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| FOREVER by Janey <<< part 1 PART 2 You awoke in James bed and smiled but then you turned around and he wasn't there. Surely not again! You grabbed a shirt from his wardrobe, turned back the cuffs and fastened the buttons and went downstairs, following the smell of fresh percolated coffee. James was in the kitchen and there was a tray on the table with 2 cups, 2 side plates, 2 glasses of fresh orange juice and a single flower in a thin vase which must have come from his garden. He was busy buttering hot toast wearing only a pair of white boxers. This was definitely NOT like the last time. You watched as he began to put the toast on the waiting plates. You loved this man. Loved him so completely and with everything you had. Now here he was showing you a very simple but very significant sense of his emotion for you. You thought about going back to his room and waiting but then he saw your reflection in the window and turned to face you with a warm smile, 'I was hoping to surprise you.' You walked to him and put your arms around him and said, 'You have. It's wonderful', and then you kissed him briefly and whispered, 'just like you'. For sometime you both stood holding each other, making the most of feeling close to one another. Then James whispered 'Is this late breakfast gonna go the same way as the coffees last night?' You smiled at him, 'No way! For some reason I've woken up feeling really hungry, any idea why that might be Mr Bradfield?' He gave you a quick kiss and said, 'I think it maybe because you kept me awake nearly all night with your erm, insatiable demands!' Again a quick kiss, 'I thought you were never going to feel tired!' You delivered a playful tap on his backside, winked and smiled as you said to him, 'well you shouldn't be so bloody good?' James blushed and turned to get the coffee, 'Come on or we'll never get to eat!' He was right when he'd said it was a late breakfast. It was 11.15am when you began eating. After you'd both done the pots then decided to go out for the afternoon. However showering together changed that and the rest of the daylight hours were spent in bed making love and cuddling each other. Both of you delighting in the closeness you'd rekindled. You spoke about being back home in six weeks after the current series you were working on was finished and James had been more than a little pleased. It had been the first time you had directed any of the screenplays you had written but you had enjoyed it though it was more difficult at times than you'd imagined it would be. The only drawback had been the home sickness. Making a series took a long time and occasional snatched weekends didn't satisfy the need to be with friends and around familiar surroundings. Still, it certainly made you realise that it was something that you wanted to do again. Supper that night was a takeout followed by couple of Marilyn Monroe films that were on the tv, and you'd phoned Nicky and Rachel to let them know you were ok. For the next few days you spent as much time together as you could. Sometimes at your home, others at James'. You went out to the cinema a couple of times, had meals out with all the others, and you helped James with some of his Christmas shopping. You both talked and talked about lots of stuff including Richey and Philip, but the one thing that stayed untalked about was 'the last time'. You wanted to but didn't want to upset James and there never seemed to be the 'right' moment. What you didn't know was that James wanted to talk about it too. It was a guilt and a pain that burned deep in the heart of him but he just didn't know where to start. On the Friday night you had gone out with the girls for meal. It was great to catch up with Richey’s sister Rachel again, and Rhian and (Nicky’s) Rachel always ensured that a fun time was guaranteed with lots of laughter. As the two others went to the ladies room Rachel asked how things were with James and if you'd discussed what had happened before and told you both she and Nicky hoped it worked out because the two of you were quite obviously in love with each other and meant to be together. She was genuinely happy for you as you spoke of how attentive, warm and affectionate James was and how it felt 'so right' being with him. The expression on her face changed though when you told her that 'last time' hadn't even been raised let alone discussed. 'Janey you both need to talk about it. You need to know what he was feeling to make him do that and he needs to know the effect he had on you,' she had said. 'You need to get it out of your system or will it eat at you. At both of you'. You had known she was right so had rung James on your mobile and asked if you could pop in to see him before going home. James had said yes and said 'why bother going home? Stay with me'. You had merely said that you would see him later, knowing that things may go badly and you'd both need to be alone. James had greeted you warmly with a huge hug and poured you a neat whisky insisting that you stay the night even if what you had to discuss hurt. You hadn't mentioned anything to him but he had picked up on your body language and what he called 'that hesitant look on your face as you saw me'. He sat near you but not right next to you on the sofa, and said softly, 'If we're gonna have a future we need to talk Janey and I have an idea what it might be about, and, sometimes we're not gonna like what we hear but we can't run away from things. That’s why I want you to stay. We work it out we don't hide from it.' His sensitivity, consideration and understanding pricked inside you and you felt the tears form in your eyes and couldn't stop them from falling. ‘Oh James,' you sobbed, wiping away a tear then took a sip of whisky and could feel the warmth slide down your throat. 'Why did you hurt me like that? How could you dismiss what we had?' 'Because I was afraid,' as you looked into his eyes the depth of his pain was evident, he was hurting too. 'There'd always been something between us no matter how I tried to ignore it. We were so good as friends you know? We'd be silly together, talk properly together, listen to each others problems, share each others joys and the more I loved you the more I was afraid I'd ruin it if I made a move so I never did.' 