when the door opens and you see James. "Eve? Hi!" he mutters amazed, "Ehm, come in!" You step across the threshold and stop while he close the door. "I didn't expect to see you" he says kindly, "Ehm, why don't we sit down?" he adds beckoning to you to walk towards the sofa, "Fancy a drink?" he says going towards the middle of the room, "No, thanks…ehm…I'm sorry, I had to call you…" you start speaking, "Don't worry!" he cuts you off whit a kind smile, "Anyway, I won't stay a long, ehm, I just came to say goodbye, I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 9. And, I also came to tell you you were right 6 and a half years ago, it's my fault if Richey went away" you say while your eyes fill with tears, "I just hope you all can forgive me!" you burst into tears and turn to go away, but James calls your name and stops you wrapping his arms around you from behind, "Please Eve, don't leave!" he whispers in your ear, "I have to go, now my life is in Canada" you reply trying to free yourself from his tight hug, "Give up telling nonsense! Your life is here, it's always been here and you can't escape forever. You have to accept the fact that Richey has gone away. You have to accept the fact he will never come back. But I am here Eve, I will always be here!" he says softly in your ear holding you tight. Afterwards you start sobbing, so he relaxes his grip and comes in front of you and holds you again pulling your head gently towards his shoulder with his hands, then he strokes your hair gently and you wrap your arms round him. He rocks you for several minutes keeping on stroking your hair and you calm down little by little, but you don't want to break the hug because you feel so good in his arms, so you rest your head between his neck and his shoulder. "I'm so sorry for your mum, she was a wonderful person. Just now I realize you have been the one who has suffered more than anyone else in these past few years." You say softly in his ear, "I'm quite fine now, don't worry!" he reply jokingly. Then you go on speaking quietly, "Richey loved you like mad!" "Yeah, I know!" he cuts you off laughing. "He often told me he was so fucking honoured to play in your band. He admired you so much. He loved the way you played the guitar and he bloody loved your voice. I think he was a bit envious of you!" while you are speaking he's laughing, "He felt useless, and I really don't know why, I always tried to reassure him saying he wrote wonderful lyrics, so he didn't have any reason for being envious of you. Sometimes he annoyed me so I replied 'Richey stop it! If it hadn't been for you, do you know where James would be now? Still busking in Cardiff!'" "Oh, thank you! It's really kind of you!" replies him laughing, "But you're bloody right!", so you laugh as well. Afterwards it's him to speak, "Y'know, Richey knew I fancied you. He understood that at once, even before myself. For this reason one day he told me, 'please James, stay away from Eve, she's not like the others, she's special!' And he was right!" "Thanks, it's really kind of you!" you whisper in his ear. Afterwards you raise your head to face him, so you stare at each other and he smiles at you sweetly so you smile back. He brushes your cheek and your hair gently and kisses your forehead, then you keep on staring at each other and you notice how beautiful his eyes are for the 1st time, probably because you've never been so close to him before. You can smell him now, he smells like…not teen spirits…no!! He smells like an explosive cocktail of whiskey, smoke and aftershave and you feel an immediate need to kiss him, but you are utterly stuck while he's still brushing your face with his fingertips. Finally he lifts your chin with his hand and you see him coming closer and closer towards you, then his lips brush yours for a while and you are ready to protest, but his lips come back over yours before you can say something. He kisses you sweetly, but that's enough for you, so you cup his face in your hands and let him understand you want more. He doesn't disappoint you probing your mouth with his tongue so that you can savour the strong taste of whiskey mixed with smoke which dull your senses. He suddenly breaks the kiss and grasping your waist he lifts you up and let you sit down on a table, "Oh Eve, I've been waiting for this for 8 years!" he moans breathing on your face, then he cups your face in his hands and kisses you passionately again while you stroke the nape of his neck. He breaks the kiss once again and looks at you in the eye still cupping your face in his hands and he asks you in a very kind way "Are you sure you want that?" "Yes!" you whisper smiling then you brush his lips with yours, "You don't have any boyfriends in Canada, do you?" he asks jokingly, you shake your head grinning, so he smiles at you and kisses you again and let his hands slide slowly over your neck and over your naked shoulders moving the shoulders straps of your dress. He bends his head and kisses your neck, so you arch your neck back. Then he removes your hands from his neck and leans them on your lap, so he grasps a strap of your dress and lowers it till your elbow, so you bend your arm and you get rid of it, then he repeats the same thing with the other strap. He bends his head again and lowers your dress uncovering your breasts, he cups one in his hand squeezing it gently and you start moaning low, then he licks the other one and grasps your nipple in his warm lips sucking it