janey_amelia-fights-her-feelings

AMELIA FIGHTS HER FEELINGS by Janey

PART 1

Amelia was stressed, but more than that she was angry. She was attending a conference in Hamburg, over what was supposed to be the first three days of her holiday. At 2:50pm promptly she had left her desk to drive to the airport; her suitcase and carryall packed and ready, in the boot of her car. Traffic was worse than usual because several of the traffic lights were malfunctioning so police officers had been dispatched to signal the traffic through.

Worried that she would be late for the flight, she was more miffed to be informed at the check in, that a problem had been discovered on the plane, delaying takeoff for at least two hours. Her meticulous plans had gone right out of the window. Instead of getting to the hotel early, thus ensuring a relaxing evening and an early night, she arrived, frazzled at 9.30pm at the airport. The hotel was a thirty-minute drive away but first she had to wait to collect her baggage.

In the lift she huffed and fumed, her face set in utter contempt, tiredness and anger. Livid was not nearly strong enough a word for what she was feeling. The lift doors taking an eternity to close did not help her humour. Amelia heaved a sigh of relief as the doors began to close; as they were about to close completely, they opened again.
‘Now what the fuck?’ she silently fumed.

A short man, still with the hood of his coat up to protect him from the teaming rain outside, rushed in, settling in the corner near the floor selector buttons.
“Ah you’re going to the same floor as me,” said the muffled voice. “That’s handy.”

It couldn’t be, surely; could it?

“You can put your hood down now,” she said hoping that the man would turn around allowing her to check if she knew him.
“Oh yeah!” The man laughed, took his hood down then; “Amelia!” He flung his arms around her and embraced her warmly.
“I thought it was,” she smiled, happy to meet someone that she got along with. “Is Rhian with you?”
Sean grimaced and shook his head. “I’m on my own; we split up.”

“Oh no! You both seemed so happy when I stayed with you a couple of months ago.”
“Nah, it was wrong then. You missed all the fun, whenever you went out we argued like hell.”
“Oh we’re here,” Amelia pointed out. “Or there, which ever way you look at it.”
“Let me carry your bags for you; the porter ought to be doing that anyway.”
“I told him not to bother, I was in such a foul mood.”
“Care to tell me about it over coffee in your room?”
“Over a whisky sounds better and you can tell me about what happened with you and Rhian.”

With the deal struck Sean carried her things to her room where they proceed to console each other in turn as they told their respective stories.

“I can’t believe that Rhian didn’t say anything,” said Amelia pouring them another drink from the large bottle of whisky she had purchased. “Nor you for that matter. How often have we spoken on the phone since that last visit?”
“We wanted to tell you but it was awkward, we both hoped that we’d see you personally. Sorry Mel.”
“I always pictured the two of you being together forever. Is there no chance of working it out?”
“At first perhaps, not now though.”

Amelia handed him another drink. “Why not?”
“We had a trial separation, we only slept in the same room when you came to keep up the pretence. Anyway, Rhian has discovered she likes dating.”
“Oh.”
“It wasn’t her fault Mel,” Sean sighed heavily, his brown eyes practically black. “It was me, I told her one night when I’d been drinking with James that there was someone that I’d always fancied. Not only that but I said when I saw that person I wanted them more and more. I’m stupid I know I am, drunk or not, it had to be said.”

Amelia was amazed, she had always seen Rhian and Sean as soulmates; he came alive when he was with her. “All I can say is that I hope you’ll both be ok and be happy. If you need to talk you can always call me; that goes for both of you. I’m a friend to you both.”
“Thanks Mel, that means a lot to me.” He hugged her warmly, then finished his drink. “I’ll leave you to unpack, it’s been a horrible day for you.”
“Thanks Sean. I’ll see you again, I’ll need some good company after this bloody three day conference.”
“Well when you need company check room 362. If I’m not there I won’t be far away so call my mobile.”
“Ok I will.”

It was strange, she thought as she lay on the bed that night, Sean was the only one that could get away with calling her Mel, if anyone else tried it, it annoyed her. Her dreams were full of him.

Saturday evening Amelia rang through to Sean’s room. “Fancy joining me for something to eat or have you eaten?”
“Love to. Hotel restaurant or somewhere else?”
“Somewhere within staggering distance,” Amelia chuckled. “Tomorrow maybe easier to face if I’m still slightly pissed.”
“Mel! That is very naughty of you.”
“Sean it is so bloody boring; I’m losing the will to live.”
“Tonight will change that, I’ll make you feel better.”
Amelia didn’t doubt it.