'But, when we made love the first time that night you knew I felt the same. You must have, and then we made love again. You didn't have to let that happen.' His hand gently stroked your face as he looked at you. 'Janey I couldn't stop it. I was making love with the woman I was in love with. Still am in love with for that.' His smile was shaky but you could see the sincerity in his eyes. He took a deep breath, ' the next morning I was terrified. I just kept thinking I was too young to get tied down, wondered how it would be for you watching the groupies hanging round, watching the silly stunts they pulled to get us alone with them. So rather stupidly I thought if I pretended the night was no big deal, ya know just sex, kinda thing, that we could forget it and be friends again. You never said much but your pain was written all over your face and I couldn't bare to see you like that. I went into the shower so I didn't have to face you looking so sad but also because I didn't want you to see me cry.' 'Oh James. I never knew, I thought I'd misread you and been used to help you feel better,' you put your glass down and moved closer to him and put a hand onto his chest. 'I went round to Nicky's and sobbed my heart out to him. Funny thing is every time he said what a bastard you'd been I stuck up for you and told him not to be so cruel. I also warned him never to let you know I'd told him.' 'Well he didn't. I honestly never knew. I mean the first time we were together after that night he was a bit quiet but I just thought it was because you were quiet and he was worried about you.' His strong arms then pulled you into his body and you could hear his heartbeating and feel the rise and fall of his chest as you cuddled up to him. 'I was so horrible to you but I didn't know how to tell you why it happened, that and I figured you probably just wanted to forget it.' 'Forget the pain yes, but never that night James. That night was magical and many times I'd wanted it again but because I didn't want to get hurt or make a fool of myself I settled for being a good friend. Though at times it was tough, especially hearing you going on about certain girls and asking what presents you should buy them!' A slight giggle escaped your lips. 'I know! But I kinda convinced myself that we were ok, ya know? Back to being really close friends again and for the most part that was something I could deal with. Hell I felt lucky to still have you in my life! I loved talking with you on the phone, sending silly texts and emails but I always wanted more. When we were with the others it was easier to conceal but every time I was alone with you I just wanted to kiss you and make the hurt go away, in reality of course I knew it wasn't that simple.' 'So why this time? What changed?' 'When we were recording the new stuff the guys took a break and I started to do a song I'd written. Martin said it was beautiful when I'd finished and wanted to put it on the cd too. We argued cos I didn't want to, it was personal to me and that’s how I wanted it to stay. Well ya know what Martin’s like, keeps on going, and before long I was telling him about that night and how much I still loved you. He told me to let you know that and see what happened. At least then if nothing happened I could say I tried.' You looked up at him, 'What was it called, this song?' 'Forever.' His lips met yours and you kissed with a deep passion. It was gentle and slow but so heartfelt and your bodies melted into each other. 'I must remember to say a big thank you to Martin the next time I see him,' you winked. 'Thanks to his words of wisdom I'm a very happy, very lucky girl' 'Thanks to him and to you I'm the happiest, luckiest guy going at this precise time, however,' oh oh you thought, here it comes he wants you to grow your hair cos he doesn't like it. 'Go on' you sigh heavily. 'You could make me happier.' 'How?' And then you waited for the words but instead your mouth hung open and you had to ask him to repeat what he'd said. 'I want you to marry me! I think we've waited long enough don't you? And we know each other pretty well don't you think?' He was flashing a big beaming smile and his eyes sparkled. Your heart was beating so hard you thought it would burst, and a wave of love swept over you like never before. This was the man you loved every inch of; every little part of; You loved every quality he had and his quirks, even the annoying ones. You couldn't imagine a life without him but you could see yourselves together in 50 years time with grandkids around you. You cradled his face in your hands and replied, 'Yes. I love you James and I always have, I don't think I could ever not love you. You're my soul mate.' James jumped up from the sofa, pulled you up to join him and spun you round in the air whilst shouting 'YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS' at the top of his voice. The pair of you laughed together raucously revelling in the euphoria of the moment, then abruptly he stopped and pretended to be serious with you. 'There are a couple of things though,' he said as he nuzzled at your neck. 'Uh huh,' no way could you give a more coherent response when James was making you feel so weak. 'We go house hunting to find OUR house, and sell the ones we have.' 'Mmmmmmmmm.' 'And we get married fairly soon.' 'I agree,' you sighed into his ear. 'And something else,' he cupped your face and stroked his thumbs over your cheeks not taking his eyes off yours. 'Yes?' 'How do you feel about coming off the pill now so we can try for a family?' 'James!' Your kiss gave him the answer he needed. He held out his hand and nodded upstairs letting you know where he wanted you to go. You took his hand and walked with him, neither of you speaking but both grinning broadly. When you reached his bedroom he held you in a tight embrace and whispered to you, 'Just one other thing.' 'Ah huh,' 'I love the hair,' then his lips captured yours and all you knew was you didn't want this to end. At last you were together and that was how it would always be. Forever. <<< Janey's stories |