gently and you sigh deeply. Afterwards he raises his head and kisses you on your mouth, then he pushes you gently down so that you lie over the table. He's kissing your thigh now, then he kisses the other one and he raises the hem of your dress till your hips and grasps the elastic of your knickers, but he realizes at once that he can't remove them in this way, so you lift your legs and bend them leaning your heels on the edge of the table, so you lift your pelvis allowing him to take your underwear off. He spreads your legs out and bends his head again and kisses the inner side of your thighs closer and closer to your sex which he brushes with his fingers for a while then you feel the tip of his tongue licking your clit to stimulate its dilation. You raise your head as you want to see him doing it. Now he's sucking it and feeling his warm lips which wrap your clit make you scream his name and groaning louder and louder and even more when he sends his tongue inside you. He keeps on teasing you and you beg him not to stop because you want your pleasure grows more and more, so you grasp his head and you'd like to grasp his hair, but you can't as it's too short. He suddenly sends his tongue inside you once again and you scream out digging your nails, short fortunately, into his head. Then he stops, grasps your hands and lifts you pulling you towards him. He fondles your face and removes your hair from your sweaty cheeks, "Was it good?" he smiles, "Yes!" you gasp in amazement, then you kiss him and start unbuttoning his shirt and finally he removes it, then you whisper in his ear to take his jeans off as well. He looks at you and you can read his lust in his eyes and you're sure he sees the same in yours! He firstly removes his shoes, so he undoes his jeans and finally removes them as well. He comes again close to you and you lean your palms against his chest while he leans his on your waist ands rubs his nose against yours, "You aren't tired, are you?" he whispers, "No, I am not, you?" "Why should I be tired? I haven't done anything yet!" he smirks staring at you with a twinkle in his eyes. You let your hands slide down till his waist, so you grasp the elastic of his boxers, he goes away from you a bit and removes them and comes close again, then he fondles your face while his hard cock brushes your inner thigh. He gives you soft kisses all over your face, forehead, cheekbones, temples, cheeks, nose, chin and eventually he penetrates you making you groan with pleasure. He comes closer and closer to you and, automatically, you wrap your legs around him and hold him. He starts moving his pelvis rhythmically coming inside you deeper and deeper little by little still kissing you on your neck now, wetting your skin with his tongue. Your eyes are closed, you're biting your lower lip and groaning softly. No-one else have ever made you feel so good before, you think that's all too good to be true, but it's even too good to be a dream…But when you open your eyes and see James in front of you understand this is just reality, a reality you could've never imagined it could exist till few hours ago. You lean your lips over his shoulder and kiss his sweaty skin so soft and smooth while his hands brush your back gently. He's moving a bit faster inside you now, you hear him gasping and moaning your name while he kisses your earlobe and you can't help biting his shoulder. Now he's increasing his rhythm, you are both out of breath while you feel an amazing orgasm building up inside you, you both moan and eventually you scream out each other names. You keep on holding each other for some minutes to get your breaths back, he strokes your hair and plays with it. "Is it alright?" he ask you brushing your cheek, " "Yeah, I just need to freshen myself up!" you reply stroking his hair, "Ok! In the meantime, I'll pour you a cold drink." He says before kissing you, so you take your knickers and walk towards the bathroom. We you return to the lounge, James is relaxing over the sofa, drinking and smoking, so you join him and he hands you your drink. You lean your glass on the table in front of the sofa, so you rest your head in his chest, "Can you let me listen to your new CDs?" you ask, "But they are 3, do you want to hear all of them now?" he replies perplexed, "Well, I'd like to listen to that song you played last week, that one which says, well, I think it says 'in the beginning when we were winning'" "Please baby, not that one!" he mutters, "Why?" you ask amazed, "We hate that song!" he grunts, "Sorry?! But it's beautiful! Please, please, please…PLEASE!" you whimper, so he snorts and gets up and goes close to the stereo. "I don't know why I'm doing that!" he mutters, "Do it for me!" you smile sweetly at him. He comes back to you while the song begins and when he notices you're shivering, he ask concerned, "Are you cold?" so you smile at him and reply, "Nope, it's the song! Richey was right, your voice is so beautiful!!" He holds you tight kissing you. "By the way" he begins, "Do you still think you'll catch that flight tomorrow?" so you get up and reply going away from him, "Sure! It leaves in 8 hours so…" then James grasps you and lifts you up in his arms, "I don't think you'll manage to catch it!" he says jokingly, "Oh, how do you think you'll manage to prevent me of doing that?" you ask, "I'll lock you in my bedroom…with me, of course!" he grins and after a while he goes on, "Welcome back home hon!" <<< Enola’s stories |