“Celebration time,” Amelia enthused when Sean answered his door. “My three busy days at the most boring conference in the history of man is over and I am now officially on holiday!”
Sean chuckled. “And you survived it with your dignity intact. What do you want to do?”
“How about room service here? We could watch a movie and if I drink too much I can collapse on the sofa.”

“If you drink too much you can collapse in the bed, I’ll take the sofa.”
“And if you drink too much as well?”
“Let’s see what happens huh?” Suddenly he was feeling uncomfortable. “Come on in then Mel, you can’t stay out there all night.”

After they’d enjoyed room service, they sat down to watch a film, a dark thriller. The ringing of Sean’s phone soon disturbed them.
“Hi Rhian, what is it?”
Amelia pricked her ears up.
“Guess who I’ve bumped into? Mel! I’ve told her all about what happened. Yes, thank you!”
Amelia wished she could hear what Rhian was saying to him, his remarks getting increasingly sarcastic and caustic. It was so unlike him.

“I did not!” barked Sean angrily. “It’s a sheer fluke but I don’t expect you to believe that. Do you want to talk to Mel?”
Amelia reached out her hand to take the phone but Sean shook his head, disappointed she poured another drink.
“She’ll call you when you’re on your own,” explained Sean.
“What’s wrong? Did she accuse you of something?”
He looked embarrassed. “Yes, having a secret assignation.”
“Oh. Who with? Anyone I know?”

Sean burst out laughing. “Sorry Mel, that is so funny.”
“Why?”
“Think about it,” he said sitting closely beside her.
“Me? No way! She doesn’t think…oh my god!” Amelia took a large glug of her whisky, draining her glass, then refilled it with an extra large measure.
“Remember what I told you I’d said to Rhian following my boozing session with James?” Amelia nodded. “I was talking about you.”

“No! I’ve been Rhian’s friend since school, it can’t be, you were always so alive with her.”
“No,” Sean said firmly yet softly, “when you were near me I came alive. Rhian noticed too but I always told her she was imagining it.”
“Until you got drunk.”

Amelia was angry and confused. Sean was her friend. For years she had clamped her own emotions so as not to hurt her childhood friend and without realising it, she had hurt her, indirectly perhaps, but she had hurt her all the same.

What must Rhian be going through back home in Bristol with Mathilda, her heart broken, probably utterly convinced that her husband and friend had betrayed her by having an affair.

“I’m going back to my room,” she spluttered.
“Mel stay and talk, please.” His large brown eyes pleaded with her.
“Sean I can’t. If I stay it could lead to something that I regret.”
“You must like me as more than a friend if you have concerns about our conduct.”
“What if I do? You are my best friend’s husband; that makes it wrong.”
“Why does it? Rhian and I are separated hell we’re getting divorced if you feel the same, why not? Stay Mel.”

“Why not? Because it’s wrong Sean,” Amelia spat incredulously. “You are asking me to stab my friend in the back, well I won’t do it, it’s not right.”
“It’s not wrong either.”
“How can you say that? I’m going before I say something really horrible. Thanks a bunch for fucking up my life!”

Next morning Amelia checked out of the hotel, the small matter of organising a plane home could be done at the airport. So much for her spending the rest of the week in Hamburg being a tourist.

“Rhian? I just got back from Germany. I’m off work all week, can I come and see you, tomorrow perhaps, I think we need to talk.”
“I’m sorry Amelia. Sean obviously told you why we split up.”
“Yeah he did. I had no idea, really.”
“I believe you, when he told me you were at the hotel it seemed like too much of a coincidence, and I hate to say that I rang your boss to check up on you. Can you forgive me?”
“In your position I would have done the same thing,” Amelia assured her. “So, are you up for a visit?”
“Of course! Mathilda will be thrilled, you know that you’re her favourite aunt.”

“Hey Tilly!”
“Aunt Melia!” Tilly gushed rushing at full speed to Amelia’s open arms. “Big hug.”
“Oh I think I can supply one of those!”
The youngster laughed and giggled as she was whisked into the air and spun around.
“More!” she demanded. “Again Aunt Melia!”
“One more.”
“Aww,” Tilly moaned in disappointment.
“Too many spins and you’ll get sick and dizzy.”
“Ok,” agreed the youngster, laughing again as Amelia swung her around.

“I told you that she adores you,” Rhian smirked.
“And I adore the little monster,” grinned Amelia, rubbing her nose against Tilly’s.
“I’m not a monster Aunt Melia. I’m a girl.”
“A very big girl darling.”
“I’ll be bigger than mummy and daddy.”
“That’s not going to be hard is it poppet?” smiled Rhian to her daughter. She then turned to Amelia. “Tilly asked the other day if me and Sean were hobbits!”
Tilly began laughing. “I was only joking mummy.”
“I know darling.”

They stayed out in the garden enjoying cold drinks and watching Tilly playing.
“I hope that you decided to stay the night Amelia. You’ll be tired if you drive all the way back later, plus, you did say that you’re on holiday this week.”
“I brought an overnight bag,” Amelia smiled.
“Good.”

It wasn’t until Tilly went to bed that they started discussing Sean.

“I truly had no idea Rhian and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’m worried that I’ve led him on, given him false hope.”
“False hope?” Rhian raised her eyebrows and frowned. “You know that you like him, you told me so.”
“I also said that I would never do anything because I love you too much and I swear, I wasn’t lying. My parting shot to Sean before I legged it from Hamburg ASAP was along the lines of him fucking my life up because it had just got extremely complicated.”
“Complicated but not insurmountable,” Rhian offered.

“Oh I’m not so sure,” Amelia said shaking her head. “It’s going to be hard to be Sean’s friend now.”
“Amelia you misunderstand me.”
“Oh no, don’t tell me that you think… oh no!”
“Have you considered it?”
“NO.”
“Why not?”
“Why not; because he is your husband for one thing. Another one is the fact that you are my best friend Rhian. How could I betray you by getting hooked up with Sean?”

Amelia wondered if Rhian was testing her, seeing how far she would go, what she would do. Amelia would never risk her friendship with Rhian.

“What if I said that I was ok with it?”
Amelia tried to read Rhian’s features but couldn’t; Rhian didn’t flinch or twitch at all.
“You’d be lying.”
“Is that what you think? Why would I lie to you Amelia?”
“Rhian please, stop this. Nothing will happen with Sean, and me with or without your approval. How the fuck would I be able to meet you if I was with your husband? It would be too awkward for us all never mind damn right painful for you.”

“Amelia listen to me. I have had time to think about all of this. At the end of the day Sean and I aren’t happy; we’re separated, going to get divorced so we’ll both get involved with other partners.”
Amelia started to interrupt but Rhian wouldn’t let her.

“Hear me out ok?”
Amelia nodded.
“You and Sean like each other – a lot. Tilly knows you, I know you; I think it could actually be easier.”
“Have you been taking something?”
“Think about it Amelia, if you and Sean try you could be very happy.”
“It’s more likely to be catastrophic, plus you seem to be ignoring what I said to Sean.”
“Ah he’s over that,” Rhian smiled. “I called him this morning. He’s still willing to try if you are.”

“Rhian please take this in the spirit that it’s offered but you are not right in the head!” Amelia giggled.
“Can’t deny that I make a pretty good argument though.”
“There is one major flaw in your theory,” Amelia said, “Tilly.”
“I mentioned Tilly.”
“Not about how confusing it will be for her if her dad starts being with me when she knows me as her aunt! The poor girl won’t know if she’s coming or going!”
“Stop making excuses! You’re not going to start dating Sean and tell Tilly straight away are you? Of course not: gradually she will accept that you are with Sean.”
“No she won’t because it isn’t going to happen.”
“Well then, you are a fool.”

Over the next eight months Amelia supported Rhian through her divorce from Sean. He had moved out of their home not long after his return from Germany. Tilly had been devastated, both Rhian and Sean had to give her lots of reassurance that she was still loved and that they were still friends. Sean saw a lot of Tilly and he and Rhian would take her on outings together so that Tilly could see that they were friends.

Amelia though was being very stubborn, not visiting Rhian if Sean was going to be there.
“You can’t avoid him forever,” Rhian chided. “Stop being so bloody childish; he’s your friend.”
“WAS my friend.”
She was turning out to be more mulish than Rhian had thought possible.
‘There’s only one way around this,’ thought Rhian, ‘a little subterfuge and plotting.’

part 2 >>>

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